Regi prompted me to write "Vincent's perspective of Alex's fiasco". And that's what it is - my ideas about what have been running through Vincent's head and heart when he dealt with all of it.

Author's note: you will surely notice that I do not hold Vincent as the only one responsible for the wreck in Catcent relationship - I believe Catherine has made her set of mistakes too. Also I do not claim to read minds of fictional characters thus if anything seems different from your understanding of Vincent's actions - do let me know, your perception may be more accurate =)

So with no further ado - enjoy the story =)

Vincent! Vincent Keller!

Oh, crap! Alex! She saw me! Oh, crap!

OK, relax, breath naturally… It's not like she got me on camera or anything… she may think I'm a fiction of her imagination… Yes, exactly, she will think she's seeing stuff – long shifts, little to no food, sleepless nights… been there, done it… totally plausible!

Alex will forget it… yes…

Oh, c'mon, who are you kidding, Keller? ALEX will forget? Wasn't she the one in your bunch who always dug a little deeper for a hidden meaning? Wasn't she the one who remembered all the dates and faces and phone numbers?

OK, I'm screwed here… JT is so gonna kill me now! But first need to tell Catherine… just in case Alex will bump into her… I wonder if that "roadside-brilliant-surgeon-in-shining-armor" Evan guy has already left? With his flowers and that accent and… ughh, stop it, Keller, you have no right to be jealous, no right, no right, no…

Turn left, Catherine's room… Holy…!

Weird question… The doctor who came in here earlier… do you know him? He's tall, he was wearing a lab coat, has a scar on his face… the other nurse saw he walk out of your room.

Damn! "Scar"… "the other nurse"… She totally saw me! And already did her little investigation with eye witnesses and stuff! Oh, man, Alex, you're gonna get me into so much trouble!

Speaking of a devil! "I have an idea! Come quick! Where the hell R U anyway? JT" Yep, JT, exactly – I'm in hell and have no idea how to solve this mess… OK, it's a sign, better leave now before Alex's all-seeing eye will spot me again…

… … …

Home… gonna get home… gonna talk to JT… We will figure out how to deal with it…

Wait a moment… Deal with what? Alex saw me… but that was ALEX! Thee Alex! My… man, it sounds weird even in my head… Alex… my fiancée.

It was so long ago… Feels like it happened in another life. In another somebody else's life. 'Cause that guy was cool… he could stay up all night and work three shifts in a row and come back home and game-battle his nerd roommate and win… That guy was… not me. It could not have been me…

But then again… Alex recognized me, right? Not the scar, the mutating DNA, hideout warehouse, being dead and hunted… she'd recognized that cool guy, her fiancée, whom she… loved. Maybe… there's still something of me left if she still remembers me? Maybe I still exist?

… … …

I've been thinking… evolutionary step… anything physical changing?

Um… what? Gonna pay attention, JT's probably saying something important… What was it?

I don't know, man, I guess… my eyes have been playing up on me.

And life has been playing some wicked hide-and-seek game with me… hiding me from the world of living and letting the only person who wouldn't let go so easily to seek me out! What should I do now?

C'mon, that was a joke!

A joke? Where? Oh…

Yeah…

He's not buying it…

What?

I saw Alex today.

Alex Salter?

Yeah… I didn't talk to her, I just ran… You know, how I did ten years ago…

Yeah-yeah, JT, I know, you'll always have my back… Yes, Muirfield is hunting me down, yes, you could say I protected her by not showing up… all valid reasons… Then why do I still feel like a coward? For running, for keeping silence, for shutting her off my existence… not much of a life to call it that.

Why do I feel like an ass?

… … …

"Don't come back to the hospital. Not safe. Catherine"

Yeah, right!

… … …

Please, be safe… Please, be safe… Can't lose you now, Catherine… Can't lose you ever! Please, be safe, I'm coming…

… … …

Safe… Thank God…

She's so pale… blood pressure is low… why can't this Evan guy finish the saving job and get her decent medical care? Flowers don't cure bullet wounds, prince charming!

What's going on? Evan is trying to hunt down the vigilante again?

There you go! Have it!

More like my nurse… You might know her… Alex Salter.

No-no-no! No! Why does it have to be happening to me?! What do I tell Catherine?

Who is she?

Think, Keller! Think!

Ugh…

Think faster! Say SOMETHING already!

Ummm… we were just friends… we grew up together. Her, me, JT and my brothers…

You're a coward, Keller! Tell her the whole story!

And later… we were pretty close.

Well, that explains it…

No, Catherine, it doesn't! "Close", huh? That's how you put it? Engagement, wedding planning… that equals "close" in you coward dictionary, right, Keller?

Explains what?

Why she was such a wreck

Alex? Really? Hm… I haven't noticed… Why would she? She can't possibly still… have feeling for me? For God's sake, it's been ten years! I almost ran out on her! She doesn't still… or… does she?

No, you must be misreading her… It's been ten years… She saw a ghost.

Catherine, please, say I'm right. I've harmed so many people already… I can take this up on my conscience too… I can't hurt Alex… Not Alex.

No, Vincent, I'm not misreading her.

Well, thanks for nothing! I get to be the monster again!

For hurting a girl who once saved me…

Alex… why? Why do you still remember me?

… … …

She doesn't care for her safety at all! Never had… and apparently never learned to! Because entering her car should not be THAT easy! Alex, Alex…

There she is… she's thinking… she always had that mechanic kind of walk when she was thinking. When she's more relaxed she moves more… gracefully. And her hair… her perfect auburn curls. My crazy gingerhead.

She must be thinking of me. Does she doubt her eyes? Or does she already trying to figure out the way to find me?

Anyway, I'm here… There goes all or nothing!

Gasp… No, Alex, I won't hurt you, I'm in contro… Oh, wait… She doesn't know… She's not afraid of me! Alex is just… surprised.

It's me…

… … …

Two soldiers came to your mom's house. They said you were dead.

Seven. There were seven of them. Two that showed up at mom's doorstep and five who were lurking around in case I'd show up… And I did show up! Or do you actually think I play dead for ten years just for fun!

Shh, relax, Keller, it's not her fault. None of it is Alex's fault… Think of something. Say something to keep her in the dark. To keep her save. You owe her that much!

I threw dirt at your casket, Vince…

Oh man! Alex! Do you think it was easy for me seeing you and mom crying your hearts out? Do you really think I'm that selfish?!

But then again… you should. I am THAT selfish… But you have to believe me THIS time – I tried protecting all of you! I've lost so many loved once – I just couldn't lose you! So I had to make you believe you've lost me instead… Stupid cruel logic of my crazy life…

But I should protect Alex from all of this. She would not be able to handle my… existence.

What about the detective? Who's she?

Catherine… where do I start? What should I tell? Apart from obvious secret stuff about Catherine's mom, her covering up for me, her protecting me… how can I explain Alex… who Catherine really IS?

Like a handler…

Did I really just call Catherine a handler? Man, she's not gonna like it! At all! That's the lamest excuse for… Wait… Why do I make excuses here? I mean… shouldn't we both have moved on? It's been ten years, right? Granted, I've been dead for these ten years… but shouldn't Alex?

I loved you, Vince!

?! How is it even a reason? Don't you think I loved you? But… but… it's been ten years!

Oh no, don't start crying! You know I can't deal with your tears! Alex, don't! I really wanted you to have normal happy life, to find your happily-ever-after…

I wanted to contact you every day, I really did!

Why the hell have I said that? Keep your stupid mouth shut, Keller, if you can't stop lying to her! You… didn't… Yes, at first… going nuts over missing your family, mom, Alex, your friends… but then… you'd let go… you did! And lately… when was the last time you wanted to contact Alex?

We both wanted that life…

Yes, we did. I still do… Do you think it's easy to hide away at some random warehouse, being virtually no one? I used to have so much ten years ago! Oh, Alex…

Alex, you are one of the lightest happiest memories of the life I've lost. You knew… before. Before I'd lost my brothers, before I'd lost myself in that drug frenzy, before I'd lost my life to those experiments… Not just younger me – you knew happier me…

Oh, how I'd wish to bring that time back! To be me again!

Am I even gonna see you again?

What do I say now?

… … …

Some guy attacked Alex Salter. She's fine, I brought her home. Stay safe, it could've been Muirfield.

Sure, exactly what I'm gonna do! My life is complicated as it is – why my complications have to braid together to make it a living messy hell? Why do I have to be a killing curse to everybody I care for?

… … …

Hey… You OK?

She's so warm. So alive. So familiar. Feels like going back home…

That sound… Catherine is still here! OK… awkward…

Handler? Really?

I didn't know what else to say…

Really, though! What was I supposed to say to my fiancée who suddenly found me after ten years of me being dead? Oh, hey, Alex, remember me? I'm that guy who ran out on you, got himself in "Most wanted by secret services" list and… found Catherine… and has been checking on her for full ten years… and haven't even come to check on you once for the last… what? Seven years? I haven't seen Alex for seven years?

No sign of a perv…

Wait! He was in Alex's apartment? As in somebody broke into her home… tried harming her? Great going, Vince! One of few people you're trying to protect by staying away… and you stay so far away you miss them getting in danger!

Don't worry, Alex. I'm back. I'll protect you. Not by leaving your life but by staying in it. I promise.

You stay here with her. I'll be back.

Damn, Catherine is pissed. But… why? It's not like I planned to get my fiancée back to the picture… I mean, my "somebody close" as I'd put it… Man, I really have to straighten up my lying game, I'm forgetting my backstories…

But the more serious issue at hand is… if Catherine will continue with Alex's case… which she will because she's just this "save the world" kind of cop… then the whole truth about me and Alex will come out. Then what?

Or rather… why should I hide it? My past is my past and I should not apologize for having had a life before I met Catherine, right?

Then why I hid the truth?

Because… because of what that truth might mean to… us… me and Catherine.

I would've told Catherine about Alex if she didn't mean anything but past to me, would I?

I'm in a big trouble. Crap.

… … …

It's nice. Sitting here with Alex, listening to her stories, remembering times we've shared… It feels nice. Normal. I like it… I never knew I'd missed it so much… talking, having tea, watching photos… Thank you, Alex. You may not realize it, but you've helped me so much… Not just then… now too.

It's good that you have found me.

… … …

Catherine's back. Heartbeat sped up but steady. Firm. She's onto something.

She'd found the guy. Sure thing she would. She's my Catherine after all!

But the guy… seems like a total whack job to me. Need to be careful about him, ex-con is no match for Alex to fight off.

Asked her to marry him? OK, not just maniac, but crazy maniac to that! It just can't get any better that this!

I said I was already in love… And my heart belonged to someone else…

Why do they both look at me like that? What do you want from me NOW?

And why does subject has to come back to THIS all the time? Don't we have a lunatic to find? Hello?

Use me as bait! I'll have you two looking out for me!

OK, Alex, you went over the border! Bait? Seems like we have more than one crazy person on our plate! But you always were this brave little gingerhead, always fought somebody else's fights… You haven't changed a bit.

It's not your call. It's mine.

Why everything is NOT my call lately? Granted, dead guys don't have much of a decision making power… but can you at least pretend you are listening to what I'm saying? Man, I need JT's voice of reasoning so much now!

… … …

Are we actually going through with this ridiculous plan? Too many people here… Catherine is still not fully recovered… Alex is scared to death even though she's trying to keep a brave face… No, we're not doing it! I'm calling it off! I'm…

Damn! Alex! Where the hell is Alex!

… … …

I think we need to split up.

You find him first – then what? I don't think I can cover up for you again.

Alex's life is at stake. Just be careful.

Catherine, please, understand me now. Alex… I would never forgive myself if anything happens to her. Never. She'd trusted me to look out for her – I can't let her down! Not again!

… … …

My eyes… Not now! I need to find Alex! Need to save her no matter what! No matter…

Gunshots! Alex! Catherine! No! I said – NOOOOOO!

… … …

TAKE YOUR GUN… TO BE PROTECTED… FROM HIM… AND FROM ME.

Vincent! Vincent!

COMING!

DON'T. EVER. HURT. HER. AGAIN!

How did you do that?

Little trick I've learned in the army. As well as shooting a gun!

Where's Alex?

… … …

I thought I've lost you again!

Alex… Alex… I'm not… Alex…

You're safe. It's all that matters now. We will sort everything out later.

Heartbeat… Uneven… Catherine.

Did she see?

Now what?

… … …

Must've felt pretty good to save Alex?

Yeah… yeah, it did.

You have no idea, man! To be needed, to help… To protect and not be protected all the time. To feel like a real man! Yes, it felt REALLY good to save Alex!

Only… Catherine.

… … …

Can help you with that… The dressing part…

No, I got it.

Why? Catherine, why do you always have to be the tough one? Why can't you just let me help you? What – since Evan had saved you now he's the doctor and I'm… what? What am I now?

She's hiding something… Such a complicated woman.

What you've got there? What? What is it? Show me!

She has my photo… She. Took. My. Photo.

It was an accident.

Oh, no, Catherine, I'm not buying it! You've described me in your profile. Asked me to the wedding. Ran after me. And now you took my photo… I MUST mean something more… something your heart is more willing to admit with its drumming… I hear you…

I wanted to know him…

That guy isn't completely gone, ok?

Not when you're with her.

Why did you have to bring Alex up? I'm here with you, am I? I've saved Alex and I came to YOU! Why can't you just see what this means?

It doesn't mean that this isn't real.

Hear me, Catherine, I beg you!

It doesn't mean that it's good.

Again? I'm not good enough for you? You know that I can't change the fact that we "came out of some pretty dark places" – if it weren't for those dark places we wouldn't even met! Then why do you questioning our relationship based on something neither of us can change?! I've told you before – I would endure my ten years of nightmares if it meant I could be in your life – I would take it all again! And you…

I think it's convenient that it's complicated.

You're doing it again, Catherine. I've seen you doing it before… but never thought you would bring this trick up with me.

I'm not really an option for you, am I?

Why do you look so confused? Because I hurt you? Or because I called you on your game?

Do you think I'm not in pain? Do you think it's easy living my life hot really hoping for anything and then once I get a glimpse of hope, a possibility of happiness… you just take it away because "it's complicated". Complicated?! Really? "Complicated" doesn't even begin to explain what my life is – and I HAVE to live it!

But you don't have to… and seems to me you're not willing to even try.

You want me to believe that your ex showing up doesn't change everything?

But it doesn't change US!

Oh, now it's Alex again! Do I miss her – yes, I do! She was a big, at times even crucial part of my life! Did I call her back? No! And you know it! But what on earth can it possibly has to do with us?!

The kiss? And Evan kissing you was just a drunk mistake? And Alex kissing me after I came back for the land of dead and saved her is somehow a deal breaker here? So it's like this?

Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you don't still have feelings for her?

No… I can't do that. Alex… is special. She always were… Always be… But…

Catherine… please… don't do this to me… to us.

She still loves you. Vincent… Maybe you need to find out if you still love her.

How? I look at you and see nothing but you… Why are you pushing me away then?

The end of the first chapter.

I hope it's not too off-canon... but to my perception it is EXACTLY what Vincent was thinking and feeling in the beginning of "Alex's arc"... He did NOT want her back, he only tried helping her out... And Catherine pushed him to explore his feelings, to see if the old flame will rise again.

No, Vincent, I personally wouldn't make it so unclear with Alex and I would want you to clarify where you stand with her right there, in the beginning. But you didn't. First mistake.

And, Vincent, I think you should've told Catherine about your feelings for her... But you didn't. Second mistake.

Also, Catherine, I don't like the way you handled the situation and the way you stepped back once Alex showed up. You should've fought for him. But you didn't. Third mistake.