Behind the scenes of the Akatsuki
Chapter One
Between Konoha and Suna lies a large expanse of land. Two mules and their driver were currently moving on a bridge lying above a canyon. All of a sudden the ground exploded in from of them and the mules dropped their load of salt before running away.
The mule driver stayed in the same spot, smiling as though he had just taken candy from a baby. "I've found you Akatsuki. Soon, each of your little heads will be resting on a platter".
==O==
Right below the canyon was a small entrance that led to a giant cavern. In the middle of the cavern sat a man with white hair. Around him a freaky fish guy was running around being chased by a wooden salamander. In a corner a red haired man was, waving his hand around having an argument, with a blond person, who looked suspiciously like a woman. The subject of the argument was what art was.
"I'm telling you art is an EXPLOSION!"
"Art is eternal. It should not be a fleeting image that loses purpose quickly." The red head then took off his cloak before speaking "I am the perfect example of art. I AM ETERNAL!"
"WE'LL SEE WHOSE ETERNAL!" the blond shouted.
In the far corner a Venus fly trap-man looked up from stroking his plants. "Is this an art convention or girly guy face off?"
"You go, girl. Show him who's the best!"
"Shut up Zetsu."
"Kukukuku! Do you need another therapy session, Zetsu?" came a voice, from behind the plant-man. Zetsu stiffened and started sweating bullets.
"N-no, Orochimaru, I don't need t-therapy. I-I don't have two b-brains. Zetsu's a g-good boy. Zetsu's a good boy!" In a faraway place a masked individual woke up suddenly. Someone has stolen my line. Somebody's getting sued.
Over with the guy vs. girl/guy the red head was also sweating bullets. "NO, I COULD TAKE ON ANYBODY NOW, BUT NOT HIM! OROCHIMARU, YOU WILL NOT GET ME! SAVE ME, OH GREAT HIRUKO!" Out of nowhere, a giant puppet appeared and dragged the man into it.
"Sasori, don't worry you can come out now. Orochimaru was only after Zetsu and no one else." Sasori merely whimpered as his puppet activated its defensive mechanism. It was the only thing in the entire base, besides Itachi's room, that the snake man couldn't get into. "Deidara, you of all people should know why I won't go near him. Remember the incident…"As he said it the cavern experienced intense rippling, as it descended into the past.
==O==
Pein was busy in his office doing paperwork. He was on his last sheet, when the rippling began. All of his work was immediatly sucked in. His look screamed murder. "EMERGENCY MEETING NOW!"
==O==
"I have HAD it with you people. First came burning down the village, then losing our customers and eating the store clerk and mailman. Now you've crossed the line with your FLASHBACK!" Pein shouted from the head of the table. "I've made a decision and one of you is going to be fired!" You could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed. This must be heaven. Wait, I can hear my own thoughts!
Kakuzu was the first to speak. "Good idea, boss. With the money we save, we can finally create the Mecha-Tsuki. That was one of Itachi"s better ideas."
"My religion doesn't believe in giant robots. By the way where is Itachi?" Hidan asked.
==O==
The man in question was creeping on the second floor. Itachi stopped in front of a room that was leaking water. Preparing himself for the octopus that was always behind it, he opened the door… only to have a torrent of water drench him. Kisame and I need to have a talk about his. Itachi entered the room that resembled a fish bowl, completer with a plastic castle and treasure chest. Itachi spotted what he was looking for and headed towards a mermaid statue.
The statue had a very interesting story. It was chiseled from rocks that were said to have contained some powerful jewels. The statue was then sold to a merchant who took it on to the ship. It was tossed overboard during a storm and ended on a beach. It had many crazy adventures after that, but those are stories for another day. Many years later, Kisame came upon the statue and fell in love with it believing it to be a sign. He let no one touch it, which was why Itachi hid his most precious items underneath it.
Underneath the floor boards was… a bottle of nail polish and fashion magazines. Itachi grabbed them, jumped over a tentacle and ran to the bathroom. He sat down at the edge of the bathtub opened the magazine, and began to apply the polish to his nails. Amazing, I can use coffee to restore my hair instead of dye! Itachi flipped the pages until he came upon an ad that left him speechless. Cover Girl nail polish buy one get one free! To the market I go!
"Itachi, I don't care what mental exercise you're doing in there but Pein-sama wants you in the meeting" Konan's voice cut though Itachi's thoughts. Grumbling, Itachi stuffed the magazines into his cloak as he exited the bathroom. By the time he reached the meeting room, Orochimaru was in tears, Zetsu was dancing, Deidara was rubbing his hands with glee, and the "Zombie Twins" (Hidan and Kakuzu) were arguing with Pein, who was considering suicide. "Let me guess we're firing Orochimaru?"
Kisame, who was burying Goldfish crackers, looked up and said "Yep."
"Deidara's happy because he gets to be Sasori's partner?"
"Yep." was the reply.
"Hidan is rejecting the Mecha-Tsuki?"
"He says that his religion doesn't believe in giant fighting robots." Kisame said nodding as he continued "Then again, what doesn't go against his religion?"
Itachi began to list off all the answers. "Famine, plague, war, murder, Barbie's, fear, robbery, arson, animal cruelty, kidnapping and death."
"Wouldn't a giant robot cause fear, arson, war and death?"
"Maybe you should go tell him that." Itachi replied.
"You go do that." Kisame replied.
Over with Pein, he was now positive that he wanted to commit suicide, but couldn't. He moved his hand to open a drawer. Inside was a smoke bomb that he kept to escape sticky situations. He lifted it out, ignoring Hidan's rants, and prepared himself to pull the pin. He stopped when he noticed something. "Itachi what do you have under your cloak?"
Itachi's gulped as Pein's eyes looked at where he had his magazines in. Great, the cat's out of the bag. "Uh, nothing really, just some stuff." Pein continued to stare at Itachi, who gulped. "Okay I'll tell you. Just some magazines."
Everybody in the room stopped what they were doing. Deidara was the first to speak "If he has magazines then HE HAS A GUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE ITACHI HAS A GUN! IT'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER MASSACRE!"
Mass pandemonium ensued from Deidara's comment. The Zombie Twins ran out screaming, Zetsu jumped out the window and Sasori grabbed Deidara to use as a shield. Pein grabbed Konan and ducked under the desk and Deidara pulled out some of his clay bombs and threw them at the ceiling. Itachi, not expecting what happened, sat down in surprise, only to get back up when rocks fell on him. "B-but I don't have a gun. I meant fashion magazines not the ammo."
Pein got up from the remains of his desk and brushed the dust off his cloak. "Itachi I don't care what you have on you. You know that Hidan and Kakuzu are afraid of guns. And because of you Deidara blew this part of the base up. With the money it will cost to fix it, I'll have to fire you."
Saying that Itachi was shocked was an overstatement. He stood there staring after Pein before he spoke "As you wish." He walked out of the destroyed base, looked around before he broke into tears. The Zombie Twins and Zetsu were just returning, when Pein began his new announcement. "Living members of Akatsuki, I have just fired Itachi and to meet expenses we have to get jobs."
Hidan looked at Pein, turned around and walked away. Orochimaru looked at Pein as though he was crazy and walked out the door. Konan looked at him and said "Do you remember what happened the last time they took jobs? We had to run from the cops and hide out on another continent."
"It wasn't that bad. It was only for a few hours and Hidan only killed the kid. Plus, Kakuzu held on to the guy's money so we were only convicted of murder and arson."
Author's notes: I know it might not be that fun or long so just tell me how it was. Constructive critiscim appreciated. So hit the button!
Maybe until next time, KOF-712-B.