Sonny found Alexis leaning against her patio doorframe lost in thought. He had come by to talk to her about some coffee contracts. After his second knock went unanswered he let himself in to check on her.
Lately he found himself worrying more and more about her.. She seemed to be distancing herself from him and he couldn't reach her the way he used to be able to. And, if the truth were known, he really hadn't tried that hard. Just getting through each day was almost more than he himself could handle and seeing her only it made it more difficult.
Alexis gave him a choice and he made it. And the choice he finally made was costing him in every way imaginable, but at the time he couldn't see any other way around it. A man was bound by everything decent to take care of his responsibilities. And no matter what the circumstances were now he willingly tied himself to a family and it was his duty to stand by that family no matter where his heart led him. It was required of him to give Carly the best that he could. His mother taught him about honor and being noble. He not only owed it to her and Michael, but he owed it to his mother to do what he thought was right.
However, forcing himself to live day in and day out in what he viewed a marriage of convenience, of honor; it was slowly destroying him. To awaken each morning with Carly beside him grieved him so much that he would stand in the shower and allow ice cold water to run over his body to shock him into the task of dressing for the day. The only bright spot in his life was his son Michael. If it weren't for Michael, his sanity would have been sorely compromised. His business decisions were now made hastily and without regard. He was vulnerable and didn't care. He didn't really care about anything anymore. His existence was just that, an existence.
Clearing his throat to alert Alexis of his presence, he waited for her to turn and face him.
Alexis knew that it was Sonny who entered her home. She didn't have to turn around to know who stood behind her. His presence was second nature to her. Straightening she turned to face him, hiding behind a mask of indifference. It was unbearable to be in the same room with him. They tried in the beginning to remain friends, but too much stood between them now. She knew he had fallen back into his "mobster" ways. And rumor was, he showed no concern for his safety at all anymore. He was taking dangerous chances with his life. It was not lost on her that he was self-destructing. And as much as it grieved her
there wasn't anything she could do to change the outcome. He made his choice. And it wasn't her. No one could have known how broken her heart was the day he walked away. The one thing that she feared the most happened. There was just no way of knowing at the time that it would cause such devastation to her. When it was all said and done; Sonny chose Carly over her.
Watching him hesitantly walk toward her, she closed off her heart and waited to see what he wanted. As he drew nearer, she was able to more clearly see what lay deep within him, what his eyes were unable to hide. The total lack of spirit; the lack of life in his eyes again broke her heart.
Sonny envied her ability to close off her emotions the way she did. When he looked into her eyes, he saw nothing. He knew every emotion that he himself felt was there, but he knew she would never allow him to see it. He needed that kind of strength, and she was the only one he had been able to find it with. Without her, he was weak. He was useless. Without Alexis, life just wasn't worth living!
Needing to revive himself just a little, he reached toward her and touched her arm. He didn't need anymore than that. Just one touch and he could get through the rest of the day. As his hand came down to rest, he felt the warmth of her and stifled the sob that threatened to escape his lungs. His mind raged against his body's lack of control. Lingering a moment more he finally felt her strength begin to flow through him. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander back to the night they shared together. That one night had changed him. In her arms, he became the man he always wanted to be. He was strong, loving, capable, honorable and gentle. He came as close to being the type of man that was worthy of her as any man could. He stood there quietly, reverently and basked in her presence.
At his touch, Alexis nearly folded. She had wanted to feel his touch again for so long. She yearned for it, dreamed of it and cried for it. Looking down she saw his fingers tremble and quickly glanced back up at his face. The look he couldn't hide was heart wrenching. All of the pain and grief that he lived with every day since their night together was there for her to see. He wasn't hiding it, wasn't trying to. As she saw one single tear escape his closed eyes she reached her hand up to cup his chin and lifted his face upward just enough to urge him to look at her. When he opened his eyes she gasped at the torment she saw there.
"Sonny, what do you want right now?"
"I want... you."
"Why?"
He fell silent. How could he tell her what she was to him. He didn't have the words and that was what Alexis needed. She needed to hear what was in his heart, what tormented him day after day. Looking into her eyes, he knew this was possibly his last chance. She needed to hear what he should have said to her the day he walked away. Being with her in that room and knowing that it could be his last... he threw his pride away and let go of the words that haunted him every waking moment and jarred him from sleep every night.
"Alexis, I told you that night that I chose you. But, I made the mistake of throwing words around without really considering what they would mean to you. I don't have the words to express myself the way you do, all I can do is try. When I walked out your door the day you told me to go back to my wife, something inside of me died. I went to her because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I didn't go back to her because I was in love with her. It was only because I had made a promise to her. I didn't know at the time what that promise would cost me later. There was no going back after you and I had shared so much together. You looked into my soul and saw the man I always wanted to be and that's the way you treated me. I am a better man with you than I have ever been before. Over the last couple of months I've learned one thing. Love is commitment. You and I started a life together that night and I became committed to you whether my brain acknowledged it or not. Nothing else should have mattered. But, I allowed so much to cloud us that I lost you and I have been lost ever since. I'm so sorry, Alexis. I never meant to hurt you. If I had only told you that day what I wanted to tell you I would never have walked back across that hall."
Slowly lowering himself to his knees, he took both her hands into his and solemnly looked up into her eyes.
"I love you with all of my heart, with everything I am inside.." He bent his head and kissed the hands he held within his own. His heart stilled as she pulled her hands from his. He took a chance and he failed. Well, at least this time he had been man enough to tell her the truth... finally. Standing back up with his eyes downcast he turned to go as he felt her hand fall on his arm. He stopped and stood still without looking back at her. He couldn't bear to see her face. Couldn't bear to see her rejection of him.
Alexis smiled at his assumption of her response to his words. He had just given her the world. Never again would she question his ability to express himself. Laying her hand on his arm, she forced him to turn back around. With tears finding their way freely down her face, she cupped his face in her hands and tenderly kissed him. Drawing her head back, she waited until his gaze met hers...
"Welcome home, Sonny."