-Thomas pov-
Everyone will leave me, eventually, like my parents did. I never really knew my father he left when i was young, he couldnt handle me as a son. My mother, when i was 8 she delt with it. She was helpful with what had to be said, but now, she never stops crying, she is always depressed and i know its all my fault. Shes a heavy drinker, i know i started that too, i didnt mean to i'm sorry i messed everthing up so bad. She use to hit me everyday and tells me im useless, she blames everything on me. says im a mistake, sorry i was ever born. Shes isnt the same lovely women i once knew and now i cant get her back.
Craig and Tweek will leave me. They may both be my boyfriends, but that wont last. it never will, Craig and Tweek will run off together and leave me by myself becasue they wont be able to handle me anymore. I think Tweek likes me around just because my illness makes him look controled and calm. Craig says he loves me, but he spends most of his time with Tweek. How can he love me if he is never with me? Tweek says he loves me too. Maybe thats just to make me feel good? i wouldnt know. Craig always tries to talk to me but i turn around and ignore him. I don't wanna hear him break up with me. We all sleep in the same bed. Craig closest to the door so if someone breaks in 'he can protect his two favorite blondes' there is only one favorite there and that wouldn't be me. Tweek in the middle incase gnomes come. That boy will sleep though anything so he wouldnt even know if the gnomes showed up. I'm closest to the wall so i don't have to turn my head to either of them. I cry myself to sleep every night and being in the middle of two people, one of them is bound to know.
4 days ago, Tweek had to go to the hospital, Craig and Tweek were talking, i was sitting on the chair in the dark lounge room when i heard this big thump and Craig yelled out Tweek's name. When i came over Tweek was having a fit. I grabed the phone and rang the ambulance. When the ambulance arived they said neither of us were aloud to go. I was crying, i know he didn't care about me but i cared alot about him. Craig wasn't crying but he sure was sad. Craig held me and i tried moving away but it didnt work he wouldnt let me go, we watched the ambulance drive away. He led me inside, let me go and locked the door behind him. I ran upstairs and to our room and layed down on the bed, head baried into Tweek's pillow. A couple of seconds later i heard Craig walked in.
"Thomas? he will be alright." he said to me.
I didnt say anything back incase i said something wrong and he left me. I didn't wanna be alone, not again. I heard him walk over to me, i curled up tighter just incase he hit me or something. My mum had made me like that.
"Thomas? babe? why do you keep ignoring me? what did i do? it's been like this for weeks. You havnt talked to me OR Tweek, you don't eat, you go to bed before we do, you don't even look at us." He tried again.
He sat on the bed next to me and rubbed my back. I tensed thinking he was seriously going to hit me. He layed down and wraped his arms around me and put his head on mine and started huming a familiar tune, 'grow old with you', it was our song, mine, Tweek's and Craig's.
3 days ago, i woke up alone, Tweek was still in the hospital and Craig should have been at work, but he wasnt he was in the shower. He took the day off, said he was having family troubles. But we're not family. The shower turns off and i sit up in my bed just sitting there looking at everything Tweek owns. His pillow, his teddies, cloths, coffee mugs.
"Good morning babe." I look up with a surprise.
I nod and down-cast my eyes from Craig, he groans and walks over to me.
"Thomas, this seriously has to stop, i'm really worried and so is Tweek. Just please tell me whats wrong."
I don't look at him and sigh.
"You will -FUCK- leave me too, you know?" I said quietly.
"What is that suppose to mean?, im not going to leave you, neither is Tweek." Craig snapped "You say that -SHIT- now but you don't mean it -FUCK-."
I grab my ipod and walk out and sit on the front step. I put the one song i can relate to, the one that has been on repeat for that past 6 weeks. The only song i know acually means something and is saying just how i feel.
I tried to be all that you need
tried not ever let you down
still I can see it in your eyes
Not good enough
(This time I believed that I really could change)
(I gave it all)
(This time you really had my everything)
(I guess I was wrong)
I guess I was wrong
What can I say, what can I do
This is who I am and I'm hurting you
What can I say, what can I do
No matter how strong my feelings are
I always end up hurting you
I always end up hurting you I'm hurting you
I'm sorry i always hurt you guys, you wont need to worry, i wont hurt yous ever again.
Craig came out and said we can go pick up Tweek. We both got in the car and start driving till Craig looks over at me, i still had my headphones and Craig knows what song i have been listning to and he doesnt like it. I think this should be our song it makes more sense Tweek and Craig one side and i will sing this song to them. Craig tears the headphones out of my ears and grabs my ipod shoving it in his pocket with it still on. He looks angry.
Im sorry i make you mad, i'm sorry i can never make you happy.
I look out the window wishing it could all be over.
2 days ago, i wanna leave, get out of here, i want to not be such a burdan to Tweek and Craig. I didnt sleep last night i stayed up all night in the lounge room and listened to the same song i have been. I hear footsteps coming down the stairs over the top of my music but i don't turn around i don't want to see the disappointed face, the face when they see that i'm still breathing. Tweek sits next to me and looks at me, i turn towards him and he smiles, i nod and his smile disapears. He takes one headphone out from my ear.
"M-morning." Tweek stutters.
I nod.
"You should talk about your problems, you might go crazy if you don't. OH MY GOD! your not crazy are you, Thomas?" Tweek panics.
I shook my head.
"Tweek? do you -CUNT- hate me?" I regret saying it
"GA! W-WHAT? No! of carse not. I love you, heaps."
He moves closer to me and kisses me on the lips he brings my head to his chest i may be stronger and taller, but i wouldnt move away from Tweek's touch, scared i might threaten him in someway. why should i care?
Craig comes walking down the stairs.
"Come on we're going now." He says.
Tweek gets up and takes my hand and leads me to the front door. I look back at Craig and he smiles and i frown and turn away.
We got to the car and Craig unlocks it. Tweek and i both sit in the back, which is weird Tweek always sits at front but he sat at the back and stroked my head.
"W-where are we -BALL SUCKERS- going?" I ask nerviously.
No one answered me, Tweek bit his lip. He can't ignore people so Craig must have told him to. So i guess they both know where we are going except me. I wouldnt blame them, i wouldnt tell myself either. Tweek starts shaking and twitching. I look at him with worried eyes, scared of what happened the other day will happen again. I shuffle away from him, just incase i do some damage to him. I still have the other headphone in my ear but to scared to put the other one in, Just incase Craig yells at me for listning to the same song. He is looking at me through the review mirror i gulp and look out the window. We are at the doctors. OH MY GOD! is Tweek really badly sick?
"-MOTHERFUCKER- is Tweek okay?" I asked worriedly
"GA!" Tweek spazzes
"He is, but we're not here for Tweek." Craig says.
Craig opens my door and Tweek climbs into the passenger seat. I look at him and he kisses me. I kiss back then got out of the car. Craig takes my hand i turn around back at the car where tweek blew me a kiss and waved. Craig took me over to the front desk and a doctor came out. Craig and this doctor shake hands and he looks at me. They have introductions, Craig still holding my hand drags me to the creepy Doctor's office. Craig sits down and pulls me to the seat next to him. I hate doctors and hospitals they creep me out. Dr. McFetus tried asking me questions, i didn't answer to scared i might screw something up. The doctor looked at me he told me to wait in the hall, i hesatated at first but Craig gave me a kiss on the cheek then i walked out. About 10 minutes later Craig and Dr. McFetus came out, they shake hands and Craig takes my hand and we left the doctors and back to the car. Tweek was crying and listning to my ipod. I look at him and he wips the tears away.
"How could you listen to this song, Thomas?" Tweek yells at me.
I shrug and open the door to the back seat only to have Tweek slam it shut.
"NO! Thomas, im serious! why? you think you hurt us?"
I look at Craig for help but he had the same questioning look on his face.
I'm sorry i make you cry, i'm sorry i make you mad, sorry i cant do anything right. Don't worry guys this will be over soon.
last night, i heard Craig and Tweek talking about me. They were in the kitchen and i stood out side of it. I herd them say i need help. I don't need help. Craig and Tweek talk for about 25 minutes and i hear every word. They exit the room and realize i was listning. I stare at them and run up stairs locking myself in the bedroom. Tweek bangs hard on the door and starts freaking out. I'm sorry i scare you, sorry you see me the way i see the world, Scary and fucked up. I get up and open the door to find Tweek on the floor rocking back and forwards. He realizes the door is open and cries loud hugging me and planting kisses all over my face. I turn to my left to find Craig leaning on the wall. He holds out his hand, i step back. I don't know what he will do to me. He steps forward and grabs my arm pulling me into a hug and kisses me on the lips. After we part i bite my lip and stare at the floor not wanting to make eye contact just incase he gets angry. We go to bed and Tweek faces my way tonight and hugs me. Craig didn't care, but i did.
Right now, Craig and i are fighting, Tweek sitting on the lounge not wanting to listen to us yelling. Craig says i need help and fast before i hurt myself or someone else.
Don't worry, Craig, it'll all be over soon.
It'll all be over soon