Dedicated to my lost love
I do not own these characters.
Thursdays were always pizza nights. He would run his hands through his hair and we would fight over which toppings to use, He always let me win.
On the weekends we would spend hours watching bad TV, blissfully lying in each other's arms until the sun went down.
I used to play with his glittering golden hair, and stare into his eyes and imagine a future of stupid fights and passionate make-ups. He would hold my face in his hands and wonder aloud if he was going to be staring into my gorgeous green eyes 15 years from now.
We would take walks to Central Park and fight over who got to play whose music. We would lie in the grass and stare at the stars and wonder about what the future held. I never thought that one day I would stare at the stars by myself.
I never thought that I would ever have to face the world without him.
That Thursday it was pouring outside. I looked into his eyes and saw none of the love for me there that used to make them shine. His face was grim as he told me that he wasn't good enough for me, that he didn't love me anymore.
I couldn't possibly imagine why.
After the pointless fights, and the long nights, and the dinners, and the dates, and little things that made me think that we were different, that we could last. I never thought that we would end like this. That after so long, that after I grew to love every last part of him. He left. He left me standing in the rain on that wet Thursday afternoon.
I stare blankly at the calendar. It's been 1 month, exactly 1 month since he decided to leave me. I am numb, so so numb. I have never felt this way before. I have never felt so empty or so alone. I run my hands through my bright red hair and hop into the shower. The methodic pounding of the water jets bounces off of my skin as I stare at the wall.
I can't remember the last time I felt anything other than mind numbing pain. It's just a stupid teenage relationship, they say, don't worry Clary you'll bounce back you're perfect. If only they knew, if only they knew how absolutely dead I feel inside. Jace was my other half and now he's gone. I gave him every last part of myself and he handed it back like it was nothing.
I see him sometimes, I see him around the streets, and sometimes I see him at Taki's. The pain never fully leaves, the longing for something that you can't have, that you used to have.
There is no feeling like it.
I get out of the shower, put on clothes, and crawl back into bed. I don't want to get up, I don't want to move, even breathing becomes a struggle. I can feel another rush of pain coming, picture every last thing I loved about him, I can't escape him he's everywhere I look, everything I see and no matter how hard I try I can't make the images go away. I remember every last beautiful thing about us in slow succession. He consumes my every thought as I lay in bed gasping for breath over something that shouldn't have happened.
I can't possibly fathom going on. I can't possibly imagine life ever getting better.
I know that mom and Luke worry about me when they think I'm asleep. They never thought he was good enough for me, and why would they? When is the boy who breaks their daughter's heart ever good enough. I always thought he was perfect, pure, regardless of his questionable past.
The room is dark, it's pouring rain again, the fan is spinning in slow, methodic circles. I don't remember how long I've been watching it. I turn my head slightly to the right to check the clock, 11:36.
A loud ping, ping, ping reverberates through the room.
No, it can't be, it's absolutely impossible. He left; he isn't throwing rocks at my window right now.
I get out of bed anyway and open the window.
And there he is, glittering under the streetlights, shining with thousands of little rain drops. His hair is plastered to his head and tears are streaming down his face.
"Clary! Clary please, please come down I need to talk to you." He pleads, staring directly into my face.
I know I shouldn't go, I know that it won't end well, it can't end well, I can't get my hopes up. But I go anyway.
I sneak past mom and Luke's room, and open the front door with a slight creak.
Finally outside I get my first good look at his face since he left. He's still the same Jace, still the same cynical blond I fell in love with 2 years ago. Same crazy blond hair, same vibrant gold eyes, same high cheekbones and full lips. Same beautiful Jace.
His eyes meet mine and something sparks in them, something so beautiful and pure that I instantly melt.
He starts running to me from across the yard, and I run back. We meet in the middle and he picks me up and spins me around and whispers "I'm so sorry, I love you."
And I am whole.