Fighting was never what he wanted. All he wanted was to be left alone with his cactus and books, but that would never happen for the rest of his life. He was cursed with having a demon inside of him for the rest of his life, cursed to be a weapon, something that he could never be.
The sight of blood made him shut down made the demon want to come out.
The sight of violence made the demon try to force its way out to spill blood.
Death caused it to come out, to cause more blood to be spilled and violence to be spread.
That was the last thing he wanted.
But that is what his life was made to be, full of blood, full of violence, full of death, full of loneliness.
The first life he took was his mothers according to his father, being born caused his mother to die.
The second was when he was five and he wanted to play with the kids in the park, but they started yelling at him, calling him a monster and throwing stuff at him, something happened. He blacked out and the monster came out and killed two of the kids. When he finally woke up he was surrounded by injured Shinobi and his father standing in front of him. The glare the Kazekage was giving him made him cower even more then he was trying to hid behind his scarf, a habit he's gained in the past two years.
"You disappoint me." His father said, turning around and barking orders.
He stared blankly into nothing, till his uncle came and picked him up to take him to the house they both lived in, he spent the next week in his room, tears running down his face, trying to get the sight of blood out of his mind.
The third and last time was his uncle who had been sent to assassinate him.
After that day he cut off practically all human contact for as long as he could.
The demon that resided in him taunted him, whispering that he needed to take revenge on his father, that blood needed to spill.
Days were spent in his small room, hiding from his father, knowing that if he was to be alone with the man, the demon would take over.
Sleep didn't come at all during that time; and sleep hasn't come since.
The only company he allowed near him was his books and occasionally his siblings.
It wasn't until he turned ten that his father forced him to become a Shinobi and join a team with his siblings.
Standing in a lax position, Baki, Gaara's new Jounin instructor, motioned for him to make a move.
Gaara pushed his white scarf higher up, hiding his face, and shook his head. "No." He whispered eyes to the ground.
"Why, you're a Shinobi." Baki demanded, glaring at the youngest child of the Kazekage.
"I don't like fighting." He mumbled, hoping that would be enough to get out of this situation.
"Gaara, you will spar with me."
HURT HIM. MAKE HIM BLEED
Gaara shook his head again, eyes scrunching shut.
With a frustrated growl Baki started moving forward. "Then I'll make you."
His punch got deflected by a sheet of sand coming up, protecting its host, tendrils wrapping around the fist tightly that the sound of bones cracking echoed through the training area.
YES. KILL HIM. USE MY POWER
Gaara went wide-eyed, hands going into his hair. "No, stop." He repeated over and over until the sand fell. Eyes went to the bleeding hand. "Sensei I'm sorry." He quickly said, hands going to the pouch at his hip and grabbed some bandages. "I'll wrap it."
Baki watched as his youngest student gently grabbed his hand and carefully removed his glove and started wrapping his hand.
"Gaara," Green eyes looked up at him, "How does becoming a medic sound."
Looking up with wide eyes Gaara gave a small smile.
Over the next two years Gaara trained mostly in becoming a medical Nin. His father was not happy when he learned that. Gaara was supposed to be a weapon for the village but now he was reduced to a wimpy medic. But no matter how many times the Kazekage ordered him learn how to fight, Gaara refused and shut down even more.
Until he turned twelve and his father finally gave up.
His relationship with his father strained but his relationship with his siblings became better in the meantime.
After realizing that their younger brother would never lay a finger against anyone, they trained to be stronger so that he would never have to fight.
During missions, Gaara would hang back. At the beginning he wouldn't even be able to look or hear the fighting without closing himself down and curling up into a ball. But he got better and hides behind the large scarf he always wore.
His only job during missions was to be the medic, the rest of his team would do that fighting, not having to worry about the youngest one because of his sand shield.
TBH I have no idea where this came from but I really wanted to write a fic where Gaara was a pacifist. I have other chapters I'm working on so let me know what you think.
Man it's been years since I wrote anything Naruto IGNORE THAT CRAPPY FIC I WROTE YEARS AGO and I forgot how fun it is.