Im back! Yay. I hope you all like it.
Another cold, sleepless night. Another night living in constant fear, hurt.I want it to all go away, but I know it won't. I hope and pray, but I know it won't do me any good. I slip quiety to the kitchen, trying not to disturb my step-father. Youe see, he's not like any other step-dad.
He dosen't drink, smoke, or cuss. He puts on this little fasade telling people he's this little angle . But I know the truth. He rapes me, almost everynight. You may think, why won't she do anything about it, but it's not that easy. He's the kind of person that you're too scared to do anything to. Scared to be alone at night. I grabbed a knife and returned to the bathroom.
I look at myself for a good 10 mintues. My pale blue eyes looked lifeless staring back at me. My black wavy hair looked dead too. My lips, almost drained from their natural red color, slightly parted, looked cadaverous. I looker at my emaciated, ghastly body. Scars covered me, swallowing me. Cuts, bruises, burns, everything. I lifed my sleeve, examining my arm. Scars that haunted me to no end. Though, I cant seem to stop.
I sculpture my wrist, hyphnotized by the blood rising to the surface. I couldnt stop, each slash, laceration, made me wanting more.
Alas, I made myself quit. I cleaned up my mess and headed to my bed. I quickly drank the liquor until I passed out.
I woke up , feeling under the weather. I gotten my bags and quietly made my way to my car and then, the airport. They have no idea, I'm leaving. I got to the airport, feeling more confident. Florida to Washington is a long time away from my liquor..and my blades.
8hours later I m shaking. People are giving me pityful stares. That pisses me off. I dont know what to be looking for. In my state, I couldnt make out Charlie.
"Bella!" Someone cried out. I turned towards the noise. It was a police officer waving his arm frantily. I went to him. Crap.
"Here. let me get your bags." he said, grabbing my bags. I let him.
"Are you ready?" He asked. I just nodded. I got into the car, halfway realizing that the man was Charlie and he's bringing me home. The car ride was...maladroit. We really didnt talk much and for that I was greatful. We made it to his house and I quickly grabbed my bags and went to my room. It was the same as last time, but dustier. I didn't care.
"Here you go. Nothing speical." Charlie said standing in the door. We kinda stayed there akwardly before Charlie left. I went into my room, locked the door, and found my stash. I tried to drink little liquor at a time, so Charlie couldnt find it on my breath. Its gonna be hard to try to hide it from him.
"Bella, come here." Charlie called from outside. I quickly composed myself and went to meet him. In his driveway was this big Chevy truck.
"Is this for me?"I asked shocked. He nodded. This is the most awesome thing anyone has ever done to me.
"Thank you." I mustered. I really don't show my emotions. I've been called apathetic. I went back up stairs and really didn't do anything. I just sat there. I wonder what tomorrow will bring. School. tomorrow will be interseting. Maybe I'll find someone to hook me up. I'll have to be sneaky though. Stupid Cheif Swan.
By 5:00, I had made dinner- Mac N' Chesse. Charlie didn't seem to mind. The dinner was just like the car ride. I went to bed early and grabbed my little backpack. I sighed as I went to the back of my cloest and sat down. I pressed the blade to my vein, welcoming the blood. I sliently cried in pleasure. Pain releasing from my soul, my mind. All the hurt, pain, frustration Phil and my peers made me feel, I took it out on my arms, legs...stomach. It felt magnefent.
I took a long sip from my whiskey and felt the burning sensation throughout my body. I started to weep. I had hoped for something more. I can't I find the pleasure I want? I slowly cleaned up my blood, tend to my cuts, and tried to hide the whiskey on my breath. I made to my bed, welcoming the nightmares.
The next morning, I woke up more exhausted than I thought I would. I guess it's because Phil's not here and I am. I dressed in black skinny jeans, black long sleeve shirt, black deon, and black Toms. I put my eyeliner thick around my eyes that still looked dead. I put my signature red lipstick on and combed my straight/wavy/curly hair.
I went downstairs to find Charlie already gone. Phww. I grabbed a ceral bar and headed to my nightmare. I wonder how people will might make conservation with me. I'll shut them out like I do everybody else. That's what I learned to do a long time ago.
I finally found the school, feeling more miserable. I found a spot in the back. I got out and all eyes were on me. I cast my eyes down and walked to the office.
JASPER'S POV
Another year, another day, another school. My life is completeing utterly boring. I have no life. Sure, I have my family, but I wonder if that's enough.
"Jasper, quit casting your negative energy everywhere. It's ruinning the mood!" Emmett said. I just stared at him.
"What mood?" Edward asked though looking at me.
"It's the first day of school!" Alice and Emmett said, giggling like little girls. That earned a smack from Rosalie and sigh from Edward. I don't even have a mate! It sucks being me sometimes.
"Come on. We're gonna be late." Edward said. Yeah right. We all piled into Edward's car and drove off to school.
When we got there, we had 15 mintues to spare, thanks to Edward's driving. We were just standing there doing nothing. A all of sudden, a monster of a truck came strolling along.
"That's the new girl, Bella." Alice said. Bella came out her truck and a wave of misery came towards me, almost knocking me backwards. Edward looked at me. She's been through alot, I thought to him.
I looked at Bella. She was beautiful. Her long black hair flowing down her back. Her goregous plae blue eyes, and her full red lips I could kiss for days. Whoa, what?
"Jasper." Edward hissed. Fuck off.
"Jasper." He warned.
"Will someone please tell us, what's going on?" Emmett asked, confused.
"Jasper has a crush!" Alice sang. I recevied glared from Edward and Rosalie and smiles from Alice and Emmett. Whatever. I stalked off to class. English, ugh. Let the boring day begin.
BELLA'S POV
I made it to the office and went to the desk.
"Yes?" The woman asked.
"Isabella Swan?" I said.
"Oh yes! Here's your time-table, map of the school, and have your teachers sign this silp and bring it back at the end of the day." She said. I forced a smile and headed to Reading. I walked inside and everybody looked at me. I stared back, though two people caught my attention. Two beautiful girls that stood out.
One was short, with black pixie style hair with pale skin and golden eyes. The other one was to pale with golden eyes, but more taller and goregous blonde hair. She justed made my self-esteem drop to about -100.
"Yes?" asked.
"Bella Swan." I said, handing him my slip. He told me to sit anywhere. I managed to get a seat in the back. People still started at me. I started at them untill they looked away. This is so boring. I didn't listen to Mr. Mason. I just tried to read people. It was easy. A gossiper, a jock, brains, ect. Basic high school kids. Nothing interseting. The ball rang and the short beautiful girl came up to me.
"Hi! Im Alice Cullen and I can tell we're gonna be awesome friends." She smiled, What? I didn't know what to think.
"Uh.." I said.
"Do you want to sit with me and my Family?" She asked.
"Sure?"
"Great! Bye Bella!" She sang and danced off. Wow. Way to perky for my taste. School rolled on as usual and lunch came around. Great. I opened the lunch doors and most eyes were on me. I grabbed a water and apple and tried to look for a table.
"Bella!" Alice said, waving her hand. I sighed as I slowly walked towards her family. I sat down at the only avaliable seat. Between two guys. Her family was utterly goregous. A guy sitting across from me was stunning. He had messy bronze hair that suit him perfectly. Had golden eyes under his inhuamly pale skin.
Roaslie sat to his right and Alice to his left. The guy to my left and sitting by Rosalie was huge, I mean bodybuilder huge. Had short curly brown hair and a booming voice. The other guy sitting by me was smiple beautiful. Honey-blonde wavy hair that I could just run my fingers through, golden eyes and pale skin just like the rest of them. He seemed to have a pained expression on his defined face.
"Hi." I said quietly.
"Hey!" Alice said. She quickly introduced me to her family. Emmett, Rosalie, Edward ,Alice, and Jasper. I feel uncomfortable only because their so pretty and I'm not. Edward gave me a look. What? They talked about nothing and everything and I joined them sometimes, as did Jasper. He's very quiet.
"So, Bella, why'd you come here?" Emmett asked me. Oh no.
:Um, you know, I wanted to spend some time with Charlie?" I kinda said it like a question. I noticed Jasper and Edward give each other looks.
"That's cool, but I mean, do you miss the heat?"
"No!" I said quickly,"I don't mind the cold." I added. They seemed convinced. Pheww. The bell rang. I kept getting stares as I left with the Cullens.
"So Bella, what class do you have next?" Alice asked.
"Biology." I said.
"Mhm, maybe I can walk with you. I have it too." Edward said.
"Uh, Okay." I said. I tried to walk far from him as I could. It's not that's he's scary, it's just he's... I don't know..Intimdating? Yeahh, that's it. I rubbed the razor blade in my pocket. I closed it tight around my fist. I felt a tiny cut. I saw in the corner of my eye, Edward stiffened.
"You okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He said swiftly. His eyes got darker, his more tense. What's his deal? We made it to Biology and the only seat avaible is next to Edward. He seems to know more of something and I have a feeling it's about me. But how? I didn't give anything away at lunch. I hope he dosen't know.
"Mr. Barner, may I go to the restroom?" I asked in my make-the-adults-love-me voice.
"Yes of course." He said. I grabbed my bag and went to the restroom. It was empty, good. I went to the last stall. I grabbed my blade and rolled up my sleeve. Scars covered me. Some old, some new. I brought the razor to my arms and only got a few cuts till I heard the door open. Oh shit.
It was heels. coming closer untill it stoped at my stall. Shit shit shit. The person just stayed there. I quickly teneded to the cuts and rolled down my sleeve. I looked at the shoes. They were desinger. I only know two people in this school who has real designer shoes.
Alice and Rosalie.
I sat there quietly as I could. They walked out. Oh my god. Why would they do that? I went to back to Biology and finished our assingment. We just sat there, Edward, stiff as a board, and me scared of either Alice or Roaslie. I replayed the scene over and over. I started to breath fast. Clam down Bella, she didn't see. She didn't see.
EDWARD'S POV
As we walked to Biology, I couldn't help but read Bella's mind. It's quite terrible. She's rubbing a razor blade in her pocket. What? I stiffened.
"You okay?" Bella asked.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I said. His eyes got darker, his more tense. What's his deal? Bella thought. We mabe it to the Biology and sat down. He seems to know more of something and I have a feeling it's about me. But how? I didn't give anything away at lunch. I hope he dosen't know. Bella thought. Know what?
"Mr. Barner, may I go to the restroom?" Bella asked in a sweet tone.
"Yes of couse." He said. she got up and left. I entered her mind. I could basicaly see from her perspetive. She entered the last stall and took a razor blade from her pocket. Oh no. She slid it through her skin. I could smell it from here.
What's that? Roaslie thought. She walked to the bathroom. No. From Bella's view I could see her arms perfectly. Scar wrapped around her whole arm. Burns, bruises, everything. It made me sick. Roaslie stopped infront of Bella's stall. She froze. Rose just stood there.
She's a cutter? Should have seen that one. Rosalie thought very judgemental. She left and eventually Bella did too. I can't believe it. She needs help. Bella came back and replayed the secne over again. I blocked her, I didn't want to see that. The bell rang and I zoomed out of there. I skipped last hour and just sat in my car.
Should I tell my Family? Will Roaslie? Do I confront her? What? Ughh this is very frustrating. I just can't let her keep on doing it.
JASPER'S POV
All day I got confusing emotions from Alice, Edward, and Rosalie. Why? Hunger and disgust from Edward, Vain and Anger from Roaslie and Sorrow from Alice. What the fuck? The last bell rang and I raced to my family. Edward was already there.
"Hey man, I got weird vibes coming off of you?" I asked Edward. He sighed.
"It's nothing." He lied. I was about to protest but I heard Bella's heartbeat. I looked at her while she made her way to her truck. She was scared. She hestinaly looked at my family. I felt waves of anger from Roaslie. Bella caught Roses gaze and quickly looked away, her emotions rasing. She was across the parking lot and I saw her cry.
"What did you do to her." I hissed at Rosalie. She glared back. Emmett coming in between us.
"Why don't you ask Edward." She hissed back. I looked at him.
"What." I said. He seemed hestitant.
"What." I said through cleanched teeth.
"It's Bella." He said struggling with his word. I waited ,"Yes?" I said.
"She...went to the restroom in Biology and she..cut herself." He said clearly disgusted.
"What?" I said normal now.
"Yeah, your little human inflicts pain on her nasty self." Roaslie said.
"Rosalie." Emmett and Alice said. I ran into the woods. What? Bella cuts herself. Why? How? When? Poor Bella. Her life must be horrible if she has to do that to herself. I have to help her. But how? Confront her? I ran to the house thinking of ways I can help her
BELLA'S POV
Oh my god! It was Roaslie and by her glare, I know she knows. Oh God. What if she tells? I can't face them tomorrow. Pain started to enguffme. I made it home and went staigh to my room.
I started to hypervenalate. With shaking fingers, I drank my whiskey to the brim. I feel dizzy, and I went to the closet and got my razor. I cut deep. Blood trickled down my arm to the floor. I fell down. My ragged beathing calmed me. It felt good.
"Bella?" I heard before darkness swallowed me.
Well? R&R!