Tony and Clint are both in SHIELD medical post mission. Bruce and Coulson visit, they are all sitting around Clint's bed, since he can't get up, what with his broken ribs and all. They are playing cards.
"Barton" said Tony
"Yes?" Clint asked
"It's your turn," Bruce said tiredly. "An' that means I have to?"
"Put down a card!" shouts Tony, Clint puts down a card. "Not just any card," says Tony: "a fitting card"
"These rules are really not easy," says Clint. "Yes they are" says Tony "The rules are incredibly easy, we are playing Mau Mau, because of you."
Clint puts down a card, Coulson puts down a card, Tony puts down a card, Bruce pulls a card from the pile. Nothing happens.
"Barton" says Tony. Clint seems to be caught in deep thought. "BARTON" shouts Tony. "Yeah?," asks Clint
"YOU HAVE TO PUT DOWN A FUCKING CARD," yells Tony, Clint puts down a card "A FITTING CARD" shouts Tony "IF YOU DON'T HAVE A FITTING CARD YOU HAVE TO TAKE A FUCKING CARD FROM THE PILE! AND NO! YOU CANNOT PUT THAT CARD DOWN RIGHT AWAY!"
"Complicated game" says Clint.
"Absolutely not" says Tony, trying very hard to calm down, "every idiot can understand these rules!"
"You work for SHIELD?" says Bruce, "so you should be used to rules for idiots by now."
"At SHIELD they also always complain 'bout me," says Clint.
Coulson nods solemnly.
"But it really is the easiest game in the whole wide world," says Tony
"I know easier games," says Clint. "Really?" asks Coulson.
"We used to always play dice at home," says Clint. "Everyone rolls a dice and whoever has the highest number, wins. Or Guess the Number, you roll the dice and everyone has to guess the number. My brother used t' be so good at that."
"Did you always have to guess before rolling the dice and your brother was allowed to guess after rolling?" asks Bruce.
"Continue the game!" commands Tony. Coulson looks into Clint's hand and puts down a card for him, then he puts his own card down. Tony puts down a card, Bruce puts down a seven. Clint wants to put down one of his cards.
"You have to take 2 cards," says Bruce. "Why?" asks Clint.
"Because I put down a seven," says Bruce.
"Do y'all also have to take two cards?" asks Clint.
"No," says Coulson.
"That doesn't seem fair," says Clint "that's not fair"
"That's just the rules," says Tony.
"Well somebody just made up those rules, " says Clint, "and I have just made up new-"
"TAKE TWO CARDS!" yells Tony and his eyes are shining with anger.
"From where? My sleeve?" asks Clint jokingly.
"Some people are still making jokes when their life is already in danger" says Tony. "Now take two cards from the pile!"
Clint takes two cards from the pile.
Coulson puts down one card and says: "mau".
Tony puts down a card and also says: "mau".
Bruce puts down a card and yawns.
Coulson also has to yawn.
Bruce rubs his hands across his eyes.
"BARTON" yells Tony "PUT DOWN A FITTING CARD RIGHT NOW!"
"What exactly does fitting mean again?" asks Clint.
"Same number or same colour" says Coulson.
Clint puts down a diamond nine on top of the heart seven.
"Oh sacta simplicitas!" says Tony.
"I always find it super arrogant when he insults people in Latin," says Bruce.
"I can't stand this anymore! I have to get out, I have to see other people. I can't stay in this medical wing any longer! I'LL GO INSANE!" yells Tony.
"Did I not put the right card down?" Clint asks Coulson "both cards are red?"
"Well yes. I guess you shouldn't take the rules too seriously " says Coulson and puts down a clubs ace on top of the diamond nine "mau mau".
Tony groans theatrically.
Coulson looks at Clint and smiles, Clint is trying very hard to hide his own smug grin. The next few days in medical with Tony are going to be so much fun.