Sleeping Alone

Hawke misses Isabela on the day of her name-day

"Good morning Serah Hawke."

Hawke didn't have to look up from her breakfast to see that the man greeting her was none other than Donnic Hendyr, for who else would call her Serah Hawke when in fact knowing that she was a wanted apostate that was being hunted by the Chantry? It would only be Donnic who would even think of addressing her by such a formality, and the best part was that Hawke did not even know if she should be grateful or not.

She shook her head angrily at herself at her own thoughts: how idiotic of her to even ask herself such a thing, this was not the time to dwell on such happenstances when in truth she should remember that Donnic and Aveline had been the ones to help hide her each and every time the Templars showed up at the little hamlet of a village they currently lived in.

Not that Hawke would be staying much longer, she was not as foolish as she had previously been; in fact she would even argue that she had somewhat toughened since Anders had took it into his own hands to open her eyes to the evils of the world around them, not that she had been ignorant before, but to see it come from Anders? It was a stunning revolution that made Hawke feel as though her breath was stuck in her throat.

Her and Isabela stumbling upon Aveline and Donnic after what felt like close to a year of being on the run (with the sea being their only ally) was by complete accident, said accident being that Isabela's new ship (The Apostitute, Hawke was not amused whatsoever but allowed Isabela to keep the ridiculous name until the Rivaini pirate had grown bored of it and had decided to change it) had been attacked by Qunari war galleons and had only escaped by docking into a port of a city that had recognized the Qunari galleons and had taken off after them.

It had given Isabela, Hawke and the crew enough time to escape and for the rest of them to stash Hawke in a safe house until Isabela had sorted out what was going to happen with said ship.

What had soon happened after Isabela had returned a few days later made Hawke feel almost vulnerable as she was packed away inside a wagon full of pigs and chickens to head for a small village further up north; her only company being the animals with her and Isabela who rode up on a white mare with her face covered by a blue sash that only showed her mouth, nose and eyes.

"It's to make sure I look like a sell-sword guarding this wagon, Birdy," the Rivaini pirate had informed her with a chuckle whenever she rode past to check on her man that was steering the wagon. "Why, don't you think I look dangerous?"

She had laughed a laugh that had made her cheeks ache at the unusual action coming from her mouth, it had been enough to make Isabela smile once more before Hawke had wiped that smile clean off the Rivaini's face by announcing that instead of looking dangerous, the sash just made Isabela look like "an overripe plum."

"You're a fool Phoenix Hawke," Isabela had declared after a moment's pause, before breaking out into another fond laugh. "I like fools, but only when they are safe and not being hunted by the Chantry; dead fools aren't nearly as amusing!"

'I love you,' Hawke had thought but had never said, instead she had fallen back asleep with her eyes looking up at the rotted wood of the wagon and had only opened them again once she heard the familiar gruffness of someone who could only go by the name of Aveline Vallen.

Isabela had been long gone by the time she had woken up in an old bed in Aveline's and Donnic's spare room, surrounded by screwed up parchments that had fallen to the floor the moment had sat up in bed to search for Isabela's face, to see if it was still as bright and vibrant (and alive) as it had been before she had closed her eyes to sleep.

Instead all she had gotten was promises of returning soon and apologies that she had not known anything about the voyage, it was supposed to be a secret between her and Varric, they had to go somewhere important, a place Hawke could not follow and most of all she was sorry: I'm sorry Birdy, you can spank me when I get back, I promise. And yes I'll try my very, very, VERY hardest to be good. Ha! Not that I'm promising anything!

Hawke had thought about burning the letter, but if she had did that then she would have nothing to shove in the pirate's face when she got back from Maker knows where so in the end she had left it under her bed and had read it back every night before she fell asleep; a practice she had once deemed pathetic, now she deemed it somewhat…comforting.

The sound of a chair scraping back next to her made Hawke jump away from Isabela and back to the present, azure eyes narrowing suspiciously as her old friend pulled up a chair beside her with a bowl in one hand and a wrapped present in the other. It was a strange sight to see, for she could not remember the last time she had seen Aveline with such a delicate smile on her face, especially accompanied with a wrapped present such as the one she had in her hand right this moment.

"Are you planning on wooing me Aveline?" Hawke asked with a smile appearing on her face, remembering briefly the wild attempts the old guards captain had put her through just to get Donnic to notice her best friend's fiery beauty and personality. "Where is the wool?"

Hawke was answered with a shove that made her clench the edge of the table she sat at to keep her balance, though whilst it would leave her with a bruise it also caused her to smile her first proper smile since Isabela had left and she was secretly overjoyed to see Aveline smiling back at her.

"If you aren't careful then I'll gag you with wool and throw you into the sea," Aveline threatened but the humour in her eyes made the sting of the threat ebb away to nothing, "you've grown daft Phoenix if you think I'd forget the day of your birth, despite everything that's happened – some would think your senses left you the moment Anders lit that Chantry up in flames."

Hawke felt her mood immediately darken but made sure not to let such darkness coat her words or sullen her face, it would not be fair to Aveline who had taken care of her when she had the choice not to; her friend, the best, her sister, for the one she had lost so long ago. Twelve years ago.

So for that reason alone Hawke let another smile come to her face, this one easier than the first despite being less genuine, "and to think I thought everyone had forgotten, thank you for remembering Aveline, however I confess I cannot remember my age anymore."

"Younger than the crone no doubt," Aveline whispered with a sinful smirk appearing on her broad face, the very sight of it warming Hawke's heart despite the words that was directed at her pirate lover whom had still not returned even after a whole month had passed. "Though I suspect the whore would have you believe that she was an immortal goddess born from the finest Rivaini mages? Hah, to think I would miss her ridiculous tales as I sit next to you, Hawke."

"I miss her," Hawke admitted as soon as those words had left her friend's mouth, turning her face away to stare out at the window where she could just about make out the windmill that she often worked at whenever she got bored of helping Donnic sand the wooden furniture. "It feels like I've been here for years without seeing her, and I feel angry at myself for not rushing off to see where she's managed to go this time with Varric; but it is her business, and for once I will not intrude, yet not doing so irritates me."

Aveline could only laugh, just as Hawke had expected her to, but it was a laugh that did not want to cause offense and so Hawke laughed back because she had no other choice.

"She's softened you Hawke," the statement was followed by a brush of material that no doubt had to be the present from Aveline and Donnic being pushed in front of her elbows that rested on the kitchen table, "it suits you, your eyes especially; strange that now of all times would be the first time I would see you without any clear stress on your shoulders."

With that Hawke could not hold in her snort, no stress? She loved Aveline but perhaps she was the one going soft, for there was stress on her shoulders, far more than her fiery redheaded friend realized but again this was not the time to talk of such things and so she moved the subject on by thanking Aveline for the kind gift by nodding her head and kissing her cheek with a stiffness that made them both flush.

That night she again went to her bed alone, without Isabela, without her touch, without her warmth, without her fingers inside her; leaving her cold in the thin sheets provided for her and the howling of the wind that rattled at her windows as though the salt spray of the sea was trying to tap out a message to her.

Her dreams were of the sea and of Isabela, she could see through the walls of a great Qunari war galleon and through those walls she could see Isabela chained up with a large manacle around her neck, trapping her to the wall and causing her to choke each time she tried to break free.

Hawke watched as Isabela's Qunari captors grabbed at the Rivaini pirate, questioned her and tossed her around like a rag doll once they had released her from her restraints, watched as they pulled at her hair and twisted at her neck so hard that the mage had been sure just a little more then Isabela's head would have twisted clean off.

Each time Hawke tried to run to her, tried to help her, tried to cast a spell: she froze, unable to move, unable to do anything but watch and cry and growl and scream and curse that she would kill them all if they touched her Rivaini lover like that one more time.

And then she woke to a new day, sweat dripping down her face and neck and her eyes wide open in fear.

Isabela…