"The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world."
What if the hero from Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers didn't become a pokémon on arrival? What would become of their partner? Prepare for thrills, spills, and other things that end in "ills"!
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own the intellectual properties of others. Pokémon and associated entities are the property of Nintendo, I think. "Call Me Maybe" is a song by Carly Rae Jepson. Any typos are mine- YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM, INTERNET!
Chapter One: When Everything Goes Right...
Two figures were running on a dusty road through the eternal night.
As they ran, the taller one raised a hand to her ear and started speaking.
"What's our status, Steven?"
She received the response over her headset. "I think you've lost them."
The blue-eyed girl stopped and said, "Okay, we've lost 'em, Grovyle."
The grass-type pokémon stopped and sighed in relief. He had a similar headset, but it wasn't clear what it was hanging on to. Possibly the leaf that was growing of his head, as they did off his wrists and behind him, giving him a twin-leaf tail.
Back at his base, Steven spun around in his chair. He noticed how the two dots on his computer screen stopped moving."Hey," he said, "You two aren't seriously considering taking a break, are you?"
"Cut us some slack, we've been running for ages." She sighed and flicked a blonde lock of hair out of her eyes. "Why couldn't you have come?"
"Oh, you know me, sis. I can't run for my life. Besides-" Steven readjusted his glasses. "-You're the special one."
"...you just did that thing with your glasses, didn't you?"
"Wha- How did you know, Carol?"
"Do I need to remind you? I'm older than you, so I've had enough time to figure you out."
"You're only older by twelve minutes."
Carol sing-songingly taunted, "I'm older."
Steven snapped back, "I've got the higher IQ."
"I'm better at baseball!"
"I'm better at programming!"
Grovyle yelled, "SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!"
Neither of them could understand exactly what he said, but the tone was universal.
"Uh... right." Carol looked around. "Steven, which way is the Passage?"
"North. Just go north."
They started walking.
Just Outside Fielders
The teenage trader yawned. "I think you're going to have to do better than that," he said as he internally smirked. All part of the act.
The man he was dealing with was shocked. "What? You're turnin' down my offer?"
"Mister, no offense, but I've lost faith in paper money. I want something that's useful, and my jacket's made out of the same material as a hundred dollar bill. So excuse me if I'm a little reluctant to take strips of green cotton."
The hiker was beginning to grow impatient as he stowed away five of the cotton strips. "What do you want then?"
"Well, judging by how you haven't killed me yet, I'd say you've noticed my weapon. If you happen to have any ammunition, we might be able to come to an agreement."
"You're pullin' a tough bargain, kid," said the man.
Fielders City Limits
Carol and Grovyle walked into a small town. The sign read:
"Fielders - Pop. 14,189," but not exactly. The "14,189" was crossed out, and written below it was "Abandoned."
Walking through town, they walked down the abandoned main street. Signs advertized free sandwiches and half-price soup, and if you read them closely, you could see a rivalry between two restaurants, which upon even closer investigation, appeared to be run by rival siblings. Eventually, the two explorers made it to a deserted strip mall, devoid of all life.
"Grovyle, this place is creepy." Carol then addressed her brother: "Are we close, Steven?"
He closed the game of Solitaire he had been playing and checked on his dots. "Actually, you're there."
Carol turned to her trusted partner. "We're here, Grovyle. Where is she?"
Steven exclaimed, "Celebi's not there!? What if she's been captured?"
A sparkling voice joined in. "I heard that, honey. I'm hurt. Me? Captured?"
A pokémon popped into existence in front of them. She wasn't very large, but she had an air about her leafy body that commanded attention. Maybe it had to do with her pink pigmentation.
She floated down to Grovyle, with leaves coming off him in every direction.
"Hello, sweetie," she greeted.
"Hello, Celebi," said Grovyle in return.
"What brings you here?"
"We need to use the Passage."
Celebi sighed. "Of course. I've kept it waiting for you and your friends."
"Friend," corrected Grovyle.
"Oh?" she asked, "I thought for sure there was another."
Carol piped up, "Oh, Celebi, I dumped him, in case you're wondering."
"That's terrible," Celebi said telepathically.
"I know," said Carol, "Can we hurry, I don't want Dusknoir to-"
"STOP RIGHT THERE!"
"Oh, no!"
Steven spoke over the headsets. "What's 'Oh, no?' What's going on?!"
"It's Dusknoir!" yelled Carol.
Dusknoir laughed darkly. "I see you've made it quite a way, Grovyle."
Grovyle demanded, "Shut up, Dusknoir."
Meanwhile, Steven and Carol were discussing what to do. 'What do we do!?"
"Get to the Passage, hurry!"
Dusknoir yelled, "Don't even think about making a quick getaway, you're surrounded!" As if by magic, a half dozen Sableye popped out of the darkness.
"That's not an option, Steven," said Carol in fright.
"Maybe I could call back-up," offered Steven.
"We don't have back-up, Steven," yelled Carol, "It's just us!"
"...what about Chr-"
"No way! I dumped him for a reason!"
"I don't think you have a choice, Carol," said Steven.
"Ugh. Fine," Carol pouted, "call him."
"So, three shells is the best you can do?"
The hiker said quickly, "Kid, do I look like a fuckin' armory to you?"
"No, but I think you can do better."
Suddenly, the phone at the kid's side vibrated. He answered immediately.
"Hello?"
The hiker was indignant. "Hey! Don't walk out on me!"
The boy held up a finger to the hiker. He spoke into the phone, "I'm in the middle of a deal, mate, this had better be important."
His eyes widened. "Serious?" He paused, and then cringed. "Give me just a second." He turned to the hiker. "You've got a deal."
"What?!" He nearly dropped the ammo.
"Here's your goods." The boy handed him a package and took the shells. "See ya!" He started running.
He put a headset in his ear and stuffed the shotgun shells in his pocket. "I'm back."
"About time!" yelled Steven, "Carol's getting destroyed out there!"
"Where is she?"
"Quarter of a mile south of you at a strip mall. Hurry!"
Carol, Grovyle, and Celebi had managed to hide from Dusknoir and the Sableye.
They were taking cover behind an abandoned car. Dusknoir and the Sableye were getting closer to their hiding spot.
"Steven, where's Chris!?"
"He's almost there, just hold out a bit longer!"
"Dusknoir's going to find us!"
The distinct "Crack!" of a wooden baseball bat could be heard, and a baseball suddenly smashed into a Sableye's head.
"Oof!" He stumbled around dazed for a moment, then fell on the ground, unconscious.
The others paused and looked around for the source.
The two farthest away from the group vanished into the shadows with a Thwack-Thwack!
"Who's there?" called Dusknoir.
A brown-eyed teenager walked out of the shadows with his hands behind his back.
He was smiling like an idiot.
Carol sighed. "God, what an idiot!"
Celebi mentally hissed, "This is your back-up?!"
"We're doomed," said Grovyle.
"Stop right there!" commanded Dusknoir.
Chris stopped. "Hello again, Dusky. I still can't understand a damn thing you say."
Steven yelled, "What are you doing?!"
Dusknoir readied a Shadow Ball.
"Before you kill me," said Chris, "I'd like to do one last thing."
He brought his hands in front of him. He was holding a bottle of spirits in one hand.
"Have you ever heard of a Molotov Cocktail?"
He lit the Zippo he held in his other.
"Here, catch!" Chris lit the bottle's wick and threw it at Dusknoir.
Dusknoir didn't catch it, and paid the price with third degree burns.
Well, that is, he would have, if he wasn't a ghost.
His allies, however, weren't so lucky. They scattered, some on fire, leaving Dusknoir alone.
"Damnit!"
Carol, Grovyle, and Celebi popped up from behind the car.
Grovyle shot Bullet Seeds at him over and over, and eventually, Dusknoir was forced to make like the Sableye and run.
Carol said, "What were you thinking?!
Chris shrugged. "The inner workings of my mind are an enigma."
Carol was unable to stop herself from imagining Chris at a roulette wheel of idiocy, spinning it and dropping a tiny ball of brainpower to see which stupid move he would try next.
Chris imagined a carton of spilt milk, and couldn't help but laugh.
"What are you laughing at?" demanded Carol.
"Nothing, nothing."
"Celebi, can you open the Passage, now?" asked Grovyle.
"Of course, sweetie," said Celebi as she did just that.
A hole in the fabric of space-time was ripped open by the small pokémon, and the three got ready to enter.
"So, if we pass through here, where do we end up?" asked Chris.
"I think we'll end up before time stopped, in the pokémon world," said Carol.
Celebi nodded. "You're right. Now go. I can't hold it open much longer."
"Thank you, dear Celebi," said Grovyle.
"It ain't a problem, Grovyle. Now hurry."
The green grass pokémon jumped through, followed by his two human companions.
Celebi quickly closed the portal shut and teleported away.
The ride went smoothly, albeit with a shocking amount of traffic.
"Hey! That blue box almost hit us!" yelled Carol.
"What the hell is a police box doing here?!" asked Chris.
Grovyle merely shook his head and blamed the berries.
Author's Note: We-hell! Ladies, gentlemen, and variations thereupon, welcome on board my latest fanfic. Fire exit's in the back, and should we need to use it, you first!
As I promised, here's a little what-if fic. I added some new characters, but I can't damn well abandon the old ones, can I?
Anyhow, I've decided to put something out just to tide you guys, gals, and gender-neutral people over for a few more days.
So, name as many references as you can in your review, and perhaps PM me about getting some of your OCs in. I want an all-star cast! Which reminds me:
Hey, I just met you,
and this is crazy,
but I wrote this fic,
so review maybe?
Alright, I need to go.
This is CrizBN, signing off.