I don't really know what happened here, but I had a lot of fun actually writing this. I'm pretty sure this is not how it goes in real life, but imagining it happens like this is way better. Sorry for any pornstar that feels insulted by this. I think you are doing a great job and I am aware that most movies are done at a much more professional level. Keep up the great work!

Now enjoy!

...

Acting itself is of course already a pretty interesting concept. What do they think while playing out their scenes? And more importantly what do porn stars think about when acting out their scenes? Deidara has been in the business for a while now and has done all sorts of movies, adult movies to be exact. Today he has agreed on having us take a look inside his mind while working and it came out with some pretty interesting dialogues.

Well, here we go again and the room is way too bright. Yes, they need to be able to see me in the camera, but damn, this blinds everyone around. And who decorated this room? For god's sake, I understand people don't care about that while watching, but this is absurd. What kind of theme are we going with here? Cosy meets garbage belt?

Stop it with the touch ups already! There is enough make-up on my damn face. Leave me alone, woman. No, get that brush away from me, no!

Yeah, yeah, getting on the bed. Casually flip through a magazine as if this is the normal place for you to read a magazine. Why would I use the chair to the side? No one sits in chairs nowadays. It's all about the beds. The king-sized beds obviously.

What was I today again? I'm sure no woman would show up, but was I bottom or top? Oh, the guy is coming in, let's take a… Oh, for god's sake. This guy is freaking huge! Okay, bottom, but am I so certain I still want this? What the hell would he be rocking in his pants? Oh my god, I need to check my contracts before I sign them! Don't just think about the money, Dei. This is what happens then! What is this guy? Like ten feet tall?

Kissy kissy kissy and there goes the tongue out of my mouth all over my face.

Do I really want to take this guy's pants off? Stop giving me the evil eye, director! I'll take his fucking pants off now! And maybe use his belt as a whip and smack yo ass! And then get fired. Okay, don't do that, Dei. Keep it cool. It's fine. We'll get through this. We have been through much worse things than this!

Stop slapping me with it! Dude, seriously? Stop it. What are you doing? That is not what you're supposed to do with it. This is not tempting me in any way to start sucking it. Stop slapping me. Dude! Goddamnit!

And I'm choking.

My hair! Damn it watch the hair! I know it's long and it's a bitch to take care off, but don't rip it out of my skull, damn it!

Did I miss my waxing appointment?! No, no I went last Thursday. There is no hair down there. I'm good, I'm good. No need to worry. Maybe I should ask Sasori about that lasering thing already. So much easier than getting waxed and it doesn't hurt as much either. Yes, I should do that. Oh, and there goes the third finger.

Okay and there we go… Damn, he really is kind of big, isn't he? It's okay, just take in a deep breath and then let out some groans. It will please the director. Now close your eyes and push your head back in the pillow. It will look sexy. Yes, good job, co-worker. Moan along. Yay for teamwork.

Yes, yes. This feels kind of nice. Just keep up with this pace. No, don't! Jesus fucking shit, mother of… Just bite your lip, Dei. Bite it before you scream too loud and it's not sexy anymore. Why did he have to thrust so hard? Because of the damn director, that's why! That little bitch.

Is this a good side of me? Am I flaunting the right stuff? Oh, leg must go up higher. To where?! On his shoulder?! You know how big this guy is? Okay, fine fine. I'll freaking try. This really hurts my muscles, man.

Seriously, who decorated this room? Why is there a big ass cactus in the corner? This doesn't make any sense at all. And why do we have a make-up table over there? What is the plot of this movie anyway? Don't tell my wife, but I want you to fuck me hard? That would actually be a logical explanation, though it does mean me and my have seriously terrible taste in, everything.

Yeah, right there, colleague. That's the spot. Fuck yeah. I am moaning for real now. You are doing a great job. I should remember this for later on. No wait, no sex with colleagues. Only causes messes, remember? We want no drama. So just fuck me good now, man. Just do it now. Yes, yes…

Why is the door opening? And who is this other huge dude? Oh my god, it's a threesome and I am the middle person? Deidara, damn it, check your contracts before you sign them!

At least these guys are kissing me, so that's nice. Wait a minute. What is this guy doing behind me…? Oh god, here it comes. This other dude is even bigger than the one before and he is not taking a moment to breathe at all…

Get on your hands and knees and get stuffed from both sides! Yes, director, sir!

And now I am in his lap. Yes, that is indeed my dick, dear colleague. I know it's an odd thing, because you have been avoiding it this entire time, but now it's your job to make me come. I know this is a hard thing to do, but you've fucked me pretty hard, so it's your turn now. So put your lips around it and suck it while this other dude keeps fucking me and then I'll freaking come! The director is giving you the evil eye. He'll use your belt as a whip, I can guarantee this. Now suck it already!

Moan, moan, shiver, grunt, cry, moan some more. Yeah… yeah, almost there…

God, I am exhausted… I must look really awful. My face is flushed and swollen and there is drool everywhere. I cannot stuff two dicks into my mouth at the same time!

Open your mouth and wait for it… Yes, stick your tongue out. Their moans are getting louder. Almost done now. Yes, you can do it. And, it's in my eye.

Well, now that's over with, I made a butt load of money again. Hehehe, butt load.

Wait, who the hell is that guy and this one and what's happening? A pool? Outside? Now? What's going on? Oh, no…

Damn it, Dei, read your contracts before you sign them already!

…

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

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