Hello everyone ! So yes, this is a new fanfic that I'm uploading, but don't be mad. I know I still have 'Just Friends' to update, but this will be a much smaller fanfic, with 3/4 chapters at most, so I will definitely be getting back to that ASAP. I got this idea and it wouldn't leave, so I wrote and edited this all in the span of a day. I am so grateful for your support on my other fics and I truly hope you enjoy this. Keep in mind, this is AU. It's set in the grey's universe, around season 9, but japril's circumstances are different. Also, please know that I intend to keep this as fluffy and by-the-numbers as possible. Absolutely no angst during the holiday season from me. :) Anyway, I hope you enjoy !

Disclaimer : I do not own the characters as they are property of Shonda Rhimes and Grey's Anatomy

18th of December

"Here you go, a cinnamon spice vanilla frappuccino. You do realize your order is playing into stereotypes, right ?" Jackson asked, placing the cup in front of April, who he found working in the skills lab.

"Who cares ? It's Christmas in a cup." April replied, looking up from her work. "Thank you by the way."

She brought the coffee to her mouth and took a sip, smiling at him as he pulled up a chair to sit down from across her.

"You're working skills lab today ?" He asked, stealing the cup of coffee from her to take a sip. He immediately regretted it, sticking his tongue out in disgust. He had never understood why she liked it, albeit, it was 'Christmas in a cup' but it was so sweet he could barely taste any coffee.

"Yes I am, and why do you even try it if you know you're going to hate it ?" April replied, grabbing the cup back from his hands.

"Because I'm trying to get in the Christmas spirit ? Which reminds me, in the spirit of giving, do you want to scrub in on my first solo cheiloplasty I'm performing ? It's tomorrow."

"Nice. Wait is this the one you're doing for Jake ?"

Jackson nodded, causing a wide grin to spread across April's face. Jacob Lynn had being brought in for a cleft lip he had suffered from his whole life, but hadn't had the finances to do anything until Mark had decided to take him on pro bono. The reason why April was so happy for the surgery however had more to do with Jacob than anything. He was a 9 year old with a big personality, charming anyone and everyone whom he met. However, he had developed a particular crush on the redhead that was no secret. Not that Jackson blamed him. April adored him too and he knew Jake would love having her be a part of his surgery, plus he wanted to have April there with him for his first cleft repair. She had always believed in his capabilities as a surgeon. He needed that in the OR on that day.

"Okay. I'll scrub in. Should we go tell him ? I'm done here. The interns are only showing up in an hour." She replied, enthusiasm evident in her face. He laughed at her attitude, walking outside with her beside him.

"So, did you decide what you were going to do for Christmas ? Tell me you're not planning on pulling a grinch. Is Mara staying for Christmas ?" April asked casually, walking inside the elevator and pressing the button of their floor.

"Um ... I don't know, really. She doesn't really do Christmas either. Her surgery is tomorrow and Christmas is like whole week away, so I think she's going back to Boston." He comments, trying to not let the whole thing become awkward.

"But this is your first Christmas together. It's special !" She argued, throwing her hands up in the air.

"April, we're not dating. She's not my girlfriend. Anyway, Okay, so if first Christmases are so special, why don't you and Mathew celebrate it, hm ?" He asked, stopping in front of the nurses' desk to receive Jake's chart.

"We are, actually." She replied, quietly, eyes focused on the file.

He looked back at her with surprise, unsure of how that made him feel.

"Oh. Uh ... You're taking him to meet your parents ? Isn't that too soon ?" He hadn't realised they were so serious so fast.

"No no. Remember how I bought them tickets to go visit Paris in November ? Well they had to postpone it to December because of Alice's graduation, so they'll be in Paris during Christmas. Lucky them. So, it's Christmas with the in-laws for everyone, well except for me, but I didn't want them to cancel on my behalf. They deserve this." She said, gaining a nod of agreement from Jackson. He was a little surprised her very religious family didn't insist on dropping everything to spend Christmas together, but he figured Christmas in Paris was too good to give up. It had been one of his favorite destinations as a child. He also supposed that it gave April and Mathew an opportunity to further their relationship, which he grudgingly thought was great for her.

His history with the redhead was anything but simple. They started off as interns at Mercy West and had slowly become best friends. He'd found her boundless energy and big heart refreshing and she'd found his laid back, killer wit annoying, yet charming. He hadn't foreseen the friendship he began to have with her, but he sure as hell hadn't foreseen falling in love with her. They had ended up dating, a year before the merger, and had been together until last year, a whole of 4 years. He hadn't wanted them to end, that was all her. Although he knew it wasn't necessarily what she wanted, rather what she felt she had to do, it didn't stop him from drinking himself to a stupor for an entire week.

They had been living together with Alex, talking about moving out and getting their own place, because he was sick of having him third wheel and walking in on them in the most uncomfortable of circumstances. Now that he thought back on it, he realised that the signs had been there all along. She had been distant, he had caught her crying on many occasions, constantly excusing it as being because of an unsuccessful surgery. He should've caught on. He knew that now. He had come home that day, much later than she had, but in a really good mood, because Alex was working overnight and so they had the apartment to themselves. However, the moment he walked in the through the door he realised that something wasn't right. Whenever April came home early, and they were alone, she'd either be making him dinner, or be in the middle of the living room clad in lingerie (or his personal favorite, nothing at all) or she would be in the bath, waiting for him. But this day, he'd walked into the living room to find her sitting on the couch, her legs pulled up to her chest. She didn't notice him walking in and when he had walked closer towards her, he noticed that her eyes were red and cheeks puffy. She had been crying and he figured that this was about another patient she had lost.

"Hey babe, are you okay ? Have you been crying ?" He said, walking up to her, sitting down on the couch.

She looked up at him, her facial expression not giving anything away. He grew more and more worried the longer she waited without replying. He hoped it wasn't anything truly bad.

"April, please say something, you're scaring me." He replied, reaching to brush the hair out of her face. She quickly flinched away from him, but turned to face him, rubbing her face.

"Do you ever think about us ? Our future ? Do you ever think about it ?" April asked, her voice so soft she was practically whispering.

He wasn't entirely sure why this conversation was making her sad, but he was relieved it wasn't anything too serious. Or so he thought at the time.

"Of course, sweetheart. You and me, right ?" He replied, smiling at her face, hoping to elicit the dimpled smile he loved.

So when she didn't smile back, he grew more worried.

"Yes, but what do you see ? In the future, what do you see ?" She asked, growing more frustrated with him. This wasn't an entirely new conversation, but it had never sounded this serious. He'd always make a joke about how he saw her making love to him in the shower next or something equally stupid and she'd always laugh and let it go. But this time, he could sense that answer wasn't going to be enough.

"Okay, well, I was thinking we could get our own place." He replied, pulling her closer to him, feeling a little better that she let him, "You know, so you can express yourself as ... loud as you want to." He joked, glad she gave him a small grin at that.

"How about after that ?"

"Um ... well ... We could ... We could adopt a dog. Hm ?" He replied, unsure of what to say at this point. It's not that he didn't want a future with her, he definitely did. He just wasn't someone who planned things. He let things happen, but that didn't mean he didn't want her to be there for whatever was to come.

"A dog ?! That's it ? That's the future ? We adopt a dog ?" She pulled away from him, getting up from the couch, walking away.

"We could get a cat ?" He offered.

"Is this a joke to you Jackson ? I don't ... I ... You want to know what I want, hm ? I want to get married. Not ... Not right now. Not today. Not even next month or … or even YEAR, but eventually. I eventually want to marry my boyfriend of 4 years and then when the time is right, I want to have kids. Maybe 2 or even 3. And I want us to get a house, not another apartment, so we can raise our family there. I want that, Jackson." She replied, breathless towards the end.

He stood in front of her shocked at the revelation. He knew she was a marriage kind of girl, never doubted it, but some stupid part of him had thought that maybe she'd be satisfied just being with him. He liked children, and maybe one day he may even want to have children, but he was nowhere near ready to be a father just yet. Not for a really long time. But marriage ? He wasn't sure if he ever wanted that. He and April had had different experiences when it came to marriage and that meant that they perceived its importance differently. In his mind, it was just a stupid piece of paper, but for April it symbolized something more.

"That's what I thought." She said, heartbroken, her voice bringing him out of his thoughts. "I love you so much. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. I love you." She replied, silent tears pouring from her eyes.

"I love you too, April. I love -"

"But ... But ... You don't want the same things I do, Jackson. And I ... I shouldn't be with someone who can't give me the things I want. And you deserve someone who wants what you want too." April said, the tears quickly becoming loud sobs.

He stood in front of her dumbfounded, unable to come to terms with the fact that she was breaking up with him. That she thought she was doing this for his benefit as well. As if he could ever be happy without her.

"I need to let you go, for you and for me. Because ... I don't want to force you into a decision you don't feel entirely comfortable making. Because I know that if I give you an ultimatum, you'll marry me and you'll be miserable and I will never do that to you. I love you too much for that." She replied, her words partly gibberish because of how loud her tears were.

"I hate this. I hate having to do this. But you ... you deserve someone who is content with an apartment and a dog. Not someone who'll always wish there was more. I could never love someone half as much as I love you, but ... I love my job, Jackson, I do. But I also want to be a wife ... and a mom. I've wanted that since I was a little girl. And ... I want that with you, but I can't have it with you because that's not you." She said, walking up to him and taking his hands in hers. He wasn't the type to cry. The only time he remembered having cried was when his father had left and when his friends had died in a hospital shooting. He would later at this moment to the list of exceptions.

"I tried so hard ... to convince myself that I didn't want ... I didn't want those things, but I do. And you ... you shouldn't have to change yourself to be with me, Jackson. I won't let you do that."

He knew that at this point he should do something, say something, anything so that she wouldn't do what she was going to do. He knew that he should tell her he loved her and he couldn't imagine not being with her anymore. But he couldn't, because part of him knew she was right. He couldn't give her what she wanted, even though she was everything he wanted. She was letting him go because she thought it was for his good, even though she had no idea that that was anything but the truth. So he wouldn't be selfish. He would do anything if she was happy, and if letting her go was the solution, he was going to do it. Begging her to stay would be selfish, because he knew that if he begged enough, she'd cave. She'd change herself for him and she'd stay, without the marriage. But she deserved everything she wanted and more, so he wouldn't let himself be selfish.

"I love you so much." He said at last, engulfing her in a hug.

"I love you so much it hurts, Jackson." She replied, crying into his chest. She slowly looked up at him, standing on her tip toes and placed a soft kiss on his lips,"but ... I have to go now."

They'd stood there, not saying anything, his mind numb from the pain, until she had disentangled herself from him and gone to her bedroom. He had stood there for a while, wondering if he had just made the stupidest mistake of his life and already knowing the answer to it.

She'd moved out a day or two later, crashing at Meredith's until she had found a home to live in. He had also eventually moved out and gotten a place for himself. It had taken them a while, but they'd made the decision that they wanted to remain friends until eventually they could get back to what they had been before they'd begun to date. It was working, there were still times things got difficult or awkward between them but he was determined to make it work. He hadn't really wanted to get into a relationship after April, so six months ago when he'd bumped into Mara Keaton when he was in Boston and slept with her and she woke up the next morning telling him she wanted a 'no strings attached' relationship, he went along with it. Mara was the type of girl April thought he should be with. If they ever did more than occasionally sleep together, he knew she would be perfectly content with only ever moving in together and adopting a dog. But he didn't want that with her. He only wanted that with April. He didn't feel guilty because he knew that she didn't love him either, and maybe never would. He was okay with a relationship that wasn't all consuming. Mara was fine. She was enough. And for now, that was okay. It had become harder for him when April had started seeing Mathew 2 months ago, but he realized how perfect he was for her. He was the kind of guy who was willing to marry her 2 days into their relationship. That's what April wanted, so he would respect it.

"Hey guys." He looked up to see Meredith and Cristina walking towards them. Meredith looked very pregnant and looked way too happy-go-lucky than her normal disposition, which he figured was the reason for the annoyance of her counterpart.

"Hey Mer ! How's the baby doing ?" April asked, instantly beaming towards Meredith.

"It's kicking and annoying and it's making her hormonal enough to become you, Kepner." Cristina commented, rolling her eyes at her twisted sister.

"Oh stop. I just want to make Zola's Christmas special this year. It's going to be the last one we have with just her before this one comes along ... well if he comes along," She said, almost as if it was a casual possibility, "and I want it to be special. So, we're going to have a Christmas party and ..."

"Wait for it ..." Cristina chirped in.

"We thought of playing Secret Santa !" She concluded, grinning at the two of them.

"NO !" April said, excitedly jumping up and down on the spot. He laughed at her sweet enthusiasm, a characteristic he loves ... loved about her.

"I knew she'd be excited for this," Cristina said, looking at April disapprovingly. "Hey kid, come out of there and give me my best friend back. I hate whoever ... this is." Cristina said, addressing the bump and pointing to Meredith as if she'd turned into some creature.

"Anyway, I brought a jar, you just pick a name and ... well you know the rest." Meredith said, producing a jar which had piece of paper in it.

"I'm puking at how corny this is. And if you weren't puking because of morning sickness, you would have enough puke left to puke at how corny this is." Cristina said, as April and Jackson each picked out a name.

"Great, a present every other day except the last one which will be on Christmas, okay ?" Meredith said, closing the jar and smiling at the two. April eagerly nodded and Jackson looked back confused, having never heard of 'Secret Santa' once in his life. The truth was he'd never celebrated Christmas with his family, mostly because they weren't religious at all and also because they never had the time. He had never celebrated the holiday beyond getting presents from his mom and grandad, until he'd met April. Even before they started dating, she'd made sure himself, Reed and Charles had a very authentic Christmas experience. During the time they were dating, albeit the first year, they'd flown to Ohio to celebrate, and yet with all the Christmas he's experienced since then, he had no idea what on earth Secret Santa was, other than the fact that it consisted giving gifts to ... 'April !" He realised looking down at the name printed.

"Okay they get the stupid rules, can we go to the surgery now and do things that don't involve rainbows and sparkles and you smiling a lot. It's creepy. Bye losers." Cristina waved at them, dragging Meredith away down the hallway.

"You can bring Mathew by the way, and Mara if she's around!" Meredith managed to get out, before the duo turned a corner.

"I understand why Cristina is worried that Meredith has been replaced by an extra-terrestrial being, because CHRISTMAS games? Really?" Jackson asked, twisting his face.

"Stop," April replied laughing at him, "I think this is sweet. I'm so excited !"

"Yeah well, I got your name so I'd be pretty excited if I was you too." He replied, grinning cockily at her.

"JACKSON !" She said, eyes widening,"YOU. AREN'T. SUPPOSED. TO. TELL. ME. THAT !" She yelled at him, repeatedly smacking his chest with every word.

"Okay okay stop hitting me, geez. How am I supposed to know that ? I've never heard of this game." He shrugged his shoulders, laughing at how seriously she was taking this, "Who'd you get anyway ?"

"Okay first of all, EVERYONE know Secret pick a name, and give gifts to the person SECRETLY until the last gift where you find out who was giving you gifts all this time. Second of all, did you not hear me ? The whole purpose was to not tell people, ergo, SECRET Santa. I am not telling you. Especially you. I mean, when I said especially I didn't mean anything by it. I just ... You ... You ruined it !" She said, pouting her lips.

She always rambled when she was nervous about something, another trait of her he had fallen in love with. He shook the thought away as he realised that she'd picked his name. What a coincidence, he thought.

"You picked my name didn't you ?" He replied, his suspicion confirmed when she looked back at him with wide eyes.

"Wha- no. NO ! No. Nope. N-" He looked at her, an eyebrow raised, and saw her come to the realization that she'd given it away. "Oh fine ! Okay, it's you. Now what's the point ?"

He smiled internally, knowing it was so her to take this whole thing to heart, but he hated seeing her unhappy so if sucking up and playing this stupid game would make her happy that's what he would do.

"Well ... not if we make our own game out of it," He said, noticing how he'd caught her interest, "Since we know it's each other, how about we give presents to one another and we vote on who gave the best present 2 out of 3 times. Loser has to buy the winner an extra present ?"

She considered it for a second and brightened up, nodding her head happily.

"Okay ! I'm in. But I will warn you, Avery. I am very competitive. So have that 4th present ready." She said, winking back at him.

"Oh I'm aware, but I'm bringing my A game, Kepner. So, YOU have the 4th present ready." He replied, playfully pushing her by his hip.

"Game on, Jackson," she said, entering Jacob's room, with a happy greeting. He saw Jacob's face light up when he explained that his favorite doctor will be there for his surgery.

It never surprised him how fond Jake had grown towards April. He didn't really care about winning this stupid game, but he loved the idea of buying her presents. He overheard Jake's mother telling April something about Christmas miracles, because Jake had just been wishing April would be in the OR with him and he thought how it sounded more like a coincidence than a miracle. Like how it was a coincidence they picked each other's names, but if there was something like that out there, well it couldn't hurt to ask. So he looked at the red head, who was giving Jacob a hug, and closed his eyes.

THANK YOU FOR READING !

Please leave a review down below letting me know what you thought, and if you want me to continue it. I appreciate reviews so much :)