Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or settings. I borrowed the title from one Miss Fiona Apple, as some of you may have noticed. Please review;) Note: italics represent thought while represents change of point of view.

Never is a Promise

I'm startled awake by a soft knocking at my glass door. I swear, if it's time to go to school already I'm faking sick. There's no way I'm going to school when I just barely got to sleep. As I mentally prepare myself to explain this to the Cohens, I realize that it is still dark.

What the hell? I think as I squint towards the door. Is that Seth?

And I'm right. It is him, but something is off. There is no bouncy energy, no nervous movements developed by years of thinking faster than he wants, and tries, to talk. I conclude he hasn't come by for a midnight chat. That alone has me ready for something serious. I shiver as the night air sends goose bumps over my barely covered form.

If I'd have know he'd be coming over, I would have been wearing more than my usual boxers, I think as I squeeze the knob in my hand.

I open the door and the hyper Seth I've gotten used to has suddenly become the poster boy for toddler angst. His big brown eyes have a sad look about them and there is a slight tremble to his bottom lip. He is in his checkered p.j. bottoms and blue shirt, and he's just standing there all quiet and scared and…well, very much not Seth-like. In fact his whole posture seems to scream "I'm not Seth, I'm a broody imposter."

"Are you okay?" I ask. "What's wrong?"

I open my mouth a few times to talk, which is something that usually comes really easily to me. But that damned lump in my throat is making it extremely difficult.

"I…I…I had a bad dream." I managed to get out. I must look so freaking pathetic right now. But I can't go to my parents because that would be beyond pathetic.

"Well…get in here. You must be freezing." Ryan said as he pulled me into the pool house.

I feel him shiver and offer my apologies. Okay, and I was trying to divert questions away from my dream. But it was one of those cork-like dreams. The one that, once it's been opened, for lack of a better word, it would release a whole can of worms that it is definitely too complicated to get into.

We get into his room and get all comfy on his bed. The first thing I notice is the smell. It's heavy but not overwhelming. I will be so bold as to say it smells like…I don't know, like Ryan of course. Like tough and sweet and caring and understanding and security and all of that good stuff.

"So, what did you dream about? He snaps me out of my thoughts with the dreaded question.

"Just, ya know, stuff…"

He throws me his 'stop lying' look. Usually that would break me. But tonight…well tonight is…no different. Contrary to my absolute restraint, I break like a wet fig newton. Not that a fig would break if wet. At least I don't think so, wait, maybe it could. Gotta remember to check and oh crap, how long have I been talking? Dammit, I was gonna censor my story.

"We were at school and eating outside. You guys were at this table already and I was going over to sit with you. Everything was covered in trees and as silly as it seems everything was just like it had been. We felt comfortable with each other."

Let me explain. I had been trying like hell to get us all back together, The Fantastic Four reforged. It just wasn't going to plan. Was it really my fault that I needed Marissa to be with Ryan again? That was just about the only way I could go out with Summer and have Ryan come with us and be all happy, especially in the movie theater. The only way the girls would sit between us for protection while we feigned yawns just so we could put our arms around their shoulders eventhough they were totally onto us and I could accidentally land my hand in his and just not move it. Oddly enough he'd never move his hand, and after a while he didn't even react. Call me crazy, but sometimes it'd seem like he was holding my hand. As if he knew that, for some reason, I needed it.

"Then you leave. You just get up and leave. And it hurts. It hurts so bad. Eventually Summer and Marissa follow but you're the only one whose exit seems to matter. And it's because I know what it means. It means that from that moment I'll back to where I started from, lonely lunches and all. A full package complete with knowledge. The knowledge where I know just how sweet fruit is but I'll never taste it again. Not that I'm comparing us to fruit, though we are pretty sweet. That is, when we weren't burning things or stealing them or getting into fights."

I've finished talking and I can feel myself shaking, which has nothing to do with how close he is to me. Or that caring look in his eyes. Not really at least. More to do with how scared I am of losing him. Maybe that's what the dream was about. Then I'm there. I'm in the one place I had been daydreaming about since day one of his arrival. The warmest, most safest place this side of the O.C. I'm in his arms and crying like a baby.

I can't believe he feels this way. How could he think that I would ever leave him? I couldn't dream of it. But I guess he can.

"It's okay Seth. It's gonna be alright. I'm never gonna leave you. Never."

I'm rocking him back and forth as I whisper small reassurances into his ear. In this moment he seems so frail, like all of the masks I know he wears are broken. It tears at my soul to know that those masks were made before I arrived therefore I can't just get rid of them for him.

He calms down and I can tell he's scared to look me in the eye. How do explain to him that I know he needs this, like in the theater when I'm holding his hand?

"Dude, I am so sorry. I don't know what happened. I just…I don't know…I guess it's stress. Yeah, that's it. Stress can do some strange things to people, like make them act out in crazy ways. I'm already crazy, but you throw in some stress and you've got one messed up Cohen. And are you really never gonna leave me? Because anybody can make a promise. But are you really gonna be able to keep it? I'd understand if you couldn't…"

"Seth"

"I'm just saying, promises are…"

"Seth, I'm never going to leave you. Understood?"

"Well, yeah." I can see the smile in his eyes before it reaches his mouth. I'm glad it's back, and even more proud that I put it there.

As for myself, I know in my heart that he is right. People do make promises that they can't keep, personal experience has taught me that first hand. That's why I've made it a priority to save him from that heart ache. I don't want him to have to understand circumstances, or to deal with loss that has nothing to do with death and everything to do with bad choices. I'm going to be the best friend he never had.

That night I let him sleep in my bed. We woke up and things were okay all that week. Then Theresa called to tell me she might be having my baby.

Sometimes goodbye has nothing to do with death and everything to do with bad choices.