Pinstripe: Hey guys! This is a collaborated rp gone fanfiction I made with my best friend and waifu Lgoeswhee. u/3402523/LgoesWhee
Alois: This is the crackest thing you will ever read in your life.
Pinstripe: SSSSSSSSSSHHHHH its brilliant! And COMPLETELY UNPOLITICALLY CORRECT.
"Hello Japan." Said the Russian smiling with his pickax over his shoulder. A small frown forms on Kiku's face, his grip on his volume of sailor moon tightening.
"Herro Russia." The grey haired man giggled as he reached into his purple, button covered satchel (man purse). A squeak came out of the odd colored bag. Japan stepped back slightly, his face twisting in confusion.
"Etto...Russia-san, what exactly was that?" As the small man said that, a grey-purple mist formed around the man with the bag, his eyes sparkling with eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil.
"ATTACK! ATTACK MY YELLOW COMRADES!" Yelled Ivan. Yellow rubber ducks flew out of his bag, beating the other country. The short Japanese made a loud squeak.
"Nya!" Escaped his mouth, his hand shot out trying to smack the duckies away with his worn manga. The rubber duck fiend then took out something that seemed way to big for his satchel. It was a brown paddle, That said in big, bold letters Yaoi and on the opposite side was printed, uke. The duckies continued to fly. The raven haired nation tilted his head a bit, his hold on the novel not loosening, but lowering.
"Russia-san, why?" Asked the Japanese. Russia raised the paddle above his head and threw it down to gull force of Japan's toes. Now that he has his distraction, he snatched away the manga out of the little man's hand and began to dash towards a rainbow in the distance.
"No Russia-san! That's the first copy ever made for sailor moon!" Japan tried to forget his stinging toes in favor of going after the tall nation.
"Give it back, it is very important to me!" Cried out the island nation. Russia continued to sprint towards the rainbow, soon he got close enough to run up the rainbow. He skipped up, hair shining and manga in hand. The delicate nation of Japan paused at the rainbows edge before he extended an arm to climb up the rainbow. A singe thought was swimming around his head. 'I didn't touch the LSD today...I've been away from it for a while...' He panted.
"R-Russia-san, srow down prease." The manga stealer began to slide down the rainbow, bunny ears sprouted on his head. He chucked as the other nations clothes turned into a blue dress with a white lacy apron that was stuffed with petticoats. Kiku now also adorned Mary-Jane dress shoes, and black and white striped tights. A black bow also appeared. The sudden change of clothes startled him and he began to tumble down. "B-Bunny Russian-s-san? Japan clutched on to the skirt of the dress to prevent a case of flashing. They landed in a odd land with Giant flowers and grass.
"Welcome to queen Germany's Vonderland kolkol."
"Queen? Vonderland?" The dress clad nation looked around confused, his mouth slightly open.
"Russia-san...Why am I here?" Asked Kiku.
"Boing! kolkol! BOING!" Then the manga thief hopped away into the forest of bunnies and hell.
"W-Wait! Russia-san! You can't reave me here!" Nihon held onto his skirt and ran as fast as he could in those shoes after the Russian rabbit, but stopped when he lost sight of him.
"My manga..." As he sighed a redhead and a brunette both wearing hats with propellers, suspenders and shirts with a big TD on them.
"Hello!" Shouted the redhead who looked like Italy.
"I'm Tweedle Dee and this is my brother Tweedle Douche." He pointed to Romano who had his arms crossed.
"Itary-kun? Romano-kun?Etto...Herro? I'm a bit...lost.." His eyebrows kinked together. 'Why would he ever use that sort of language?' Japan let out a quiet cough. The brothers looked at each other before they started to talk in unison.
"No, We are Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Douche. You want to find the grey rabbit, si?"
"O-Oh, Russia-san! Yes, yes! I need to find him quickly." Japan clasped his hands together, hope boiling in the pit of his stomach, he made a swift movement that made his dress swish.
"If you want to find him cross-dressing fag, you must play a game." Romano tugs at the very unamused country's skirt.
"If you play the game with us, we'll tell you." The European country jumped. The dark haired man tugged hi skirt out of the Italians grip.
"I'm not what you just said..The Japanese smoothed the new wrinkles.
"Anyway, depending on the game and its contents, I will pray..." A determined look came onto his pale face.
"You have to guess which one of us is Italy!" The northern Italian began munching on a bowl of pink pasta that he pulled out of his multicolored hat.
"The penalty is that you have to eat an 'Eat me' cookie." Said the Spanish-influenced nation.
"Ah-Arright." The two Italians ran around each other, the raven hair nation tried to keep track of the younger one, but blinked and lost him. The two stopped in front of him, eyes wide open. It was obvious who is was the the Japanese was still nervous. Japan shakily pointed to the Italian to the right. "That one isn't Itary-san." They both had wide grins.
"TRICK QUESTION!" The brothers exclaimed. "We are both part of Italy, Tweedle Douche is just the southern part!"
"What!? That's not far, you shouldn't be abre to do that!" Japans hands curled into little balls, an angry blush rising in his face. Many things may not anger the nation, but being cheated was one of them.
Romano spoke. "Now your stupid ass has to eat a "Eat me" cookie." He pulled what looked like a sugar cookie out of his hat. Pink icing sloppily dripped off the baked good. On the cookie, in English, 'Eat me' was printed. The Japanese's nose crinkled.
"It rooks so... American...I cannot eat that!" He frown got deeper.
"OH WELL!" The brothers screamed as they jumped on the man with the black bowl cut, fluffing up his skirts. Both enjoyed the nations distress, the older brother was the one to stuff the cookie into Japans petite mouth.
"VICTORY BROTHER!" Shouted the elder. The Japanese nation sputtered and coughed, The sweet sliding down his throat in an unpleasant manner.
"What did you do?!" He squirmed and thrashed away from the other two and rubbed the icing away from his chin.
"Why do my clothes feel tighter?" Suddenly the small island nation, didn't seem so small as he began to grow in size. The Italians ran in fear as the nations clothes popped off. The Japanese quickly pulled as much fabric as he could to keep from getting constricted and covered his front.
"You fed me something! Now...Now rook at me!" He screamed but the cowardly brothers were already gone. Something started pecking at Japans thin, for a giant, legs.
"Caw caw I am the Dodo!" Said China through his beak.
"China-san?" Japan leaned down to hear him better. "Um...Herro? Dodo? You wouldst happen to have a rarge pair of clothes do you?"
"Yes, Aru. It's in Dodo town behind these trees. It's one of 10,000." China waddled like a penguin into the woods, snow globes hung from the trees instead of fruit. Every step the giant, thin man took was careful, he didn't want to step on any of these "Dodos" and he didn't want to flash a passerby with his indecency.
"Can we hurry prease?" Kiku asked. The long haired Dodo popped into a tent and yelled in Chinese. He went out of the red tent moments later with a giant, backless, white apron.
"It was the best we could do." He bows.
"The best? But...people could see..." A frustrated sigh came out of his mouth, his now large hands grabbing the fabric. "Better than nothing..." The Japanese murmured.
"Oh yeah, that will be 10,031 mangas please!" He again pecked at Japans ankle.
"Nani?! I don't have that many with me!" The Japanese looked around in panic. "Can't I pay you some other way?"
"That is our currency!" China squawked, and all of the dodos surrounded the giant with an angry, almost malevolent look in their beady eyes.
"I can't pay you!" The Island nation looked around frantically and grabbed a hand full of the dangling globs and chucked them at the birds.
"Okay, now I'm angry, Aru!" All of the dodos started crawling up Japan's legs higher and higher. They nipped at his white legs, leaving red marks similar to mosquito bites.
Kiku squeaked in pain at the pinching feeling, and used his free hand to try and smack off the attacking birds. "Prease! China-san! Get them away!"
"I am no China! I AM DODO! Aru." At this point, he had climbed to the back part of Japan's vital Regions, and as hard as her could, dodo-China's teeth went into Japan's little-big bottom.
A fairly loud scream filtered out of Kiku's mouth, it's new larger size making it's sound an unbelievable screech. "Ret go! Fakku! Hory ah!" The dark haired dodo fell after releasing Japan's ass, into the crowd.
"Ohonhon, need some help Mon Grande Cherie?" The blond had cat ears and a tail, which wiggled as he floated past.
The raven haired nation's heart filled with dread. "I'd rather not have herp from you..." He once again covered his vitals with both hands.
"Okay... Well, just get eaten by dodo's then." The dodos were building a fire in between the giant Asian's feet, while they chanted.
"N-No-! France-san, or whoever you are! Don't reave! Herp me!" Big fat tears began to form in his eyes but he refused to let them come out, he didn't want to be more humiliated.
"Tell ze dodos that you are going to the queen to receive the 'panties' award, they'll leave you alone and send you on your way," he sexually purred.
"Etto... courd you possibry terr them that... I don't rike that word," he mumbled.
"China dodo came up with that award, say it or be eaten!" He cuddled Japan's ear lobe.
"Prease don't touch me..." he keened away from the French man, and leaned down a bit. "Dodo-san... I came to retrieve the um... 'panties' award from the queen... prease don't eat me. I may eat fish, but I don't taste rike it." All of the dodo's gasped and started dancing, caramelldansen.
"Run my mostly nude friend, run!" France-cat flew with a rainbow scarf tied to his ass. The giant fled from the scene, his feet only making quiet thumps despite their large size. France led the running nation to a giant pole. The pole had two signs on it going in opposite directions. One said 'Safe Bubble Gum Happy Passage', while the other said, 'Evil Bloody Forest Of No Return.'
Japan's eyebrows kinked, "Something's telling not to use that safe trail... France-san, what do you think?"
"I will let you figure it out Mon Cherie..." He disappears behind the pole without a trance.
Japan let out groan. "You courdn't give me a simpre hint?" A sigh filtered out. "Useress as always..." Suddenly, Japan spotted Russia running into The Safe Bubble Gum Happy Passage with his manga!
"Kolkol, oh no I'm late-" Russia looks at his cell phone clock.
"Russia-san! Wait!" Pushing back his worries about the trail, he rain after the rabbit, his feet making thumps when he stepped on a... candy cane? A bunch of gum drops with faces jumped by him. The giant stopped in his pursuit his head tilting. "They're rike mochis!"
Russia went further and further into the forest, hopping with the gumdrop heads.
Taking longer strides, the island nation finally caught up to the Russian, "Russia-san! Stop for a minute!"
"POTATOES!" Potatoes flew out of the Rabbit-man's satchel, he them ran past all of the dancing candy, and towards a castle.
"Russia-san!" He tried avoiding the crowding things crowding around his feet. "Wait!" A potato knocked against his chest, many others following it's attack on the giant. Soft grunts fell out of his mouth at each hit. "How troubresome!"
The rabbit man who had, moments ago, gotten his potatoes to attack the half naked Japanese man, wandered into the gates of the yellow, red, and black palace.
The giant swore under his breath, pushing through candy trees careful not to step on anything that appeared living. Pushing off any offending thing that attempted to cling to him, he then headed to the castle that the manga thief had disappeared into, "I shourd have harpooned him rong ago. Now arr this has happened..." A movement caught his eye, something was hidden in the cotton candy bushes. Japan although had no idea what that thing was but his Japanese instincts were telling him to avoid it, for it could cause him more trouble. Then again... this thing could have the solution to his problem or an easier way to get into the castle...
"Hey..." A whisper came out of the cotton candy bushes and a small butterfly with Canadian flags printed on it's wings. The creature held a bottle which was labeled 'Drink Me'. "Would you like to get smaller?" He blew smoke from his blunt he held in his other wing.
The giant blinked, "Smarrer? I wourd rove to be smarr again, but uh... are you not supposed to be a caterpirrar?" He nealed down slightly.
The high as could be butterfly glared at the dark haired personification. "I hit puberty early, eh. Now if you want this shrink drink you gotta have tea at my place at the Mad Hatter's tea party.
"Oh. Tea? I can do that, tea sounds rovery! I wourd graddry have tea at this 'tea party' with you and this 'Mad Hatter' person." The giant smiled at the Canadian butterfly.
"OH and don't worry aboot your size, eh, he's a giant too, so is the march hare and the door mouse." The fried butterfly led the man to a giant table full of tea cups, plates and pots. England sat there in a ridiculous hat and suit that had every accessory imaginable, Poland sat there playing with a Chinese finger trap while blond bunny ears flopped on his head. A small version of Lithuania had little mouse and a mouse nose with Itchy looking whiskers, although he was unlike his normal self and half asleep.
"Hehehe. Welcome, have some Teeeea!" The Brit drank out of two tea cups that seemed to be conjoined.
"O-oh, England-san... Um... Tea wourd be nice..." The half naked Asian sat down on a seat, far away from the other 'party guests' His eyes darted around, broken cups were scattered around, sugar was split and random tea leaves were littered around. "When is the last time you um... tidied up? It rooks rike there shourd be ants or something of the sort crawring about..."
"Um what are ants~?" Poland let out a drawl, a tea cup on his head.
The Asian lifted his feet up when he felt something brush his ankle. "Uh... the rittre bugs that crawr around and stear sugar..."
"BUGS!" Lithuania started to scatter and break things.
"Now you've done it. You bloody idiot..."
Lithuania jumped into Japan's tea, "Help! I can't swim!"
The nation- with now bad tea- made quick work with using his pinkie to lift the Baltic out of the liquid. "I wasn't aware you didn't know it was going to happen... With arr this sugar and spoired things bugs are armost immpossibre not to have." He bowed slightly.
The blond Polish put his mousy friend into his pants. "He should be like, good now." The hatter threw a white cupful of tea at the apron clad Japanese man. The tea cup clashed into his nose sending tea into his face and onto his lap. A startled squeak escaped his mouth and his chair tipped forcing him to fall onto the ground. "Ah! Engrand-san!" The thin Asian began to rub at his stinging eyes. "I thought you were a gentreman, that wasn't very gentremanry at arr!" He swung his legs away from the chair and sat up.
"I saw a speck on your nose, I though I would help you clean it." He crossed his arms childishly. Suddenly a bottle of 'Drink Me' appeared in the middle of the table.
The red faced raven haired man stood quickly. "I-If you give me that I'rr forgive you! Onry then though..." His brown eyes sparkled.
"O... K...?" He rolled it over. "I don't care what you drink silly~"
"G-Good." Silly? England-san never called me that before... This world is very strange... The Asian popped the top open and took a long drink. The flavor was rather odd, but Japan wanted to be his original size once more. His nose crinkled and his stomach twisted., his apron began to feel loose. He mentally cheered. He was getting smaller! A smile formed on his face.
"Would you like Poland to fix that apron into something suitable for your now minuscule size?" The hatted man wiggled his thick eyebrows.
"Courd I get a napkin to cover myserf? I don't rearry like being um...indecent around others..." A shy blush spread on his cheeks. "But, yes, it wourd be very herpfur if Poland-san fixed this apron." He bowed. Poland pulled out tiny little pair of scissors and created -after millions of snips- a lacy short dress. "Here Alice~"
"What my name isn't Alice?" The small Asian grabbed the dress all the same, hesitating to put it on. "I am Japan..." He turned in the dress and smoothed it down around his bottom.
"Of course you're Alice." He sticks a bow on the man's head.
"Now go or the..." Lithuania stuttered, "Grey Rabbit... Said Queen Germany wants you."
"The Rabbit? You must mean Russia-san! O must be going now." Japan bowed a few times and turned to jump off the table, only to stop short at it's height. "Oh.. courd you put me on the ground?"
"We'll just drop you in the castle!" England picked up the small man up by his tight short lacy dress.
"O-oh! Carefur .. but thank you very much... Mad Hatter-san," The now tiny nation held down the dress's rim. The insane hatter dropped the dress clad man. He fell, wind lifting his skirt. He then landed in Queen Germany's lap. "Omph-!" A blush spread onto his pale face. "G-Germany-san! I aporogize! I did not mean to rand on you!" Kiku squeaked.
The blonde was wearing a long dress, the same color as his flag. "You shall refer to me as Queen Deutschland."
The Eastern nation climbed off his lap and bowed in shame, "Arright, Queen Deutschrand-san" He looked up at the dress wearing German. "You wanted to see me? Or so I've heard." The Russian bunny-man was hiding behind her royal highness's throne. "You! You store my manga! I want it back!" His fists balled up, and his voice showed his distress.
"No! Zat is mine! Ze rabbit gave it to me," the German Queen crossed his arms.
"But Queen Deutshrand-san! He store that..." Kiku glared at the rabbit.
"Vell... you have to exchange something..." Germany sighed and scratched his head. "Have you had your first kiss?"
"N-Nani? I wourd never! The onry thing close to a kiss was Itary-kun hugging me..." A flustered look came out on Japan's face.
"Kiss the one who stole your veloging and you shall receive your veloging. You have no other choice." Germany fixed his Tiara.
"Oh, no, no, no. You don't understand. Russia-san and I are not on werr terms. He and I are not... like that..." He nose crinkled and his blush darkened.
"Zen you're never getting your limited special addition of sailor moon number one." He waved it in the air mockingly.
Kiku's chest tightened in anger, that manga was his most valuable... "There is no other way?" Japan twiddled his thumbs, a tsk snuck out of his mouth. The Russian hopped out and then took off his detachable ears and tail. He strode over to the troubled little Japanese and tilted his head up. "A- A- Ah. Personar space!" Kiku attempted to get away from Russia, but failed. "G- Get away!" His lip trembled a bit.
Russia chuckled at the whimpering one in drag. He leaned over due to extreme height differences between the two. Their lips centimeters apart. "So... What will it be?" His Russian accent grew husky.
"U-Uh.. C-Can it be a cheek k-kiss?" Kiku's eyes darted around frantically.
"Well... eh... ye-... no." Ivan pulled the virgin-lipped man closer. "And you have to do it willingly, or no manga and you can never leave Vonderland and you wouldn't want that, da?"The short one swore under his breath.
"If I do it right now it won't be wirring..." He was finally able to jerk away from the Russian.
Russia whispered into the Japanese's ear. "I have a dirty little secret."
Goosebumps rose on Japan's arms. "I-I see..." The Asian started at his feet.
"I love you..."
The short nation's head shot up, "Nani?"
"I love you... not as Alice... as Japan... as Honda Kiku... I always have, Kol Kol."
"You-... When did this happen? We're... We're supposed to hate each other, and I thought this was some different worrd and you were not rearry Russia-san..." Kiku frowned a little.
The tall nation frowned a little. "But I am Russia... Kiss me and you will see." He tucked Japan's thick short hair behind his ear. The island nation pressed his cheek against the coolness of the large hand, and a sigh came from his lips. "Then if you rearry rove me, why seem to rike China-san so much?"
"China? No, No, No, I don't go for chicks, Kol Kol."
"China-san isn't a woman... I've taken a bath with him as a chird... That isn't rearry funny Russia-san..." His thoughts didn't match his words although n his mind there was a small laugh dancing around.
"I know." Russia smiles. "Just trust me. Kiss me, it will prove it and get you out of Vonderland." He looked sincere, Odd for Russia.
Japan bit his lip. "This wouldn't be very proper..." He blushed darker if possible.
"Fuck being Proper, this is Vonderland, Kiku!"
"How vurgar!" Japan's shoulders hunched a bit. "We maybe somewhere else but I am stirr Japan, and I wirr act accordingry!"
"And that's why I love you... You do not have to kiss me, or love me until you're ready..." He squeezed Japan's hand. "Goodbye."
"W-Wait!" Japan pulled at the Russian's hand. "If you rearry rove me, you have to spend time with with me!" A stubborn look came across his face. The grey haired former rabbit kissed the dark haired man's forehead. The Asian became dizzy and everything turned dark as midnight. He later woke in a field of sunflowers, next to a sleeping Russian.
A/N:And Germany just watched this...alright.
-chu