The Wrong One
Sitting in my favourite spot to think, the nice cosy armchair right next to the heater, with a latte in my hand, I thought about the afternoon I had just had. In complete honesty I had actually enjoyed myself, maybe for the first time since she left me. I say she, because I can't muster the courage from within me to say her name. Perhaps the worst thing about it was I had never quite gotten over her. Deep inside, as much as I denied it to my friends, I still loved her. Heck, I still had nightmares about her leaving me. At one point it had almost gotten so bad that my friends thought I was suicidal. I wasn't, but I guess it looked like that from the outside. The truth is I would have been if I could have. I had the reason, but not the guts.
From that day on my life had moulded into one dull unexciting blob. I was numb to any feeling. But lately, cracks had been surfacing, little openings with hints of light. Today was one of those cracks, those chinks in my armour of de-sensitivity.
Sure, I thought, I couldn't stay like this forever, but there was something about my misery which almost seemed permanent. Like an indelible mark on the page of my life. Every time I thought I was starting to move on, I would be reminded, and the searing hot pain would rip through my fragile heart again. But this, this was somehow different; I had enjoyed a whole day without thinking about her once until now. Could I be actually moving on? This was almost beyond the question. My thoughts drifted back to the afternoon that had passed, and the hours of fun I had with my friends. My friends! Something about that word struck me. I had been so focussed on myself, so self centred that I had almost forgotten to be a friend to my own friends. These friends cared about me. My heart wasn't raked by a burning poker every time I thought of them; they hadn't torn my heart in two like it was nothing more than a worthless piece of paper.
Then it hit me. All of this time I had spent obsessing over this one girl, but what did I get for it in return? Nothing but a heart split in two.
When you're in love you feel on top of the world, nothing can shake you nothing can faze you, but when that love is suddenly not returned you are like a tower on the brink of collapse. That was my problem I had been this tower on the brink of collapse when all along the answer had been in my hands.
The only question was: Why did I waste so much time on the wrong one?
I guess I'll spend the rest of my life trying to work that out.