A/N So this is my (our) first Harry Potter fic. (Our meaning me, dusk writer, and the amazing Whore with a Pen.) Joint accounts are fun and that means me and Whore with a Pen are teaming up to fight evil with our amazing fanfictions! No seriously we are. For those of you who don't know how joint accounts work you're either new to fanfiction or a complete idiot. (Just kidding!) So I'm writing the first chapter and then Whore will take over and write the second and so on and so forth. Okay now on with the show!
Our story begins with the Golden Trio (that's Harry, Ron, and Hermione you dip wads!) sitting in the Great Hall at breakfast one morning somewhere in the middle of October. There heads are bent in towards each other, no doubt coming up with more ideas on how to get themselves killed or a way to make Draco Malfoy hop around like an idiot while patting his head and rubbing his tummy. We can't hear exactly what they are saying, not even someone with the amazing powers of being one of the authors of this story, because they are being so annoyingly secretive.
Just then the Great Hall echoed with the sounds of the huge double doors being flung open dramatically, as if by, well, magic. All heads snapped up from what they had been doing to stop and gaze at the person who walked through the doors. Well everyone except Cedric Diggory that is.
A stunningly beautiful girl, about 14 years old came waltzing through the doors, gliding by tables like a pro figure skater. All boys and even some girls started drooling over how gorgeous she was. She was really pretty. Even Hermione had to admit it. And she never admitted stuff like that. Because she was straight. Very straight. Very, very, very, very…oh you get the point.
The girl floated down the isle flashing a winning smile at kids at random tables as she passed them. Finally she stopped in front of the teacher's table at the front of the hall.
"So who's that?" Harry asked curiously.
"I don't know but do you think she'd want to go out with me?" Ron replied. His voice was far off because the girl was leaning over the table to talk the Dumbledore and that gave Harry and Ron a nice view of her ass.
"Oh honestly, would you two just shut up. Just because she's pretty and beautiful and sometimes gorgeous and has hair that's like an angels and,"
"Whoa slow down Hermione or people will think you're a lesbian." Harry cut in.
"Oh…well…anyway," said Hermione, a little embarrassed. "Like I was saying, just because she's pretty doesn't mean you two have to faun all over her. Your like two wolves fighting over a hurt caribou." She finished, a little less queer sounding.
"Wolves fighting over caribou?" questioned Harry.
"You know what I mean!" Hermione snapped at him. "Ron. Ron. RONALD WEASLEY STOP STARING AT THAT GIRL'S BUTT!" Ron as you probably guessed was still staring at the gorgeous girl's ass. He whipped his head back around at the sound of Hermione's shrill annoying voice. God she was so bossy sometimes.
"What?!" Ron whined at her.
"Did you even hear a word I just said?" she asked but was cut off by the sound of Dumbledore's booming voice.
"Everyone, we have a new student here at Hogwarts. She's come all the way from the Heart of London, miss Mary Sue." Dumbledore said.
"Hi everyone, I'm just so excited to be here with all of you. I know I'll learn a lot from being here, like that's possible." Mary Sue said smiling. The last part she sort of muttered under her breath, but never the less her voice was so lovely. Like a chorus of angels singing, Harry thought. Wait…what was happening to him. This girl was like a drug. Clouding his judgment and making him think inappropriate thoughts. He never thought in simile and metaphor!
"Well you have to be sorted now so I'll go get the sorting hat." Said Dumbledore and he rushed off to retrieve it. Moments later he came back in and made the announcement that the sorting hat had said he didn't need to see Mary Sue and that a girl of such talents must belong to the Gryffindor house.
"Well okay," said Sue as she skipped sweetly to the…table. So much for alliterations.
Sue sat next to Harry and flashed another one of her winning smiles that made Harry think in simile again. "Hello, your Harry Potter aren't you?" she asked him.
Harry could barely comprehend what she just said because he was too busy mentally smacking himself for using personifications to describe her in his head. So he just smiled like an idiot until she giggled and turned away to survey the room.
Sue sat and surveyed the smiling students. Ha!
Her eyes skimmed over the faces of everyone in the room and they finally came to halt on one boy. The one boy not staring at her and kneeling at her feet and making weird metaphors about her in their brain. Cedric Diggory. She decided it was her duty to go make sure he noticed her.
She tossed back her golden hair and gracefully made her way over to him. She sat down and put on her best flirty face. She batted he eyelashes and tossed her hair and even tried putting her hands on his
"What do you want?" he asked finally trying to shrug her off.
"What do you mean? Don't you love me?" she asked pouting at him and making puppy dog eyes at him. A few tables over a boy fell out of his seat and started twitching on the floor. No one really noticed but if someone had cared to look and see how it was they would have recognized the boy as Draco Malfoy.
"Um no. Eww." Cedric said. "Now please leave me alone." He said getting up and walking out of the hall. Every boy in the hall suddenly brightened. They still had a chance! Or so they thought.
Mary Sue got up and suddenly her clear blue eyes turned red and her once white flouncy skirt tuned into tight skinny jeans. Her tight, blue shirt was now a blood red super tight top. Her high heels were replaced by worn converse and her golden hair turned black with a single red streak in it. Finally, small piercings popped up on her belly button and the top of her right ear. Every boy in the hall gasped at once. Well all except for Malfoy who was still out cold.
Mary Sue had turned into Anti Sue. (OMGZ!)