Disclaimer – I'm broke – as far as TMNT copyrighted monies are concerned. Please don't sue.

For some, Gabbymight be familiar to you as my original OC . For those who are not, she's featured in my first uploaded story - Yosutebito Daughter - and the co write that Ramica and I did together with Reflected Reality.

In the latter story, I showed a side of Gabby that no one even thought existed - especially me. LOL Don't know what the muses were doing, but I thought Gab's reaction and rebuttal to Rama's trashing Cassandra's music shop in that story fit with her personality. I won't go into details as to what happened afterwards, but I did wonder if it would be a good story to explore as to why Gabby reacted the way she did.

Obviously, I risk becoming cliche' with reintroducing her as more the disgruntled member of the clan, than what she was at the end of Yosutebito Daughter.

With that said, I am hoping to lead Gabby back to where she was, before the events in RR pushed her over the line. Where I sort of vilified her with many readers, I'm going to try to bring her back to where she was at the end of YD. However,it will take a few chapters to get her there. Please be patient and try to believe that it is possible for someone to make a U-turn with certain issues.

And, if you happen to read this chapter a second time, you will note that it is shorter than it was. That is because I split the chapter into two. It's original length was just too long.

Anyway...

Italics are for either inner thoughts or flashback events.

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A Time of Reflection
by reinbeauchaser

Chapter 1 – Interim to Re-Training!

With his tummy full, Jordan pulled away from his feeding and glanced up at his mother with a tired, milky smile. As she readjusted her blouse, she smiled back and affectionately stroked his head, watching as his eyes began to droop.

Carefully, so as not to jar him from his relaxed state, Gabby eased her son onto her shoulder and gave him a few gentle pats on his back. When she managed to get a burp or two, she brought him down into her arms again and, with a cloth, wiped his mouth clean. She then adjusted Jordan's tail and began rocking her son in the glider-chair where she sat.

Gabby smiled down at the young boy, observing her baby. She studied his face as his eyes began to close even more. She rocked Jordan a few minutes longer to lull him further to sleep and, after she was satisfied that her son was drowsy enough not to fight his naptime, she rose from her rocker to place him into his crib.

Even at six months of age, Jordan was beginning not to like naps, preferring to stay awake longer, just so he could interact with his mother and the rest of the family. He was a most gregariously friendly baby, easily stimulated into smiles and giggles with the slightest of provocations! Gabby knew she was truly blessed with such an easy-going child.

After the mother laid the infant on his back, Jordan opened his eyes once more and smiled lazily up at his mommy. The few baby teeth in his mouth gleamed white within the gap of his small snout. His near comical expression almost made Gabby laugh, but she held herself in check, lest she disturb his growing need for sleep.

Although Jordan had strong terrapin and iguanan characteristics, Gabby's half-human genetics were quite evident in his face. Contrary to his grandfathers' and uncles' pronounced nasal structure, Jordan's snout was not as projected and, in that way, he seemed almost human.

Still, his blue white hair and his tail definitely implied who his father was.

Jordan suddenly cooed, waking up just a little, as he baby-talked to his mommy, grinning as if he had just shared something funny, and Gabby couldn't help but grin back. But, she was determined that he would nap, so she spoke softy, "Time for nap-nap, Jordy", and gently dragged her finger along his cheek, caressing it softly.

The child yawned hugely under his mother's soft ministrations and blinked tiredly once more. Gabriella then covered him with a warm lightweight blanket, tucking it snuggly around her son. She next wound the butterfly mobile hanging directly above him and, soon, Braham's lullaby filled the nursery with its soft, timeworn tune.

The half-dozen glittery butterflies 'flew' in slow gentle circles, capturing the baby's attention for just a moment longer. However, the music – and Jordan's full tummy - had cast their spell and soon soothed the infant to sleep.

Captured by his sweet innocence, Gabby continued watching her son, a quiet peace coming over her. She observed the gentle rise and fall of his tiny chest, watched as his lips pursed and sucked, remembering his meal from moments ago. She sighed softly, "Mmm, my little man."

With October's cooler temperatures, she had dressed Jordan in one of his lightweight, long-sleeved footed one-piece, the yellow brushed cotton soft against his greenish tinted skin. The outfit's snap crotch allowed for easy diaper changes and, if it not for his tail, a reminder of his reptilian heritage, Jordan Leonardo Raphael would be like any other baby.

In appearance, though, he was very much like his father, Seth, Jordan's head crowned by silky mop of blue white hair. His other end sported the familiar tail of his paternal heritance, promising to get longer as the child grew.

Of course, the tail was rather problematic, as it was quite a feat for Gabby to clothe and diaper her son. Even though Jordan's extra extremity was not as long as it would be eventually, his mother still had to cut a hole in every piece of clothing and diaper to allow for his extra appendage. Yet, she knew that it was only for a short while and then Jordan would be out of diapers for good. After that and thanks to Don Tello's personal tailor, the boy would wear outfits specially made for his unique physical traits.

Although Jordan did not have a plastron in the way that his grandfathers and uncles had, there was still a slight, subtle indication of a shell on his back, like his mother – proof of his terrapin legacy. Moreover, his yellow-green skin coloring seemed a combination between Gabby's light green and his father's more albino hues. He did have his father's eyes, though, a clear colorless tint with subtle traces of yellow. It seemed that Jordan's sister, Mindy, was the only one to inherit her mother's blue eyes.

As Gabby thought more about her son's parentage, however, one of Jordan's grandfathers came to mind, and she couldn't help but moan just a little. Thinking about him, now, caused her to grip the top rail of the crib with crushing intensity. The more she thought of him, the more she tightened her hold, and, the more she tightened her grasp, the more her knuckles whitened. Then, as the wood protested audibly under her strong grip, before the railing could give way or crack, she relaxed her hands and breathed in a heavy but quiet sigh. She did this a few times to dispel the frustration bubbling up from within, using her cleansing breaths to calm her inner turmoil. She would have left the bedroom right then, too, but she knew her uncle was downstairs. Not yet wanting to join him, or anyone else for that matter - especially with their ninja-sensitive minds, Gabriella decided to sit back down in the glider-chair for a while. As she turned to do so, shaking the strain from her hands and flexing her fingers, before she could sit back down in the chair, she had a sudden, alarming thought.

Quickly and quietly, Gabby returned to the crib and studied it, worriedly running her fingers along the top railing, as if looking for something amiss. When she found none, she expelled a relieved sigh.

"That's all I need. One more 'demerit' to my list if I had to explain THAT!" she grumped to herself, thankful she hadn't cracked the wood from her abuse. Satisfied the crib wasn't damaged, Gabby returned to the chair and settled herself down.

Closing her eyes and taking deep calming breaths once again, she rocked back and forth…back and forth, trying to ease her discontent. With Monday only two days away, she had a lot to think about before starting her retraining. Whoever her sensei was going to be, for no one would tell her, she only knew that she would be expected in the dojo by seven that morning and every morning thereafter. Still, it bothered her that they felt it necessary not to tell her who would do the training. In fact, it concerned the young woman very much. Although she was positive that it wouldn't be Leonardo, as his present location in Japan at his ryu would make it impractical, she knew first hand how tough his other brothers could be on her. In fact, she wasn't sure which one to hope for. Even her father, or her half-brother, Devon, could be merciless.

Still, while Gabby trained in the dojo, Rahab would care for Jordan. It would be an easy job for her mother-in-law, too, where Jordy was a good baby – outside of getting him to take naps, that is. Gabriella looked over at her sleeping son, again, and wondered how long it would be before he would give them up entirely. Her first born, Mindy, had stopped napping all together at one year, the girl's maturation progressing faster than the average human baby did. Fortunately, Jordy fussed very little while awake and seemed more interested in smiling and cooing, than being difficult, so maybe it would be an easy transition.

Nevertheless, Gabby rather enjoyed the bit of time he napped, where she could get a break from meeting his every need. Although Jordan had began eating pureed baby foods a month earlier, Gabby still nursed him and would continue doing so, even through her training. Because of that, she would take breaks to suckle him.

In any event, she would be expected in the dojo every morning of each day…five days a week, every week, until such time that her 'sensei' deemed her 'educated' in the nuances of ninjitsu.

"Whoever 'sensei' is," she mumbled dispassionately. She felt her ire build up once again and so she tried to relax some more, attempting to employ the techniques that Leo had taught her while she was still in Japan. Despite how he irritated her, Gabby did appreciate some of his teachings. If not for his intrusive ways, she might have even come to like him more than she did – which was marginal at best.

Regardless, she was glad for one thing. Her training would not be physical, at least not as much as it would be educational, unlike when she first arrived in Big Sur years earlier. Still, there were enough similarities between that event and now, that it almost seemed redundant.

"I must be a major pain in the butt to all of them!" she whispered in frustration. Her ire softened, then, as she remembered why she was in Carmel in the first place and not in Japan. In fact, as a subtle bit of guilt welled up inside of her, it caused Gabriella to think about the event leading up to her current situation.

She sighed deeply at the thought and wondered if she would ever 'get with the program'. It was something her father, Raphael, had suggested she consider during their flight home a couple of weeks earlier. He and Mike, along with Rahab, had made the return trip with Gabby in order to ensure her safe arrival at the estate. Yet, unlike when she first arrived four years ago, it wasn't because they were afraid she would runaway again. After all, she'd had her share of such adventures.

It was mainly because they feared for her genuine safety from others. Despite destroying what turned out to be the main cell of terrorists responsible for Don's kidnapping, the clan was still hesitant about leaving Japan and the safety of the ryu. To ensure that end, Thomas had strengthened security at Mike's house and had the perimeter alerts extended well into the private reserve surrounding the estate. Although the clan would never underestimate an attack at Mike's house, they didn't care to take any chances. As it was, Don's security sensors were far beyond even those employed at government instillations. In short, if anyone trespassed, the interlopers would be dealt with swiftly and immediately.

Had it been otherwise, though, and the danger still persisted, Gabby knew that Leo would have put her as far from her daughter as possible while still remaining within the ryu's property in Japan. After Gabriella's latest interference, it had been his request to remove her influence completely, just so she would not compromise Mindy's training. That was why Gabriella was now in California without her daughter. She was just grateful that Leo had not kept Jordan, too.

Sighing once more and pushing back her tears of frustration, Gabby squeezed her eyes tight and took another deep breath. She struggled against her rising emotions, realizing she had made a huge mistake in Japan. Still, Gabby felt somewhat justified for reacting the way that she did. "If they would only have listened to me instead of just judging me," she complained under her breath, "I know Leo would have understood."

Yet, that wasn't what happened and now, here she was –again – awaiting her lessons.

Still, thinking about her re-training, Gabby was glad that she would at least have the afternoon and evenings off, unlike her first time. Back then, she spent nearly every day, five days each week, in the basement dojo, not seeing the light of day other than what she saw first thing in the morning. It had been a depressing time, made tolerable only with the promise of seeing Seth again if she cooperated.

Gabby suddenly chuckled derisively, realizing her current predicament seemed to be repeating that event. Still, knowing she wouldn't be spending as much time in the basement as she had before, seemed to be the only bright spot in a place that she saw as her personal prison.

Sighing deeply, she sat in the chair and rocked some more, her mind wandering, trying to think of anything but Monday and of leaving Mindy in Japan.

And, as she did, Gabriella found herself recalling, again, what happened six months prior. She couldn't even run away from her own thoughts, the way they kept reminding her of her past deeds. Was this part of her punishment? Had Leo exercised some ninja spell on her, some technique to cause her to replay her accusing actions? She wouldn't have put it past him, that much she was certain. He was as wily as he was wise, subtle in his actions, and mysterious enough to keep her wary of his intentions.

Nevertheless, Gabby couldn't help the familiar disturbing images that came to mind, forcing her to remember what she had done to cause her banishment from her daughter in the first place. She closed her eyes against them, trying to control the panic rising viciously within her. Then, what she did before that, what instigated her premature delivery of Jordan, made her inwardly cringe. If it wasn't for what she had done then, maybe Leo would have forgiven her transgressions in Japan. Yet, that wasn't the case and she, once again, thought about her foolish decision to run away with Mindy.

How stupid, she muttered silently.

Still, she couldn't ignore the awful recollection of taking Mindy from Mike's estate the way she did, discretely calling for a cab and taking off in the middle of the night with her young daughter. With Gabby herself eight months pregnant, it was a foolhardy act and even now, as she sat in the rocking chair and rocked, she could feel the despair she had felt then, too, as if it had happened yesterday. Once more, she experienced the deep sadness of leaving her beloved husband behind, the overwhelming remorse of possibly not seeing him again, her plan to protect her - their - daughter from ninjitsu and what she perceived to be its murderous traditions. Although she continued to hold to the same opinion about the ancient warrior trade, Gabby couldn't deny her guilt with how she had drugged Seth to keep him asleep. She made it worse, too, with her doing the same to her daughter, if only to keep the child quiet, while traversing the long driveway to the main road.

Gabriella's disconcerting memories weighed against her and, as she rocked, she gripped the armrests with her next memory. It had all ended in a park, with a group of drunken men who were moments away from raping her, with Mindy possibly suffering from the same fate. Had it not been for the family rescuing them and had it not been for the kunoichi, Ramica, Gabby realized that she might have lost her life and that of her daughters - all because of her unvoiced fears.

And her recollections were enough to bring back uglier events from nearly four years before that, events that led to Mindy's own conception.

With that assault coupled now with the near second rape, it had compounded the inner turmoil plaguing Gabby shortly after she had arrived in Carmel. It was what Leo had sensed from her in Japan when he began his sessions with Gabriella, what he had tried to help her through, to work her issues out into the open.

Stubbornly, despite his help and his kindness, it had fallen apart when Gabby challenged Devon's authority over Mindy. It was a sudden reaction, of course, borne out of her motherly instincts to protect, and maybe she had overreacted, but - react she did.

Now, she had all she could do to quell the trembling of her hands, battling her disconcerting recollections, as they seemed to assault her relentlessly.

"I bet he did tinker with my mind!" she spat softly, wondering how much Leo had 'read' during her stay in Japan. He would be one to play stupid, of course, allowing her to trip herself up, to then reach 'in' and grab what tidbit of proof he needed to know what she was hiding from him, her fears that fed her over protectiveness.

Although she had tried to keep her inner turmoil private – even from her own husband, it was possible that Leo had sensed the truth. Gabby had learned well enough how his father felt concerning fears and, if there was one particular kernel of wisdom that the girl had learned, it was to keep her thoughts in check.

Maybe, Gabriella thought, if I had not been so careless with my feelings, Leonardo would have been none the wiser. Maybe it began with that morning, after my walk through the ryu's gardens?

xxxxxxxx

"Where were you?" Seth had asked irritably.

As Gabby stepped through the front entrence of the guesthouse where they were staying, "I went for a walk," she snapped, keeping her voice low. She closed the door behind her and then slipped her shoes off, nudging them next to the wall with her foot. As she headed for the back bedrooms, Seth followed her. She tried to ignore him, though, her mind on other things. Gabby desperately longed for home and her impatience to return was beginning to show. Japan was nice, but she wanted the familiar sites of Big Sur, again - or even Connecticut!

However, Don's recovery from his injuries suffered during his kidnapping and torture had forced the family to stay in seclusion at the Japanese ryu. Then, coupled with the possible threat of attack should they leave the compound, Leo had imposed a form of martial law. Consequently, Gabby didn't know how long it would be before they could all fly home.

Fortunately, it was late spring and not winter. During the latter part of the year, the higher elevations of the main island of Honshu, Japan, always had snow. With a newborn to worry about, now, Gabby hoped their homecoming would happen before then. She was certain that Jordan would not do well in freezing temperatures, not where he had a heavier dose of reptilian heritage than his sister, Mindy did, did.

Still, even after a month since rescuing Don, Leo had refused to let anyone leave the compound. Until they could be safe from those who had kidnapped his brother, Leonardo deemed going for supplies the only excuse for leave his ryu and only by the senior members of the clan. Everyone else was restricted, becoming nothing more than virtual prisoners of the expansive compound where they were staying.

And it seemed that Gabby was the only one chafing under such confinement and restrictions, too. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying the little vacation.

Not too surprisingly, Riahna had fallen in love with all the gardens, their lush assortment of flowers keeping the girl more than busy. As for Gaele, even though she was anxious to get back to Connecticut and the lab there, Don had made sure his niece had a pseudo lab to work in, as well as the right type of computer to transfer her work to the stateside operations. As for the others, Seth and Devon had both begun an intense study of their ninjitsu discipline, as far as the physical aspects of it were concerned. Their first taste of battle had been successful, but it still exposed areas in their training that needed a heavy dose of fine-tuning. Consequently, they spent a good part of the day at the compound's private dojo the family often used.

Currently, though, Seth had taken the day off and that was when his wife had suddenly disappeared, only to return a moment ago.

Without saying anything to her husband, Gabby walked into the hallway that led to their sleeping quarters.

Seth followed her silently as he studied his wife, clearly not happy with her. He mentally tried to pry a little bit, trying to sense where her mood was, any stray thought that could help him understand Gabby's emotional state. But all he found was a new mental wall that she had learned to erect lately. He would have challenged her right then about it, as well as for her rudeness, too, if not for his sleeping son. But he didn't and so he waited to see if his wife would open up to him willingly.

Despite his parents' soft discourse, Jordan continued to sleep peacefully, cuddled within the confines of the snuggly strapped to his mother's front torso.

As Gabriella stepped quietly into his room, she carefully tried to disentangle herself from Jordan's carrier. Gently holding her son with one arm, she slipped the other out from one of the padded straps of the snuggly. As she struggled, Seth assisted her, holding onto a snuggly-encased Jordan for a moment, to allow Gabby to remove the carrier from herself.

That was when she noticed her husband's unsettled expression and she sighed, "I'm…sorry, Seth, for snapping at you earlier. I'm – oh, I'm just stressed out, I guess," she apologized, shrugging, "With having to stay here like a prisoner, then with Don's recovery, and now Devon and how strange he's been acting lately."

"We're not prisoners, Gabs. Father's only worried about us and is trying to keep us safe. As for Devon he's lost Rama, Gabby, how do you expect him to act?" Seth bit out gently, quirking one worried eyebrow at his wife, "It was his only chance to…"

"I know, this, Seth; it's not lost on me, okay – or on anyone, but it's…it's been a month already."

"What does time have to do with it, Gabs, when you've lost the one and only opportunity to have a normal life, a family?"

Gabby looked at her husband, as he held their sleeping son, the snuggly still wrapped protectively around the infant. She sighed again and then offered her hands, indicating for the baby. As Seth handed Jordan over to her, he exchanged his son for the snuggly, allowing his wife to lift the infant from his carrier. Cradling Jordan close to her chest, now, and as if he would quite literally float away, Gabriella closed her eyes. She nuzzled the top of his fuzzy head with her nose, his newborn sprout of blue white hair soft as goose down. She heaved another heavy sigh and then looked up at her husband again. Her eyes were now liquid pools of empathic grief and, despite her attempt not to cry, a single tear trailed down her face. Gabby then shuddered from her repressed emotions and she began to weep quietly.

Her sobs were soft at first, "I…should have forgiven her, Seth…I should have- before Rama left… to rescue Don, but I…I didn't…I'm…" She suddenly buried her face against Jordan's tiny head, "I must seem an awful person to you."

Seth quickly took their son from her before the infant woke up, "No you aren't, Gabby," he cradled the newborn protectively, " You're just – confused is all, about what Rama was and what she had to know in order to survive in her world." As Seth held Jordan into his arms, the baby stirred just a little. The infant squawked once and then settled back to sleep once again. Laying him down in his bassinette and quickly covering the tiny child with a blanket, Seth gently stroked the boy's tummy. When the father was certain that Jordan was a sleep, Seth turned and took hold of Gabby's arm. He then led her out of the room.

At first, Gabby didn't protest, but followed along, weeping almost inconsolably as her husband took her to their bedroom.

When she realized what room she was in, Gabby resisted, "No, Seth, I'm not tired," she declared through her sobs, "I'm just…"

However, before she could protest further, Seth slipped one arm behind her legs and, supporting her back with his other arm, scooped her into his embrace, carrying her to bed. After gently laying her down and drawing the covers over her, he slipped in along side his wife, protectively wrapping his arms around her.

"You might not be tired, my love, but I know for a fact that you're exhausted." He cuddled her head under his chin and hugged her tightly, kissing her curly mop of red hair, "And you've been having nightmares again, haven't you?"

The memory of his words caused Gabby to slow her rocking. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the chair's headrest. That was her first mistake, not telling Seth about her dreams, not confiding in him – and him alone. She was certain that if she had, he would have helped her through the trauma of her experiences, rather than letting his father do the job.

It still might not have changed the outcome, yet it was much easier to wonder about such things, second-guessing the situation and imagining what might have happened had she been more forthcoming with her spouse.

And even though Gabby realized Leo was patient, she knew too well that he was quite determined, as well. He had this knack for seeing more than Gabby wanted him to see and knowing more than she herself wanted to know.

In the end, all Leonardo did, in her opinion, was muddy the waters of her life. In short, Gabby was tired of having every issue, every fear, every aspect of her 'imperfection' held under Leonardo's ninjitsu microscope.

"No wonder Father chaffed under his leadership!" she grouched.

"Seth tells me that you are having nightmares, Gabriella."

Recalling Leonardo's words still caused Gabby to recoil, even though that particular confrontation had happened months earlier. Actually, it had begun innocently enough. Yet, if what had followed afterwards had not happen at all, Gabby was certain she would have made amends with her father-in-law. She would not have had a reason to challenge him and then she would still be in Japan with Mindy and Seth.

She longed to reconcile, too, but now – now, here in California, how would that happen, she asked herself.

Gabby took a few more deep breaths, keeping them quiet so as not to disturb Jordan's sleep, trying to do what Leo had taught her and in the way that he had tutored her. Remembering how she had tried in the beginning to be obedient to his instruction regarding her issues, "To ignore them makes them more persistent, to embrace them quiets their voice," he had told her one time, she allowed herself the next memory and it caused her to suck in a disconcerting breath.

Gabriella recalled that after Seth had put her to bed, after she had broken down in front of him. she had hoped her sojourn through Leo's compound earlier would have placated her anxieties, but it hadn't. That was why she had snapped at Seth when he had questioned her about her whereabouts. The way he had postured himself then, when she first walked inside their little guesthouse, the look in his face, the expression in his eyes, all seemed to confirm Gabriella's greatest and most anxious fear. It was a fear borne of when she had tried to run away with Mindy, before they knew about Don's kidnapping. It was a fear that still haunted her, even now, here in Carmel.