Nightmares. The one thing Elle wasn't warned about. She knew some people might have some side effects with the disturbing pictures they were forced to view, but she thought she was above it all. She never flinched when a murderer was in front of her. She'd be the first to jump at the chance of going to search for hostages in an abandoned house. But this, she didn't expect this.
Her heavy eyes shut as she drifted into slumber. It was a sleep she was pretty grateful for, after being awake for almost two days. No more than ten minutes after her eyes shut were they awake again. Elle jumped up in her bed, her breathing rapid, her hair messy from where she was thrashing around in the bed. Her hand went to her forehead and wiped the beaded sweat off of it. Slowly she blinked, and looked at her door. Then the horrific image came back. It's haunting voice in her ear. "Elle." She snapped her head to the other side. "Why did you leave me, Elle? Why didn't you save me?" The haunting image of the girl scared her as she jumped and blinked and attempted to fix her mind. The image was gone, along with the haunting voice. Slowly, she lay back in the bed and tried to get back to sleep but her mind wouldn't let her.
Three-Thirty am and Elle was sitting at her desk in the BAU, her mind trying to push out the girl. She rushed and started out on filling in her files. Her hand worked seemingly at twenty miles per hour as she flew into work mode, overloading the thoughts of the nightmares in her brain. writing so fast, her hand started to cramp up and she had to let the pen drop to rub the aching spot on her hand. Softly at first, but getting more and more frustrated by the cramps presence still being there. Finally! Her hand found relief and she picked the pen back up, continuing to write at a speedy pace. One file done! She made a mental note crossing it off in her brain and closed the file, moving onto the next in the stack. Quickly, she came to each new one as it opened and finished it in what seemed only a few minutes. Her hand went to open the next one, but she stopped hesitantly. This was it. Her file. The girl that was haunting her sleep. She debated whether to open the file. Be face-to-face with the horrible crime scene photos once again. Be forced to re-live the torture, pain and rape a fourteen-year-old girl faced. And it was all her fault. She was to late. She missed the chance to save her. No one else. Just her. Slowly her mind buzzed back over the facts. Her eyes drifted again, and glanced at Hotch's office. Sat, neatly on his desk were his pile of files, already done. She knew Hotch must have left only ten minutes before she arrived. Her next glance drifted toward the next office, Gideon's. The same was there, only his files weren't done, she could tell they were still in the unsorted pile he had placed them on his desk in. One more shift of her eyes and she looked at JJ's office, she saw the blonde busily reading through files still. She looked wide awake. Elle was unsure whether that was the sixty cups of coffee she knew she would have drank or the sleep JJ caught on the plane home. She knew everyone but them two were at home, sleeping peacefully. Hotch with his wife and new-born son, after his hour nap on the plane. Gideon, like Morgan and Reid hadn't slept. They all sat up and played cards. JJ had slept from the minute the plane took off until she was forced awake when it landed. And Elle, she hadn't slept properly in days and she didn't expect to start now. She was not going to tell anyone. It was none of their business'. Slowly, without Elle even noticing, her eyes began to drop, and she fell into a deep sleep.
"I didn't expect to see you here." The younger blonde stood at the top of the stairs noticing a presence at Elle's desk. She walked over to her, getting no response and sighed at Elle's sleeping form, placing the files in her hand on Morgan's desk. "Elle." She softly spoke and kneeled next to the girl. Wiping a strand of hair out of her face. "Sweetie." She spoke again, her hand reaching to rub Elle's back. Suddenly, Elle shot up, making JJ jump as well and started to hyperventilate. "Elle. Elle!" JJ looked frightened as Elle started shouting at someone that wasn't there.
"Leave me alone! Go away! No, no!" She started shouting.
"Elle! Elle, it's JJ." She placed her hand on top of Elle's shaking one.
"JJ?" She snapped out of the trance and looked panicked when she struggled to catch her breath.
"Sshh. Deep breaths." She coached her, rubbing Elle's back softly until she felt her breathing calm down. "Are you okay?" She softly asked and received a nod from Elle. "Good. Are you going to tell me what all that was about?" Elle could see the worry in her eyes, but she didn't want to see her as weak; if she told her, JJ would tell Hotch and he wouldn't let her out on the field anymore.
"No. It was nothing." JJ could see the tears in her eyes from the horrible nightmare. She could tell it wasn't nothing. The bags from Elle's exhausted state were prominent under her eyes and she looked worn out. But she knew Elle wouldn't tell her, not until she was ready. "Okay. But I'm always here, if you ever want to talk, remember that." She smiled sweetly.
"I know. Thanks." Their talk was cut off by the phone in JJ's office going off.
"I'll be back."
Elle watched as she raced off and picked up the phone, standing up talking for a couple of minutes. She analysed that JJ knew this was going to take a while because she sat at her desk. Then the phone was hung up. Waiting, she expected the blonde to come out and see her again, but instead she rang several other numbers before leaving the office.
"We have a case."
That was Elle's cue to get her ass up to the meeting room, which she did and sat down in her normal place waiting for the other members of her team to arrive. It seemed like forever before Morgan and Reid bounced into the room, coffee's in their hands.
"Well good morning." Morgan smiled at Elle until he saw her not-amused face.
"Yeah."
"God you look like hell!" He exclaimed.
"thanks."
"I know you have all had little sleep, but the second this case is over we'll be able to rest again." Hotch said as he entered the room, Gideon, JJ and Garcia behind him.
The jet was off and so was everyone else. They had already gone over the file several times in the meeting room and now they need rest before arriving at Connecticut. Garcia had been dragged along in this case to check the surveillance system and everyone else was present. Morgan, Reid and Garcia were all asleep in their chairs. Garcia's head resting on Morgan's chest. Reid with his thin blanket over him. And down the other end of the jet, Elle lay, pretending to be asleep. Wishing desperately that she was. JJ glanced from where she was sitting facing Hotch who was reading over the case file. Gideon across the plane doing the exact same. She saw Elle asleep and turned to Hotch, whispering, her voice barely audio able.
"Hotch?" He looked up letting a groan come out of his mouth.
"What is it JJ?" You could see he wasn't in a good mood and disturbing him wasn't a wise choice.
"Oh sorry, it doesn't matter." She looked down, avoiding his look analysing JJ's worry.
"No, go on."
A deep breath followed before she continued, "It's Elle."
"JJ, I told you she can handle these cases." Hotch thought JJ was just moaning about Elle again.
"She keeps having nightmares."
"What?"
"Yeah, she was in work a few minutes after you left. Did all her work and fell asleep. I woke her back up and she started screaming at someone to get away and leave her alone. Then she hyperventilated."
"Okay. I'll have a word with her."
"Thanks." She smiled at him great fully.
The rest of the plane journey went quiet. JJ had noticed that Hotch hadn't bothered to look at his file again, instead he glanced at Elle from time-to-time. Then at JJ, and next Gideon. Obviously, he was deciding a was to tell Gideon; he was better at the nightmare talk than him.
Elle, still sat away from the group. Her eyes were now open as she watched the clouds passing by through the window. There was only ten minutes before they landed and she was exhausted. Her eyes longed to shut, and settle her into a slumber that she believed would never end. Her head relied on her hand, leaning heavily on it with her exhausted state. Everyone else on the plane had woken up, due to Hotch and Gideon telling them all they'd be landing soon. They all looked around after realising she wasn't in her normal place on the plane.
"She doesn't look great." Morgan whispered much to Elle's annoyance, she wanted to scream at him, tell him to but out of her business, but she couldn't. Her eye's wouldn't even move to glare at him with her exhaustion.
"Yeah, I think we'll just send her to the hotel from here. Gideon, you take her. Reid and Morgan go to Bennett's house, JJ and I will go to the station then to Sander's house." He ordered.
"What do you think is wrong with her?" Jason looked at everyone, but only JJ and Hotch knew what was going on.
"We'll discuss it in a minute."
Elle had no will power any more. Her eyes slowly fell and she succumbed to the sleep. Everyone still watching her like a hawk. Her breathing calmed down as she went into her sleepy state.
"Should we get her back up?" Garcia commented.
"No, leave her for the last ten minutes. I'll wake her up when we leave." Ordered Gideon, but before anyone could respond, Elle started talking in her sleep and moving frantically around.
"Peanut..." A haunting voice once again filled Elle's dreams.
"How do you know that name? You have no right to call me that!" she exclaimed.
"I can call you whatever I want, it's payback for not saving me."
"It wasn't my fault. I tried my best. I was just too late!" Everyone watched concerned as Elle started to cry in her asleep state. Gideon raced over and tried to wake her up.
"Elle. Elle!" He shook her.
"Look at them, pathetic. They're trying to save you. But they'll be to late. Just like how you were too late to save me!" In her dream she saw everyone else just laughing at her frantic state.
"No. Save me, please!" She shouted.
"Elle!" He shouted again and shook her. Suddenly, Elle took a deep breath and her eyes shot open. She began to hyperventilate. "Here." he placed her head in between her legs and rubbed her back. "Deep breaths." By now the rest of the team were gathered around her chair as well. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, when she finally calmed down. Slowly, Elle shook her head, not wanting to open her mouth because she could feel the sickly feeling growing in her stomach. she tried to contain herself, but the bile kept rising making her mouth watery. Suddenly she felt trapped, looking for a way out of the crowd to reach the toilet. To late! she threw up right over the side of her chair. That made them all back up from her.
She tried to stop herself, but the heaves kept coming along with the vomit. "God!" Hotch tried to make her stand up and reach the toilet, but it was like she was glued to her chair.
"I got her." Morgan went to her other side and with the help of Hotch, they picked her up, and tried to help her to the toilet. Suddenly, she stopped, propping herself up on two chairs on either side of her. Behind her Morgan stood. Hotch raced off to see when they would land.
"They said we'd be there in two minutes." He looked at Elle who was taking deep breaths, all of them thinking it was to clear her nauseous.
Her head whirled, spinning round and round. A deep, loud pounding filled her mind as she groaned. The sickly feeling was gone, but now she felt faint. Slowly, she felt herself succumbing into the darkness and falling backwards. The last thing she heard were cries of, "Elle!"
Her eyes slowly opened as she looked around the hospital room, she felt a drip in her hand.
"Hey, you're up." JJ smiled and brushed hair out of her face.
"What...?" She weakly asked, opening her eyes further and seeing the rest of the team in the room with her.
"You collapsed. They said you were exhausted and dehydrated." Reid filled her in.
"I'm so so-" Gideon cut her off.
"Why didn't you tell us?" He sounded mad.
"I didn't -"
"We could have helped. We've all been there."
"What?"
"Yeah. Even me." Morgan informed her. She passed him a confused look as he started to explain about the case he was on and wishing for another body to help them catch the killer. Then the girls eyes, looking at him guiltily. "It's haunted me forever." He forced a smile at her.
"Mine was to do with my first case... Lilliana Jennings. She was burned alive and then just dumped in a dumpster. And it was all my fault. If I hadn't done the press conference he wouldn't have felt trapped and we would have saved her." She confessed.
"Reily O'Neil." Hotch came in on the conversation, "six-years-old. His father lost custody of him and wanted to be close to him. He took several other boys that looked like Riley at the age of six. All until they grew up. They all looked different. Eventually, he took Riley. Stole him on his way home from school. By the time we had tracked him, both of them were dead, lying in a coffin of blood. A note in Riley's trouser pocket said, 'Why let him do this to me? Why didn't you save me?"
By the time Reid, Garcia and Gideon had told Elle their stories, she was overwhelmed. Knowing she'd be forced to accept it.
"Rebecca Lowing."
"The one from a month ago?" She nodded.
"it was my fault. I knew the clue to finding her, I didn't tell you. I went there. she was already dead, it was all my fault. If we hadn't have dawdled we would have made it in time to save her."
"It's not your fault, Elle. You will need to deal with it. We all make mistakes, but focus on all the people you have saved. Remember all of them before you go to sleep. It'll over power the nightmares." Gideon held her hand.
"Seriously?" She looked disbelieved.
"It's worked fine for me."
"And me." Everyone commented.
She smiled softly. "Okay. I'll try." She smiled.
"Try and get some sleep now then. We'll come and see you later." They all smiled and left the room.
"Sir." Garcia got Gideon's attention, "I can access the surveillance from here on my laptop. Shall I stay with her in case she has more nightmares?" He nodded and left.
Opening her eyes, Elle saw Garcia re-enter the room. "Aren't you going with them?" She asked.
"No, I thought I'd stay with you. Now go to sleep."
"I can't." Confessed Elle. "Every time I try to remember someone we saved, I remember someone I lost."
"Okay, how about this." Garcia sat down and opened the laptop, going through some files she stopped at one and opened it, "Elaine Curtis. You saved her on the train when the psycho was on it with the guns, remember?" Elle nodded, "Well now, she has a son. A month old. Called... Josh."
"Really?" She smiled widely.
"Really." Clicking a few more time she found a picture, "See, there he is." She showed her the pictures. Penelope picked up on Elle's yawn and smiled, "Now try to sleep."
Nodding, Elle turned away from the laptops bright light and closed her eyes. "Garcia?"
"Mmm-Hmm?" She looked up.
"Thanks. You're a great friend. Everyone is."
"Oh I know. They're all good friends to have."
"I know."
"Friendship is the most important thing." She smiled as Elle gave a tiny noise back, showing she was just dropping off to sleep. Slowly, her breathing calmed and she was asleep at last. Thanks to her 6 friends. She didn't know what she'd do without them.
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Dedicated to Rebecca Murphy AKA Toast Winchester, on 8th Feb 2010. For international Tautumn Day.
- International Tautumn Day - first started on 7th February 2010. To be celebrated on 8th February of every year.
It is created by two best friends (Toast and Autumn) as a day for both of them to write each other a story to do with friendship. The story can involve ANYTHING as long as the theme is friendship, then will be put online on any website, but for Tautumn its: .net dedicated to the friend you would love to see it. This should be done EVERY year on the 8th Feb to show your friend you always remember them on this day and you will never forget them.
Happy writing! -
So to Becca who I wouldn't know how to live without.
Happy Tautumn Day!
Xx Autumn xX