A.N. While I have written most of the text outside of direct speech in unorky English, any speech will be in Orkish. THIS IS INTENTIONAL. I do not (sadly) own Warhammer 40K, orks or anything else. Games workshop does.
Chapter 1: Tankkrusha's project
Big Mek Tankkrusha set down his tools with a contented sigh. He fished a copy of his plans out of a greasy pocket and compared them to the finished battlewagon in front of him. His contentment suddenly vanished in a huff of anger. The wagon looked wrong, something wasn't quite right. His eyes widened in horror as he realized what the grots had done to his latest creation. "OI!" he yelled to the mek shop in general "Which one of you runtz put da cab on back-to-front?"
Tankkrushas workshop was the biggest and most successful in the whole WAAAGH, his size and genius level of intelligence quickly putting an end to nearby competition. The Warlord of the WAAAGH, Boss Groznob, being a bit brighter than most of his fellow greenskins, had promoted Tankkrusha to the head of his own warband. Because of this the mek had all the power and resources he wanted and respect and fear from any other ork. No one would willingly tangle with Tankkrusha as they would then have to suffer the consequences (usually being 'volunteered' as an upsized grot-bomb pilot) of interfering with the warlord's top mek.
Tankkrusha's legendary intelligence had allowed Groznobz WAAAGH to expand and conquer far more than most uprising warlords. His inventions such as the Personal tellyporta had not only cemented his usefulness to Groznob but to all of Ork-kind. Right now however his great mind was failing him. His latest order from one of Groznobz warbosses had left him stupefied. The large ork had wanted a battlewagon which had "More dakka than a Battlefortress but small enuff so it don't get impe- impede-, err stuck in small spotz." In addition, the boss had still wanted it to carry lots of boys. Looking up from his plans again the Mek inspected his work.
The battlewagon was covered with guns. He wasn't sure whether there was more guns than there was wagon. He ignored the small gaggle of grots desperately trying to fix the back-to-front drivers cabin and walked around the side of the overburdened vehicle. His mind briefly wondered how he was going to fit all the ammo the guns would need but he dismissed it almost as quickly. He pulled himself up into the crowed troop bay, feeling the vehicle sag under his enormous weight. Suddenly, the vehicles straining suspension gave way underneath him sending him flying to ground. The wagon rolled over crushing a trio of grots next to it in a spray of gore. Shaking his head groggily, Tankkrusha pulled himself up with a chuckle. "Suppose I should fix dat…"
"Holy zog…" The warboss stuttered "It's… it's… bootiful!"
"Of course it is, I built it fer ya!" Tankkrusha replied boastfully
The two orks were examining the finished Battlewagon. Tankkrusha had fixed the suspension and strengthened it considerably after it had collapsed last time. He decided not to mention that to the large ork next to him. Despite being a mek, Tankkrusha was a large ork. He stood slightly over three meters high, higher if he bothered to stand up straight. Despite his impressive bulk he wasn't quite as big as the brute next to him. Not wanting to anger the boss through impatience the mek showed him around the vehicle, pointing out the go faster buttons and were all the guns were, apparently satisfied with the sheer number of guns and cannons attached to the tank, the warboss gave him a hard slap on the back. "Youz dun a gud job, but…" He trailed off "Can yer get more gunz on it?" While no self-respecting ork would ever say no, Tankkrusha baulked at the prospect of fitting more gunz on the overloaded wagon. "Well…." He also trailed off, his brain trying to figure out where another gun could go. "Not if yer want ter fit any ladz in the back" He looked around sheepishly hoping the boss wouldn't give him a punch to the jaw. Surprisingly the bosses gaze dropped to the floor with an almost disappointed look on his face. "Okay, suppoz dat'll be enuff dakka." He said. Pleased with this outcome, Tankkrusha relieved his customer of a large bag of teef before yelling to his underlings to get the wagon outside.
"Well dat went well" Tankkrusha said to himself as he walked back inside. His mind was already thinking of new and better machines to build. "OI! Gitknuckle! Get yerself over here". At this command a grot's head appeared from behind some barrels and looked around at the sound. Gitnuckle was one of Tankkrushas grot helpers, a small diminutive green creature who stood a little over a meter and a half tall, Gitknuckle pulled himself up and walked over to were Tankkrusha was standing. Although Tankkrusha would never admit it, Gitnuckle was his more useful grot assistant. "Yes boss?" he asked Tankkrusha as he neared. "I need yer to go get da ta-do-list list and see if dere's any 'uver stuff ter do. Tankkrusha watched the small creature go carry out the required task. Pulling out an old cigar from one of his pockets he started scrabbling around for a lighter until someone started smashing on the door. The sudden noise startled him but he quickly regained his composure and walked over to the large door set in the wall. "Yer, yer I'm comin ya git" he yelled over the din. He yanked the door open roughly not noticing a dozen heavy dents in it. "Yer can cut it ou..." His voice trailed off and his eyes widened at the sight in front of him. Before him stood a massive ork in an ostentatious suit of mega-armour. Standing at least 5 meters tall he towered over the mek. He realized with a pang of fear that the massive ork was eye to eye with one of his massive mega-dreads. Tankkrusha realized this was had to be Warlord Groznob himself.
Groznob peered down at the comparatively tiny mek in front of him and gave him a whack on the head. "Ooze ya callin a git?" He said, his speech punctuated by his amour servos whining in protest at his sudden movement. Tankkrusha reeled from the blow. "Er.. Yeah... Sorry boss" was all he could manage. He had no idea what the warlord wanted. He guessed that he would find out, provided he wasn't accidently crushed by the massive ork. Realising the warlord wouldn't fit through the door, Tankkrusha opened the massive shutter door next to it to allow the warlord in without wrecking his shop. Mustering up the courage to talk to the towering figure he asked "Did yer want somefing Boss?"
"No ya stupid git, I just came all da way out here just fer a squigbeer" Groznob replied, sarcasm evident in his voice. Tankkrusha was glad that was all the boss did. Most other orks would have probably got an arm ripped off for annoying the Warlord like that. "Trankkrusha," the warlord continued." I need yer to build me somefing. A huge somefing. Sumfing like one of dem humie titans"
A mental image of one of the towering human war machines popped into Tankkrusha's head. He grinned at the concept. Grabbing out a tattered notepad the mek quickly started writing. "What's it got ter do? Stomp sumfing?" he asked.
"I was gettin' to dat!" Groznob yelled, before returning to his relatively calm state. "Well it would be big. Really big. And stompy. Big and stompy. Wiff loadza gunz." The boss added as if it necessary. Orks being orks, they would naturally slap on as many gunz as they could get their hands on.
"Big an stompy wiff loadza gunz" Tankkrusha murmured to himself as he wrote it down. "I want it ter scary da 'umies and fer it to be able ter crush all 'der stuff. Like dis" He grabbed an errant grot that had the misfortune to be nearby before crushing it deftly in his palm. Although somewhat irked at the loss of another grot, Tankkrusha attention was rapt at Groznobz description of this war machine. He wondered why he had never thought of something like this before. It would be huge. Massive! Bigger than any of the titans he had seen the human's field. His vision came into sudden clarity in his mind, a huge steel behemoth towering over him, bristling with guns, big stomping feet for stomping stuff, layer upon layer of armour and countless rivits. His imagination started running wild. He suddenly noticed the warlord had stopped talking and was giving him a strange look. "Umm… sorry boss" he uttered as realized how stupid he must have looked. "Just get buildin", Groznob replied "I'll sent yer all the boyz, scrap, and gunz yer need." With that Groznob stomped out of the mek shop and into a waiting battlefortress which had somehow arrived unnoticed. Gitknuckle appeared from behind Tankkrusha with a mangled page held in front of him. "Urr… Dere's nuffin else on the da-do-list boss" the grot said oblivious to the warlord's visit. Tankkrusha just grinned widely before turning to the grot "Actually we do have sumfing. A noo' projket from Groznob"
"What iz it?" The grot asked interested, few things could get his master so excited. In response Tankkrusha shoved the notes he had scribbled down in Gitknuckle's face. Reading the notes, an insane grin crept onto the grots face.
Yay! First chapter done. Will update when I have spare time and feel like writing
Please R&R! While I am confident in my own writing skills I want to know what you guys/ girls/ other think! Cookies will be distributed liberally. (Honest!)