This is it. This is the moment. I realize that I actually might lose Simon. I already lost Mom and Luke. I couldn't lose Simon. It was Simon. The boy who was there longer than I could remember. My rock when everything went crazy. He was there. And at this moment his mangled body, was lying in my arms. All that went through my mind was I can't lose him. Then I made a choice that I didn't even know if it was what he would've wanted. I just couldn't bare the thought of life without Simon.
I don't even know what I was doing. I just remember my mind freezing when I saw Raphael at the door, holding him. Next time I had a break was yelling that we had to bury him in a Jewish cemetery, and the next time was waiting for him to claw his way out. I wondered if he would hate me for doing this. His whole life would change. Simon being vegetarian and then suddenly wanting blood. I also wondered if he would hate me, resent me, detest me for doing that to him. Making that decision for him. His life would be entirely different.
In those moments I knew everything would change. Way more than it already had. Me being Shadow hunter, Luke being a werewolf, my dad being Valentine and finding this world, that we thought only existed in fiction. Would he spend his life ignoring my existence? Would he have rather died then? Was I being selfish when I wanted him to be a vampire? I didn't know if I could live with the fact my . Wasn't living anymore. It didn't matter what choice I made than, because either way Simon was dying. His heart will never beat again.
In the back of my mind where I was drifting waiting for Simon to come up, I remember a quote I read somewhere "Friendship is a promise made in the heart. Silent. Unwritten. Unbreakable by distance. Unchangeable by time."I thought it was true, but then I thought of all the friendships I had which turned bad and how Simon was there for me. Could time really never change us? Now Simon had all the time he could ever need. I wondered if somewhere down the line if Simon would forget all about me when he\s on some grand adventure. Than my senses came back that Simon and I had a friendship was stronger than that. It was stronger than my Mom\s and mine and even Luke's and mine. It was like that game of Red Rover. No matter how hard you tried to get past us. We were impenetrable. An unbreakable link. A force to be reckoned with
. My thought was broken by the sound of earth unraveling. I ran and saw Simon slowing coming back up from the ground. Without thinking I ran to him. Telling him |it's me. It's Clary" In return he tried to bite me. Raphael gave him blood . I was thankful that he was okay though. I didn't care that he just tried to kill me by draining my blood. If he wanted to he could, I would let him. It was my fault he was a vampire. Nobody could convince me otherwise. He got into this world because of me. He went to that party for me, where he got turned into a rat. And when he got taken to the Dumont and was terrified, and bit Raphael was because of me. Simon biting Raphael resulted in this. I will do whatever I can do to protect Simon. I will always be at fault for what has happened to him. It is my burden to carry.