For several moments the once powerful warlocks mind was a muddle of confusion as memories of a dozen lifetimes came rushing back at once. Each one struggling to stand out from the rest, as similarities blurred them together. The same souls meeting again and again, with different lives and different faces.
He clutched his head and frantically tried to sort each world from the next.
After a time the haze lifted and it was easy to look back and know without too much confusion which events had transpired in which lifetime.
It was a strange feeling; to be aware of so many of his past incarnations. To think back on so many lives, each different, different appearances, different experiences, different personalities yet each of them inspiring in him a solid sense of self. An indisputable certainty that, that was me. Every one of them. They were all me.
A curious eye rose to meet the being in front of him, familiar for multiple reasons.
So many names he had known this woman by, which to use? What was the current one?
She smiled and it clicked into place. "Cordelia."
"Hello Merlin"
Odd, she's chosen to use his first name. He would do the same then.
"Hello Morgana"
She smiled again. This time it held an edge of sadness. Things between them had not been good in that first world.
"What's going on?"
The need to know was nagging at him like an itch he couldn't scratch and nothing could have held the question back.
"I've restored your memories."
"Why?" He had seen enough magic used in such extraordinary ways that he didn't even bother asking 'how?'
"Because I'm leaving."
He frowned in confusion. "Leaving?"
"Leaving the realm of mortals. Leaving the circle of birth and rebirth we have been chained to for so long." She took a seat beside him at the table
"My powers of sight were restored in this world, but here I had the help denied me in our first life. With that support I was able to put those powers to proper use. Now they have reached fruition. My duty to this realm is complete and the 'powers that be' have chosen me to ascend to a higher state of being."
He stared at her blankly for a moment. Astonished by the news and tried to find words suitable for a response.
"Wow" is what he settled on.
She smiled again. Her eyes held a kindness and peace he had never seen in her before. She looked serene.
"Since I will no longer be reborn alongside you this is my last opportunity in life to set things right between us. I wanted to apologise for every wrong I ever caused you and offer forgiveness for those you caused me"
The gravity of those words settled in his heart, memories of all their interactions over the lifetimes flooding back all at once.
The apology was nice to hear.
The forgiveness was like a balm, soothing cracks in his soul he hadn't even known were there.
He had failed this woman in so many ways. Always too focused on other things, usually Arthur, to see her need, her pain until it was too late and she became an enemy, forcing him to cause even more harm. Even now in this world he had done nothing to help her; the support and guidance she needed to bring her to this point of being, provided by others.
A small palm rose to settle on his cheek, wiping away a tear he hadn't felt fall and raising his face, encouraging him to meet her eyes with the one he still had use of.
He could see the magic pulsating through her. Pure in a way that mortal magic never was. He could see it now. The truth of her previous words.
She was not a part of this world anymore. She was more than that.
A question suddenly occurred to him inspiring a panic he was unaccustomed to.
"Where's my magic?"
The seer let out a light chuckle. "Don't worry it's in good hands."
An image of red hair invaded his mind and he knew she was right, Willow, his beautiful friend, there was no one else he would trust more with it.
Hm, no wonder she hadn't been able to hurt him on the hill, his magic recognised its old master and shielded him.
With that realisation he also understood why his friend had felt so drawn to Tara; his magic inside of her had sensed more than just another witch, it had remembered the love he once felt for that same soul, his first love, his lady of the lake.
Poor Freya, once again lost too soon.
For a while the silence settled between the old friends / enemies until a snort broke the peace.
The seer looked towards the former warlock in curiosity.
He grinned at her, innocent amusement shining from his face, this incarnation was so much like his original self it was startling, the same carefree kindness. "Arthur makes a pretty girl doesn't he?"
The ridiculous statement hung in the air between them for a moment before both descended simultaneously into a fit of giggles.
Cordelia felt more human than she had in weeks, the burden of her coming ascension pulling back for a moment as she let herself laugh with the only person in the world who could ever truly understand her.
"And the knights" she added with a grin. "What I want to know is... why does Gaius look like Uther now?"
Merlin laughed harder until he was doubled over clutching his stomach. "Oh god, I'll never be able to look at him with a straight face again."
It took a moment for him to realise the other being had stopped laughing and he glanced up at her in confusion.
She looked sad again.
"What?" He frowned.
"I'm sorry."
"For wh... You're not going to let me remember are you?" He knew it was true even as he asked.
"I can't, that's not how it works."
He understood. For the last few minutes the weight of his memories had been pressing down on him. All the lives he had lived.
He had never remembered before now.
Even as Christopher he hadn't remembered. Had figured it out, joined the dots enough for a few memories to slip through from time to time but he had never truly remembered.
Every life.
Every loved one.
Every moment of joy and of pain. The grief that came with losing everything time and time again only to start over and do it again in another life, another world.
It was just... too much for a mortal mind.
With a nervous swallow to keep his emotions in check the former sorcerer squared his shoulders and held his head high.
"Ok."
The seer smiled sadly again, leaning forward to wrap him in a hug.
He hugged her back, letting the motion convey everything he had been unable to say for so long. I'm sorry too. I forgive you too.
"Good luck, wherever you're going. Don't forget us"
"I won't, I'll watch over you my friend. In this life and the next for as long as I need to. Be safe"
In a flash of light she was gone and Xander blinked his eyes a few time in confusion. He felt... odd. A strange mix of sad and happy, but also relieved, like a great weight had just been lifted from his shoulders. What that weight was, he couldn't put his finger on.
The library he was in suddenly felt empty, like something was missing from the space but he wasn't sure what. It was unsettling.
With a sigh the dark haired man closed the book he couldn't find the focus to read and stood up deciding to go and find Willow.
He had always felt more grounded when she was near him.
This is a follow on from my story 'I will follow you' showing a glimpse of Merlin's life within the Charmed universe. If you have any ideas for other worlds he could appear in / characters he could be reincarnated as let me know and if i like them i will rite them.