Erik felt ashamed. The fact that Erik Lehnsherr never felt shame spoke volumes of the situation he found himself in now.
He took a seat on the nearest bench and put his head in his shaking hands. What an imbecile he had been! he berated himself. Even the thought of someone he had never met could love him now seemed so naïve and stupid to him. No one in real life had shown any sign of love for him since his parents' passing. Erik was almost laughing bitterly at the fact he had thought Charles Xavier would've been any different.
It had all started a few months ago, but it felt like decades to him now. Erik had stumbled upon the young professor's recent paper on mutation on the Web and had immediately contacted Xavier about the risky subjects of mutants.
A quick search on Wikipedia had told him he had just contacted one of the youngest Oxford professors and the heir of the Xavier fortune, currently residing in England away from his gigantic mansion in New York State. He had expected everything from the e-mail he was sent back, but was pleasantly surprised when he received a heartfelt answer about Charles' own mutation and telepathy.
He'd been so happy to find a kindred spirit in a fellow mutant that he immediately sent another e-mail. Charles replied, and it went on like that for months, sending messages back and forth. Sometimes, they talked about mutants, or their respective jobs as professor and engineer, or even about how their day went, depending on the mood.
For the life of himself, Erik couldn't tell when he'd started to fall in love with these words written on a screen, but Charles' thoughtful, kind answers had managed to make him feel something he had never felt for anyone before.
The night Erik had lost his job, he'd contacted Charles, telling him all about his financial troubles and the fact he couldn't afford the apartment he was living in anymore, even with his parents' inheritance. He had been expecting pity on the other's part, but had received an e-mail telling a different story. When the professor had suggested they meet face-to-face and he come live with him until he could be back on his feet, Erik had been completely thrilled.
He had his rent taken care of and jumped in an airplane the following day. He had left everything behind to meet a man he had never even seen, not even in photograph. That had been an odd thing about Charles; for a man described as being rather dashing and handsome, he had never let any paparazzi take photos of himself. Erik hadn't thought about it at first, but now found himself stupid for his lack of curiosity in the matter.
He hadn't been able to tell Charles exactly when he would arrive, so he was pleasantly surprised to see a man lock the door to Xavier's office at this late hour.
He looked a bit older than Erik had expected, being maybe in his mid-thirties and not his late-twenties as the article he had read suggested, but had thought that age difference meant the article was outdated or wrong. Nobody could trust Wikipedia for always being right anyway, his mother had told him countless of times.
"Charles!" he had exclaimed upon arriving near the man in the empty corridor before taking a hold of his hand. "I'm Erik! It's so wonderful to finally be able to meet you, face-to-face! Do I look different than what you expected?"
The man had gazed at him before a flash of recognition ignited his eyes. A grin had grown on his face, and if he hadn't known better, Erik would say it had looked rather cruel.
"Of course! Erik, Erik Lehnsherr!" the man had replied with an American accent, the one Erik had expected from someone who had grown up in the United States. He looked him over, making Erik blush in the process. "I have to say, you look less like the man I had imagined… and not in a good way."
Erik had taken a step back at the harsh comment. Had the rather sweet e-mails he had received from Charles Xavier in the past few months been written by the same man standing in front of him?
"No, I had expected to see someone far more… soigné. Look at you, showing up on Oxford campus wearing such rags…! Don't you think you make a rather ugly first impression? Don't you think that a man working at this prestigious school would've liked to see someone who actually respected his profession? And I who thought you so… thoughtful. I'm sorry Erik, but I do not think this is going to work. Adieu."
Cold and demeaning, Charles Xavier had left him standing there, his steps echoing in the empty corridor. Now, here he was, reliving the painful memory while sitting on this bench, head in his hands. He felt tears run down his cheeks, but didn't wipe them away.
Erik slowly drowned in self-pity.
What was he going to do? He had left Germany in the hope he could find a new home with one Charles Xavier, but had been completely shut away by the same man. He had neither a job neither a roof over his head, and only had his parents' inheritance to keep him from starving, and that wouldn't last for long.
For God's sake, what the hell was he going to do?
After a moment, Erik looked up and found himself in complete darkness. He had arrived right at the sun setting, but the fact they were almost upon the summer solstice meant the sun wouldn't set until nine o'clock. Rain clouds were plaguing the sky, making it even harder to see around him.
Erik groaned. It seemed like the universe wanted him to know he was the butt of the joke. Here he was, in complete darkness in a city he didn't know and with the threat of rain literally hanging over his head.
Erik didn't have much to do, so he took a cab. Almost as soon as he stepped inside the vehicle, it started to rain. The driver cheekily congratulated him for his luck, but he was in no mood for humor. He asked him as politely as he could to take him to the nearest bar.
Erik paid the taxi driver, who had mentioned his name was Darwin, and quickly walked inside. As soon as he put a wet foot on the floor, he felt the need to go back in the pouring rain. Even the thought of having fun while dancing and singing made him want to puke, never mind the sight of it all. Maybe coming here was a bad idea… not the first one he had had recently.
Still, the warmth that filled him upon entering the building was enough to make him stay. He made his way inside, pushing past dancing, drunk students, and took a seat at the bar. He asked for a beer and gazed at his hands, not wanting to be a part of all the fun everybody was having.
He thanked the barman upon receiving his drink and sipped it absent-mindedly. After a while, he started to warm up to the lively place. Maybe everything in his life was going wrong, but at the moment, he wasn't freezing in the rain, at least. It could've been worse… maybe.
A glimpse of an attractive young man sitting at a table with a blonde girl caught his eye. The young man's bright blue eyes shone in the light, and his cherry-red lips never stopped moving as he talked. Erik found himself unable to gaze away as a hand went through his brown hair.
That was when the man's eyes found his.
Caught red-handed, Erik gazed at his drink once again and gulped it down. Don't even consider it, he thought. You don't need any more heartbreak. He had to refrain himself from groaning when a hand put itself on his shoulder.
"I saw you staring at me and wondered whether you'd like to join us, me and my sister Raven." The young man he had been eying earlier, who spoke with a rather cute British accent, smiled at him. Erik couldn't help but take in the sight of him, for a moment. Up close, he was even more attractive, he had to admit.
"I'll pay for the next drink, of course." Even though every instincts screamed at him to forget it, Erik accepted and followed the man to his table. He didn't talk to the girl, Raven, even though she smiled cheerfully at him. The fact that the Charles Xavier he had written to all these months had a sister named Raven didn't help the matter.
He didn't mean to get drunk. It just… happened. Actually, it wasn't until the young man with whom he had been sitting was asked for a drinking challenge that he fully realized he was completely drunk. When he leapt off his feet to follow him, Erik realized the room was spinning.
One single thought screamed at him to get the hell out of there. Why, he couldn't actually understand, but still, he followed that instinct. The German man stumbled out the door, and was surprised to see it had stopped raining, yet fat dark clouds hung in the sky. How long had he been inside that bar?
He started to walk down the road, trying his hardest to put one foot in front of the other but not really succeeding. The cold wind hitting his face was the most refreshing thing he had ever felt in hours, it seemed. He had only made a few drunken steps when he took a seat by the road.
He couldn't help but have this nagging feeling at the back of his head that he had sunk low, too low. He was in a city he didn't know, had nowhere to go because the man he secretly loved had rejected him upon first sight, was drunk and sitting on the sidewalk waiting for whatever next cruelty the world was going to send his way.
Yet, he didn't find himself caring. It was as if his ability to care was just… gone. Maybe it was because he couldn't sink any lower, or maybe because it was such a beautiful night out. How could he know?
Still, he just couldn't give a fuck right now.
"You really do wear your heart on your sleeve, my friend," said a voice with a familiar British accent by him. Refraining a sigh, Erik looked up. Of course, it was the young man from earlier.
He took a seat on the sidewalk next to Erik.
"What do you know about me?"
"Well," answered the young man with a smile, eyes currently locked on the sky, "from what your thoughts tell, I know a lot more than a stranger should. Luckily, we are not strangers, Erik."
Erik frowned. Who was this young man, and how did he know his name? He clearly remembered never telling it, and he didn't know the other's name.
"Oh, of course. I'm a mutant too. A telepath to be precise, and I have to say that your thoughts are screaming rather loudly, Erik."
"Get the hell out of my head," answered Erik. Rather angrily, he rose to his feet and started to walk drunkenly further down the road. The man easily caught up with him, as though he hadn't been drinking all night too.
"I didn't do it on purpose, your thoughts were literally screaming at me to reach out to you. It was the accent that gave you away… German. I wasn't sure at first, but then you went through your memories of the day and… I should have introduced myself earlier. I am Charles Xavier."
Now, Erik wondered just how much alcohol he had drank in that bar. It was impossible, this man couldn't be… but then, all the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit. The man he had met, whoever he was, had clearly been too old to be Professor Xavier… and had taken a little bit too long to realize who he was. Even the fact Charles Xavier had a sister named Raven and the man in front of him did too was another sign of the truth. Someone had decided to prank him in the cruelest way. And he had believed him.
If this was really Charles Xavier in front of him, well, Charles was right. Erik really wore his heart on his sleeve.
"Charles? I… I'm sorry, I… I thought…!"
"I didn't know when you would arrive, and my sister Raven decided to drag me to this bar… I would have been there at my office if she… Never mind what ifs, anyway."
Charles sighed deeply and continued:
"That man who did that horrible trick to you is named Sebastian Shaw, a fellow professor. He's been hating me ever since I wrote that paper on mutation because he is a mutant too, and cannot bear the fact of trying to live with humans. He hates my guts, and I was hoping everything would go swimmingly with him until he moved out, because he leaves the school by the end of the year but… he found a way to get revenge upon me before leaving. What he was doing in my office I do not know, but I'm going to ask for some investigation on his case."
Charles stopped in his speech, ran a hand through his hair and continued:
"I do not know how he got to know about you but… I'm sure he thought hurting the man I've had a crush on for the past few months was the best way to hurt me."
Erik's breath caught in his throat. Had Charles really said…? His previous situation had turned so abruptly on its head that he suddenly wondered whether he was really talking to a young and charming Charles Xavier, or if he was having a drunken dream by the side of the road.
"Are you… really…?" he managed to whisper.
"Erik, when I asked you to come live with me, I was dreading the fact that maybe… maybe you didn't feel the same about… Maybe… maybe you weren't… into men. I was afraid I would push you away, that you would leave as soon as you arrived… and then… your thoughts…
Erik didn't let him finish. The happiness he had felt upon stepping out of the plane returned, and all thoughts of his awful night were sent straight out the window. To know that Charles had the same feelings as him was enough.
Erik grabbed the other man's jaw between his two hands and took a step forward, mouths meeting halfway. He was a mess of senses for a full minute. The scent of Charles' cologne in his nose, the taste of his lips on his, the touch of the Oxford professor's hair tangling in his fingers…
He broke the kiss much less abruptly than when he had instigated it. Erik held on to the man, arms wrapping around his waist. He gazed inside Charles' blue eyes, wanting to drown in them. It seemed his wish was answered somehow, for a loud crack of thunder ripped the sky open and heavy rain started to fall once again.
Both men smiled at each other, never leaving the other's embrace. Suddenly, a voice, slightly louder than the rain, reached them.
"Charles! Goddammit. Charles, where are you?"
"Raven!" exclaimed Charles, and his sister suddenly appeared in the light of a lamppost. She was almost hidden under her umbrella, but it was obvious it was her. She marched up to them, her eyebrows forming a deep frown.
"Charles, I thought you liked this man, Erik! Who's that? Are you drunk?" she asked, concerned, upon arriving in front of them.
"Raven, meet Erik Lehnsherr. His plane arrived tonight, and I didn't know it."
"Oh… Nice to meet you, Erik. Ready to go home?"
Erik felt very nervous suddenly. Of course Charles had written him about the apartment he shared with his sister, but the horrifying thought of invading Raven's space while residing there struck him. He didn't want to disturb Charles' way of life, anyway.
"Sure. Are you ready to come home, Erik?"
Even though his mouth suddenly felt very dry, Erik was still able to answer:
"You… You really don't mind if I…?"
"Of course not!" replied Charles defensively, and his eyes, gone cold, found Erik's. "When I wrote to you saying you could stay with us, I meant it. I would never go back on my word about such a subject. You'll spend the night on the couch until we can arrange the guest bedroom."
"Oh, don't worry about the couch, Charles," added Raven with a cheeky grin. "After seeing you two eating each other's face, I can already picture in which bed Erik here will be sleeping tonight!"
Erik only smiled at Charles' flushed face. Hand nestled in the other's, he followed Raven to the cab she had apparently hailed and smiled even more widely when Darwin gave him a wink from the front seat.
Glued to Charles' side, he sat in the middle between the brother and sister, not minding the warmth filling the cab. It felt good, after the chilling of the soaking rain.
"Glad to see you look better, sir," said Darwin, obviously to him. "Where are we going, exactly?"
Raven got a piece of paper out of her pocket and gave it to him. The taxi driver nodded and started his engine. Erik turned his head to find Charles gazing at him with the widest of smiles.
"We're going home," he said in that adorable British accent of his. He gave Erik's hand a squeeze, and turned to the window, cheeks still bright red after Raven's teasing. Erik smiled at this, eyes focussed on the road ahead. He especially liked how Charles had said the word "home".
Yes. Everything would be fine, now.
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