A/N: The rating may be changed eventually when warranted so be prepared for fluff (eventually), and tags will be added as we go along! Any comments/criticism is welcome! This is my first attempt at Kili/Tauriel!
Of Stars and Stone
Chapter 1
Falling to Darkness
"Tauriel!"
Hope. It soared through me more than I dared let it when I heard my name being called from above. When I watched a flurry of dwarf fly to my aid and land on the orc's shoulders. It left me just as quickly as Kili was tossed onto the steps and I lunged back into the fray. But it was in vain, as Kili was dragged up in the orc's large fist and he shook me off his shoulders like a rag doll.
Any air left from being tossed aside by Bolg expelled sharply from my lungs as I watched the blade pierce Kíli's chest. Time froze as I watched him gasp and turn his eyes to me, longing for a life he would never live and a future we could never share, a promise given that he couldn't keep. It was then I understood and could no longer deny that every part of my being longed for his. It was at that moment I understood his words at the shoreline and how foolish it was of me to turn away when I had. As Kili fell and Bolg turned to me I vowed vengeance even if it took me from this existence… preferably it would as I felt the essence inside me break. Rage and sorrow flung me forward as I swung up and around Bolg's neck and shoved off the ledge to force us over and down the cliffside. Everything went dark and black as we tumbled.
Kili's voice rang in my ears. Throw me a dagger! Quick! The jagged stone broke under us as we fell further down Ravenhill's wall. She thinks I'm reckless. We crashed to a ledge and I groaned, seeing nothing but darkness and feeling nothing but cold.
Around me I heard what sounded like the crashing of a mountain, the clang of steel, battle cries echoing up from the valley below. I struggled to roll over and tried to clear my vision. But the world spun in a speckled fog as I clamored and crawled back up the mountain to where my heart had been split in two.
There was so little blood, I mused mournfully, collapsing on Kili's prone form. There was no flood as I expected as my hands searched for life, for pulse, for warmth. I could not take my eyes from his face, pale and peaceful for such an end. I raised myself back from him and not once did I notice the flow of tears begin to fall down my face onto him, for all I felt was cold and empty.
I felt the presence of my king as he approached but all sense of propriety and servitude had long left me.
"They'll want to bury him." I murmured.
"Yes."
"If this is love I do not want it. Take it from me? Please?" I looked up at him finally, pleading and desperate. Shaking my head, I closed my eyes and cried, "Why does it hurt so much!?"
"Because it was real."
Did he say it was real? Had the disbelief not struck me, I might have noticed the glistening tears in his eyes and the compassion and love I claimed was so lacking in him. I looked back to where the embodiment of my heart lay. Thranduil receded into the shadows of the broken fortress and I leaned down and gazed again at Kili. So this was love. It was real. This was the loss of oneself only so soon after being given a glimpse of what could have been.
Left alone again to my ever growing grief, I shivered in a cold I'd never felt before. Kili's coal-black curls were matted and I brushed my fingers gently through them, desperate for any last connection I might find as the weight of what I had denied us while he was with me settled on my chest. The pain was immense and felt as though my fëa was being ripped from me. I now saw where my tears had fallen to mingle with his as he had fallen under the orc's pike. My fingers sought to smooth his hair as I lay my head to his chest, looking up at his resting face and whispered through my tears to him.
"Gwannach o innen ului. Ú galad, ú vin anor hen. Ú lû erui, ului. Dannen le. A ú-erin le regi."
The sobs shook me as I clung to him desperately. Time receded into the corners of my mind as I lay there with him, wishing and imagining the life we might have had and never would. But he had gone where I could not follow. I shut my eyes as if I could will my fëa and hröa to follow him. Even if separate in the halls of our ancestors, I could not imagine staying in this life without him. I let the weight of my grief draw me into an oblivion I sought.
When I felt gentle hands on my shoulders, I recoiled in agony that the pain was still so real, so deep, and that I still clung to this living world. The sleep I seemed to awaken from had given me little rest when swarmed by all too brief memories. All around me now were the deep and quiet mutterings of whispering dwarves on one side and a small grouping of stoically still elves on the other.
The voice reached me as if through a tunnel, echoing and distant. "Come now, he's long gone to the halls with his kin."
I blinked wearily at the grey haired Dwarf crouched to the other side of Kili, hands on my shoulders trying to raise me from his prince. The tears that had subsided swam into my eyes once more as reality again came crashing around me. The dwarf and his companions seemed to shift uncomfortably around me. I did not know nor care how long they had seen me there. But I then felt regret and grief as I turned to find Legolas stand in to make another attempt.
"O hon ú-wannathon, " I pleaded with Legolas.
He tucked a strand behind my ear and with no derision or malice begged I take my leave, in softer tones but still echoing his command from the shoreline. "Ú-moe le anno nad."
"Gar vethed e-chúnen, go hon bedithon na meth." My breath hitched and I struggled to hold back a sob.
"Tauriel, you are not alone in your grief. You must let his people take care of him now. Let yours care for you."
What may have remained of my strength, my will, faltered under the gentle pressure of Legolas' hands and eyes. I nodded and glanced up to see that Thranduil had not left as I had imagined. Perhaps he had more heart than I gave him credit for. Perhaps he simply waited for his son.
Knowing that this was the last time I would see or touch my beloved and reckless dwarf with whom my time had been cut so short, I placed his hand against my cheek and murmured my final words to him.
"An i ú nathant… An i naun ului…" I sighed and leaned into Kili, so unchanged and still, frozen in time forever.
Moving to press my lips to the only one to have ever stolen my heart, I shuddered holding back the terror of being left to walk this world alone without his light and love. His lips so soft and … warm? No, I shut my eyes hard against my own foolish hope. I brushed my palm along his dark matted curls and across the shadow of stubble that graced his chin. I sobbed quietly and pressed my lips to his once more as I placed the runestone in his gloved hand and held it in mine against his chest. As I began to lean away I felt a flutter of breath across my lips and chided myself for this painful imagining of my heart.
The tears seemed to come from an unending well as I tried to stand, feeling as though every inch of me was twisted and torn. Kili was at peace in his Halls of Waiting and I was alone. I saw no elves around me, no dwarves but for the dark haired hunter on the snow. Weakness flooded my body as I felt myself slipping, the world swimming and tilting in agony. The Halls of Mandos must be waiting for me. Everything went grey and mute and I allowed myself to sink into the darkness, imagining that the calling of my name at the end of that blackness was Kili calling me to his side one last time.
Sindarin translations:
"Gwannach o innen ului. Ú galad, ú vin anor hen. Ú lû erui, ului. Dannen le. A ú-erin le regi." (You never left my mind. Not once, not ever. There is no more light, not in this sun. You have fallen. And I cannot reach you.)
"O hon ú-wannathon," (I will not leave him.)
"Ú-moe le anno nad." (You owe him nothing)
"Gar vethed e-chúnen, go hon bedithon na meth." (He has the last of my heart. I will go with him to the end.)
"An i ú nathant… An i naun ului…" (For what might have been, For what never was.)