Interviews with a Love God by BertaS March 2006
Description: Harry makes a comment that results in him interviewing prospective partners. The Ministry makes new rules. Severus gives a lecture on Male Maternity. AU based in my Blood of the Mother universe.
Warning: Some slash: Talk of m-preg: Attempted foul language: Multiple partners: Group Marriage: Nothing graphic.
Disclaimer: I'm not sure I even want to claim the plot, such as it is, on this one.
Interviews with a Love God
Voldemort and Dumbledore were gone, and Harry had still not settled on a girl or girls to give him the heirs that were required of him as Head of Family for both the Black and the Potter families as well as the six or seven minor families that he was heir to through the demise of several distantly, very distantly, related people. Most of these deaths Harry felt were technically his fault since they were mostly Death Eaters. Under ordinary circumstances Harry would not have even been considered for some of these but the Ministry, in all its wisdom, had ordered lineage tests for all those with any link to any pureblood family, to find heirs for as many of the dead as they could, especially those that would usually have been considered the last of their line.
Harry had been advised that he should have multiple mothers for his heirs instead of expecting any one to emulate Molly Weasley. There were also the new rules about second sons fulfilling any obligations that the mother might have as the last of their line. And something about gene pools that made little sense to Harry. He did know that all witches of childbearing age were being ask to 'do their part' to help repopulate the wizarding world which after two wars with Voldemort and one with Dumbledore had suffered a severe drop in the number of virile wizards available.
That Friday afternoon a few days before the leaving feast Harry entered the Great hall, to a lot of whispering and pointing. The articles in the Prophet where once again featuring some pretty scandalous and bizarre things about him, so Harry ignored them until he heard one loud voice:
"I heard him and Snape are planning to do some Dark Ritual to get one of them pregnant."
Harry called back with a smirk, "Actually we both prefer girls." He looked to the head table and winked when he caught Sev's eye. "No Dark Poufs here."
Every one cracked up when Sev added, "Besides neither of us is equipped to be a mother."
Harry grinned; Sev had been very detailed during the excruciatingly embarrassing explanation of just how that worked. There was nothing Dark, per say, about it although by some standards it could be considered a bit gray. Sev continued to maintain that he did not relish the idea of bearing children. And Harry definitely understood that, and after hearing the four-hour lecture complete with charts and graphs. Harry did not think he would allow Severus to risk it, even if he were to beg.
Hermione frowned and patted Harry on the shoulder saying, "Don't worry, Harry, I'm sure there are any number of girls that would love to give you a baby."
Harry bristled at the patronizing tone and quite sarcastically asked her, "What do you want me to do Mi? Shout: Hey every body I need to have a bunch of babies, I'll be doing interviews after lunch. See Mi for an appointment." He snorted, shook his head and turned around, "I'm not hungry any more. I'll be practicing in the room of requirement." No one was foolish enough to remind him that he had finished his NEWT's on Wednesday.
There was quite a buzz through out the Great Hall as those that heard this conversation repeated it to those who didn't. There was also a lot of table-hopping during that lunch as many girls and a few boys sat briefly with Hermione while she made notes on a parchment.
When she was done eating and it looked like every one who wanted to talk to her had done so, Hermione went to join Harry in the room of requirement. She insisted that he come out and let her change the room as there was something they had to do and really as NEWT's were over they technically weren't students any more.
Ron, Neville and Ginny, who had recently attached herself to Neville like a limpet, arrived as Hermione was pacing back and forth a look of intense concentration on her face, and Harry was asking, "What's this about, Mi?"
As she made the final turn and the door reappeared Hermione snorted, "You," she poked Harry in the chest, "Mr. Big Mouth, are conducting interviews for your harem."
Harry's jaw dropped and he was sputtering, trying to get out the word 'What?'
Ron and Neville laughed at the look on Harry's face and both decided that they had somewhere else they needed to be. Calling out, "Good luck with that, Mate." they rushed off down the hall. Harry stared after them thinking, 'Nev should probably be doing interviews of his own since he needs almost as many children as I do.'
"Hermione, you can't be serious." Gin huffed, "Harry, tell her it was just a joke and has gone far enough." It was scary how much she looked like her mother when she was in a snit.
Harry had finally gotten himself under control, "Well Gin," Harry said thoughtfully, it was, but I don't know, with Hermione in charge it might actually work He didn't look totally convinced but was willing to try almost anything. After all it couldn't hurt to try, could it?
Gin snorted and with a parting, "We'll see about this." She marched off down the hall toward the stairs and the great hall."
Severus Snape was enjoying the last of his pudding when an irate Ginevra Weasley stalked up and hands on her hips demanded, "You have to do something about Harry." Her Professor raised one eyebrow in inquiry, "He's conducting interviews, for sex, in the room of requirement. You have to do something."
Severus smirked, "Miss Weasley, just what do you expect I can do?" while she sputtered something about him being a teacher, he continued, "Mr. Potter is well within his rights as the Head of several Families to conduct a search for those that will bear his heirs." His smirk widened as he rose, "Interviewing those interested seems eminently logical to me." With that he left the great hall robes billowing.
Since Severus had pledged himself as a Liegeman to Harry shortly after the young man had removed his dark mark and defeated Voldemort, he had found himself having conflicted feelings about his young master.
Of course the events at the end of Voldemort's second rising had revealed that Dumbledore was not as benevolent as he liked to pretend and he had caused Harry and Severus a great deal of trouble before he had finally fallen.
Severus soon came to the entrance to the room of requirement and found the door open onto what looked like a formal reception area, complete with several girls talking quietly in one corner and Miss Granger seated at a desk in front of a door marked:
Lord Harry Black/Potter
Love God
Sev sniggering at the plaque asked, "Miss Granger has My Liege begun yet? If not may I have a moment of his time?"
Hermione smiled at him, "Actually, Professor, he's expecting you, go right in."
With a raised eyebrow he gave her an abbreviated bow and went through the door. He did wonder how Harry knew that he would be there.
Harry was reading through a list of questions that Hermione had thrown together for him and deciding what answers he was looking for. When the door opened he looked up, "Hey Sev, that was quick." he grinned, "What ever could Gin have told you?"
Ah, that's how he knew. Sev smirked, "She indicated that you were conducting interviews to solicit sex and expressed her desire for me to stop you. Just how she expects me to do that I'm sure I don't know. I did feel it my duty as a professor to check that it wasn't just sex…" he scowled and raised his eye brow.
Harry laughed, "No, no, just selecting my harem. Although I dare say sex will be involved eventually, might be a little hard to make babies with out it."
Sev chuckled, "Indeed. In that case, My Liege, I will leave you to it."
He started for the door when Harry said, "Actually, Sev, I would like you to stay. You know I value your opinion and any girl I get involved with has to understand that you have a special place in my life."
Sev bowed, "As you wish, My Liege." He smiled pleased with the show of trust and the complement his master had given him. As he moved toward the fireplace with the intention of leaning against the mantle he was thinking of his favorite chair in his chambers, he was a little surprised when a comfortable chair appeared and the lighting changed subtly.
Harry pushed the button on the desk and a moment later Hermione poked her head in, "Yes Harry?"
"Send in the first candidate, Mi." she nodded and a moment later Luna Lovegood drifted in.
Harry smiled at her, "Hi, Luna, have a seat." When she was seated he continued, "Tell me why you are here?"
She smiled back dreamily, "You said that you were conducting interviews for the mothers of your children. Did you forget already, Harry?"
He shook his head and grinned, "No, Luna, I didn't forget. I just want you to tell me why you would want have one or more of my children."
The vague look she usually had faded although her voice was still dreamy, "I interpreted your comments to mean you are going to have a harem, I think you are the most caring person I have ever met. Your children will be intelligent, well behaved and beautiful. I have no objections to sharing you because I know that you have much more love than one woman could possibly bear. I also know that you will be fair and consistent with any one that you chose to be with."
Harry nodded, "Thank you Luna." He then asked her several questions on childcare and parenting skills. He smiled at most of her answers some of which seemed a little odd but would most likely work for Luna.
"I spend a lot of time with Professor Snape, how do you feel about that?"
"I like the Professor he is a positive influence on us all." She looked to the chair by the fire and smiled before refocusing her attention on Harry.
Harry glanced the same way and realized that the Professor had used an invisibility spell on himself and the only reason any one would notice him was that the chair cushion dipped a bit more in the middle than an unoccupied chair would.
"I think so too. Now, if you walked into the bedroom and found me in bed with some one else, what would you do?"
She blushed a bit, "I suppose it would depend on who you were with and what you were doing." She chuckled, "If it were one of my co-wives and you were 'occupied' and had not noticed me, I would probably slip back out and check the schedule to see if I had misread it or if perhaps she had. If it were Professor Snape then I would most likely ask if I could join you. Although I believe that just watching you would be quite satisfactory."
This surprised Harry and there was a muffled cough from the chair by the fire. Harry said, "Thank you, Luna. I'll let you know what I decide."
She stood, "Thank you Harry." She hesitated, "Harry, don't you think you should kiss me to see if we are physically compatible? I believe that if we can't kiss comfortably there is no way we would be able to do more.
Harry nodded, stood and walked around the desk. Luna seemed to mold herself against him as he slid his arms around her and gently pressed his lips to hers.
Harry found himself using Luna's answers as something of a standard. Not that they were necessarily better than others, just that most of them made sense to him. Some girls he ask the 'bedroom questions' others based on their reactions and answers to previous questions he did not.
There were a few that he dismissed after the first question.
Others were too young to be given serious consideration. After Hermione let in a third year, Harry had stepped out to give her firm instructions that he would not consider anyone that had not passed their OWL's.
The third year was very disappointed when Harry had informed her that she was too young and had burst into tears, crying that she would never be able to marry any one good because of who and what her parents were. It took Severus and Harry both promising that when the time came they would negotiate a contract with the parents of the young man of her choice. Needless to say Andrea Avery age thirteen was a much happier as she kissed Harry's cheek and skipped out of his office smiling broadly at those yet to be interviewed.
Dealing with this was much easier than explaining to the few boys that applied that while he had nothing against guys he really did preferred girls and was looking for long-term relationships for the purpose of having children. He had told each of them that if they wanted to attempt a pregnancy to see Professor Snape later for the full four-hour lecture with charts, graphs and pictures of things that could go wrong. Most had declined.
Only one realized that the Professor was present and asked, "If he asked it, would you do it?" Sev had shaken his head; "I would not recommend it to anyone and would be most reluctant to trust anyone to cast the spells correctly."
The boy nodded, "Well I tried. You ever decide you just want to fool around Harry, just look me up." He stood and grinned, "I don't suppose I get a kiss for trying?" he had one eyebrow cocked up expectantly at Harry. They had all laughed as Harry had stood and leaned across the desk to permit the boy to kiss him.
By dinnertime he had his choices narrowed to four, Luna Lovegood, Sally Anne Perks, Susan Bones, and surprisingly Millicent Bulstrode. These girls had all answered the bedroom questions in a very similar way all had mentioned schedules and either wanting to watch or join him in bed with whomever it was.
Harry was also aware from Severus' observation that each of these girls had experienced a 'popping of the foot' reaction to his kisses. He wasn't sure what this meant but Sev and Hermione when it was mentioned in her presence, seemed to be impressed by it.
After dinner Harry had sat down and written a short note that he copied for each of those interviewed. His chosen got a different note asking them to join him in Severus' Quarters for tea the next morning.
There were three boys and two girls (Hermione and Mandy Brocklehurst - Ravenclaw) that showed up for the 'Male Maternity' lecture in the potions class room the evening after the interviews.
"To summarize, for a man to become pregnant," he tapped the projector with his wand, "requires the combined efforts of a Tenth Level Potions Master, a Mage Class Transfiguration Master, and a Sorcerer Class Charms Master. It also required that the 'Mother' and Father both be very strong wizards magically. The 'Mother' must be quite strong physically as well to withstand the changes to his body and to carry a child to term. Adoption is a much safer option."
"I am qualified to make the potion that would be necessary, it would take nearly a year to brew, has impossibly expensive ingredients that could be very dark if harvested improperly or with bad i.e. evil intentions," the projector was showing various disgusting potion ingredients, "the potion can kill if there is even the smallest thing off, it has to be perfect since both parties must drink it just prior to having intercourse." One of the boys fell from his chair in a dead faint. Hermione rolled her eyes while Mandy and Sev smirked.
The projector images changed to anatomical diagrams, "The Transfiguration would require studying anatomy, probably several years at a muggle university, so that every thing would work properly. You actually have to create the proper female type bits relevant to pregnancy and carrying a child, with out changing the functionality of any of the male pieces parts. This in effect permanently turns the man into a hermaphrodite, having all the equipment of both sexes." The second boy jumped up and holding his hand over his mouth ran from the room. Severus grinned and the girls giggled.
Dumbledore had been a Mage Class Master but did not have the knowledge of anatomy required nor would he have been trusted for this anyway, as neither Harry nor Severus would've let the man anywhere near them with a wand.
"I believe that Professor Flitwick may be very close to being a Sorcerer Class Charms Master and I am certain that he would be able to teach the Charms needed, but most likely he does not have the amount of power that would be necessary. There are 27 Charms involved, every thing from fertility charms, which have to be cast while the two wizards are having intercourse," the third boy slid silently to the floor. Sev simply continued as though he had not noticed, "to a simple lactation charm to cause the male breast to produce milk. Many of those in between must be applied several times over the course of the pregnancy." He surveyed his audience, "Ah, I see the boys have lost interest. Pity, we didn't even get to the things that can potentially go wrong." his grin was positively evil, "Did either of you ladies have any questions?"
The next morning while he waited for Harry's guests to arrive, Severus was nervously moving around the room rearranging the brick-a-brack that had collected over the two years since the fall of the dark lord.
Harry had finally said, "Sev, please stop fidgeting. Come sit down and have a cup of tea."
"I'm sorry, Master," he had mumbled as he gracefully lowered himself to kneel next to Harry's knee at the low table that held the tea things. He had started this shortly after they had gotten back to the school that first year. He would frequently lean against Harry's leg as if for comfort and Harry often found himself playing with Sev's hair.
The Girls arrived just as Sev was handing Harry his cup of tea. There were a couple of shocked looks but for the most part they seemed to be willing to overlook what was, to them, the Professors odd behavior.
Severus continued to pour out for each of the girls after which he turned to Harry with a smile, "Will there be anything else, Master?"
Harry's answer was interrupted by Susan, who was frowning, "Harry, is that the kind of behavior you will be expecting from us?" She gestured to Severus.
"Of course not, I don't expect it from anyone, I do however accept it from Severus because odd as it sounds he wishes it." Harry placed his hand on Sev's shoulder and looked down at him. "I had thought we'd gotten past the 'master' thing though."
Sev had smiled brightly, "Yes, Master, we agreed that it would be inappropriate for me to address you as such while you were my student. It was brought to my attention that as of this past Wednesday that no longer applies." At Harry's slight frown he added, "It pleases me very much to be able to call you Master again."
Harry sighed, "Alright. Try to keep it to a minimum, okay?" he smiled as the girls giggled and Sev nodded leaning contentedly against Harry's knee.
Millicent spoke up, "I think it's cute. I would like to know if there is any truth to the rumor that you two have been intimate since we were in sixth year."
Susan retorted with a snort, "You only have to look at them to tell that they are. How much more do you need to see?"
Harry looked sharply as Susan, "Does it bother you to see me being affectionate with some one else?"
She pouted, "I don't know. It just seems really weird to see Snape acting that way."
Luna in her airy voice said, "Harry, may I kiss you?"
Harry taken by surprise sort of shrugged and finally got out the words, "I guess." The next thing he knew his lap was full of soft girl and he was having his brains snogged out. When they finally pulled apart due to lack of oxygen, Susan was wide eyed.
Luna looked at Susan as she moved back to her seat on the couch next to Millicent, Sally tentatively moved to Harry's lap, kissing him more softly, but not less passionately. As Sally sat catching her breath she realized that Millie was leaning over her, and was thoroughly devouring Harry's mouth.
By this point Susan was shaking her head, "I've made a mistake. I'm sorry Harry. I can't do this. Excuse me." and she ran out.
She was not the only one to have a reaction to seeing Harry snogging his girls, Severus was still sitting at Harry's feet watching wide eyed, lips slightly parted and his breathing slightly accelerated. When Harry noticed him it was just as he moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue.
"Sev, you okay?" Harry asked.
Sev had nodded slowly, "I think so. I just… I know you like girls. I…" he looked around at the girls, "I…" he slumped shrugging, "I don't know…"
Sally bent from her spot on Harry's lap and gently brushed her lips against his. "It's alright Professor." Luna and Millie were quick to follow her example and gently kiss their potions master as well. When they were done, he was out of breath and slightly pink.
Harry nudged Sally to move off his lap so he could pull the astonished man to him.
Sev was shocked, to find that he was kneeling between Harry's knees. He melted when his master's lips touched his for the first time. Sev strained forward opening his mouth with a little moan of invitation. Harry was surprised at how responsive his Sev was and how much more this kiss promised. When he pulled back Sev leaned against him limply. Harry hugged him tightly as he smiled at his girls, each of which leaned over the older man to quickly kiss their intended.
Mandy Brocklehurst who had not been interviewed approached Harry that afternoon. "Is it to late to have an interview, Harry?"
Harry had been startled, Sev and Hermione had mentioned that she had attended Sev's lecture the evening before. He led her into an empty classroom and ask the same questions that he had asked all the others, her answers were within what he had thought acceptable. After he had kissed her she had ask, "Harry, I understand that you are Professor Snape's Liege, is that correct?"
Harry had nodded a little confused.
"Would you consider me as a potential wife for him?" she blushed prettily.
"Oh, I thought you wanted… um…" he took a moment to collect his thoughts, "Have you spoken to him about this? Because while I understand that legally I have the right to make those kind of decisions, he makes his own choices." Harry didn't want any one to think Sev was his slave.
Mandy smiled, "I haven't actually, but where contracts are concerned its best to go by the book. So now that I've spoken with you, and while I don't know if my answers were what you were looking for or whether you were considering any of the girls for him during the interview process, I can talk to him. You understand, right?"
Harry chuckled, "Sure, you want me to set up a second interview, right?"
She looked a little embarrassed but nodded.
He should be in his lab, come on." Harry smirked at her shocked look. She obviously would never have thought to disturb the Potions Master if he were working.
When Harry and Mandy entered Sev's living room she looked around with delight and Harry called out, "Sev, you have a guest."
Sev's baritone voice carried with out him having to yell, "Give me ten minutes, Harry, I can't stop stirring." something about it made Mandy think that he was counting.
Harry laughed, "Take your time I think she'll wait."
Severus was a bit surprised to find Harry having tea with Miss Brocklehurst, and was stunned to discover that she wished a contract with him. She was very thorough while listing the points in Severus' favor and why she would like to have his children.
Harry had to suggest that Severus kiss her. He was amused to observe the 'foot pop' that Hermione had gushed over and had to admit it was impressive.
Three days later the contracts were signed and Harry and his girls, plus Mandy, were on the Hogwarts Express heading back to Kings Cross station. Severus would meet them there with a portkey to the Potter family estate. Where they would live happily ever after and no one would ever question any of the girls about where they got all the dark haired babies.
The End
A/N This came out while I was having trouble with Blood of the Mother, it kind a skips straight to the end of any sequels that may or may not happen. How they get to this point, I really couldn't say. By the time I get around to writing the parts in between this may not fit anymore, but I just had to figure out how a man becomes a mother, and how others would react to this information.
I hope you enjoyed reading this. Thanks for any reviews that you wish to give.
BertaS