Trash Talk
A Phineas and Ferb fanfiction
Scene One EXT. LIVING ROOM
Mom: Phineas! Candace! Ferb! Come downstairs, it's chore day today!
Candace: Mom, can't I do chores tomarrow I-
Mom: Didn't you say that yesterday, Candace?
Candace: Yeah, but Phine-
Mom: And the day before?
Candace: They built a BE-
Mom: And what's your excuse today? The boys aren't doing anything.
Candace: Oh, they will. Trust me, they WILL.
Mom: Boys, you have garbage duty. …There. Now they can't do anything.
Candace: But-
Mom: NO BUTS! Candace, you clean the living room!
Candace: MOM!
Mom: Do a good job, now I need to go take the car in for some work, it's been making odd noises and your father can't figure out what's doing it. It's not like they're going to make a robot that takes out the trash for them.
Phineas: Hey Ferb, I know what we're going to do today! …Hey, where did Perry go?
Scene Two EXT: BACKYARD
[PLAYING PERRY'S THEME]
Perry: OPENS SECRET FENCE DOOR…COMES OUT THROUGH ANOTHER SECRET DOOR IN FENCE. EXITS THROUGH CHUTE IN TREE.
EXT: AGENCY/PERRY UNDERGROUND PLACE/THING
Major Monogram: Agent P, Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been making some suspicious purchases lately, including eggs, bread, mil-oh. Those were his non-suspicious purchases. Carl, how could have you mixed the lists up?
Carl: Sorry sir. It was a mistake.
MM: You're right it was. Don't let it happen again. Now where's that other list Carl?
Carl: Yes, sir. Here, sir.
MM: Yes, so suspicious purchases. We have a wrench, diodes, tin foil, Swiss rolls, a blow torch, and a bowl of pistachio shells. You need to find out what he's doing, and put a stop to it.
Perry: [CLICKING PLATYPUS NOISE…TAKES OFF IN FLYING PLATYPUS THINGEY]
Scene 3: EXT: BACKYARD
[PHINEAS IS HANDING TOOLS TO FERB]
Phineas: Wrench…Diodes…Tin Foil…Swiss Roll (mmm, Swiss roll) …Blow Torch
Isabella: Watcha Doing?
Phineas: We're building a robot that can take out the trash!
Isabella: Cool. Do you need some…help with that? The fireside girls are working on their-
Random Fireside Girl: HELP PHINEAS EVERY DAY PATCHES!
Isabella: Gretchen, we need our robotics patches, don't we, everyone?
Phineas: Sure. Do you think that you could get us a bowl of pistachio shells? We need to test this thing out.
Isabella: Sure!
Candace: [SEES THE PARTS] Ha! I knew you boys were up to something! [CALLS MOM]
Mom: [standing next to car being taken apart by mechanic] Candace, what are the boys doing now?
Candace: Something!
Mom: Something.
Candace: Something!
Mom: Sigh. You don't even know what they're doing this time?
Candace: They're doing something!
Mom: Goodbye, Candace. Click
Scene 4: EXT: DOOFINSHMIRTZ'S…BUILDING
[Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!]
Perry: [KNOCKS ON FRONT DOOR]
Doofboy: [OPENS DOOR] Why, Perry the Platypus, how unexpected. And by expected I mean COMPLETLEY EXPECTED!
Perry: [STEPS OVER OBVIOUS TRAPS]
Doofboy: Oh, Perry the Platypus, you dropped your keys!
Perry: [FALLS FOR IT FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON AND ENDS UP IN A CAGE]
Doofboy: Now that I have captured you, I can tell you all about my evil plans that always blow up in my face in every episode!
Perry: [CLICKING PLATYPUS NOISE]
Doofboy: You see, Perry the Platypus, people do not like taking out their trash or loading it to the dump, so I have created a machine that takes people's trash to the dump! I will charge insane prices, and then buy the ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA!
Perry: [POINTS OUT WINDOW WITH BILL TO GARBAGE TRUCK]
Doofboy: That's beside the point.
Scene 5: EXT: FLINN HOUSE
[The boys sing a weird song about their "Trash Talking Robot Man" and the robot cleans some stuff up]
Scene 6: EXT: ELSEWHERE IN THE FLINN HOUSE, ROBOT IS IN SLEEP MODE
Candace: Stupid chores. Of course I know what the boys are up to, I always do! [PICKS UP ROBOT] What's this? Oh, whatever. [THROWS ROBOT AWAY]
Scene 7: EXT: DOOFBOY'S PLACE
Doofboy: Now, Perry the Platypus, I shall unleash my evil robot on the tri-state area!
Robot: [GOES AROUND PICKING UP GARBAGE, INCLUDING THE FLINN'S]
Norm: I'm Norm. I'm the only real robot here. [CRUSHES DOOF'S GARBAGE ROBOT]
Doofboy: Curse you, Norm the Robot!
Perry: [PRETTY MUCH KICKS DOOFBOY'S BUTT]
Doofboy: CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!
Scene 8: EXT: BACKYARD
Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry.
Perry: [CLICKING PLATYPUS NOISE]
Ferb: I wonder what he does all day…
Phineas: I bet its really cool
Ferb: [SHRUGS]
Encore: EXT: HOSPITAL
Doofboy: (covered in casts and splints) How do I heal so quickly?
THE END.