Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or this story, as much as I wish I could.
Elsa's mind wouldn't stop spinning. A big part of her wanted to hug Anna and hold her forever, never daring to let go. But the other part wanted to stay far, far away. She did that to her sister. Her sister. Although she knew she wasn't a danger anymore, she can't help but feel guilty every time she sees Anna's face, her beautiful, joyful face. For a minute there, Anna was dead, and it was all her fault. And though Anna claimed to have forgiven her, there was no way Elsa could rationalize why.
The sun shone bright outside, and Anna burst into Elsa's door, a smile bright on her face, so happy, so alive. Elsa wanted more than anything to be able to open up fully, to be real sisters, best friends. But how could she do that if she couldn't even forgive herself?
"Hey stranger!" Elsa looked at her with a sheepish grin. "I mean, not stranger, obviously. You're my sister, obviously I know who you are-"
"Hey Anna," Elsa said.
"How did you sleep?" Anna asked.
"Oh, you know."
"So not great?"
"No, not really," Elsa said, artfully keeping quiet why.
"You should try counting sheep," Anna said innocently. Gosh Elsa loved her. Why can't she just let it go now? Why did she have to be so closed off all the time?
Because you almost killed her. She hates you. She's just too nice to say anything, the voice in her head repeated.
"Hello in there?" Anna knocked lightly on Elsa's head.
"Huh? Oh, sorry. I was just thinking."
Anna moved onto the top of Elsa's bed. "You think too much. You're like Kristoff. You should jump around! Live a little!"
"Okay then, let's do something."
Anna answered quickly. "Do you want to go outside? It's just beautiful out there and my room is freezing."
Elsa's heart stopped. Anna hates her. Elsa made her freeze. It's all your fault, the voice repeated. You almost killed her. Her freezing body will never let you forget it.
Elsa fell over herself, and Anna rushed to her side.
"Elsa? Elsa what's wrong?" Elsa regained some composure and sat on the floor. Anna sat next to her and held her hand. Elsa flinched.
"It's nothing." Elsa couldn't tell her how she felt. She couldn't tell her how deeply scared she was of her. Conceal, don't let it show.
Anna looked at her, filled with only love in her eyes. "Elsa, I'm right here. You don't have to hide anything from me anymore." Elsa looked back, and seeing Anna's concern, tears started building in her eyes.
"I just-" she started to talk, but as soon as the words started flowing, the tears came faster. Anna wiped the tears off her face and held her, putting her head on Elsa's shoulder, telling her she's right here, and everything would be alright.
After the tears subsided, Elsa could finally mutter the words she had been so painfully fighting. "You almost died, Anna. You were dead. And it was all my fault."
Anna looked at her, and for the first time in her life, she wasn't sure what to say. "It wasn't your fault-I mean, it kind of was but-but not like that, I don't mean it like that, I-" Anna stopped, thinking her words through. "Elsa, you were scared of yourself. You were scared of your powers. I completely understand. And now you know how to use them for good, not evil. So no, it wasn't your fault-you just didn't know what to do. You never meant to hurt me. I know that so completely."
Elsa looked at her, still scared. "I just don't know how you can look at me without thinking that I almost killed you. I don't know how you can't hate me." She started crying again, and Anna realized that this emotion had been held inside of Elsa her entire life, begging to be let free.
"Elsa, I need you to look at me, because I need you to believe me." Elsa looked at her then, eyes filled with tears, shaking with fear and sadness. "Elsa, I don't look at you as someone who almost killed me. I look at you as someone who needs to know how loved you are. You need to know that you don't have to be afraid anymore. I look at you as someone who loves me more than anyone else ever can and would never, ever want to hurt me." Anna paused and squeezed Elsa's hand.
"How could I ever hate the person I love more than words? Elsa, I saved you from Hans because I can't imagine living my life without you. You're my best friend, my sister, the one person who I know will always be there for me no matter what. Please, Elsa, I'm begging you. I need you to forgive yourself. I need you to love yourself as much as I love you."
After hearing that, Elsa looked at Anna and immediately hugged her, squeezing hard, letting her know how much she loves her.
"I love you so much, Anna," Elsa said, kissing her head, never wanting to let go of their hug.
"I love you, too," Anna said, starting to tear up herself. They stood up and held hands, looking at each other, smiling ear to ear. "Talk to me whenever you need to. I know this isn't going to be easy, but you're going to be okay, Elsa. I'm going to be okay. We're all going to eat too much chocolate and fight over stupid things and live the life we've always wanted."
Elsa smiled, staring at Anna, thinking about how incredible her baby sister is. Through her sister's eyes, Elsa could sense how okay she was going to be. She would never be alone again. Anna forgives you, she told herself. Now you can forgive yourself.
"So," breaking the silence, as Anna always did. "Do you wanna build a snowman?"
Elsa laughed. "Yes. Of course I do."