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As always, no offense is meant to anyone. Honest. It's just a little story.
Growing Up/Letting Go
Early April
"William? Who's that girl out there?"
Looking out the kitchen window William Ramsay saw what appeared to be a young girl on one of the two years olds that Alec and Henry had in training. She seemed to be headed up to the training track but he had no idea who she was. He knew Alec was having trouble finding someone to work the young horses but a young girl? Alec would never hire someone like that—he insisted on top-notch professional help. These animals were worth a serious amount of money and he'd never risk their well being with some kid. "I don't know, either. Has he left to go back to Aqueduct yet?"
"His jeep isn't here, so I guess so. I really do wish he'd let us know…" His mother trailed off with a shake of her head. Alec would do what he wanted, he always had. He was always polite about it and easy going but somehow things always seemed to end up where he wanted them to be.
Half an hour later William went out to the training barn to find out what was going on. The girl was tacking another one of the two-year-olds, seeming to know what she was doing. "Excuse me, I'm afraid I don't know you, young lady. I'm William Ramsay and you are…?"
Tiny, no more than five foot tall and slender, she was very pretty. Her hair was a golden blonde, her eyes very blue. She was wearing standard Levi's and an oversized man's dress shirt, rolled up at the sleeves. She was also clearly used to tacking a horse. Her smile was immediate and friendly. "I'm Pam—didn't Alec tell you? He hired me yesterday and said I could work the horses. You know that ad he's been running in Blood Horse? I answered it and, well—here I am." She slipped the bridle over the ears of the very tall colt. "Your horses are wonderful!"
"I'm glad you like them." He watched her for a moment then started back to the main house. "If you need anything just ask."
"Thank you."
"Who is she, Bill?"
"The new exercise rider."
Belle gave him a look. "You're kidding. Henry will hit the roof."
"Yes, I suppose he will."
"Bill?"
He smiled. "Alec usually knows what he's doing, that's all."
"…You're not serious."
He poured himself a glass of lemonade. "He's old enough."
"He's barely legal and so is she." Belle would never think of her son as anything other than her baby.
"You're sounding like a mother." He ignored the look he got. "Besides, he's not even here, he's down in New York for some races."
"But he'll be back."
Three weeks later. Late April
Bill steered his car down Hopeful Farm's long driveway, he'd been in town on some errands and it was almost lunchtime. Pulling up by the main house he saw two riders in the distance coming in from the training track; Alec and Pam, from the looks of them. His son had just returned from Aqueduct. He was up and out of the house by dawn and they weren't sure where he was eating, but it wasn't with them.
Last night Alec spent almost an hour in Bill's office talking and asking for advice—an unusual event in it itself. As they'd expected, Henry was dead set against them having a female exercise rider, even here up at the farm. Alec disagreed, saying that she was competent and wondering what Bill thought and whether or not he should obey Henry's orders to fire the girl simply because of her gender.
"No, you're right, it isn't fair to her, but she's a distraction to the farmhands and that could be dangerous, Alec."
"Have there been any complaints?"
"Well, no. In fact all the men seem to like having her around, but still—this is a working horse farm. Last week I saw her walking around barefoot; that's hardly what I'd call professional behavior, would you? I think Henry is right about this."
"I don't." Alec sighed obviously uncomfortable and that wasn't normal for him. He'd hired and fired any number of people over the last few years. Bill had his suspicions why this was different, but he wasn't going to bring it up unless he had to. "She's good at her job, it simply doesn't seem right to fire her, especially when we don't have anyone to replace her right now."
"Make her staying conditional, then—until you find alternate help." In fact Bill agreed with his son but he had a firm policy of not interfering with the people who dealt with the horses or their training. He knew he didn't know enough about them to have an opinion but as far as he could see, Pam was doing a fine job and it was wrong to not let her stay on if she wanted to. Besides, who would do her work? Alec wasn't here consistently enough and the farm hands weren't qualified. They were stuck, at least for now.
Yes, of course he realized that Alec seemed to be attracted to the girl and that was natural enough but it wasn't right. The girl was an employee—Alec knew better than to get involved; the potential complications were enormous. He was too sensible. He might like her, but he knew there were lines that couldn't be crossed—he was too professional to let anything happen he knew shouldn't.
All right. Maybe she didn't actually have to be fired; she was a nice girl and there hadn't been any problems so far. So long as Alec kept his head and made sure he didn't lose his perspective everything should be just fine.
Besides, Pam seemed to be working out better than he, Belle and Henry had expected and the whole place seemed, well, it just seemed to be more pleasant since she'd arrived. She went through her day happily—or so it seemed and kept to herself, never bothering them or asking for much…Bill nodded and headed back downstairs. A few minutes later Bill heard his son go out, later he heard Alec and Pam laughing together.
A month later. Late May
"Isn't Alec supposed to get back from California tonight or tomorrow?"
"That's what Henry said on the phone last weekend."
"Has he said anything to you, Bill? About Pam, I mean. You know Henry was furious when Alec flat out defied him and insisted that she had to stay and refused to fire her…I simply don't know what's gotten into him."
Alec's father smiled at his wife. "Belle, come on. He's a healthy young man and she's a pretty girl he has things in common with."
She stabbed her piece of steak. "I don't like it. That girl isn't a good influence on him and you know it as well as I do. She's flighty and she'll end up leaving—you know she will and then Alec will be upset and hurt...not that I like the idea that he might be thinking of getting involved with her in the first place"
"I'm sure that Alec will be just fine."
"And I don't like that she walks around here wearing those clothes she has. I swear I don't know where she finds some of them—and have you heard any of the music coming from her apartment? I swear it sets my teeth on edge. 'Completely horrible."
"Belle, she's good at her job and the boy needs some outlets aside from riding. With the pressure and stress he's under he needs to relax. Let them be."
"You're not suggesting that he should…?" She stared at him in horror. "You can't mean you approve of the two of them—right here at the farm, in sight of the house…? I'm sure that girl may have no compunctions about such things but I'd like to think that Alec was raised a little better than that!"
"Alec's upbringing was just fine and he's a credit to both of us—I don't think either of us could be any more proud o him, could we?" He sipped his iced tea. "The things he's accomplished in less than ten years are astounding, he's respected by virtually every professional in his field, he's in demand, he's sought after and somehow he balances it all and is still the same modest, down to earth kid he was when he was twelve."
"That's all true but it doesn't justify…"
"Belle, please. He's not twelve anymore; he's a normal young man and she's a normal young woman. Between them I'm sure they have two perfectly good working sets of hormones and there's nothing wrong with that."
She got up to pour herself another glass of water and tried another tack. "…Really Bill, I suppose she's a nice enough girl. I suppose. I'd like you to have a talk with him, though—before things get out of hand."
"This is a breeding farm, I'm sure he knows how these things work."
She gave him a glare that could curl your toes. "Don't be vulgar. You know exactly what I mean. I'm afraid of him getting hurt—one way or another. Talk to him before that happens."
"Belle…""Now. Before things go too far. I mean it—you're his father. Talk to him."
He sighed; knowing there was no way out of this.
"Alec, you busy?" Bill had gone up to Alec's room when he'd heard the boy come in a few minutes ago, probably just returned from the West Coast. His son was changing into a clean shirt when he knocked on the door frame and Bill was struck by the sight. Of course Alec was an athlete, a professional athlete but he'd never really given much thought to the strength it took to maneuver an eleven hundred pound animal around a race track or to handle the work he did here at the farm. Alec's chest, arms and shoulders were slender but the well-developed muscles were clearly defined without an ounce of extra flesh. He was also struck by the fact that Alec had grown to become an extremely handsome young man; there was nothing about him to suggest that he was a boy, not anymore. Everything about hi, from his attitude and professionalism to his body proclaimed that he was an adult. "Going out?"
"Just going for a walk."
Of course he was. "Everything all right in California?"
"Sure, fine. Black won every race we entered, I'm not sure of the exact total but I'm pretty sure we brought home over three million dollars."
"Wonderful—we can certainly use it but actually I wanted to talk with you if you have a minute."
"Could it wait till morning? I kind of wanted to…"
"See Pam, I know. This won't take long."
Alec sat on the edge of his double bed, his father in the desk chair a few feet away. "You like Pam." It was a statement, not a question. "I just wanted to say…" He hesitated, unsure. "I just wanted to say be careful, that's all."
Alec looked at him. "Careful how?" He knew exactly what his father was saying.
"You know—careful. Be careful."
"…You mean like don't get her pregnant careful?"
"Well for starters, yes."
Alec seemed a little bemused. "Dad, this is coming from Mom, isn't it?"
"Of course it is, but you know that your mother is worried about you; you know she worries."
He tried to hide a smile by looking at the rug. "Tell Mom that I'm not sleeping with Pam, so she can relax."
"I'm sure she'll be happy to hear that. Is it the truth?"
This time Alec didn't bother trying to hide his smile. "Good night, Dad."
Early July
"Belle, did Pam say anything to you about going somewhere? I didn't see her out in the barn this morning."
"She mentioned that Alec gave her the day off and she was planning on driving down to Aqueduct to watch Black race." And Belle wasn't happy about the way the relationship between her son and this girl was progressing. Of course she was pleased that Alec seemed happy and all of that but she wasn't thrilled with what she assumed the cause for his relaxation. He might not be a little boy anymore but well…really. And Pam. Well, yes, she had to admit that she seemed to be a nice girl but she was all wrong for Alec and there was no way that this wouldn't end in Alec's heart being broken. Bill might not admit it but it was as plain as the nose on his face that he was falling in love with the girl and she seriously doubted that the feeling was returned. Well, to be fair, yes, she would believe that Pam did have some feelings for him, but not enough to stay, to marry him or to even maintain anything more than a summer affair. Alec would want more and then be crushed when she moved along, as she surely would.
"It's nice to see them together, isn't it? Young love and all that."
Belle nodded. Oh yes, it was charming. In fact it was all she could do to bite her tongue when she saw them walking hand in hand or stopping for a kiss. Until it blew up in their faces, it was adorable.
Late August
"I can't believe that Alec allowed Pam on the Black—and not just for a ride, but in an actual race. What on earth was he thinking? Good Lord, Bill—she could have been killed on that horrible animal and you know it as well as I do. Talk to him!"
"You know why, Belle. He's suspended and…"
"And that's another thing. Since when is Alec ever suspended? He's been riding for years and now he's set down for the first time? Now?"
"Belle, it happens to every jockey once in a while, even Henry said so."
"Well, that's not the only thing I'm upset about. When was the last time he slept in his own bed?"
"He's been travelling all summer…"
"That's not what I'm talking about."
"I know it isn't, Belle, but I keep telling you that he's not a child anymore, let him be." They were in the living room after dinner; the TV ignored across the room and Alec out with Pam again. Things between the kids had deepened and his mother was sure that he was in love, that he might even be considering asking her to marry him and this was what she was afraid would happen. She thought Pam would turn him down. She might do it kindly but still reject him and then Alec would be devastated. She knew him—he wouldn't accept it and then what? Alec felt things so deeply. Most people didn't know that about him, but she did. He always had, even when he was still a little boy, he was always jumping in with both feet.
The last few years, after everything he'd been through, the ship wreck, the plane crashes it seemed as it he was afraid of losing the things and people he had that mattered the most to him. Pam was on that list now and he might try to cling to her with both hands.
Mid-September
"Alec? Is everything all right?" Belle had gone out to the training barn looking for her son, finding him in the tack room. He'd been brooding since Pam left a few weeks ago and it simply wasn't like him.
He looked up from the bridle he was cleaning. "Fine."
"You miss her, don't you?"
He nodded. "I'm going down to Maryland on Friday to see her, just for the weekend."
Belle smiled at him and she wasn't surprised to learn he was going for a visit, his feelings were written all over him. "And then what?"
"Then she's leaving for Europe for a few months." He was rubbing the reins in long, firm strokes. "I'm going to try to meet her in Paris after Christmas for a few days."
Paris? "So it's still serious between you two?"
He nodded.
"Serious enough for you to ask her to marry you? Your father told me a few minutes ago."
He didn't look up when his mother asked him that. It wasn't like her to pry into his personal life—no one in their family talked about things like that. It simply wasn't their way, but "I asked her before she left two weeks ago."
"And what did she say?"
This time he did look at her standing beside him. "That she probably would but not yet, she thinks we're too young."
"That sounds a bit vague." It was out of her mouth before she could stop herself. "I'm sorry, but she's right, you are both young."
"I don't feel too young. She might, but I don't."
She had to say it, she simply had to. "Do you think she might have been trying to let you done easy? Alec, please listen to me—you asked her to marry you and she reacted by putting you off and leaving the farm. In fact, now she's going to be leaving the country, right? Sweetheart, you know I don't want you to be hurt, but it seems to me like she's given you her real answer."
Alec's hand stopped moving on the leather, his face frozen and stiff. "No."
She wasn't sure how to respond; he was so set on Pam. So definite that the girl was what he wanted, that they would be happy together. "Honey, just give her time—as much time as she thinks she may need, then don't push her. When she's ready you'll know."
His hands stopped moving on the leather. "I know. And I was afraid that she might have just been brushing me off when she left, I thought that might have been it but then…" He looked out the window towards the fields, pausing. "We've spoken almost every day on the phone and written—she calls me, well most of the time she calls me, anyway. I believe her, Mom. I do—I believe that she loves me, that she wants to get married in a few months or a year or something."
She noticed the bottle of antacid tablets on the shelf. "Is your stomach bothering you again?"
"A little." He'd first developed an ulcer when he was sixteen and dealing with Satan's attempt to win the Triple Crown.
It was that girl. He's so afraid of losing her, of her not returning that he was going to make himself sick, she just knew it. "Alec, if you're this upset about you two, maybe it's not a good thing for either of you."
He turned, searching her face, not liking what he saw there. Finally he spoke so softly she could hardly hear him. "I love her, Mom, I really love her. I want to be with her."
"Bill, for goodness sake—talk some sense into him."
"Belle—he has to do this on his own, you know that. He'll be fine, either way he'll be fine."
He pulled into the driveway at the small suburban split-level fifty miles from Baltimore; it was identical to every other house on the street other than the color. Pam's car was by the garage and he could hear splashing coming from what was probably a backyard pool behind the tall fence. Indian summer was in full force down here and it was a hot day. This would be the first time he and Pam would see one another since she'd left the farm and he knew it was a kind of test for them both. They'd know if what they had was a fling or more than that. He wouldn't admit it, but he was scared to death.
Back at Hopeful Farm his parents were sitting on the front porch after dinner. Bill took a small sip of his beer. "Alec called a little while ago to let us know he got there with no problem."
"And?"
"And he sounded happy and said everything's fine and that Pam says hello. I could hear her laughing in the background. They were about to go out to dinner."
Belle rocked in her chair a bit. "So it seems to be working out so far."
"You don't sound too happy about it."
She didn't answer immediately. "I still don't think she's the right one for him, not in the long run."
Bill reached over and took her hand. "Why don't you like the girl?"
"I don't dislike her, you know that. I think that…"
"Alec is going to get hurt by her. I know. But if he's happy with her and she seems the same then maybe it will be all right."
"I hope so."
January
Charles de Gaulle Airport, Paris
"Dad?…Can you hear me? I'm on a pay phone and there's a lot of noise here." "Yes, Alec, but speak up, will you? Are you all right? Is your flight delayed?""I'm fine, everything's great. Look, I'm not coming directly home, I'm going to stop in Florida for a couple of weeks or so."
"Alec? You're breaking up—you're going to Florida? To race?"
"No. Not to race…Pam and I got married. I'm going to meet her family."
"You're what? I couldn't understand that last part…. Which track will you be at? Do you want me to send your riding kit down there for you?"
"No, Dad. Not racing, we're married. Can you hear me? They're calling our flight, we have to go."
"Alec? We're losing the connection. Can you call me back?…Alec?"
"Dad? I'll call you from Florida. Did you get that?""Alec? Alec?…"
Bill Ramsay went into the kitchen where he knew Belle was starting dinner. "Alec just called from Paris."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"It was a bad connection, we were cut off."
She was peeling potatoes as she talked. "Well, how is he? Is he having a good time?"
"Yes, he sounded happy, as much as I could hear. He said that he's detouring down to Florida for a couple of weeks. I think he said he's picked up some rides in a few races down there."
"Why would he do that? I thought Henry wanted him to fly out to California."
Bill just shook his head. "I've no idea. Maybe Henry knows what's going on."
"I know he's not a child anymore and all of that but I wish Alec would talk to us more about what he's doing. Did he say anything about how he and Pam got along this time? Maybe he's upset. If they broke up or she's found someone else…"
Bill shrugged. "I've no idea. He sounded happy—you don't think they've made any decisions, do you? Isn't her family from Florida?"
Belle stopped her peeling. "You don't think they've done anything rash, do you? That's not like Alec—he's always so careful about things."
"Belle, I've no idea. There was so much static I could hardly make out a single word. I'm sure he'd tell us if something happened." He took an apple from the bowl on the counter. "Would it be so bad if they did elope?" He paused at the look she gave him. "I mean it—Alec is obviously in love with the girl and she seems like she feels the same way, from what I've seen of them. They both love horses, she likes the farm—it could work out for them."
"They're too young. Both of them."
"That doesn't matter—Alec hasn't been a child since he was about fourteen, you know that as well as I do. He's dealt with things that would crush most people three times his age. He can handle anything. And Pam; she seems devoted to Alec and that's exactly what he needs. I can think of a lot worse things than them running off to get married."
Belle stared at him. "You can't approve."
"I think it's better to be supportive than to alienate them both. Besides, it's possible that he was telling me that he's just racing at Hialeah."
"Sure he did."
Two Days Later
"…Of course, Alec. I'm thrilled for you both and I'll make sure that the apartment is ready for you two when you get here…Tell Pam's parents that we look forward to meeting them, too…Wonderful, we'll see you soon, then. Goodbye, honey, and be sure to give our love to Pam." Belle replaced the receiver and walked into the living room. "You were right. They're married. That was Alec—they're down visiting Pam's parents."
Bill clicked the TV off. "Are you all right?"
She nodded. This wasn't the sort of thing she expected from Alec—he was usually so careful, so methodical in his planning and so considerate. This was simply wasn't like him and it was the sort of thing she was afraid of. Pam simply wasn't a good influence on him. She was a nice enough girl and all of that but she was too flighty, too impulsive.
She looked a couple of years ahead and didn't like what she saw possibly around the corner. Maybe she was wrong. She hoped that she was and that they'd have a long, happy life together filled with joy and children and everything else they wanted.
And if she were right, well—then she'd do what she could to help pick up the pieces.
6/27/07
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