disclaimer: i don't own anything.

title: Letting Go
fandom: Rei Otohata X Aya Hoshino
note: Aya's POV

o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o

I have always known real love hurts. The pain can break us. It can shatter us in the tiniest pieces to the point where we can't be sure anymore if we can still stand up again and move on. That is how love works. Ironic that we risk anything for love yet at the same time, one wrong move, and you're done. It's all done. Everything you did will be merely put in waste. Trashed and forgotten. Strange that love can bring the extreme meaning of euphoria in our lives, yet in the end, it can also be our downfall.

That's because love is full of ironies, whether we want it or not―

If you aren't strong enough, then you're out of luck.

So we have to deal with it.

―to keep our sanities intact.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Aya?"

I turned back to look at the person who called me.

Ran, my best friend, the very person I look up to with all respect and admiration, the woman of steel and confidence, the woman of great tenacity, the woman who is far different from me―

The woman he needs. He needs her. He wants her.

And I'm not her.

―that's why I'll never be good enough for him.

"Aya." She repeated with blatant worry etched in her tone.

I gave her one of my usual smiles.

"I'm fine, Ran."

I'm not fine. I'm not fine at all. I'm breaking.

"But Aya ―"

"I'm just tired, that's all." I calmly told her.

I'm tired. I'm very tired. I have no strength to go on anymore.

As usual, I'm being myself ― weak.

"If this is about Rei ―"

"This is not about him." I said cutting her off immediately.

I sighed inwardly then looked away.

"It's not always about him, Ran." I muttered in almost a whisper as I turned to go.

Liar! It is always about him.

Rei Otohata, the guy behind everything. He was my fantasy, desire, hope ― a dream. He was my dream―

I love him. I was attracted to him in many ways. He saved me. He was my light. I needed him.

It was him I needed the most because God knows how deeply I'm in love with him.

He was everything to me. He was everything that I wanted, but everything I would never have.

I denied it, but acceptance always follows denial.

And that's what I'm doing. I'm accepting it. I'm embracing it.

This is the cold hard truth ― I can't follow him anymore.

My feelings didn't matter. So what if I still love him? Who cares?

He never cares.

You're wrong! You've seen it! He cares for you!

I ignored what my mind was telling me.

He cares? Right. He cares because I'm a friend… and not the other way around.

He's a difficult man to love.

And he's out of my reach. He's too way out of reach.

I convinced myself that I need to forget him. I need to.

―because he is Rei Otohata, the guy behind everything. The guy behind my fantasies, desires, hopes ― and the same guy behind my fears, anxieties, heartaches, and tears.

And he doesn't need me―

―because I'm just Aya Hoshino ― weak, fragile… pathetic.

I'm tired. It's hopeless. I don't stand a chance―

I never did.

―because I'm not Ran Kotobuki ― strong, confident… independent.

But I told myself that I won't cry. I won't because crying will get me nowhere.

And despite of what my traitorous mind keeps on telling me ― that I cannot do it, it's still worth a try.

I'm still willing to try.

And I won't cry…

Or maybe I will, for a while, just for a while… because crying a little is still healthy.

"But why are you leaving? The party is not yet over." Ran asked almost pleading.

"Because I'm tired Ran."

And he's here. Can't you see Ran? I'm not yet ready to face him.

"We can fix this together Aya."

Not on this one. We can't fix this together. I'm doing this alone, for myself.

Typical Ran, determined to fix anything, but sadly, not all things can be fixed together. There will be times when you need to do it alone, be responsible enough for your own good.

And this time was one of those times.

I need to do this alone. For once, I won't depend on anyone.

"There's nothing to be fixed. I'll be fine." I told her in my most casual manner.

Liar!!!

Ignoring my conscience, I simply smiled at her.

A smile expressing what I truly feel.

And she is my best friend. She knows me, so I'm sure she can see through it.

The smile that inwardly says 'I can do this. I just need time for myself now, but I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. Thank you. Thank you for being there.'

Thank you Ran.

And thankfully, she did as she walked closer to me, and embraced me. She embraced me tight that it was too tempting enough to cry ― to cry on her shoulders. To cry my heart out, because I know she'll still be there even after all the crying.

Even there was that small part of me that wanted to blame her, because this was partly her fault ― because I can't be her and it's her that he needs ―

I didn't care... because I can never hate her. I love her. She's my best friend ― a sister.

I embraced her back, and I didn't cry.

I can cry later, where no one can see me ― no one can judge me.

So just before my entire defenses fell, I pulled away ―

My strong pretense was crumbling.

I hated myself for it, for lying, pretending… but I needed to defend myself.

I rationalized my reasons, and justified them carefully.

Surprisingly, it helped.

It kept me from falling.

―and as I looked at Ran's eyes, I got my answer. Neither words nor explanations were needed. She understood.

Thank you Ran.

"Will I be seeing you in school tomorrow?" She asked instead, trying to divert the subject.

I laughed quietly.

"Of course silly! I can't risk my scholarship for college you know!" I joked almost playfully.

Then she smiled at me.

"You are strong Aya." She told me. And I knew she meant it.

I smiled in return. I'll try to be.

Strong for me is a foreign word, unheard of, but I can at least try right?

I'll be ok.

I turned to go, leaving her another one of my smiles.

And as I went on my way, my steps faltered as I slowly and steadily, put my guard down. I breathed deeply, gathered all the remaining strength in me, and softly ―

I cried.

I cried as I walked away.

It felt wonderful… relieving…

Because I know tomorrow is a new day. Life goes on, with or without him.

And as I faced the long lonely walk without him this time… somehow―

―I know I will find myself again.

Goodbye Rei.

o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o

A/N:

~ and there you have it! my first Gals! fic! how was it? i hope you liked it. this is really hard to write, especially it was Aya's POV… with her character and all… and I'm not very good with angst, so, I really hope you felt the angst I put in there.

~ Btw, this isn't an AyaXReiXRan fic, I never, in my whole life, planned to do such a thing. Aya's one of my favorite characters and I really really love her! She and Rei are one of my most favorite anime/manga pairings, but sometimes, the girl should make her own way right!? take that Otohata! guys are just too… *rolls eyes & sighs*

~ and just to clarify something, I don't like Ran at all! So this fic would not revolve around her! Kami! Aya should be the main character in Gals! And like I said, this is not an AyaxReixRan fic, just that… it was Aya's POV and you know how she sometimes gets insecure about Ran especially when she found out that Rei liked her. Rei can be a major jerk sometimes! but don't worry! Next chapter would be Rei's POV! Yaaay! our favorite bishie will pour his heart out for us… Shhhh… enough spoilers! XD

~ just review ne? ^^

~ thanks so much for reading! :]

~ see yah next chapter! :3

lots of love and fluffs,
-puffyfluffstuffs-