Girl at Hogwarts

Chapter 1: Forgive me, i'm being sardonic.

This is my, well, not first, but the first one i plan to actually complete- probably -so yeah...give it a chance.

It's very different and AU, so if you're going to ask me why this is this and that is that, don't say i didn't tell you so beforehand, but yeah, you're still free to ask me the same questions and i will still try to answer!!

Hope you all like it as it took me a while to get the story straight...happy readings!

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Disclaimer: It's JK Rowling's, not mine..mother swear :)

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Chapter 1: Forgive me, i'm being sardonic

It's ironic, isn't it? How I've spent most of my school life trapped inside janitor closets, when technically, I was quite allergic to dirt and muck "Ah-Choo!" …sorry, that was me, sniffing in a cubbyhole corner in one of Marga's dirty closets. Not only was it filled with dusty brooms, damp mops and dirty water buckets, it also had all sorts of insects and pests hanging on the wall. The smell was unbearable, but until Ginny could find me, I would be stuck here.

Do you want to know something else that's ironic? The fact that I keep wishing I could just be a boy instead, because I was a girl. Wipe that silly grin off your faces; I am one-hundred
percent girl. There is no want in me for another girl, which in my opinion is quite disgusting, forgive me. Okay, so I was not so much a girl as that lug, Pansy Parkinson, but I am a girl. I have boobs, knobby, weak knees and long strands of frizz I have to call hair.

"Hermione?" was that the answer to my prayers of the day? For Ginny to find me before I died of putrid smells and dust? Ah, her coarse voice sounded like a bell in a growling storm. "Hermione!?"

"I'm here…" I said, choking on my words. I could hardly breathe. "Ginny!"

Did she hear me? Was it Ginny? If it wasn't, then I'm already dead. I had to hold my breath again, trying not to breathe in anything. I was losing my consciousness fast. I think Pansy meant business this time; maybe she was going to kill me. It's not like anyone would care anyway, my housemates didn't, the Wizarding society doesn't and this world doesn't. Only Ginny did, and with any luck, her brother, Ron.

A gush of fresh air entered my nostrils, and I breathed it in gratefully. My eyes had looked away from the glaring light, so I couldn't see who freed me.

"Hermione!" It was Ginny. Thank Merlin…soft hands wrapped around me and pulled me out of the dirty closet. "What the hell did that-that hag do now!? Leave you to die?" her nostrils were flaring. She looked as angry as her fiery mane of red hair.

I breathed a deep gush of air, filling my lungs with it till I was sure I would live. Sometimes, you only learn to appreciate something when it is taken away from you. I've never felt so grateful for clean air before, I should thank Pansy someday…and teach her my lesson by locking her in a dirty locker like she did, and probably throw away the magic key.

"Where's your wand?" Ginny sounded like she was scolding, which she was, probably.

"I don't know…" I said quietly. I remembered one of the barbaric-looking girls kicking it out of my hand, but I didn't see where it went. "I think it's gone again"

"Accio Hermione's wand" Ginny said, wand out. After about fifteen minutes, my wand came flying into Ginny's hand. She put it in mine. "Hermione, why do you put up with them? You're smart and brave…that airhead, Pansy, shouldn't be stepping on you like that"

"Technically, it was Henrietta and Margaritte who stepped on me…Pansy shoved me in" I know she was just trying to help, but I couldn't help being sarcastic. I just came out of a near-death situation…she shouldn't be scolding me until she had dragged me to the hospital wing for a check-up, and probably some therapy. I could use some therapy, some near-death and she's-trying-to-kill-me therapy.

"Oh Haha…is that the thanks I get for saving your life…again?" she just had to let that out of her system, did she? Okay, so I did owe her quite a large debt of life- savings but you have to understand, my life is always in constant jeopardy in this nasty, girl-infested school. Only Ginny has ever been nice to me here, and some of the Professors…I'm pretty sure Professor Dimples, our potions teacher, wants my head on a platter. Don't let that name of hers fool you…her first name is Evillyn…if that isn't the most obvious tribute to evil, I don't know what is.

Back to our conversation, "Thanks…" I muttered from the floor. Yes, I know it's dirty but after spending a lifetime in that hellhole of a janitor's closet, the floor looked like a soft bed of roses, or maybe not. It was pretty welcome, though.

Ginny sighed at me and patted my frizzy mane. "Hermione, I'm getting more worried every year" I had to look up at her "Pansy's pranks are getting more—

—Obvious of her real intentions?" I supplied for her, breathing in another gush of air. Ahh, it felt good to breathe. My bestfriend's red brows mashed into her face, giving her a confused look…clearly, she didn't understand what I meant.

"What real intentions?" she finally asked.

"That she really is out to get me and the only reason I'm still alive is because you're such a nice friend and you always spoil her plot" wow, see, air really did do well for you. I just said that awfully long sentence in one go. Ginny looked like she was about to burst out laughing. What the heck, I laughed first. Soon we were both laughing, sprawled on the corridor floor like two students who had gone out of their minds.

Ginny gasped for some much needed oxygen and got up. "Come on, we'll be late for Defense" she put out a hand for me to grasp.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" I took her hand in one quick motion and stood up. I had to pass my homework or my perfect grade would be gone for good. Quickly dusting my robes, I started walking in the direction for first period with Ginny.

"Wow, your grades really make a good incentive for you, now to channel that into your fight against the evil witch, Pansy Parkinson" Ginny said while I gave her a sarcastic sort of smile. Haha…that is so funny. She made my grades sound like spinach to Popeye, but of course Ginny wouldn't know who Popeye is (believe me, I tried…)

"Less talking, more walking" I said, and she cracked up. But she kept walking. And that way, we both headed for first period.

That, my friends, is what first period looks like to me at the Hagwarts Academy of Witchcraft.

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"Why, you're still alive" I rolled my eyes at Pansy while Ginny and I were walking to the great hall for lunch. My defense homework was a success; I passed it on time. Maybe grades were like steroids to me, good to know, now how to use that against this sad excuse for a witch. "I was so sure I'd get you that time"

I was going to go the high road and walk away, but someone had to stand up to her sooner or later, and I think no one else but I would. Good thing I was Gryffindor. I stopped and grinned at her "That's too bad, maybe you'd succeed if you had something more than sawdust for a brain" Ginny was proud of me, I could tell, but now we were in a lot of trouble. Why did I have to open my mouth at all? Pansy's face was contorted into an ugly frown. Obviously, she didn't appreciate me calling her sawdust brain. Her cronies were already ready to take me apart limb by limb; they were just waiting for Pansy's signal.

"I have sawdust for a brain? You're the one who got trapped in a closet without your wand!" her pug-shaped nostrils were flaring. Her knuckles were balled into tight fists, making her bones stand out of the skin. She glared at me like she had done tons of times before. It wasn't that I was scared, I was nervous for Ginny. She shouldn't be part of this fight. It's mine.

"Ginny, you shouldn't be part of this" I whispered at my bestfriend.

"I became part of this when I saved you the first time, remember?" she bit back, her eyes narrowing at the pug face shaking in front of them.

"Yes, but, it's me they want" I pleaded. Ginny shouldn't be a part of this. She was a brilliant witch; she didn't deserve to be locked up in closets like me.

"And that is why I have to be part of it…" she retorted "because you can't make it alone, now stop talking" she dismissed our conversation, and I shrugged. "Stop arguing, okay? We should be against her, not each other"

"Okay, if you two are done with that touching show, Henrietta, Margaritte!" the two monster-sized girls flexed their fists at us, and took out their wands. I held mine inside my robes at ready. If someone was going to catch us, I'd rather they didn't see me with my wand. That meant detention, and I've never had detention. Ginny was much braver though, she held her wand out for everyone to see. Everyone who knew her knew about her wicked bat bogey hex, which was presumably taught to her by her twin brothers who were studying at Hogwarts.

I haven't even got to hex Pansy when the headmaster herself came out. "What's the meaning of this?" Professor McGonagall looked outraged "you five, my office, and I mean now!"

I gave Pansy a deathly glare. She returned it with kind. Ginny was glaring too. Only Henrietta and Margaritte looked stupidly ahead while we followed the headmaster, which was obvious. We could've clobbered Pansy and hidden the body while no one was looking, but apparently killing was still against the rules, regardless of what Pansy thought. Besides, they would find evidence all over the body. I wouldn't want to be imprisoned for killing a git.

"This is all your fault, mudblood" she muttered. Only Ginny and I heard it. We focused our glares even more at her.

"You deserve Azkaban for attempted murder, Parkinson" Ginny bit out.

Pansy scoffed. Ginny scowled, and I pushed her away before she killed the pug. Two misfortunes already and I haven't even eaten lunch yet. Whoopee me.

***

"Whew, that was lucky" Ginny said from my bed, combing her hand through her red hair.

"A warning is quite lucky, I suppose" I said, pulling up my pajamas till just below my bellybutton "Now, If Pansy were to jump off a cliff on her own accord, that would be even luckier"

"Yes, that would be lucky, but I don't think Pansy would be doing that anytime soon" Ginny had just crushed my fantasies of a world without Pansy Parkinson with a single sentence, but I guess she was right. Pansy wasn't going anywhere, especially nowhere near any perilous-looking cliffs.

The realization that I was stuck with Pansy for another few years was horrifying. Darn.

"I wish I could change schools…" I muttered dreamily, thinking of some bizarre universe without Pansy in it. Ginny laughed.

"And where would you go? France? Africa, perhaps?" she thought I was joking. Well, let me tell you, I was anything but joking.

"Well," I started "Umm…don't laugh, okay?" she crossed her heart, but looked like she was already ready to laugh. Typical Ginny, laughing when you tell her not to. But, she did promise, and she was still waiting for me, so eventhough it sounded crazy even to me, I inhaled and then said "I think I want to go to Hogwarts and study there with the other boys" wow…breathing was very, very good. That was the second sentence I've said in one go all day.

Note to self: never make one Ginny Weasley promise not to laugh because believe me, she will. She bawled out on my bed, her face going red each passing second. Ginny could laugh like a horse when she wanted, and now, she wanted to. "That, Hermione, is probably the funniest joke you've said all year"

I frowned, said "I'm serious", and she choked. Serves her right, I suppose, but I tapped her back anyway. See, I can be a good friend too.

"What? You want to enroll at Hogwarts?" now, she gaped incredulously, looking at me like I just said I wanted a sex change. Oh right, technically, I did. I nodded; no use denying it because I just confessed in the first place.

"Yes, that's right" I answered, quite peeved at her laughing at me, which she was still doing. She was laughing again at my brilliant plan. This time, she patted me on the back, her face straining not to laugh at my expense. "What?" I said defensively and she exhaled.

"Clearly, that little trip to Marga's closet has muddled your brain…" she said "it's okay, you can relax at Hogsmeade tomorrow"

"I don't want to go to Hogsmeade" I retorted, and pouted at her. I wasn't confused, I was determined.

She grinned that evil little Weasley grin. "Hogwarts' boys are coming" she said coyly, examining how I was going to react. The witch. She knew just what to expect but she wasn't getting it from me this time.

"So?" I managed out calmly.

"So…Harry Potter's going to be there, and my brother, Ron…" one word: evil. Using her own brother against her bestfriend is just pure evil, but it worked everytime. She was grinning from ear to ear; quite sure she had me cornered. It was true, she had me at Hogwarts.

"Oh…and so?" I pushed on. Hah! I wasn't falling for it this time, but I did need some quills and a new book, maybe a new trinket I needed so badly?

The evil little red head was laughing again and it made me realize my face was not what I wanted it to be. Darn it, why couldn't I keep a poker face at times like this? "Suit yourself, but I'm going so you'll have to mope here alone"

"You're my bestfriend and you would allow me to be left here alone while you pranced around with that-that boy? That Harry Potter!?" I pretended to look incredulous and clutched my heart at a fake act of sadness "Oh, it breaks my heart" okay, so I wasn't the best actress, but you have to admit, that was good. It didn't fool Ginny though, she laughed at my drama act.

"Really Hermione, you should just go…there'd be a lot of boys there, lots of things to see" and it hit me, there would be a lot of boys there. A lot of Hogwarts' boys.

"That's right!" I cried in triumph "I could ask them how to get into Hogwarts!"

She rolled her eyes at me; I was still grinning "Maybe Hogsmeade was a bad idea…" she muttered but I didn't care. Anywhere away from Pansy was good enough for me. "Why couldn't you just agree to go there for the boys? Every other girl does it…"

Uhh…because I had no time for boys… "I have no time for boys," I waved it away dismissively before she could react to it "Now, will you help me or not?"

"I will," she finally said "but I still think it was doomed from the start and it's a bad idea"

At least she agreed to help me. I rolled my eyes and kicked her out of my bed. I had to get enough sleep. Tomorrow was a big day, and I was not going to go through my big plans with bags under my eyes.

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Preview:

"Well, do you know anyone inside Hogwarts—she grinned wolfishly, and I rolled my eyes—that isn't your brother, you little witch"

She seemed to think it over "Hmm…" and a wider grin swept through her face, making me shake my head at her "There's Harry, he's a nice guy" ding ding ding, we have a winner. Harry was a perfect candidate. I met him last year and we took off right away; more importantly, he likes *ahem ahem* Ginny

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More Girl at HOGWARTS in my next chapter, yes I know it's AU and Hermione seems a bit different, but you'll see, it's not that bad.