authors note: a beautiful gift for your beautiful souulllll

Genre: Literatcheture

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Hi my name is Mutya Titubana Brownishria Suhqweeria and I have beautiful coffee skin like a chesapeake bay retriever (das how i got my middle name lol). I have crayola burnt sienna colored eyes, and i have swoopy black hair that is the color of Hell Fire (authors note: if u dont know the song im talking about then get da hell out of here!1). Im an actor and an artist and I have feelings.

I used to be a student at Yonsei Academy in my hometown, South Korea, but I moved recently.

I now go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England. I am a sixth year student but I'm 15.

I am stylish. I like to wear polos and shirts that show that i fCUKIN LIFT U SHIT, and i wear pants. Like today, after i got out of bed and swoopled my hair, I wore a polo that had anchors on it and wore mustard pants. It was snowing that day and it was really dark so I was really happy. I was walking to go to the Illuminati Enthusiasts club whihc i started.

I was walking by the great hall, and a lot of preps stared at me. The preps wanted be my friends so they told I was looking buff like a beef and that i look like Kevin Gnapoor.

"aaAHUGH" I yelled angrily at them. They pissed me off, so I put my middle finger up at them cause I'm just bein' miley.

The preps gasped and were realy intimidated but hah! id ont care!1

"Hey Mutya!" I heard a voice shouted at me

I turned to look at their face and it was...Draco Malfoy?!

"What Draco?" I snapped angrily.

"N-nothing" he said as his eyes widened like several pizzas. "I need to talk to you about joining the Dark Ar-"

But my friends were calling me so I left him there.

I ran over to them and said hi to everyone.

Even though I just got here, i made lots of new friends. I look at my asian friend DEEDRA who likes fried chicken. She's sitting next to my friend Obamaniqua who looks like a shaven baboon. I sit next to Congratulashayla, who was born with a clockwise vagina and she smiles at me with her muscular teeth.

We were talking about vegan recipes and satanism (our saturday night plans) for a long time. It was past curfew but we didnt care.

"GO TO BED YOU STINKING BRATS OR I WILL TURN YOUR ARSES INTO chicken tikka masala (its a britishy Indian food! Its red LIKE BLOOD. MAYBE IT IS BLOOD?) AND SERVE IT BACK TO YOU" roared dobby.

We all sulked going back to the Gryffindor common room.

The fat lady on the calendar door thing asked us "who the fuck are you"

"wHO THE FUCK ARE YOU" I shouted back at her

"That is the correct answer please come in" she said.

When I walk in I see that the common room is having a huge party. I see alcohol being served nad people smoking cigarettes. I know that I'm better looking than all of them so I smash a bottle of wine and drink it, and eat 6 cartons of cigarettes.

The DJ then changes the song and I realize that the song Carmen is playing and I strut to teh dance floor. I whip off my coat and it smacks onto the face of a freshman. I start dancing and everyone starts cheering me on.

I do a lot of interpretive dance and I even start singing because I am a queen.

I am happy to see that my friends are enjoying themselves. I see DEEDRA dancing by herself with her pet chicken she plans to eat for dinner later on, and Congratulashayla gambling away the private property she owns in New Delhi.

But I get really dizzy because I drank the most and I go by to the nearest plant which I later found out was Neville Longbottom, and puked all over it.

Everybody got really concerned so they all lifted my body like they do with goat sacrifices, but I wasn't drunk anymore so I just started partying again. I was having so much fun. And then...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was…Dumbledore!

(story will continue at chapter two)