So come on, who bawled their eyes out at the end of Allegiant? I did!

I didn't want to give too many spoilers away in the summary but this is a fanfic about what happens to Tobias after Tris dies. You might be thinking but we already know, well this is from Tris' point of view. How does she react to her death? How does she view Tobias and what will she think as he continues to live rest of his life?

That's a pretty terrible summary but please read it and let me know what you think. :) Billie. x

P.S. I edited this chapter to correct a few tense slips. Also, Divergent does not belong to me but to the wonderful (if heartbreaking) Veronica Roth!

ONE

I watched as Tobias walked through the doors of the Bureau. He was relaxed, happy that our plan had been successful, but I could see his eyes scanning the lobby. He was looking for me. I swallowed and tried to ignore the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wouldn't get to celebrate our success with Tobias, wouldn't get to see if it all lasted and ended happily. I was dead.

I knew that I had done the right thing in taking Caleb's place, knew that I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if he had died instead of me, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. I didn't want to be dead; I had hoped I would survive, had been almost certain that I would. I hadn't banked on David waiting for me inside, armed and ready for a fight.

"What is it? Where's Tris?" Tobias demanded, a worried look spreading across his face.

"I'm sorry, Tobias," Cara said, she was bruised and her head was bandaged but I had seen a doctor tell her that she would be fine.

Christina was the one who replied, speaking roughly, "Sorry about what? Tell us what happened!"

I took a deep breath, out of habit not necessity, and watched as Cara told them what happened.

"Tris went into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb. She survived the death serum, and set off the memory serum, but she… she was shot. And she didn't survive. I'm so sorry."

I watched Tobias as Cara explained, he looked angry that she would even suggest such a thing but then I watched as realisation struck. His shoulders sagged, dropping with his mood. Cara and Christina kept talking, but I ignored them. I stepped slowly towards Tobias, wishing that I could comfort him; but if I could then he wouldn't need it. I placed my hand on his cheek but he didn't flinch, didn't notice, he couldn't feel my touch or my presence.

"I love you, Tobias," I whispered, praying that he would hear me. He didn't, he continued standing there as if a statue. He was welling up, tears forming in his eyes. That made the pain I felt worse, he never cried, not Four, the strong, Dauntless legend.

Christina was also crying when she asked to see me a few minutes later. "I want to see her, to say goodbye."

"I'll take you to her." Cara nodded weakly.

"Come on, Four," Christina says gently. She doesn't take his arm but he steps forward slowly and they walk side by side.

I trail behind, not desperate to see my body again. The full extent of my death has not fully set in yet and seeing my body terrifies me. I spent a while staring at the lifeless body on the table after I "woke up", confused, unable to believe that it was me. The last thing I remembered was my mother's embrace and then everything had gone dark.

When we arrive at the morgue, I watch as Tobias runs to my side, grabbing my hand. I know that he wants me to wake up, he wants me back. And I want to come back, I don't want to be dead, I want to be with Tobias. He falls to his knees next to the table and the tears come flooding out of him.

I can't stand idly by the door anymore and instead I rush to his side and slip my arms around him. I soothe him and whisper comforting words into his ear. I know that he can't hear me but it makes me feel better. If I could cry then I would; we would sit here on the floor together unable to comfort each other.

Tobias didn't sleep over the next few days, he didn't stop, instead choosing to walk the compound. I walk with him, supplying the company that I know he needs but can't fully have. He didn't speak to anyone for a long than a minute, ending conversations abruptly and walking away from the people who cared, the people who were worried.

I was happy to see that they were unleashing all of the water on the sculpture in the lobby. A big step had been taken in the Bureau and been successful so I was pleased to see that they recognised small steps weren't always the way. I don't know if Tobias noticed, I also don't think he would have agreed that our efforts were successful. In his eyes, my sacrifice wouldn't count as a success.

"Tobias?" I heard Caleb ask in a small voice. I hadn't checked on Caleb since Tobias returned, I had spent every second with him, not wanting to be apart from him. I saw Tobias flinch and try to get away without speaking to my brother. I understood his pain and his hate; I would still be here if Caleb had gone into the Weapons Lab. "Wait. Please."

I turned before Tobias did, seeing my brother's pale face and bloodshot eyes. He has been crying, I know that he feels guilty for my sacrifice but I would not have had it any other way. When Tobias does finally face Caleb, he is angry but the emotion disappears from his face, quickly to be replaced by pain. Does he see me in my brother's features?

"I don't mean to bother you," my brother says politely. "But I have something to tell you. Something… she told me to tell you before…"

"Just get on with it," Tobias says roughly.

"She told me that if she didn't survive, I should tell you…" Caleb chokes, struggling against the moisture in his eyes. "That she didn't want to leave you."

I was glad that Caleb had passed along message; that Tobias would know that this wasn't like Erudite, I hadn't tried to trick him. Right up until the last moment, I really had intended Caleb to set off the memory serum. I didn't want to leave him, I loved him.

"Yeah? Then why did she? Why didn't she let you die?"

"You think I'm not asking myself that question? She loved me. Enough to hold me at gunpoint so she could die for me. I have no idea why, but that's just the way it is." Caleb walked away a second later. I watched him go, almost wanting to follow him. I didn't regret saving him, of course I didn't and I wondered if Caleb knew that.

Tobias sat on in the middle of the lobby, not caring if he was going to be in the way of anyone. I sat beside him and leant against his arm. We sat quietly, he didn't cry but he kept pressing his palms to his eyes as if the tears were trying to escape and he didn't want them to.

Sometime later, Cara approached. I was shocked to see Peter beside her, staring around the compound in wonder and confusion. She was explaining things to him as if he didn't know what they were. I realised that he had been reset, he no longer knew who he was or what he had done. I was surprised because he had been inoculated against the memory serum along with the rest of us, but it was probably for the best. Perhaps now he could start again and try to be less evil. Peter left a moment later and Cara sat down beside Tobias.

"You don't have to stay here," Tobias says.

"I don't have anywhere else to be and the quiet is nice."

The three of us sat in silence, watching the water.

"There you are," Christina said, jogging towards us. She, too, had been crying. We might have saved the GDs from discrimination in the Bureau but it had come at great pain to all of us. I don't think there was a single member of our group who had not been hurt in the process. "It's time. They're unplugging him."

I froze, how could I have been so selfish? In the aftermath of my death, I had completely forgotten that Uriah was still being kept alive by machines. I had forgotten that part of the mission had been to bring back his family so that they could say goodbye.

I didn't walk with my friends. I couldn't help still feeling a slight anger towards Tobias. He should have trusted me, we should have tried to stop the rebellion, the explosion that had effectively killed Uriah. When we arrived at the hospital, Zeke and his mother were inside the room with Uriah so we stood outside, watching through the observation window. Evelyn was there and tried to comfort Tobias but he rejected her. I slipped my hand into his slightly curled one. As usual, he didn't feel my touch and my heart contracted.

Tobias was angry about the presence of David, I could tell he was even before his outburst. Everyone tried to calm him down but it didn't make a difference and he still lunged at David when he left the small room. I tried to grab him, to hold him back from my clueless murderer but my hands went straight through him. That's how it was, I touch him lightly, pretend to hold hands and lean against him but when it really came down to it, I was dead. I couldn't touch him, I couldn't feel him; I couldn't grab him ever again. I was pulled from my despair when I heard Christina say it was time. I slipped through the wall and into the room with Uriah.

Zeke and his mother were holding each other's hands as well as Uriah's. They were speaking quietly, saying some kind of prayer. I placed a hand on Uriah's shoulder, he would be all right. Death wasn't so bad. The machines were switched off and a moment later, Uriah's mother stepped away from her son. When I looked up, my friends were crying and Tobias was gone. I didn't know where and would find him later but for now I also wanted to be sad for my friend. He had not died in some kind of admirable sacrifice; he had been injured by an explosion not even meant for him. It was not fair.