Genre: Friendship/Humor
Rating: T to be safe, but it's mostly light-hearted.
Characters/Pairings: Tony Stark, Loki Laufeyson. Could be FrostIron pre-slash, or could just be friendship; whichever floats your ship.
Author's Note: Um, so. My muse has been virtually obsessed with The Avengers for a while now, and I was in a humorous mood, so I thought I would write something funny. Or, try to. Then this Family guy quote popped into my head:
Brian: You're drunk.
Stewie: You're sexy.
And I immediately decided that this had to be written. So, uh. Yeah. It's AU. They aren't superheroes/villains in this 'verse. It's just kind of random. Enjoy. Or something. I don't even know. I'll be quiet now.
-Ammy

When Tony had asked Loki to hang out with him, the latter hadn't really expected…this.

Granted, he shouldn't be surprised. This was Tony, after all, and if Loki knew anything about Tony Stark, it was that he had a certain love-hate relationship with all things booze. But Loki couldn't help the bemused expression on his face as he watched his friend dance around and shout and laugh and make a general fool of himself, all the while downing glass after glass as if it were a drink from the gods.

He mused that, to Tony, it might as well have been.

He wasn't upset by it, though. If anything, he was amused. Tony wasn't an entirely unpleasant drunk - enthusiastic would probably be a better word - and if nothing else, Loki could add this to his ever-growing list of potential blackmail material. He didn't think Tony realized just how much dirt Loki had on him, but that was probably a good thing.

Tony was making a particular idiot of himself, all flirty, playboy philanthropist, and Loki hid his grin behind his own glass of scotch, sipping at it regally. He was only on his second glass - at least one of them had to stay sober enough to get them home, and he didn't particularly want to get wasted in a room full of people he didn't know well.

"Hey, hey, Loki, c'mere." Tony slurred, staggering over to him. His glass was held precariously in his hand, surprisingly still half full. He must have gotten it refilled again.

Loki arched a dark brow at his friend, turning slightly to better face him even as he said, "And why would I do that?"

Tony laughed a little, as though he'd been told an inside joke. "'Cause, I said." He replied, as if it were obvious. He all but draped himself over Loki's shoulders, simultaneously half-hugging him and using him to keep himself from keeling over. This close, Loki could smell the alcohol coming off of Tony as if he'd used it as cologne.

"You're drunk." He noted bluntly.

"You're sexy."

Loki nearly choked.

"Why yes, I actually knew that." Loki said, chuckling. "I think you've had enough."

Tony pouted, and took another rebellious gulp from his glass. "C'mon, Lokiii. Live a little!"

Loki shook his head. "You'll die of alcohol poisoning at this rate. Do be a dear and put that down." He said in his best I'm smarter than you voice, though his smile somewhat ruined the effect. As he said it, he reached out to pluck the glass from Tony's hand, which was easier to do than he had expected. He set it on the counter, along with a generous sum of money to pay for his and Tony's drinks, and proceeded to pull his half-heartedly protesting friend outside.

"Killjoy." Tony said, even as he wrapped his arms around Loki's shoulders, nearly making the both of them fall face-first onto the pavement.

Loki fixed Tony with an exasperated look. "What are you doing, Tony?"

"Let me looove you." Was Tony's only reply, followed by what could only be described as a giggle.

Tony giggled.

Loki rolled his eyes, awkwardly maneuvering them toward his car. It was hard to walk with Tony hanging off of him like that, but somehow he managed. After some fumbling with the seat belt on Tony's part, and more than a couple of nearly-missed turns on Loki's, they, by some miracle of nature, made it safely to their destination. Which happened to be Tony's house.

"Come on, you useless lump. I'm not going to carry you."

The gods must have been in a good mood, because Loki actually managed to get Tony up to his room and into his bed without much of a hassle. But the universe was clearly still intent on messing with him, because when he turned to leave, he felt a hand grab at his shirt, effectively stopping him.

"Wait."

Loki looked back down at Tony, who by now looked sleepy, as if the simple act of getting into bed had worn him out. "What?"

Tony actually looked a bit uncomfortable, as if he wasn't sure how to say what he wanted to say. He probably didn't. "…Stay?" Was all his inebriated mind supplied him with.

Loki gave a long-suffering sigh, and pretended to think about it. He knew Thor would probably wonder where he was, but it wasn't as if Loki had never stayed out all night before. In all honesty, Loki knew it was probably the better idea to stay with Tony anyway - even if he'd only had two drinks, that was still enough to impair his driving ability. He was lucky that they'd gotten to Tony's home without incident, and he didn't want to risk getting caught or having a wreck on his way home.

"Fine." He said, and if he felt pleased with himself at Tony's bright smile, well, he didn't show it. He toed off his shoes and slid out of his jacket before lying down on the bed, making himself comfortable.

That was apparently Tony's unspoken cue to start cuddling.

"Is this really necessary?"

"Mhmm."

"People will talk."

"Nobody'll see."

"Tony…"

But Tony had made himself comfortable, and Loki didn't quite have the heart to push him off this time. It would probably be futile anyway - Tony could be an affectionate drunk when the impulse struck him, and when he was in cuddle mode, it was hard to get away. Loki merely shifted a bit to make up for the added weight, and closed his eyes.

Tony was out like a light in no time at all, and Loki wasn't slow to follow. He would have to explain to Thor in the morning that yes, he was fine, no need to worry, and though it would be tedious and perhaps mildly frustrating, he would deal with it when the time came.

As he drifted off, Loki absently hoped that Tony had Poptarts.