Solitary Tears
A/N: This is a pick your own guy story as a name will never be given. I know who I picture here but you are free to make your own decision.
It had been hours since he had taken a seat on the hard hospital chair. He sat with his elbows resting on his thighs, his face hidden behind his hands.
Close. So close. She could have died today. For another time she could have died.
How often would he able to deal with this again? Deal with it without speaking out; without showing a reaction.
He wondered for how long could a man bury his emotions? How deep he could bury them to never let them show?
A solitary tear formed in the corner of his eye, leaving a wet trail on his cheek when it couldn't defy gratify any longer. He was too tired to wipe it away.
How to find the strength for anything, when pain was soaring through him, ripping his heart apart? How he wished for numbness, to forget, if even for the moment.
He lifted his face and looked at her. She was sleeping now but it was no peaceful rest. Her face was contorted in anguish and he was sure she was battling her demons again. There was no rest for Lilly Rush.
He got up and went over to her bed, glad that the hospital was quiet at this hour. The fewer people saw him here, the better.
Lilly shifted in bed and he stood stock still, hoping she wouldn't wake up. She didn't and he held back a sigh of relief. He didn't want her to see him. Not right now.
He had no official reason to be here and he knew she would see right through him. There was no mask of friendship for him tonight, just a man in pain and love.
Yes, he was in love with her. If he couldn't admit it right now, not even to himself, he would never be able to admit it. He shook his head. What a tricky and painful thing the truth was.
He had loved her for years. He had seen her fall and painfully scramble up time and again, never being able to help her. Never being able to reach out. Some boundaries just weren't to be crossed.
He bit his lower lip. Even if he could reach out, he wouldn't dare. How could he? He might be in love – might be a fool in love for that matter – but he wasn't fool enough to make the assumptions that she could return his feelings. She was too good for him anyway.
She let out a tiny sigh which and his immediate attention went back to her. Her lips were slightly parted and his heart skipped a beat. He was mesmerized by her fragile beauty. For once he was allowed to see the woman and not the tough cop she appeared to be while being on duty.
Against his better judgement he reached out, only to stop his hand in midair. He hesitated, knowing that he shouldn't even think of it but then his hand crossed the remaining distance. He cupped her cheek lightly and at the contact with her soft skin he stopped breathing. She didn't move and he was thankful for it because even if he wanted he couldn't have moved a muscle right now
He remained like that, frozen and petrified, until he had to breathe again. He tried to breathe as calm and quiet as he could, feeling like the ridiculous fool as he was. With his hand still resting in place, he moved his thumb, letting it trail along her lower lip.
Soft, so soft. He closed his eyes. Another tear threatened to fall. He was overwhelmed by feelings denied for too long.
He longed to kiss this lips. To taste them only once. He longed for a memory to guide him through the lonely nights lying ahead of him.
He opened his eyes and without a conscious thought he bent forwards until he could feel her breath on his face. Stop, he should stop, but again he couldn't. His lips touched hers and he marvelled at the feel and warmth of them. Sudden desire and emotional pain hit him hard, knocking the breath out of him. He stumbled backwards, as if being burned. He shouldn't have done that, shouldn't be here.
The hand that had touched her only a second ago was balled into a fist and he stared at it at shock, while the other touched the lips that had just kissed her. He left the room as fast as he could, almost ran out.
He never looked back.
He never saw her eyes open, a tear running down her cheek.
THE END