The summary and quote at the beginning, as well as the title of this story, are lines from the Daughtry song 'What I Meant To Say'. This isn't a songfic, just a oneshot inspired by a song.
-X-
I know I said 'I'm sorry'
But that's not what I meant to say
-X-
It wasn't until well after the fact that Lucy really had time to regret her hastiness. If anyone were to ask, she'd have told them that was why she was to be found outside Natsu's place at such an ungodly hour of morning, battering his door with a clenched fist.
Because naturally, in true Lucy fashion, once she'd thought about it enough, she wasn't able to just let it lie again. And let that idiot think he'd won?
Not a chance.
"Natsu!" she yelled, ignoring the shivers running up her spine as various nocturnal creatures rustled around in the surrounding darkness. "Natsu, you wake up right this instant, you hear me? Natsu!" No answer. Lucy humphed furiously. "WAKE! UP!" she roared, punctuating each word with an extra loud bang on the door.
At long last a light went on somewhere inside. Lucy ceased her hammering and crossed her arms over her chest, tapping her good foot impatiently as she waited for Natsu to open the door. What was taking so long? Was he trying to piss her off more than he already had?
What seemed like an eternity later, the door finally creaked open a fraction. Natsu's sleepy face peered through the crack, his dark eyes heavy and confused, his hair more of a tangled mess than usual. When he saw Lucy standing on his doorstep he opened the door a little wider, eyebrows pinching in the middle of his forehead as he frowned at her.
"L...Lucy?"
The only answer he received was a glare.
I forgot; he never locks the door, Lucy thought to herself, feeling silly for having forgotten.
Barging straight past her sleep-tousled team mate, the angry mage situated herself in the centre of his (moderately clean, thanks to her efforts) living room.
"Uh... hey," Natsu mumbled, voice thick with exhaustion – obviously still tired from their last mission. "What's goin' on?"
Lucy ignored him, keeping her back turned and silently fuming over exactly what she wanted to say. There were so many things she wanted to set him straight on. So many little niggles that, now she thought about it, had been eating at her for a while. Well, this was the last straw – there was going to be a reckoning between her and Natsu, and he wasn't going to like it.
She didn't deign to look at him until she heard the 'snick' of his door shut behind her. When it did she rounded on the Dragon Slayer, full of righteous indignation, a whole host of vicious rebukes on her tongue, each more venomous than the last...
But there they died when she spotted him standing there in only his shorts, a lethargic look of ignorance on his face.
The fact that Natsu was quite as naked as Gray generally tended to be was enough to shock the rage right out of Lucy (much to her dismay). She gaped at him like a landed fish, mouth wide open and eyes close to popping from their sockets. When the unbidden (and unwanted) thought that he looked really sexy entered her mind, her face immediately turned bright red and her tongue – which had been so sharp mere seconds ago – became swollen and useless.
"I-I... I..."
She fumbled for the right words, the ones that would convey to him all the hurt and anger that had been languishing in her chest since they'd parted that morning. But for the life of her, Lucy just couldn't force any coherent speech past her lips.
Don't you dare, the part of her that wasn't too busy drooling over her team mate growled. Remember why you're here, girl. Let him have it!
Her ire rekindled somewhat, though less an all-consuming inferno and more a slow burn. Pulling her features into a scowl – which was harder to do than it ought to have been – Lucy forced herself to march straight up to her perplexed friend so that only a scant few centimetres separated them. Standing just a few inches shorter, keeping her eyes carefully trained on his face, she poked him hard in the chest with one long, slim finger.
Naturally, Natsu seemed to barely feel her attack and only blinked in response.
"I didn't mean it," Lucy declared with an air of determination, daring him with her eyes to object.
"Didn't mean... what?" Natsu frowned.
"I didn't mean what I said this morning," she clarified haughtily, staring him down. She would not be the first to look away. She wouldn't. "When we fought about the mission, and I said I was sorry – I didn't mean it. I'm not sorry."
Understanding lit the Fire mage's eyes, followed swiftly by a guarded expression that Lucy didn't know quite how to read.
"I see."
"I know I was stupid," she continued, ignoring him. Her gaze never wavered as she spoke, nor did she react when her heart started to thud loudly in her ears at their close proximity (and Natsu's state of undress). "I know I could have died. And I'm sorry I scared you like that."
Her team mate's muscles started to relax again, and he opened his mouth to say something. Lucy quickly placed her finger on his lips to silence him and finished her declaration defiantly.
"But I am not sorry I did it," she asserted, removing her hand and waiting expectantly for his retort.
Her expectancy did not go unanswered.
"If you knew you were gonna get hurt, why did you do it Lucy?" Natsu demanded, abandoning all pretence at civility. "We were all worried sick about you!"
"Yeah? Well now you know how I feel, watching the three of you do crazy stuff all the time!" she snapped, automatically reacting to his reproach.
They glared at each other in silence for a few moments, neither willing to budge.
The Celestial mage sighed.
Lucy realised they weren't going to get anywhere fighting like a couple of children, but he just made her so mad sometimes! Really, what she'd done on that mission hadn't been any worse than any of the insane stunts he'd pulled in the past. And it had worked too, in case he hadn't noticed! So she'd broken a leg – so what? The reason they were alive at all was because of her quick thinking.
Taking a deep, calming breath, she persisted in a more controlled tone.
"Look, Natsu, I get why you're mad, okay? If it had been me watching you throw yourself at that thing, I'd have been upset too. But it worked didn't it? I distracted it long enough for you to do your thing, didn't I?"
"Not before it broke your leg!" Natsu cried incredulously.
"It'll heal!" she countered, equally astounded. How can he be so hypocritical? "Honestly, Natsu, you're a fine one to talk!"
"No!" the Dragon Slayer suddenly exploded, startling her. In a movement quicker than the eye, Natsu grabbed Lucy's upper arms and spun her around until she was trapped against his front door. His rough hands were unbearably warm to the touch, a testament to his fury, and the blonde girl quailed (just for a moment) in the face of his uncharacteristic outburst. "Don't you say that! Don't compare what you did to anything I've ever done!"
"Natsu-," Lucy began, a tremble to her voice that was part fear, part fury.
"No, you listen to me Lucy!" shouted Natsu, hands squeezing her skin hard enough to bruise. "I've taken risks before, and sometimes I've suffered because of it, but I've never thrown myself at an enemy with no intention of fighting them! I've never tried to sacrifice myself, Lucy, and you shouldn't either!"
Lucy opened her mouth, eyes widening in shock, but Natsu wasn't finished yet.
"Did you even think about us? About how we'd feel if you'd died? Huh?" he challenged, his anger fettering into wounded resentment. "What if I hadn't been able to get to you in time? What if we'd... lost you?"
Lucy didn't reply, watching as his sleep-heavy eyes slid from her face to the floor – as if he couldn't even stand to look at her.
He'd been scared, she realised. Natsu's tongue-lashing this morning when they'd arrived back in Magnolia hadn't been about him thinking her weak, or incapable or any of those other things she'd attributed to his behaviour. It had been about his fear of failing her – of watching her die because he wasn't good enough.
A gentle smile touched her lips. She should have known.
"Natsu," Lucy said softly, placing a hand on his bare shoulder – forgetting, at least for the time being, that he was practically naked. "I didn't jump in because I wanted to sacrifice myself and go down in a blaze of glory or anything. I did it because you needed an opening... and I knew that if I got into a tight spot making one for you, you'd save me. I mean, you always pull through when I need you, right?"
"But what if I hadn't! What if-,"
She pressed a finger to his lips a second time, silencing his frustrated protests. The expression on her face was soft, filled with genuine fondness. Natsu was such an idiot. A brave, lovable, loyal idiot.
"But you did. And I knew you would. I believe in you."
Still not meeting her eyes, Natsu kicked sullenly at the floor. They didn't speak for a few minutes, and Lucy was just beginning to wonder if she should attempt to reason with him again when – in a small, petulant voice – Natsu finally spoke up.
"You really believe in me that much?"
Lucy grinned. Predictable guy – the way to any man's rationality was through his ego.
"Of course I do!" she exclaimed enthusiastically, punching him lightly on the shoulder. "We're team mates!"
He met her gaze then, and despite the clear signs of fatigue Lucy thought she saw the real Natsu sparkling in those dark eyes of his.
And then she remembered he was almost totally naked.
"Natsu!" she cried in belated horror, face turning the approximate shade of pickled beetroot. "Put some clothes on!"
Natsu glanced down and – in a perfect impersonation of Gray – yelped in shock and embarrassment, face colouring to match Lucy's.
"Aaah!" he exclaimed, blinking down at himself in alarm.
"Well don't just stand there!" Lucy yelled. "Put something on!"
"Hey! This is my house, so I can be as naked as I want!" Despite his words, Natsu scrambled around the room looking for some clothes.
"And do you always entertain your visitors dressed in nothing but your underwear?"
"I do when they come battering on my door at three in the morning!"
And on the argument went.
Lucy would never tell him as much, but it felt good to be arguing about something normal again (well, as normal as normal gets in Fairy Tail).
So busy was she, scolding Natsu, she didn't notice the small figure crouched near the stairs with a camera in his paw, catching the whole episode on film.
Nor did she hear the gleefully whispered, "They liiiiiike each other."
-X-