Disclaimer: not mine
Rewritten: Jan 2013
A huge thanks to my beta: T.J. Wise and one who convinced me plot is actually possible: Danni 1987
Reviews make me write more…seriously, they do!
Elena's Pov
Dear Diary,
Should I?
I should.
Maybe I shouldn't.
He didn't want me to remember, but I do. After weeks of having the same dream, how could I not wonder what it meant?
They all start the same way; a breeze comes through my open window, the night is warm against my skin. He appears, but his movements are too fast for my eyes to see him. When he stops, he has this look in his eyes, this haunted desperate look that I'd only seen the night of the opening of the tomb. It's like he's balancing on the edge of hope and desperation, longing for one but expecting the other.
He has it, my necklace. I thought I'd lost it forever. He's always doing things like that. Just when I think I have him figured out, he does something so unlike the person he pretends to be, that it makes me stop. For just a moment it feels like a little piece of the hurt inside of me crumbles and I feel myself once again drawn to him. I can feel a small part of the old me break past the barrier I erected on the night my life stopped really feeling like my own.
Caroline tells me that it's only because he's hot that I feel drawn to him, but it's this is about more than his body. It is about more than those tights shirts that fit him like a glove, more than his swagger, more than the designer jeans that I'm sure he picked out because they practically melt onto his skin.
It's the look he had in his eyes the time I sympathized with him after learning that he loved Katherine too and how he lost her just as much as Stefan had. He looked like I was the only one who had ever done that, that had ever acknowledged his loss. It's the way that he always answers the phone no matter what time it is or where he is. The way he teases me when I'm sad, and jokes when I'm mad. He never lets me fake it, even when that's all I want to do. It's like he expects more from me, like he demands it even.
I knew for sure that night, as he held my necklace just out of reach, I knew that whatever he was planning to do would change me forever. When he didn't just hand it back, and as I tried to look away, I knew what he was going to say, what he was going to do. However, it was the look in his eyes that night that shattered me. How could I not be affected by his words? How could I pretend that I wasn't his universe, that everything he did (minus the first few weeks after he showed up) were for me. All for me, only for me.
How deeply must you love someone to HAVE to tell then that you love them, even if it's only once, knowing that they will never know how deep you feel toward them? Then to take the memory away because you're so unselfish that you want them to be happy more than you want them to know how much they truly mean to you. Because he has feelings for me that are so strong that he couldn't hold them inside any longer, because they were eating him from the inside.
If that's love, true love, deep and soul searing, then have I ever felt it before now?
He claims to be the bad brother, all booze and brashness, with a new co-ed for dinner every night. But if that's the truth, I have to wonder, why then is he the only one whohas never once lied to me.
Does he value truth that much?
Does he respect me that much?
His brother, my white prince, with his own form of blood prohibition and morals has lied to me from the start. I knew it when I saw that picture of her, the first night we… well you know. He only saved me from my watery grave because I looked like her, like Katherine. Did he introduce himself to me officially only because I share Katherine's face? Is the reason he walks on eggshells so often around me because he expects me to turn into her? Because I have to say, I don't see that one happening, we couldn't be more different if you take personality into account.
One brother is two handfuls by himself; taking in the two brothers would be begging for insanity.
Diary, let's face it, the one that swears to have no feelings, no morals, no attachments to anyone or anything but himself is in love with me. And it's real love, true love, the kind of love that never fades or wavers.
With me.
Want to know the scary part Diary?
I think I love him too, My Dark Prince.