A/N: Yes. Yes indeed. This is a collab of pure awesomeness between myself, AkaneSukishima, and Sinsanity. Check out her story, "What Cruel Irony". We share the credit. You've been warned! Do enjoy. Complaints were due yesterday.

Claimer: We own everything. That includes you.

Disclaimer: ... Shut up.

Dear Customer! Thank you for buying the Starrk unit! Below are instructions on how to use and properly care for your unit.

Instructions on how to properly care for your unit selected from the 'Happy Hueco Mundo Amigos' set, Coyote Starrk. Please read thoroughly before proceeding

to use your new arrancar.

STANDARD INFORMATION:

NAME: Coyote Starrk

HEIGHT: 187 cm (6 1")

WEIGHT: 77 kg

HAIR COLOR: Dark brown

EYE COLOR: Blue/gray (colour balance customized by buyer)

BIRTHDAY: January 19

CONTENTS:

Coyote Starrk Unit x 1

Espada Uniform x 2

Darth Vader Cape and Helmet x 1

Cowboy Costume x 1

Los Lobos Zanpakuto x 1

Oversized Pillow x 6

Oxy Sleep Pills x 47

MODES:

Normal Mode-The unit will behave in a lazy manner, and will be fairly apathetic towards absolutely everything. He is not drunk or stoned, so there is no

need to worry whilst the Starrk unit is in this condition. Orange juice not required for detoxing of marijuana, and no heroine tests are needed. While

in this state, the Starrk unit will often sleep, and occasionally wake up to eat, or to use the bathroom. When awake, the Starrk unit shows a complete

lack of motivation, and is hopelessly lazy. He is fairly laid-back unless otherwise provoked.

WARNING: If you decided to wake the Starrk unit while the unit is sleeping, all returns and refunds are void. Las Noches Inc. cannot be held liable for

any damage caused either to the owner, surrounding humans, or surrounding property when the Starrk unit is angered. This mode, known as Raging Sleep Deprived

Mode, will be described later.

Extreme Drowsiness Mode-Often confused with Normal Mode. Differences include not waking up to anything. In this state, even the Lilynette Gingerback unit

has difficulty awakening him. Whilst the unit resides in this mode, you may want to check his pulse constantly, because he appears to be dead.

Deep, Reflective Mode-Your Starrk unit is highly intelligent, despite his intensely lazy demeanor. While in this mode, the unit will often recite double

entendres , and give deep input on things such as the meaning of life. Or death. Your Starrk unit will absolutely despise battle in this mode, and will

only fight if endangered. The unit is rarely endangered, seeing as most beings vaporize as soon as they enter a one mile radius of him. No worries - we

don't believe you will vaporize. But we can't make any guarantees. If you do, we cannot be held accountable. He is not to be provoked during this mode.

Provocations include bothering the Lilynette unit (included), or simply attacking the Starrk unit. There is no guarantee he will fight back, if he can

possibly avoid it. Which he can. He will most likely block your feeble fists with a sigh.

Raging Sleep Deprived Mode- Happens whenever the unit is rudely woken from a siesta by anyone other than a Lilynette unit. The unit will go about and cero

most everything. Is often confused with a PMSing woman during this timeframe. The only ways to reseal this mode is to offer him a particularly soft pillow

or bed, call a Lilynette unit, drug him, or kill him. Shunsui Kyoraku units and Jushiro Ukitake units are the best for this, but Sousuke Aizen units will

suffice. Any damages caused to customer property durring this mode will be your fault. All your fault. We do not suggest trying to halt the Starrk unit

yourself unarmed by a pillow, or the Lilynette unit.

Cowboy Mode (Locked)- The unit will run about in his Cowboy Costume and cap things with his pistols. He will more than likely demand a horse, or at least

a lasso. It is wise to let him cool down and loose some of his Wild West macho before approaching him and attempting to coax him into returning to urban

life. NOTE: Your coaxing may not work. Please avoid this mode. The only way to trigger it is to intoxicate him or leave him in a desert town for a few

days. This does not include Hueco Mundo. Hueco Mundo is not a town. Yet.

Suave Romantic Mode (Locked)- It is highly unlikely that the Starrk unit will ever display this mode. He most certainly will not display it in reaction

to you, so don't even try. Units known to unlock this mode mainly include Tia Halibel units, as well as some random units here and there. This is an abnormality,

and is typically referred to as 'Crack Pairing Syndrome.' While in this mode, the Starrk unit won't act too different, but subtle differences are notable,

such as less time sleeping and more time asking the object of his affections for a pillow. Once the unit has recognized you as its owner or its care-taker,

the mode is locked from your access. Permanently.

UNPACKAGING YOUR UNIT:

The first moments you spend with your unit are critical in the development of a good relationship. However, this must be preceded by a successful unpackaging.

Releasing your Starrk unit can be rather tricky, seeing as he will most likely be sleeping and unable to aid you. If you cannot manually open the box (which

you will find is very difficult for weak beings such as yourself) then the best way to release a Starrk unit would be to place it within the vicinity of

a Lilynette unit, which should have been sent alongside the Starrk unit. Unpackaging instructions follow later. If you are unable to access a Lilynette

unit, or you have not recieved it, then send in a notice to Customer Support, where it will be read, and either half-assed or ignored completely.

Hide safely behind your couch as the Lilynette unit proceeds to tear apart the box the Starrk unit is in, and continues to beat the living hell out of it

until it begs for mercy. Any property damage during this time is not our responsibility. Slowly crawl out from behind the couch once you have safely confirmed

the Starrk unit is awake and on his feet. Proceed with caution.

Once the unit is out and about, it would be best to back off as he adjusts to his surroundings. You will know when he is done adjusting by when he decides

to start sleeping. This is often a quick process.

UNPACKAGING THE LILYNETTE UNIT

It is advised that you do this before the Starrk unit is attempted at, or else the entire process could be ruined, and the Lilynette unit will proceed with

her uber-cute pout (easily stopped with ice cream).

Place the box in the center of a large open space, and gently shake it, calling out softly for her to wake up. Once you hear any movement from inside, step

back and wait for her to beat her way out. Under no circumstances are you to punt the box or the unit to encourage unpackaging. This will be later relayed

to the Starrk unit, and your certain death will not be our responsibility. Once she has climbed out, introduce yourself nicely, and point at the box the

Starrk unit is in, and tell her what's inside, and that he is sleeping. Proceed to the instructions above.

CARE AND MAINTENANCE:

All Starrk units are easily manageable. Simply provide a bed. No food is necessary; he survives by breathing in the air around him and extracting what little

nutrients there are. This method of sustenance was devised by the unit in order to prevent any physical activity whatsoever. Starrk units will sleep all

the time, so you may confuse them for dead bodies. They are not, however, and should not be buried or flushed down the toilet at any given time. Means

of disposing of the unit are elaborated on in the 'DISPOSAL' section.

The Lilynette unit, however, requires sustenance. Make sure to have plenty of food around your house, easily accessible to the unit. The accessibility is

a choice, however. She will not bother you for her food. She will instead trouble the Starrk unit for her every need. Provide sweets such as ice cream

and sweet teas and chocolate.

RELATIONS TO OTHER UNITS:

Lilynette Gingerback: The Starrk unit will be constantly abused and woken up, and will often become very annoyed around this unit. Despite these minor arguments,

the unit really does care for the other, and has a rather brotherly affection for it. But that doesn't mean that the unit enjoys getting a hand down his

throat, or a knee in the gut. Keep in mind that you are to respect his space, and that all physical contact between yourself and the unit must be minimal.

The Lilynette unit is useful for convincing the Starrk unit into helping out with anything you need.

Tia Halibel: The Halibel units may be the only other sane arrancar units out there. Starrk units may enjoy socializing with these units, and maybe even

develop feelings for it, as described in the Suave, Romantic mode section. Interactions with Halibel units could also take a turn for the worse, however,

and end up with your Starrk unit passed out on the floor in a pool of his own blood. This is not our responsibility, and neither is the rug-cleaning bill.

Barragan Luisenbern: Everyone hates Barragan. He will be alone forever. However, should a Barragan unit be killed around the Starrk unit, it will provoke

the Sleep-deprived Rage mode described earlier, or under lesser circumstances, the reflective mode. Or he may just go back to sleep. This is often the

case.

Sousuke Aizen: He will have a considerable respect for this unit, as it helped end his earlier loneliness in his development. However, that is as far as

the relationship goes.

DISPOSAL:

One way to effectively get rid of Starrk units is to cage them up with Kyoraku, Ukitake, Love, and Rose units. You may want to do this in an unimportant

room, because you will not be able to use the room again. Another way is to OD him. On anything. Pills work, but bleach and toothpaste will work as well.

The disposal of the Lilynette unit must be saved for after the secret disposal of the Starrk unit, to avoid your evident demise. The Lilynette unit can

be disposed of simply through sleeping medication, followed shortly by an excess of chloroform.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

Q: My Starrk unit is hiding from my Lilynette unit.

A: That's not a question. However, we advise giving the Starrk unit 36 hours to himself to recuperate. Chances are, he had a particularly violent encounter

with an irritated Lilynette. Either that or you are foaming at the mouth and chasing him, and need a tranquilizer to the head.

Q: I told my Starrk unit to dry the dishes, and he wouldn't. I told the Lilynette unit, but she's watching TV.

A: Quit whining. What are you, a three year old? Seriously. Dry them yourself.

Q: I'm sick, and I need food. Can I trust the Starrk and Lilynette units with my money?

A: If you give Starrk specific directions and a time limit, and send the Lilynette unit with him with promises of icecream and chocolate later, they will

accomplish your shopping. Do give them a map of your town, or else they will get lost, and no refunds are available.

Q: I want to celebrate his birthday, and I want him to wake up nicely this morning.

A: Shake him by the shoulders for as long as it takes, and talk at him. After half an hour, you should get signs of life. under no circumstances should

you send in a Mariachi band to do the job for you.

Q: I, like, couldn't believe it when he, like, wouldn't-

A: Shut up.

Q: Can I-

A: No.

Q: Wha-

A: We're done.

A/N: Please review! Updates will happen when they happen. Next is a one-shot, then we will proceed with that pattern. Please review!