Before You Go,
Written by WickedSong.
Disclaimer/Note : I do not own Glee. It is owned by FOX. To understand parts of this story, reading 'Worst Kept Secret' is necessary but keep in mind this has much more angst than its predecessor. Hope you all enjoy.
"Are you ready to face them?"
Sam shrugged his shoulders weakly at Mercedes' question as he peered in the window, to see their friends, laughing, chatting, living it all up. It was only halfway through the summer and he guessed they had every right to do so, completely oblivious. Unfortunately for Sam, and to an extent, Mercedes that wasn't an option.
"It doesn't matter if I am or not," he replied with a half-hearted smile. "Doesn't change the fact that I have to tell them eventually."
He leaned his arm against the window, and sighed, content to just stand outside. He felt a warm hand slip into his and turned to see Mercedes' beautiful smile looking up at him, and he could also see the strain that this was having on her, and he realised that she was also just trying to keep it together. Turning from the window he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.
He wanted to say something but the words just wouldn't form. What did you say exactly? It wasn't like anyone ever properly prepared you for this. For love greater than you could ever imagine, to only have it pulled away. And as unfair as it was Sam could only call it life, messy and cruel and unfair, and hope to God that the both of them would move on. But with her in his arms, he found that to be an impossibility he couldn't bear to think about. To one day wake up and know he wouldn't see her or talk to her or even have a quick five minute text conversation while he was on a break at work.
Going to speak, he saw Mercedes shake her head and he knew she didn't want this moment marred by words. She just wanted him right now, to feel him, to remember when he wouldn't be there to hold or to hold her back. She could almost feel the tears streaming down her face but blinked extra quickly to stop them. The time for crying and picking her heart back up would be in three days' time when he would be gone. For now, she would pretend that their relationship had no expiration date, that they were still in those days of June and limitless possibilities.
But now it was time to face their friends, and not only was Sam revealing his family's move to Kentucky to the group, the pair were also coming clean about their relationship, which despite many times they could have been caught, had seemingly stayed a secret throughout the time they had been together.
The time that was slowly and quickly slipping-
They both stopped that thought. No expiration date. Free and without a limit.
Like June.
"So what do we do when they come in?" questioned Santana. She threw her hands up. "Shout surprise and say 'we've known about your 'secret' relationship all along.'"
Rachel looked around at everyone else. "All in favour say yes?" She smiled but no one put their hands up.
Puck shrugged his shoulders. "We just tell them. They are going to freak when they find out we knew before they even did." He smiled to Lauren who smirked back at him, and put an arm around his shoulders.
"You still owe me that money by the way," she reminded him, which caused her boyfriend to shake his head.
"If I'm not mistaken I bet they'd get together in New York." He gestured to Brittany and Santana. "From what they told us, they were together then." He grinned. "Pay up Zizes."
"Ahh, here they come," Kurt said quietly, nodding his head subtly to everyone at the table. "How much do you want to bet, 'we met in the parking lot,' makes an appearance here." He watched them walk in and almost immediately wished he could take the words back. Something seemed off just in the way that Mercedes looked as if she was holding herself together. Sam also looked pretty worn down.
No one else noticed this and Quinn leaned over. "They used that one on you too?"
Blaine nodded on Kurt's behalf, the counter-tenor far too confused by how downhearted the couple looked to be focusing on anything else.
"Hey guys," Mercedes said. Now Kurt knew something was up. Her voice was shaky and she looked as if she had been crying. What had Sam done? If he had hurt her-
But then Sam looked to be exactly the same way.
Kurt again looked around the table and it was then he noticed that mostly everyone else detected a subtle shift in the atmosphere, to happy and cheerful and light to sad and just plain depressing.
"Hi," Sam offered, giving a small wave.
Everyone looked at them expectantly. Santana shook her head. "Surprise!" Both Sam and Mercedes looked at each other silently asking what she was doing. Then she continued. "We know."
"Know what?" Sam looked far more concerned about this than Kurt had expected.
"Is he okay?" Blaine whispered to his boyfriend which caused Kurt to shrug.
"About the secret romance you two lovebirds have going on," Rachel replied in a sing-song voice. Obviously she was one of the ones at the table unable to note the sadness that emitted from them. "You must tell us all about it."
Mercedes looked at her, then to Sam, then to the rest of the group and he looked equally as concerned. She looked at him, shaking her head. "I can't do it. I can't..."
"We can, together." He took her hands, and nodded to her, and she returned the nod, giving a weak smile to him.
When Mercedes turned back to the group she looked more confident than she had before but there was still that tell-tale sign of something not being right.
"Yeah, we're together," she said, smiling brightly, but her eyes still shined. She wiped her eyes. "I'm just really happy."
"What is going on?" demanded Kurt. "What are you not telling us?"
All thoughts of revealing the ways in which they had discovered the secret relationship, all intention of grilling the pair and asking them and asking them why on earth they kept it a secret went out the window when Sam spoke, quietly, but clearly, with a strength but sounding like he was also falling apart at the seams.
"I'm leaving."
With those two words Mercedes' confident smile was gone, Sam's facade of happiness was gone and it was as if a Dementor from Harry Potter was floating around the group. All the life had been sucked out of them. One of their own was leaving - again. Last year they had said goodbye to Matt, this year it was farewell to Sam. But did goodbye ever get any easier?
"Where? Why? What is going on?" Puck looked adigated as he spoke and looked at Sam with demanding eyes.
"Kentucky. My dad found a job there. It pays well, we can get back on our feet."
"When. Tell them when, Sam." And it sounded as if Mercedes was forcing the words out, not trusting herself but trying her very best. She tightened her grip on his hand, much to the surprise of everyone at the table, who thought this would cause her to become detached from the boy beside her.
"Three days."
That was when everyone got emotional.
"Y-You can stay here. You can stay with-with," Rachel looked around wildly as if the solution would be right in front of her, "Finn!" She pointed to her boyfriend, beside her, and then to Kurt. "And Kurt! They have a spare room. You can-"
"I can't."
Mercedes shook her head. "He can't," she repeated and it sounded like they'd been over this over and over. They had. Both trying to find the easiest option but it never presented itself.
It was, unsurprisingly, Brittany who lightened the mood, and it was intentional, as she stood up, went to hug Sam and then guided him and Mercedes to seats at the booth. She bounced up and down in her seat, trying to let some positive thoughts flow around but it was a battle she was losing. "Santana and I knew in New York, you know? You were giggling and looked as if you'd just finished kissing." She smiled. "Santana was so mad that she didn't see it before me, weren't you, San?"
"Sure." The latina was quieter than anyone had ever seen her, nibbling a breadstick. Normally she knew what to say. Why didn't she know what to say now?
"Finn and I found out at the carnival. You drew quite a crowd at that tilt-a-whirl." She looked at them knowingly and despite the chill in the air and the knowing that it was all going to be over, Sam and Mercedes looked at each other, grinning in spite of themselves.
"I'm still trying to get that image out of my head," supplied Finn, which caused Rachel to make an aw sound and drape her arm around his waist. But seeing how distant Sam and Mercedes were being she retracted her arm and hoped Finn would understand.
"You didn't think 'we met in the parking lot' would work, really?" Quinn asked, while Artie nodded with her, trying to chuckle.
"Well it did on Kurt," Blaine said, and this caused a few chuckles, and Kurt to playfully hit his boyfriend in the arm.
"What about you guys?" Mercedes asked, trying a smile at Tina, Mike, Lauren and Puck.
"The park. You should be a bit more careful in open spaces," Mike suggested. Then he realised what he had said implied they'd have more time and he wanted to kick himself. Tina patted his arm, saying to him it was okay.
"And we found out at prom," Lauren answered.
"We weren't-" Sam said, slightly, and only slightly, amused by this one.
"We guessed you would be," Puck replied, without a hint of a smile. "She was laughing at your impressions, dude, and not in a way that was mocking you."
And so the night did go as planned, they discussed how it had happened, in New York, which had caused Lauren to cave in and give Puck the $20 she owed him. By the end of the night the sadness pervaded the air and avoided no one, not even the usually cheery Brittany, who hugged Sam constantly and also comforted Mercedes, assuring her it would all be fine, that fairytales always had happy endings.
No one had the heart to tell her that this wasn't a fairytale.
The day before the move Sam found himself face to face with Kurt. The brunett boy stood outside the motel, arms folded and looking like he meant business.
"Can I help you with something?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe you can tell me why you haven't called Mercedes since Breadstix?" Kurt raised his eyebrows and Sam went to close the door. "So this is how we're playing it again? Closing out the world?"
"Again?"
"When this started," Kurt explained. He gestured to the motel. "You wouldn't let anyone help. Let us help now."
"How?" asked Sam. "How do you help? I can't stay here, which means I can't be with her, which means a clean break." He shook his head. "And I wish people would stop saying that talking and seeing each other up until the second I leave is going to help somehow because it won't."
"Sam-"
"No, I'm tired of this!" He threw his hands up. "I'm sick of it. Kurt, it's easier if you don't meddle. Please just go."
"I will but please, please consider calling her, and talking before you leave."
"I will."
Kurt didn't know whether he was telling the truth or not but he turned and left anyway, not wanting to fight a battle he knew he wouldn't win.
As for Sam, he went into the main room of the motel and sat down and thought. It had been a while since he had just thought. He let his mind wander, and it went back to when he thought things were going to be a little simpler. Sure that his dad was going to find a job before summer was over and that it would be in Lima - he hadn't even entertained the idea of moving during another summer - he looked to the near future, when he and Mercedes would come clean to their friends and reveal their relationship. And then he even began to think about September and how he'd be able to walk down the hallways with her, hand in hand, be able to kiss her by her locker, get her something nice for Christmas and even spend Valentine's together.
Secretly he had even thought about the duets they could sing in glee - or even the songs he could sing to her.
She meant so much.
Then his dad got the job in Kentucky and all thoughts of them being together, not being a secret, disappeared so quickly, it was as if they'd never even been there. But they had be. They had plagued his mind, haunted him even at night when everyone else was sleeping and he was wondering what else they could do that would make this their summer, never forgotten, always there and always cherished.
Subconciously, or it must have been so because he didn't remember pulling his phone out of his pocket, he was dialling her number. She picked up on the fifth ring, obviously angry and intent on making him wait. Their conversation was brief, full of one word sentence and icy tones. He told her they'd be leaving at seven the next morning and he wanted to see her - but understood if she wanted nothing more to do with him. Mercedes said she'd think about it and quickly disconnected the call.
He had to hope that 'thinking about it' was enough.
His dad honked the horn and Sam checked his watch. 7.02AM. She wasn't coming. The realisation winded him. He blinked furiously, keeping tears from falling. He had no right to be sad. Yeah, they had decided on a clean break but he had been the one who had started it a couple of days early without any warning. He thought that would be easier. But then again what happened to what he had said to her at Breadstix?
That they'd get through it together? That seemed to fly right out the window.
"Sam, wait! I'm-I'm here!"
He looked up and was shocked to see her coming towards him, running, and then flying into his arms. He put his around her, and nuzzled his face in her hair, trying to remember the smell of her, the feel of her, everything about her. He was so scared of forgetting or waking up one day and realising it may have all been a dream.
"I thought you hated me," he confessed when they pulled apart.
She shook her head. "You may irritate the hell out of me," she said, trying to joke when she wanted to cry, "but I could never hate you." She put her hand to his cheek and cupped it gently. He let her, and he was well aware of the tears this time and could see her own as well.
"I'm so sorry. I wasted time."
"What time? All I remember is the summer I spent with the sweetest boy I'll probably ever know." She smiled sadly. "And that's okay." She shook her head. "More than okay. That's pretty magical."
"But I'm leaving," he said and she winced at the words, a blow to her already fragile heart.
"For your family, for your mom, and your dad and Stacey and Stevie."
"You don't have to be so strong," Sam demanded, pulling her closer. His dad honked the horn. "Five more minutes!" he called desperately knowing they were now well and truly out of time. Their end date had arrived.
"Yes I do." And it was here, that the 'I'm happy for you, really,' and 'you have to do what you have to do,' crumbled and she was selfish for just a moment, shaking her head, letting him see her cry fully and freely. He had been one of the only ones that she had let see her like this. "Because in less than five minutes I might never see you again. And so I have to believe that it's because God has some higher plan and I have to be strong because no one else can for me."
He hugged her again, this time tighter.
Stay in this moment forever, stay in this moment forever, he pleaded to himself, but the car horn honking quickly slayed that dream.
"You have to go," she said, rebuilding her smile. And it was as if the walls he had knocked down around her heart were also quickly building their defences. "I-I love you."
"I love you too."
It was the first time and the last time they'd get to say those words but damn it all if they didn't mean them.
Pulling out of the hug, they kissed, tears trailing from their eyes and falling to their lips but the pain made it all the more real. No one could say this wasn't intense and passionate and heartbreaking all at the same time. No one could say their 'I love yous' were cold and meaningless. Because this kiss, it proved that it was more than that.
And it was like time sped up. He pulled away and gently opened the car door, squeezed her hand one last time, with her squeezing back gently, placed a kiss to the top of her hand and then let go.
She held the hand close to her heart the entire time the car pulled out of the driveway, up the street and out of view.
And they were both left with the realisation.
He had left.
He was left her behind.
He was gone.
Anyone hate me for this? I know Molly (basicallyrunalways) on tumblr does but we worked through that, haven't we? Anyway, people wanted a follow up to Worst Kept Secret where Samcedes found out everyone knew but I couldn't do it without doing it like this so I put it in a separate story so that if you don't want the angst you don't need to have the angst.
But I hope you all enjoyed. Despite the angst of it all, this is probably one of my, in my personal opinion, best written works and one of the ones that drained me the most. I say that a lot but it's true here in this case.
WickedSong x