Title: We All Try
Author: Logicbomb.32
Ships: Pre-established Brittana
Summary: A midnight phone call scares Brittany into looking for Santana, but when she finally finds the Latina in the most unexpected of places she comes to realize what's important.
Authors Note: Came to me as I was falling asleep a few nights ago, angst-y and hopefully not to cliché or out of character. I have other stories up on the docket but I only recently got my muse back. Thanks, enjoy.
It wasn't the vibrations of her cell phone that woke Brittany up, it wasn't the sound of Santana's ringtone blaring in the midnight darkness or the absence of Lord Tubbington on her bed. No, what awoke the blond teen was the distinct feeling that something was wrong. Considering the fact that she was only semi-conscious, she was inclined to believe that the feelings weren't real, just dream fragments or something. That was until her phone rang.
Fumbling around in the darkness she instantly recognize Santana's ringtone and pressed answer without hesitation. There were only two reasons why Santana would be calling her at one thirty-seven in morning: she was either sleep dialing again or something was wrong. Brittany was seriously hoping for the former.
As of right now this was beginning to look like one of those moments she had always imagined happening, but never had. Having her phone on loud just in case one of her friends needs her desperately in the middle of the night, picking up to hear ragged breathing or, more likely, drunken shouting. But there was not ragged breathing or drunken shouting coming from the other end of the phone. Instead there was silence, a desperate silence that spoke volumes to the blond.
"Santana?" she half whispered- half spoke "You there?"
Dial tone.
Instantly worry began to spread through her as she climbed out of bed. Santana had only ever hung up on her once and there had been a lot of yelling and crying going on prior to that. This time however there was silence and Brittany was pretty sure she kenw what was going.
That was the thing about Brittany, she wasn't the brightest bulb in the box but if there was one subject she was well versed in…it was Santana. She knew her Latina inside, out and sideways. So the only reason that the brunette would call her and hang up was if she fighting. Not actually fighting but fighting herself. Debating about trying to be strong and carry the world on her shoulders or reach out to the one person she can always trust.
Brittany.
And it was with this knowledge that the blond found herself sneaking out the front door, car keys in hand. Once inside the car she put on her seatbelt and redialed Santana's number.
Ring.
Ring.
"Pick up." She muttered, starting the car.
Ring.
"Brit."
It was barely one syllable but the blond could tell something was wrong, not just wrong but really, really wrong "Where are you?" she asked, having an inkling that Santana was not in fact, at her house.
Silence. Heavy breathing and what sounded like muffled crying.
"Santana." Brittany said gently "Let me help you."
She was offering help for a situation she knew nothing about. But she didn't care, not one bit did the blond care that she was blinding offering her assistance because this was Santana she was talking about. And she would do anything for Santana.
"I don't think you can." Was the response and there was no doubt in the blonds mind that her girlfriend was crying.
There was also no doubt in Brittany's mind that something terribly wrong had happened since she had seen the Latina pull out of her drive way earlier that night. The only question was what?
"I can always help you." Was the automatic response, Brittany hoping that she would be able to get at least a location out of her girlfriend.
But the blond could tell that Santana was scared and her girlfriends method of dealing with this particular emotion was to shut herself off from the world, Brittany included. So it was left to her to figure out Santana's location, even if she was only going on guesswork.
Brittany wanted to ask what was wrong, wanted beg Santana to tell her what was going on and to stop scaring her, but that wouldn't work. So, picking her first location to check Brittany took a sharp left and said "Can you tell me what happened?"
This had to be done on Santana's terms and Brittany would wait as long as needed, she just preferred to do it by her girlfriends side rather than in her car driving around "You're going to hate me."
Okay. Right.
Brittany would have rolled her eyes if the seriousness of the situation wasn't getting to her "Santana" she started as she pulled the car over and scanned the parking lot of McKinley, she didn't see anything, not that it surprised her "I can never and will never hate you." She said firmly "No matter what you do."
"But I broke my promise." Santana replied and Brittany could imagine the fresh wave of tears streaming down her girlfriends face as her voice cracked.
This admission explained part of the distress Santana was obviously feeling. The Latina prided herself on never breaking promises, especially those where Brittany was concerned. Whatever had happened was putting one of the promises she had made in very real jeopardy.
"It doesn't matter." Brittany said "I don't need promises to love you, I just need you."
Fresh sobbing, angst ridden sobs "That's the problem "Santana said "You wont."
Brittany balked, this was bad and she needed to be with her girlfriend now, right now "You're scaring me." She said, honestly "Santana where are you?"
The blond had checked the park they had frequented as kids, the pool they went to in the summer and Breadstix. She was getting desperate and running out of locations for her girlfriend to be, and the more desperate she got the more scared she got, and the more scared she got the less she could focus on calming Santana down. It was a vicious cycle.
"Stanton and Brief."
Things could probably be said about the fact that Santana was at their elementary school but right now Brittany didn't care. She was less that two blocks away from the building and its adjacent park "I'm almost there." She said "Don't-"she started but paused "Don't leave." She said quieter.
Silence.
The blond parker her car haphazardly in the parking lot, disregarding the lines and not bothering to lock her car as she all but jumped out. She scanned the dimly lit terrain and spotted the outline of her girlfriend up on one of the play sets. She tried not to run over but she couldn't help it as she clambered up the stairs, ran across the bridge and up to the farthest point.
Santana had somehow managed to wedge herself in the corner of the set, back pressing uncomfortably into the bars and chin resting on her knees. Brittany knelt down, wanting to take the Latina into her arms and hold her tight but knowing that's not what her girlfriend needed. So she opted to simply sit next to her, taking one hand into her own and holding it gently.
"I'm never going to hate you or love you any less or anything. "Brittany said "You are the most important person in my life and nothing will ever change that."
Santana sniffed and brought her chin up from her knees to look at Brittany "I promised you that we would be together forever." She said, her voice raspier than normal and thick with emotion "And-and" she looked away, fresh tears in her eyes "I can't do it."
This wasn't a break-up Brittany decided, she wasn't going to let it be one "Why?" she asked, her voice trembling slightly.
"My-my parents won't pay for me to go to college." She said "They told me that because of my condition" and she spat the last word out "they won't support me in that way. I can't live in their house, under their roof after graduation and they will not pay for my education any further. I can't afford to pay for college on my own and I cant get finical aid because my dad's a doctor and my moms a nurse. Britt, I can't afford it on my own, not without loans up my ass and working all the time and college is expensive and you're going and-"
"Santana" Brittany said, stopping her girlfriend mid ramble, she was working her way towards a panic attack "I need you to breathe for me."
Dark eyes flashed "Did you not just hear what I said?"
Brittany nodded "I did but you're going to have a panic attack if you don't start breathing." She explained, calmly, watching as her girlfriends shoulders sank and rose rapidly "Breathe with me." She instructed, taking long, slow breaths.
Santana tried, at first finding it hard but after a while breathing became easier and her fingers didn't tingle as much "I'm scared." Santana said quietly, finally allowing herself to fall into her girlfriends chest.
"I know." Brittany said, her voice barely above a whisper as she let her chin rest on Santana's still trembling shoulder "I know you are, but baby, you trust me?"
"Always." Santana said, breaking out into a fit of coughing as her body still recovered from the almost panic attack.
But the coughing didn't cease and Brittany could hear the Latina getting worked up again "Hey" she said gently "I'm right here. Breathe with me." She continued, resuming her long slow breaths trying to calm her girlfriend down again.
"It" Santana said "feels like my" she paused, breaths still raspy and forced "chest is going to explode."
"Don't talk." Brittany said softly "Just breathe."
There was a place and a time for the conversations ahead, how Santana would afford college (because Brittany already knew she wasn't accepting money from anyone she perceived as acting out of pity) and what the rest of their lives would be like. But right now, right now they had each other, and they had long hours of the night ahead of them. They had slowly steadying breathing and Brittany running a hand down her girlfriends back. Most of all they had each other. Brittany had Santana in her arms, temporarily shielding the Latina from the world she faced head on every day.
And there would be a time when roles were reversed and it would be Brittany whose life flipping, but right now, right now the future didn't matter. They had each other.
Always.
Thoughts? Wasn't sure how to end it, but this felt somehow right. Feel free to let me know what you thought!
Logicbomb.32