A/N: This is a response to An Invisible Tomorrow's Challenge, but it is also an object/METMA fic. The requirements were:
-Must be funny.
-There must be some mention of Sirius.
-Ron cannot be gay.
-Someone must say, "I absolutely despise cold season."
-Someone must say, "I'm not gifted, I'm weird."
-Someone has to say, "But I don't have a color printer."
-A human charachter has to quack.
-There must be a house elf somewhere in it.
-Someone has to have an accent.
Well, all, enjoy my object fic that conforms to this challenge!! From the point of view of Sirius Black's washcloth! ^_^
*****
"Singing in the shower, just a-washing my butt....Quack, Quack, right, little ducky?"
Oh dear, there he goes again. Of all the jobs in the world, I had to land this one. I swear, I'm going to fire my agent! But no, he says, "Eet'll be fun, c'mun, de danger of being a wooshcloth for a conveected feelon!!" And like a sap, I believed him. I pictured my self on markees..."Sirius Black's washcloth, cleaner extrordinaire!" What can I say....I'm not gifted, I'm just plain out weird.
So I took the job. But the website that had the job description didn't mention just how DIRTY this guy's butt is!!! (A/N: Okay, now you're asking yourselves, how the hell did a washcloth get on the internet? SHUTUP! This is my fic, it can BE insane!!) Well, it's not MY fault I don't have a color printer! All it showed up as was a slightly darker shade of grey....little did I know that "shade of grey" was inches and inches of caked on dirt, a product of living as a dog.
Of course, it's every washcloth's DREAM to be actually USED. Instead of being pushed aside by those fancy little squeegies and sponges! And in winter, too, a washcloth never gets much attention. It seems that winter makes people smellier, doesn't it? They never seen to shower or bathe. I absolutely DESPISE cold season.
So, I should be grateful, shouldn't I? Hmph. Let me ask you, would you be grateful being swabbed around a man so covered in filth he looks almost like Justin Timberlake? (A/N: I'm SORRY! I just hate him! ^_^) Would YOU want to spend an hour in the tub, and have to suffer through a tonedeaf rendition of the score to "The Little Mermaid"? (Although he IS rather good at Ariel...) Would YOU want to sigh with relief, realizing the bath is done, and then not even get rinsed off afterwards? And then, horror of horrors, to be used on a HIPPOGRIFF?!?!
I'd rather be worn by a house-elf.
****
A/N: Hehe...I thought that was funny. So, join METMA (Muggles for Equal Treatment of Magical Articles) for only 2 sickles, and you can help poor objects like the washcloth. *chesire chat grin* You'll get a badge, and lots of awesome e-mail. Anyway, thanks to An Invisible Tomorrow for writing the challenge, my reindeer antlers for *inspiring* me, and all you fine folks for reviewing. *HINT HINT*
If you liked this, please check out my other fics!
-Must be funny.
-There must be some mention of Sirius.
-Ron cannot be gay.
-Someone must say, "I absolutely despise cold season."
-Someone must say, "I'm not gifted, I'm weird."
-Someone has to say, "But I don't have a color printer."
-A human charachter has to quack.
-There must be a house elf somewhere in it.
-Someone has to have an accent.
Well, all, enjoy my object fic that conforms to this challenge!! From the point of view of Sirius Black's washcloth! ^_^
*****
"Singing in the shower, just a-washing my butt....Quack, Quack, right, little ducky?"
Oh dear, there he goes again. Of all the jobs in the world, I had to land this one. I swear, I'm going to fire my agent! But no, he says, "Eet'll be fun, c'mun, de danger of being a wooshcloth for a conveected feelon!!" And like a sap, I believed him. I pictured my self on markees..."Sirius Black's washcloth, cleaner extrordinaire!" What can I say....I'm not gifted, I'm just plain out weird.
So I took the job. But the website that had the job description didn't mention just how DIRTY this guy's butt is!!! (A/N: Okay, now you're asking yourselves, how the hell did a washcloth get on the internet? SHUTUP! This is my fic, it can BE insane!!) Well, it's not MY fault I don't have a color printer! All it showed up as was a slightly darker shade of grey....little did I know that "shade of grey" was inches and inches of caked on dirt, a product of living as a dog.
Of course, it's every washcloth's DREAM to be actually USED. Instead of being pushed aside by those fancy little squeegies and sponges! And in winter, too, a washcloth never gets much attention. It seems that winter makes people smellier, doesn't it? They never seen to shower or bathe. I absolutely DESPISE cold season.
So, I should be grateful, shouldn't I? Hmph. Let me ask you, would you be grateful being swabbed around a man so covered in filth he looks almost like Justin Timberlake? (A/N: I'm SORRY! I just hate him! ^_^) Would YOU want to spend an hour in the tub, and have to suffer through a tonedeaf rendition of the score to "The Little Mermaid"? (Although he IS rather good at Ariel...) Would YOU want to sigh with relief, realizing the bath is done, and then not even get rinsed off afterwards? And then, horror of horrors, to be used on a HIPPOGRIFF?!?!
I'd rather be worn by a house-elf.
****
A/N: Hehe...I thought that was funny. So, join METMA (Muggles for Equal Treatment of Magical Articles) for only 2 sickles, and you can help poor objects like the washcloth. *chesire chat grin* You'll get a badge, and lots of awesome e-mail. Anyway, thanks to An Invisible Tomorrow for writing the challenge, my reindeer antlers for *inspiring* me, and all you fine folks for reviewing. *HINT HINT*
If you liked this, please check out my other fics!