Disclaimer: I do not own Lux-Pain or the amazingness of Akira-kun. I also don't own the song "Bury Me" by 30 Seconds to Mars.
A/N: I wrote this while listening to this song on loop, and the majority of it while eating Qdoba wishing it was Taco Bell. Go figure.
I gave Akira-kun's mother the name of Mimori, since I don't think they said it in the game. o.o
WARNING: Swearing and other older-peeps business.
I really hope the formatting works....-.-;
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Bury Me, Bury Me, a Lux-Pain fanfiction
Akira had a habit of storming out of Sweet Ring, pissed at his father, himself, everything. Hands stuffed in his pockets, jade eyes glaring at the road he walked right in the middle of (he didn't really care if a car hit him, besides, isn't that what brakes are for?), his feet guided him to the bridge overlooking the cemetery. From there he could see his mother's grave. Every time he saw it, he almost, almost, cried.
What if I wanted to break?
Laugh it all off in your face?
What would you do?
He wondered what Kenichi would say if he saw Akira actually crying, god forbid. What would happen if "good ol' Kenny" saw Akira break down right in front of him? Through that man's insults he kept a straight face, throwing back a couple of his own every now and then. He always told himself afterwards, Like he knows shit. But what would he do if Akira, say...laughed? Just laughed it all away? Just burst out laughing at him, for all his stupidity? Because, if anything, that's how he'd break, by laughing hysterically when really all he wanted to do was curl up and die.
What if I fell to the floor?
Couldn't take this anymore?
What would you do?
Every so often, surprisingly to himself, Akira had considered suicide. Especially when he stood here, staring at Mom's grave like he was. How would Kenichi react then? Would he distress over it, blame himself, even? Because, as a father, that's what he's supposed to do. Required to do. ...Right?
Come, break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Ha, sure, good one. As if Kenichi would give a shit if Akira completely disappeared. He never concerned himself with what his own son was doing. After Mom's death, everything changed. No longer were his words those of congratulation for his son's achievements, but rather criticising everything he did, whether or not it was right or wrong. Here, now, Akira's eyes centred on her grave. "Tch!" He shoved back from the bridge's railing. Through clenched teeth, he whispered, "I am finished with you, you bastard."
What if I wanted to fight?
Beg for the rest of my life?
What would you do?
The bridge wasn't that high, not for Akira. He effortlessly grabbed the metal bars and flipped over them, landing on the soft grass. The night-time air blew. It smelled sweet, like rain was coming. The boy walked the familiar path to that spot. To that place. To her. All the while, those thoughts came back, those conflicting thoughts of fight or flight. He could give in to Kenichi, just make it all easier, try to do everything right....But then he remembered that's what he already did. So he fought, he fought that man every damn day every damn minute even, just for what, exactly?
You say you wanted more
Well, what are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you
All the time, over and over and over and over again, Kenichi demanded so fucking much from Akira. All the fucking time. He never let up. Well he did, but only around "outsiders". Those who didn't need to know. What the fuck did he want from his "disgrace of a son"? What use did he still have for him? What in the hell was he waiting for? Akira never ran from him. The only reason he hadn't was because he had too much damn pride. He was waiting for the bastard to just up and throw him out.
Come, break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
He was walking too slow, consumed by his thoughts. He should be at Mimori's grave by now. Akira kept repeating it in his head, I'. He almost wished his father really would get rid of him. But then where would he go? But didn't that bastard care, didn't he see how hard Akira's tried, how hard he was trying? They looked each other in the eyes every goddamn day, he should have seen Akira's effort. Rather, he just kept wearing down on Akira, day after day after day....When really all the teenager wanted was someone to care about him, like his mother did.
I tried to be someone else
But nothing seems to change
I know now
This is who I really am inside
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance
I know now
This is who I really am
Akira always tried. He tried too hard. He tried not hard enough. Even in trying, he wasn't satisfactory. Standing at the stone reading "Midou Mimori" he realised something. Maybe...just below par...that's who he really was. He wouldn't change because he couldn't. He was Midou Akira, and nothing else. Because of that, he had at least had his mother's love. Midou Akira was himself. He couldn't fathom being anything else. If he did that...he'd lose the affection of that person.
Come, break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
Akira began to laugh, as tears formed in wide eyes. He had been searching for escape from Kenichi's repression, but really...here it was, within himself. No longer would he have that sorrowful look in his eyes, whether it be while he was alone or not. He wouldn't have that "given-up" look, that look of being worn down every single fucking day.
...Really, would anything be a guard against that "man"? What would really happened would be this: Akira would just go home, and after one insult from him he'd just...break down. All he fucking wanted was his father's acceptance, perhaps even love, like he had back then.
Come, break me down
He saw himself, a five-year-old child. Smiling, laughing, running around, playing with Mimori and with Kenichi.
Break me down
"Daddy, look!" Akira pointed to a golden dog trotting over to them. It was no mystery who it was. The child petted Melody happily. "Can we get a dog, Daddy, please?"
Break me down
Kenichi laughed. "Maybe when you're a little older, son."
He never got that dog.
Say you wanted more
What if I wanted to break?
What are you waiting for?
Bury me, bury me
I'm not running from you
"Oh, fuck," Akira choked, letting those damn cursed tears fall. "Dammit." Here he was, in all his patheticism, crying like the weak little fuck he was. His "father" wouldn't stop, he knew it. He would keep demanding and wanting and requiring. Akira couldn't fucking take it. Just get rid of me, he always thought, I don't care how, just fucking do it! Shove me away, abandon me, fucking kill me if that's what it fucking takes! It's not like he ever evaded Kenichi, so why didn't he just do it?
Wait.
Akira had almost forgotten about that knife in his pocket. Out it came as Akira sank to his knees. He let out a laugh. "You son of a bitch," he whispered. It seemed to press its blade against his neck, he didn't even consciously think it.
What if I--
Deep, deep red scattered across the scene as that rain finally fell.
Bury me, bury me
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A/N:Um. Wow. Didn't expect that.
And, on my other LP story, I'm waiting for someone to review it before I update. So get out there and review if you like it!
I bet you won't, though.