Disclaimer: don't own Glee. Lyrics are Someone Like You by Adele
AN: so I was in a really shitty mood when I started writing this and by the end I was feeling better so it's actually a lot less angsty than I had planned. Go figure. Anyways it's nothing special but I hope you guys kinda like it like I do.
I strongly recommend playing the song on a loop whilst reading as it sets the right tone.
Don't Forget Me
The invitation is a cold hard slap of reality presented to him in a pristine white envelope. He doesn't recognise the scrawl of his address so it's with an unguarded heart and mind that he rips it open and reads the card within.
You are cordially invited to celebrate the civil partnership between
Blaine Anderson and Daniel Payton
The date, location and request for RSVP go unnoticed as the card flutters from his grasp. He doesn't realise that there's a separate, personal note for him in the envelope written in a hand that he will forever recognise; he's too busy crushing it in his fist, a paper cut blooming on his palm as he tries to remember how to breathe.
I heard that you're settled down
That you found a guy and you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess he gave you things I didn't give to you
It's been almost a year since they last set eyes on each other, three since his awkward introduction to Daniel, six since they'd held a real conversation and seven since they'd shared a bed, a home, a life.
How time flies.
Because now, somehow, he's in a line of well wishers leading up to the happy couple, standing next to Mercedes and her husband. He remembers how he and Blaine had introduced them almost ten years earlier knowing they were perfect for each other, remembers how they'd plotted to get them together like they were teenagers, remembers how they'd celebrated when 'Cedes finally admitted they were together.
He's just ahead alongside his newly wedded husband. They compliment each other beautifully, he realises: Blaine shorter, dark and a little rough around the edges with his unruly curls and a jaw shadowed with stubble; Daniel slightly taller, slim and refined, blond hair styled perfectly and a wry smile gracing his lips as he speaks with a guest. Blaine says something, bouncing gracefully on the balls of his feet with a grin and Daniel laughs gently, places a hand on Blaine's lower back and whispers something to him. They both chuckle and Blaine looks at him with glittering eyes then leans up. The kiss is soft but the passion is obvious.
He can't do this. He thrusts his gift into Mercedes' hand then leaves. He can't watch that. He can't.
Because it's what he needs more than anything and somehow he'd always thought it'd be there for him. That Blaine would be there for him.
But he's not.
So he leaves.
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back and hide from the light
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited but I couldn't stay away
I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over
He reaches his car before he breaks. Bent over the hood, hands braced on the panel, his back shakes as broken tearless sobs wrack his thin frame. He feels raw, like every gust of wind tears across his skin and shreds it to ribbons until his insides are bared in all their damaged glory. His forehead drops to rest against the metal, one hand moving to clutch weakly at his chest as the other scratches thin angry marks in the paint. He pants heavily, the sound sometimes like a wail, lips parted in a grimace and brows drawn heavily together.
Dealing with the hurt and disappointment and guilt and goddamn love he's repressed for seven years isn't something he'd prepared for. Knees buckling, he sinks to the ground and stares blankly at the patterns in the tarmac.
He isn't surprised when, a short time later, feet appear in his line of vision encased in what he knows to be expensive Gucci dress shoes. On looking up he's only vaguely disappointed to see Daniel staring down at him, shoulders straight and hands in his pockets. "He would want to see you."
He almost laughs but the sound becomes tangled around the lump in his throat, "I know. That's why I came. But I-I-" I can't. I can't.
Daniel doesn't respond, doesn't move, just continues looking down on him. He finds the man's benevolent, superior expression irritating yet fitting - because Daniel, from the little he's been told, seems to be a god and he knows full well that Blaine definitely is. He himself isn't, can't be when he's so broken. And it makes sense because gods are never meant to mix with mere mortals, just influence their lives so heavily that they're forever altered, unable to return to or recover their original selves.
He's aware his analogy is a little obscure and lower in standard than usual but blames his emotion-addled brain.
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead
An itching desire to run surfaces as the heat of Daniel's wordless gaze burns into him and he pulls himself up, wavering as his legs shake slightly. He always had been weak-kneed – Blaine used to tease him about it, going so far as to carry him to their bedroom after movie nights when his legs were tingling with pins and needles.
Now the pins and needles are assaulting his entire being, their presence enhanced by the weight of Daniel's gaze. He wonders briefly why he hadn't been the one to follow after his dramatic exit but cuts the thought off before it can progress into dangerous territory. Turning his back on the groom, he opens the driver's door but something makes him pause with one hand clamped tightly around the metal. He glances over at the building which had housed the joyous occasion, trying not to think about how it could have been him – could have been them as everyone had expected. Tries not to dwell on the fact that all his unspoken dreams for the past seven years are now well and truly dust.
"He…you're a very lucky man," he murmurs the words without deciding to say them. "Look after him. Don't-" don't hurt him like I did "-just look after him."
He barely hears Daniel reply as he slides into the car and drives away.
He ignores the heart-wrenchingly familiar figure that's standing in the door watching him leave with disappointed hazel eyes.
You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised in a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited but I couldn't stay away
I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over yet
He's only driven a short distance when the pain hits him again. Fingers curl hatefully into the leather steering wheel, lips curl into a wordless grimace and he takes the opportunity at the next red light to slam his hands forcefully against the wheel, hoping to expel some of the itching, aching need to do something that's risen in him. His head slams back into the headrest as he breathes heavily, staring blankly at the cars passing in front of him.
He hasn't felt this much in years, hasn't allowed himself to and doesn't know how to make it go away.
Sing, the thought appears from nowhere but he obeys it immediately, changing directions and turning right at the next junction. Music is his outlet, singing would help. It had in the past, it would now. It had to.
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah
That's how he ends up in a tacky bar on a tacky stage singing to a crackly backing track. In his mind the hazy noise is replaced by the pure sound of piano keys and he's singing to a man with luminous hazel eyes, not a handful of semi-sober patrons.
He doesn't remember picking the song. It's only as he's singing that he realises how apt it is, how well it encapsulates every important thought that's entered his mind since the day that damned invitation blew his carefully crafted life to pieces. He loses himself within the realms of the lyrics, his emotions finally bared to this room of strangers and yet he doesn't feel vulnerable any more, he feels free. The song allows him to pour out every single emotion; to express his regret, his shame, his anger, hatred, disappointment, guilt, pain…
And under it all is a kernel of emotions he's astonished to uncover.
Acceptance. Happiness.
It stuns him, lips stuttering momentarily around the lyrics as he struggles to work out why he feels even a little happy. A mere moment later, the reason becomes clear: Blaine has found a happy ending. Maybe not the one expected, maybe one not quite as bright as it could have been, but he's still found it. And he knows that out of all men, Blaine deserves any and all fairy tale clichés that life has to offer. For the first time in a long while, the shadow of a smile crosses his features.
It's comforting to know that there's a small part of him for which Blaine's happiness is still the most important thing.
Nothing compares, no worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
His hands curl around the microphone stand, his eyes flutter closed and now he can see Blaine clearly; watching him with a slightly sad smile and warm honey eyes that see into everything that he's feeling. His voice breaks slightly as he begs the man not to forget him but Blaine merely smiles a little wider, a little warmer and honey eyes glisten with unshed tears and he understands what that means: I could never forget you.
He opens his eyes and barely notices the dampness on his cheeks because he's smiling properly now. He knows he's not suddenly all better, that it's idiotic to be soothed so much by a song and maybe he'll relapse as soon as he reaches his empty apartment but in this moment it doesn't matter because he's singing for himself but to Blaine.
And even though Blaine isn't really there, can't really hear him, Kurt is sure of one thing.
This is the most important performance he's ever done.
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead
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