AN: I'm obsessed with this movie since this week and had to do this. This is pt 1 of 2. Some parts are litteral, some not. Enjoy, review!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Rachel knew it was stupid, having a staring match with her alarm clock, but when it rang, it meant the day had officially begun. One of the most important days of her life. Her eyes followed the sweep hand with meticulous precision, counting down the seconds until it hits the 12. It was 8 AM. Despite the fact that Rachel had been doing nothing but counting down to this moment – all night, all week, every minute, actually, for the last six months of their engagement – she still starts when it rings, breaking her focus.
The biggest Berriest smile she feels like she has ever smiled spread across her face, and she hugged a pillow to her body as she started giggling, then laughing. Sometimes, you just know. Rachel just knew that today was going to be the best day of her life.
The doorbell rang and she sprinted towards it, bouncing up and down a few times to get herself under control before opening it and seeing Mercedes and Tina. She enveloped Mercedes in a big hug and saw that Tina looks like she's about to cry already.
"You're getting married today!" Tina says in a high voice.
"I know!" Rachel squeaks in return. The mad giggles were starting now, and probably not stopping for another few hours.
Finn is far from Rachel's mind right now. Yes, she is marrying him today and couldn't be happier, but part of her feels like it's her day today. Okay, a really big part of her feels like that. It's strengthened by the fact that, although it took so long for Glee club to accept her and for so long she had felt like she'd had no true friends, and yet they were all here for her today. Well, for them. But that was, like, the same thing, right?
She and Finn were living in New York, just like Kurt and Blaine. They were Finn's best men, along with Puck, who had been in New York for an internship. But all of Lima had flown over to New York to be there for her big day. Everyone was there. Her fathers would undoubtedly swing by within an hour – Leroy crying like a baby – and she knew the after-party could only promise to be big and to be epic, since it was partly planned by Santana.
The ceremony was set to take place in Rachel's favorite part of New York, Central Park. She looked out the window as the familiar streets raced past her. She was in the limo with her dads, Tina and Mercedes and she can't help but feel awesome. She did it. She found the one boy to spend the rest of her life with, and the rest of her life would be starting today.
The only person, Rachel thought while chewing on the corner of her lip, who wasn't there is the one person who she could really stand missing. Quinn wasn't coming. Rachel doubted if she would have invited her if she'd known where Quinn was living, because her feelings had changed after leaving High School. She knew now, that sometimes there is something like too forgiving. Quinn had hurt her a lot. And also, she couldn't help but feel like Quinn was the only person in the world who could take Finn away from her.
But Quinn had disappeared off the face of the earth after High School. They day after graduation, Quinn was spotted by Burt Hummel in the early morning, throwing a large bag into the trunk of her car and driving away. Nobody knew what had happened to her.
No, she would definitely not be missed today. Why is she thinking about this on her wedding day again?
"Are you nervous, baby girl?" Mercedes asks her.
"No, of course not," Rachel says, and fixes the smile on her face again. "Just excited."
Little did she know that Quinn had just been found by her old classmates after 4 years. At Rachel's wedding.
"That's right, still got the guns," Puck says, flexing his arms and looking down with a grin.
"Shut up, Puckerman," a blonde woman with relatively short cut hair replied, fixing the pink rose in his jacket.
"Finnie," Puck's sister, Hannah – who usually goes by H - addresses the nervous-looking groom, "Why is the alphabet in that order?"
Finn doesn't hear her, trying to fix his jacket right again.
"But I've grown up," Puck says. "I'm more in touch with my feelings now too. Just like you're not the same Quinn from High School anymore, either."
She looks up at him and sees the cocky grin stretched across his face. In High School, they hadn't tried again after Beth happened. Puck was in love with her back then, and had to get over it because she didn't love him back. Now, that and the whole Beth-thing seemed to be far enough behind them for him to flirt with Quinn again. And in that way, he definitely hadn't changed.
God, she thought, I thought I'd escaped this mess years ago. Why did I have to take this job again? What are the odds anyway? Of all the florists in all the world...
"I told you, it's Lucy now."
"Why did you change your name?"
"It's my actual name. I didn't really change it, I changed it back."
He almost looks serious, but then says: "I'm still calling you Quinn, if that's alright."
"It's not."
"I go by Noah now too, but you can still call me Puck."
"I don't think I should call you anything."
"Puck is a better name for screaming out in bed. You should try it."
"Finnie!" H said.
Finn looks down, because the only person who is allowed to call him Finnie is Puck's little sister, so he already knows who's calling him.
"What is it, H?" He replies to the 11-year old.
"What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?"
Quinn arches a blonde eyebrow, pretty damn curious as of how Finn Hudson is going to answer this question.
"I…" he starts, before pausing, frowning, and saying: "Honestly, I have no idea."
Quinn rolls her eyes. God, had nobody changed but her in the last 4 years?
Puck's mother seemed to think that this is an appropriate time to usher the girl away from the stressed out groom, but Quinn stood in her way. Someone had got to give the girl a real answer, right? It's just a stupid, obvious trick question.
Puck's mother stopped, taken aback by the appearance of a girl who is so familiar yet so unfamiliar at the same time. Quinn met her gaze for a split-second, and chose to focus her attention on Hannah instead. She probably didn't remember Quinn very well, and Quinn was thankful for that.
"It never happens. If there's a thing that can't be stopped, it's not possible for there to be something else which can't be moved, and vice versa. They can't both exist. It's a trick question."
She risked another look at Mrs. Puckerman. "That is the answer."
After a short silence, Mrs. Puckerman continues rushing Hannah away, but not before she has the chance to ask: "Can she sit with me?"
A little while later – after a bathroom break that was preceded by a long wait that was to be blamed on an overload of complex dresses - Quinn allowed herself to be dragged inside by H, and immediately regretted it.
Yes, indeed, everyone was there. Everyone she'd been avoiding the last 4 years. So many pieces of the puzzle that formed her history, the puzzle she'd thought she'd torn apart, ripped the box in which it came, set the whole thing on fire and then set the ashes on fire again.
Mr. Shuester was sitting 3 rows over with Ms. Pillsbury. Artie was sitting in his wheel chair in the front row. He had a goatee, but looked pretty much the same apart from that. God, even Santana and Brittany were there, linking pinkies still. Mike and Sam were sitting beside Artie, and she was staring at them until H sighed deeply.
"Doesn't Finn look handsome?"
She didn't reply, but watched as 2 of her ex-boyfriends seemed to have an animated conversation. Little did she know that it was about her.
"I can't believe Quinn's here," Puck said. "You know how I felt about her. Figure she wants to get back together with me? I'm pretty sure she does. She always did have a thing for me."
"Yeah, yeah, sure," Finn said, looking around to see if he could find his bride.
"I mean, I got definite vibes that she wanted to hook up. She was totally flirting with me. It took her so long to fix that flower to my jacket. Do you think it was because she was nervous and her hands were like, shaking, or because she couldn't take her hands of the Puckasaurus' chest?"
"Dude, it's my wedding day. Can we talk about me?"
"Sure," Puck said, and fell silent. "Did you get vibes that she wanted a taste of—"
"Puck, you're my best friend, but seriously, shut up now, okay?"
"Sorry, dude. You nervous or something?"
Finn didn't reply as he stared down the aisle, trying to will the time to go by faster. He just needed to see it, to see her, he just wanted to get it over with now.
"She'll show," Puck said in a little bit of a softer voice. Finn threw him an uncertain look.
"Yeah, I know. She'll come, right? Of course she will. Yeah," he reassured himself.
Quinn was having a panic attack.
It was too much. Too many familiar faces. She didn't even want anyone to know she was living in New York, and here was everyone. God, what if they told her parents? What if they tried to get in contact with her again? She really didn't want it.
But the worst part of all, was… that she was at Rachel'swedding. There was a good chance that Shelby was around, and if Shelby was, she was too. Quinn was so scared that she didn't even feel guilty when she was silently praying that Rachel had never fixed things with her mother.
She rose in one fluent motion, and said to H: "I really have to go now. Set up… things, for the reception."
The bridal march started playing and everyone stood up.
This is wrong. I shouldn't be here, at Rachel Berry's wedding.
After ruining so many normal days, she couldn't help but feel like even just showing up was ruining Rachel's big day, and she really didn't want to do that.
She walked out of her row as fast as she could and made her way to the outside. She was walking the opposite of what Rachel was walking, and she was walking at a much faster pace.
Still, when she passed Rachel and a small man with glasses that she recognized as the person to hire her to do the flowers, she couldn't help but pause and stare. Not at Tina. Not even at Mercedes, one of the people she missed most from her old life. Only at the woman in today's leading role.
She hadn't seen Rachel in so long, not since before, since before she'd started getting reacquainted with herself, or maybe for the first time. Not since before she'd changed so much. She felt like a different person, and was looking at the world from a different angle. Right now, she was looking at Rachel from a different angle. Or maybe she was just looking at Rachel, because she felt like she'd never looked at Rachel before.
Because otherwise, how could she not have known Rachel Berry was beautiful?
Rachel couldn't help but feel a little nervous. Almost like performance anxiety, despite the fact that she hadn't gotten performance anxiety since she was 4 years old. When her daddy took her arm and guided her down the aisle, she felt happy, delirious, victorious, but also like her stomach was in knots.
For some reason, a reason she'd never know, something inside her moved her to look to the left. Her eyes connected with an eerily familiar pair, and for a split second, the knot in her stomach tightened. She looked away and her small smile faded when she realized who she thought she'd seen, before looking again. Had she just imagined Quinn there, after thinking about her earlier that day?
There, at the end, was Finn. She tried to keep her mind in the moment, maybe the most memorable of her life, but she found that she couldn't. Had it been Quinn? Was she really here? What was she doing? Was she there for Puck, or worse, Finn? Did she want to apologize to Rachel? Was she there to see everyone from Lima again? Had she left already? Why was she thinking about this on her wedding day?
Maybe Quinn was still here. Maybe if she'd turn around…
Rachel started to move her head, to throw a look behind her.
"You look beautiful," Finn said with a small smile.
She moved her head so quickly that it almost gave her a whiplash, looking up at him and she smiled, trying to ignore the pang of guilt in her stomach. Had she turned, she would have seen Quinn lingering in the doorway, casting a long last look at the couple before turning around and jogging away.
About 2 hours later, Quinn had decided that she was an adult, goddammit, and she was going to act like one. Facing up to your past is a part of life? Life was Quinn's bitch. She'd do it, and do it well. She wasn't just going to the reception, no, she was going to talk to Rachel. She was going to pull her shit together and apologize. She was going to be Quinn fucking Fabray, even though she hadn't been Quinn fucking Fabray in 4 years. Maybe she needed a little bit of her old badass self to get her through today.
Well, to get her through today, she'd probably need 3 beers for starters, but she wasn't drinking anywhere near people from Lima. Way too many things that could go wrong with that plan.
She spotted a small figure in a huge, poofy white dress with pink roses in her hair bending over the punch and swallowed. Her stomach lurched with nerves, add to that that she had yet to come to terms with the realization that Rachel Berry was beautiful, and Quinn knew that she had to get some of the punch. She just hoped it had enough alcohol in it to give her liquid courage, but not enough to get her lightweight body drunk.
Her steps weren't slow, weren't hesitant, no. It was a stomp that the red sea would have parted for. It was the walk of Quinn fucking Fabray. She was Quinn fucking Fabray. Until she was standing in front of Rachel freaking Berry.
"Hi," she said, feeling like her guts had fallen out of her stomach.
Rachel yelped and turned around immediately.
"Hi," Rachel replied, forcing a smile on her face. "I thought it was you earlier. What are you doing here?"
Nobody could ever not accuse Rachel of being abrasive.
"I did your flowers."
Rachel stayed silent for a long second, a surprised expression frozen on her face.
"You did? You did my flowers?"
Quinn nodded, and Rachel smiled, more genuinely this time.
"I like my flowers."
"Thank you," Quinn replied, even though she thought it sounded a little strange for a compliment to her.
"But daddy said he got them from Lucy's Flowered Up," Rachel replied.
Quinn took a deep breath. One thing about Rachel she'd forgotten was that she never could figure things out for herself in silence, no, everything needed to be said. She was quickly getting over the beauty. It was probably 99% make-up anyway.
"And I am Lucy."
She waited, she waited, until it got through to Rachel.
"Oh, my! I must admit that I had completely forgotten about that particular part of your past. It does, however, make a lot of sense now that I remember the Lucy Caboosey debacle."
Rachel immediately looks like she regrets speaking the hated nickname, but Quinn just smiled lightly in response. Definitely going for the punch.
"Yeah. So, I went back to being Lucy, and Lucy's Flowered Up is my shop," she replied, making a move for the absolutely distasteful looking punch behind Rachel. The woman blocked her.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," she replied with a mysterious nervous smile.
"Why not?" Quinn said, trying to keep the irritation in her voice to a minimum.
"I am under the impression that Artie spiked it."
"Even better," and Quinn made a move to get past Rachel, only to get blocked again.
"Berry!"
"It's Mrs. Hudson now, if you do feel the undeniable need to call me by my last name."
Quinn glared.
"Could you please get out of my way, Berry?"
Rachel bit her lip, looking up at Quinn through long eyelashes.
"What the hell is going on?"
Rachel took a deep breath.
"My ring."
"Your… your ring?"
"My wedding ring. I was trying to get some punch and it… it just fell in!"
She turned around, stirring the punch. "My wedding ring is now in there…"
"And you're here fishing for it," Quinn said. "And you can't empty it? No you can't, right?" she answered her own question. She looked at her outfit – jeans, t-shirt, jacket – and decided that she did kind of owe Rachel Berry-Hudson.
"Cover me with your dress, I'm going in."
She hadn't been in for 10 seconds or Rachel was talking to a man, who sounded like an absolute douchebag and introduced himself as Finn's boss.
"You are exactly as he described," Rachel said with a tight-lipped smile.
"Bingo," Quinn muttered underneath her breath, clutching the cold, hard ring. She slipped it with her punch-drenched hand on Rachel's soft, squeaky clean hand, before moving over to surprise this douchebag.
"Oh, hello," he said, giving her a once-over.
"This is – this is Lucy. She did our flowers."
"My name is Rob, but you can call me anything you like."
Quinn grabbed his stretched-out hand with her punch-drenched one. "And I'm sure I will," she replied, smiling at Rachel.
Quinn was dancing with H, and it surprised her that she was actually having a good time. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that not that many people had spotted her yet, so she was saved the trouble of talking with everyone. Though she had a horrible feeling that Puck still had something up his sleeve.
He came to stand behind her and H, and said to his little sister: "Hey, mom needs your help with something."
"Okay!" The girl replied enthusiastically, and just like that Quinn was left alone with Puck. Of course, the music had to change to a slow-dance then.
"Oh wow," Puck said. "What a coincidence. May I have this dance?"
Quinn slipped inside his arms. God, guys are huge. I forgot how impractical it really is.
"We still fit nicely together, don't you think?" He whispered in her ear. "Are you alright?"
"You don't have to squash me," she said, trying to keep her voice light and playful.
"Hmm, I always did like holding you like this. Do you think-"
"Is this thing on?" Someone said, tapping the mic. Puck loosened his hold on her.
"Oh no," he said. "Leroy Berry is drunk and about to make a speech."
"So, what I just wanted… wait, is this thing on?"
Hiram Berry – Quinn discovered his name later – made his way to the pair of them and cut in.
"What are you still doing here?" he said in an urgent whisper to Puck. "Go, go! Save him! Make a real speech!"
Puck was gone from her within a second, and before she knew it, he was politely ushering Leroy away from the microphone.
"These guys," he started, motioning to Rachel and Finn, "they're in love. And I think it's totally boring."
Puck's jerk-act would probably do well here, Quinn thought, and was proven right when everyone started laughing.
"They have been in love for years. For years! Years that have seen endless amounts of drugs consumed," he said, and Quinn saw Santana smirking. She knew they both were thinking of the bake sale they held in sophomore year, and the times they spent eating special cupcakes under the bleachers instead of going to homeroom.
"Loads of meaningless sex, thoroughly enjoyed, by me," she heard him say, and rolled her eyes. "These guys just stayed at home, as they do. They've been like a married couple so long, it's a relief that they're finally married."
Finn and Rachel smiled at each other, and Quinn fought the urge to puke. She decided that this was a great time to leave, and quietly made her way to the exit.
"So before I do my duty as a best man, and screw a bridesmaid – you know who you are – here's to Rachel and Finn. And now I give you, ladies and gentleman, the happy couple!"
Quinn was already outside by then, but heard Rachel speak instead of Finn, and tried not to roll her eyes at that.
"They say fairytales have happy endings, even though the passage can be rough. But Finn and I, we've been together since high school, and it's been smooth all the way."
Beside the whole fighting-over-him thing, or has my role been blocked from everyone's memory?
"Maybe that's a better kind of fairytale," Rachel said in a soft voice. Quinn could still hear it, barely but still. It doesn't sound like Rachel. Rachel loves drama.
She hesitated for a split-second, but walked away. I definitely don't belong here.
To be completely fair, Quinn had kind of counted on the wedding being an incident and everyone just forgetting about it. She should have known better; Rachel Berry was involved.
"Hi," Rachel said in a soft voice. Quinn realized now that Rachel had quieted down a little bit over the years, probably part of growing up.
"Hey." What are you doing here?
"I just wanted to come by and thank you in person," she answered Quinn's unspoken question. "It was a pleasure to have you at the wedding, and the flowers were so beautiful."
"Oh, you're welcome," she replied.
"Your shop is amazing, by the way!" Rachel said, gesturing around enthusiastically. "You've done a wonderful job. Although I must admit that I am rather surprised by your career choice."
"Yeah, it's not exactly what I had in mind myself. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, and then I decided to do something that I love, and maybe something pretty, that everyone loves."
"Well from that point of view you have made an excellent choice, because who doesn't love flowers? I must say that your orchids are extraordinary, though I prefer lilies myself."
Lilies? Not pink roses?
Rachel picked one of the brightest colored orchids up.
"What is this one?"
"It's called a bird of paradise. Real name is Strelitzia, named after Charlotte of Strelitz. She married King George III, history says that they never spent more than an hour apart," Quinn said, looking lovingly at the flower.
"That's a lovely story, Quinn. I can see that you really do know your flowers. As well you should, but I'm still adjusting to all this newfound information about you. I would never have pictured you as a florist."
"It took me a while to find my passion," Quinn admitted, putting the orchid away.
"Would you perhaps consider coming to dinner?"
Quinn shot Rachel a look.
"Sorry?"
"It will obviously be vegan, since I will be cooking, but I thought that you might enjoy it anyway. I was thinking that maybe we could talk, catch up, share some memories from Lima…"
She hesitated. Part of her wanted to crawl back into not having contact with anyone in Lima. But part of her liked acknowledging her past, being able to talk about it with people. Part of her also was starting to like Rachel, but if that was a good thing?
"I'd love to," her mouth had spoke for her, before she'd had the chance to over contemplate things more.
"Great! You'll be expected this Friday at 7, please don't be late. I shall write down the address."
Rachel threw Quinn a smile, and handed her the note.
"See you this Friday. 7 on the dot."
She didn't know why she was so nervous about telling Finn. Should she have consulted him beforehand? No, right?
"I invited Quinn to dinner tomorrow night," Rachel said.
"Quinn? Quinn Fabray? You spoke to her?"
"Yeah, I… I went to thank her, and invited her to dinner."
"Oh," he said, staying quiet for a second, clutching his morning paper. "Alright. Why?"
"To catch up?"
"You want to catch up with her? No offense, Rach, but she tortured you through all of high school."
"I know, I know. But I'm a forgiving person, as you know. And I got really different vibes from her. I honestly believe that we're going to be friends this time around. I feel like we clicked so much better, outside high school drama. We've both grown up, of course, so that helps, but I really felt like she was going to play a part in my life from now on."
Finn wisely kept his mouth shut. He was used to his wife's antics – her lack of a best friend throughout high school still bothered her sometimes, and he was pretty sure that this was another one of those things where Rachel's insecurities played too big of a role in her life and her decision making.
Now that they were married, Rachel knew that Finn wouldn't ever cheat on her again. But sometimes the old Rachel Berry still reared its head, and this was one of those times. Yes, she really did want to talk to Quinn – throughout the torturing, they still had maintained somewhat of a complex friendship, right? Right. – but Rachel Berry also had an ulterior motive.
"You see, here's my plan. I thought we could invite Puck. His internship is still for another 6 months, right? And he might be here for even longer! I was thinking, seeing as they seemed to get along perfectly well at the wedding, perhaps we should try to fix them up! Puck hasn't had a serious girlfriend in forever and I'm not sure Quinn even knows people here in New York!"
Puck was trying to become a business man. He was now on an internship at some kind of company – no, Rachel hadn't remembered which one – and he would try to get a job in New York after it ended.
"Puck doesn't want a serious girlfriend. And certainly not Quinn. There's too much history there, Rach. I really don't think it's a good idea."
"And I happen to believe that it is a spectacular idea!" Rachel said defiantly.
"Rachel, if this is about me and Quinn…"
"Finn, don't be ridiculous! Of course it isn't about you and Quinn. Do you really think that I still care about that? No, no. They have so much in common," she said. "So much history, Beth, Glee club…"
He looked skeptical.
"Which is what makes this a really bad idea."
"Which is what makes this a great idea!" She said enthusiastically.
"Alright, go ahead!" Finn replied, throwing up his hands in surrender to his stubborn wife. "Invite the both of them. But don't blame me when it becomes a train wreck."
Rachel had barely heard him finish his sentence, already clutching her phone with a smug smile.
There was one time which Quinn could pinpoint as the worst time of her life. It wasn't when she felt ugly. It wasn't when she was a depressed teenager. It wasn't even when she was pregnant and got kicked out of her house. God, if you look at it from that point of view, my life looks really crappy.
No. The worst time of her life was when she'd just moved to New York.
One of the greatest things about New York was that you couldbe anonymous. It was the primary reason that Quinn had chosen New York for. It was also one of the things that she hated most sometimes.
Quinn used to be a person of one-night stands. Everyone gets lonely sometimes, and in her re-discovery of herself, she was able to put those one-night stands to a good use. She'd stopped doing that, though. She preferred not to think about being alone too often; she didn't mind it most of the time. Quinn was a solitary person by nature.
Quinn had fled home and everything she knew, but when she was lonely in New York, when she'd been lonely for too long, the unimaginable happened: she got homesick and needed her mother.
The relationship between Quinn and Judy Fabray had always been rocky, to say the least. It took a lot for Quinn to call her, but eventually, she did. Judy Fabray hadn't been able to speak to Quinn in months, and started sobbing on the phone until Quinn started sobbing too. It didn't take much – one good talk, and their relationship was better than ever. She still didn't want to come home, but she agreed to call her mom regularly from that moment on.
Judy wanted to make an effort. She'd practically lost Quinn to the city, and was determined not to say anything that could upset her daughter, but just listen and try not to judge. She didn't have much with Quinn, just their weekly phonecalls, and it was so little and so fragile that it could be lost too easily. That's why, when Quinn came out to her, she just swallowed her judgement and told Quinn she wouldn't tell her dad. Quinn said she didn't care anymore.
"Your call is early, did you finish work already?"
"I got off early, I've got plans tonight."
"Do you have a date you didn't tell me about, honey?"
"No," Quinn said. "Just having dinner with some friends."
She hesitated about telling her mom about Rachel and Finn, but decided against it. Her mother would take it as an invitation to force Quinn to come back to Lima, since she'd already seen everyone, and Quinn definitely wasn't going to do that.
"Do you have any plans tonight?"
"Just me and James Bond."
"Mom, please. You should get out there more often. Meet people."
"I already know everyone in Lima, remember?"
"Sometimes I wish you would get a life."
"I know you do. Sometimes I wish you would do the same."
Quinn bit her lip in response.
Rachel was fixing her mascara when she heard the door open.
"Hey Rach! Look what I found on the doormat!"
He stuck his head around the bathroom and smiled. "Wow, you look beautiful."
"I felt like dressing up," she replied coyly. "What did you—"
"Hey," another head popped up underneath Finn's. "I brought flowers!"
Rachel put down her mascara and turned around to greet Quinn with a hug. Instead, she was met with a huge bouquet.
"Hmm, they are lovely. I should have invited a florist over much sooner!"
Rachel was busying herself in the kitchen. She still wasn't a great cook, but was able to hold herself in the kitchen by now. Finn was talking about his job, and Rachel had already heard all of that before and she wasn't paying any attention to their conversation, in favor of keeping the food edible.
"So, how about you? What has happened in your life? Are you married, or are you gonna be married, or do you wanna be married…"
"Well no," Quinn said. "Maybe now the laws have changed, though." She fought a smile. She knew what was coming, and was enjoying the surprising effect it was going to have already.
"What are you…"
"I'm gay," Quinn said. Finn laughed. A loud noise came from the kitchen.
"Everything's fine!" She yelled in an absolute panicked voice. Finn didn't hear her.
"Gay? As in…"
"As in, I like girls."
Finn's face was blank for a moment, before he said: "Hmm."
Quinn nodded, trying to keep a straight face.
"Well done!" Finn said, surprising her.
The doorbell rang, then. "That would be Puck. Can you get it, Finn?"
"Puck?" Quinn asked. She looked behind her and didn't see Rachel. "Is he coming?"
The counter replied: "Yes, Puck is staying for dinner as well."
"Well, this should be fun."
"So, it's been 2 weeks, I have to ask. How much better is sex after marriage?"
"Puck!" Rachel said. Quinn smiled, and Finn said: "Dude, get married and find out."
"Puck couldn't do that," Quinn said. "He couldn't commit to just one girl. I've tried it with him."
"Well, perhaps he should!" Rachel managed. "There are many beautiful women out there."
"And I'm trying to have sex with as many as I can," Puck grinned. "Can't tame the Puckasaurus."
"Well, maybe there is one special girl for you out there," Rachel said, not so subtly motioning her head to Quinn.
"Rach," Finn said under his breath. Quinn fought a grin.
"And how will I know when I found her, hmm?" Puck said, looking straight into Quinn's eyes. "How will I know?"
"Well, you don't know immediately, of course." Rachel replied instantly. "But your world feels warm and comfortable and your life feels generally nice and pleasant. So you stay together, allowing your relationship to bloom into love, and that is when you know you have found the one," she finished, grabbing Finn's hand over the table.
"I'm with Rachel," Finn said dreamily.
"Yeah, me too," Puck said.
"I'm not," Quinn said. She took a deep breath and looked at Rachel.
"I think that you do know immediately. Your eyes connect and you already feel like you've known them your whole life. Everything after that proofs that you were right in that first moment, when you realized that you had been incomplete and now you are whole."
There was an impressed silence.
"I pick Quinn," Puck said.
"Yeah, I'm with her too," Finn agreed. "Who wants dessert?"
"Yes please," Quinn replied.
"No."
"No?"
"No," Rachel repeated. "If you truly believe that everyone who doesn't have all that is settling for less…"
"That's not what I'm saying."
"It actually is what you are saying."
"She said it nicer," Puck tried.
Finn stood up.
"So, dessert?"
"Dude, did you hear Quinn just now?" Puck said with a huge smile. "She totally just made that speech for me! She was so talking about our High School stuff. I knew she wanted to get back together with me."
"Well, that's great," Finn said, putting their plates in the dishwasher.
"I told you so, didn't I? Later tonight, I'm going to offer her a lift, convince her to have a drink at my apartment, and we're gonna have wild getting-back-together sex to make up that we never had break-up sex. Even though I offered her!"
"Great," Finn said again, stretching his arms. It's not a secret, is it? No way, I can totally tell Puck.
"Quinn is a lesbian."
"Is that right?" Puck said with a blank expression. "Cool."
"So I think your plans for tonight have changed now."
"Anyone can change teams."
Finn paused his movements, before deciding not to comment and continuing.
"Well, not anyone," Puck amended, like Finn had expected. "I'm way too badass to change teams. But you know."
Rachel frowned when she looked out the window and saw a shadow on the balcony, standing near the edge with the rain pouring down on them. She opened the sliding door and saw Quinn, clutching an umbrella.
"Quinn! What are you doing?"
Quinn threw a wide smile over her shoulder. "New York is beautiful from up here."
"It's raining!"
"Come out!"
"I'm not risking my voice! You come in!"
Quinn smiled.
"I'm closing the door now, and I'm going to lock it. If you are so determined to catch a cold you can stay out there, but I'm not taking care of you when you get sick and I would strongly advise you to come back inside!"
"Relax, Rach. I'm coming in!" Quinn yelled over the sound of the rain.
She walked over to Rachel, and realized that despite her best attempts the umbrella hadn't kept her completely dry. It didn't matter. She felt, for some reason, delirious and silly yet deep and serious, all at the same time. Like she wanted to skip over to Rachel only to talk about the meaning of life. She thought it was probably smartest to keep it in and channel it into acting normal – she felt so good and happy, that she didn't want to scare Rachel away just yet. It had been long since she'd felt this way.
"I'd like to offer you an apology," Rachel said, looking up at Quinn through her eyelashes. "About dinner."
Quinn found that she didn't really want to talk about that. She didn't want to spoil the good mood.
"It's fine, I've eaten worse. I think I remember that you never were good in the kitchen. Didn't you burn the pancakes you tried to make for our senior year Glee club picnic?"
"I am actually great with baking! You must taste my I'm-sorry cookies one time, they are to die for. Unfortunately, I do not possess these skills when it comes to cooking. I have gotten way too used to take-out in my days. My dads always got take-out, and here in New York I never have time to cook, so…"
"Do you still go to Juillard?"
"I do, but I'm in my final year now, so it is fewer lessons and more time to audition."
"Oh. How is it going?"
"It's going alright, small parts left and right but, obviously, I have yet to land any kind of big break. I did just finish a short movie, though. It's about a girl who easily obsesses over things," she says with a cheeky grin. "She gets obsessed with comic books and thinks that Lucky Luke is the love of her life."
"It doesn't sound easy."
"It's not, but it is a lot of fun, actually." Rachel frowned concernedly. "Aren't you cold? Oh my God, Quinn, are you wet? You are, aren't you?"
"What?"
"I can see it! I wasn't being serious when I said that I wouldn't take care of you if you fell ill, but I'd still prefer it if you would stay healthy! We have to warm you up, you must be freezing! Here, take my jacket."
"No! I'm fine!"
"Take it!"
"It won't fit me anyway, I'm like, 5 inches taller than you!" Quinn said, pushing Rachel away with a laugh.
"That doesn't mean anything!" Rachel said, trying to throw her jacket over Quinn's shoulders. Quinn easily dodged it, and Rachel made it her mission to get Quinn down to her height.
"What are you doing?"
Quinn had never been so displeased with hearing Finn's voice.
"Nothing," Rachel said quickly. Quinn noticed that Rachel had somehow won, because she had an unknown jacket thrown over her shoulder.
"Puck wants to play strip-poker and eh…"
He threw a look between Rachel and Quinn.
"I really don't want to see him naked," Finn added.
"Let's get him out of here," Rachel said with a frown on her face. "It's getting late anyway, isn't it?"
They walked to the hallway, and Quinn tried to keep herself in check. She felt like she was either 7 or 17. She felt like she was a kid, having a sleepover with Brittany and Santana for the first time, overexcited about staying up so late and spending so much time with her friends, because it didn't have to end. They didn't have to go home.
Or like she was 17, and home was the last place that she wanted to be. Back when she was spending every minute that she could with anyone who would have her, and it felt like home was the worst place on earth.
For years, everywhere she went, Quinn had liked the fact that she had a home to get back to. A home in New York, that she'd made for herself, that was all hers, it was the best thing in her life. However, right now, it seemed like the last place she wanted to be.
She threw a look at Puck, who winked at her.
Okay, the second last place she wanted to be.
Finn kissed her on the cheek, and she knew it was time to go. Her mind was racing.
How do I say goodbye? Do I kiss her on the cheek? Do I hug her? Shake hands?
"Well," Rachel said, and Quinn took a deep breath, trying to suppress the feeling like it was the end of a first date.
Rachel made the decision for her.
"Goodbye, Quinn."
Or do we not touch at all?
"Let's go, Q," Puck said. "Your ride is waiting."
Quinn gave Rachel a final smile and walked away. Rachel went back to the kitchen immediately, so only Finn was left to see Puck hump the air in a crude gesture, giving his best friend a thumb up.
"I live only a couple of more blocks away," Quinn said. "Take a left here."
"Or we could keep going and head straight for my place."
"Or you could take a left here."
Puck took a left and Quinn went back to gazing out of the window. Why was her heart pounding like this?
Don't fall for Rachel. You really shouldn't fall for Rachel. You really, really shouldn't fall for Rachel. It's a bad idea. It's stupid, immature, and irresponsible to want what you can't have. It's high school Quinn. Is that what you want? High School Quinn?
"Are you okay?"
"Why, because I don't want to have sex with you?" Quinn asked, rolling her eyes.
How can you even consider falling for Rachel? You. Aren't. Falling. For. Rachel. Berry. It's Rachel Berry!
Yeah, that's kind of the problem. It's Rachel Berry.
Stop it! You hated her in high school, you can't like her now!
A lot of things were different during high school. For one, hello, closet case?
You don't like Rachel. You can't like Rachel. Even if it isn't because it's Rachel freaking Berry, it's because of Finn.
Rachel and Finn broke up, like, 4 times.
Yeah, but they're married now. She's married. Rachel is married.
I get it, okay?
Married. As in, together for life, soulmates, forever, wedding ring, children, grandchildren, married!
"Quinn? Did you even hear a word I just said?"
"What did you say, Puck?" Quinn replied, massaging her temples.
"You don't have to have sex with me, but that doesn't mean you have to ruin my mood by moping around."
"I'm sorry," she sighed. "I am. Really."
"Well, you're thinking about something. Maybe you should talk about it, with me. Just 'cause I'm a fucking badass doesn't mean I'm not a nice guy."
Quinn couldn't help a smile.
"You are a nice guy."
"Thank you. Do you make exceptions with the whole being gay thing for nice guys?"
"No," Quinn said. "But I do talk to them. You're right, I need to talk about it. If you buy me a coffee, I'll talk about it with you."
"I was actually in the mood for tequila."
"Puck, I'm already feeling less like talking to you."
He pulled over at a coffee shop. "Alright. I can so totally do the listening-thing," he said, and got out of the car.
"It's a girl thing, right?" Puck said, looking dead into her eyes with a serious expression.
Quinn hesitated. "Yes, it is."
"I knew it. It had to be. So, it's dark, you're in…" he hesitated, "your cheerio's outfit. It's hot and there is a girl, one of those vegetarians, grinding against you. Who is she?"
"I'm vegan now," Quinn said.
"Fuck, you gave up bacon?" He said and whistled impressed. Quinn gave him a sour look which brought him back all too much to their high school days. "Never mind. So, you're totally horny and she's getting closer. Come on, tell me all about it. Spare me no details."
Puck gave her an expectant look and Quinn stirred her coffee thoughtfully.
"Have you ever had feelings for someone, but there was already someone else?"
You don't have feelings for Rachel! You haven't seen her in forever! God, just because she's hot doesn't mean you're suddenly in love with her or something!
Puck gave Quinn a dark gaze while she waited for his answer. It was silent for a little too long. Quinn might have noticed it, but she was too busy contemplating her own thoughts.
"I did. I do. The best ones are always taken."
"So, what do you do?" Quinn asked eagerly.
"Have sex with them anyway."
"Oh," she replied quietly. She finally caught his meaningful look and remembered once more exactly who she was talking to and what their shared history was together. "Oh."
"The partner is their problem, it's not mine."
Quinn bit her lip and avoided his eyes while another awkward silence settled in.
"Yeah," she started. "You know, I'm really trying not to do anything like that anymore. You know. Cheat, break others up, be a homewrecker. In case you haven't noticed, it didn't work out all that well for me during high school. Or for you, by the way. I've been trying this thing where I try not to hurt other people. I think that if they aren't available, you should just give up, look for someone who is."
"Your place or mine? Come on, you know how good I am in bed!"
Quinn shook her head at the memory.
"Boys and their arrogance."
"Come on, Quinn! Let the Puckster rock your world!"
"Rachel, you have to stop now with the matchmaking, okay? Quinn and Puck, it's not going to happen. You have to give it up," Finn said, throwing toilet paper into their basket.
"Finn Hudson, don't be ridiculous! I don't know what you are talking about. They left together! I recognize a good sign when I see one, and I promise you, these two will have figured things out in no time! No time, I tell you!"
"Rachel!" Finn said, sighing. God, his wife could be so stubborn!
"Listen," he started, "there's something you should know. Quinn is…"
He looked up, only to see one familiar and one unfamiliar face round the corner. "Right here! Hello!"
Quinn's eyebrows shot up when she saw the couple. "Finn! Hello."
"We were just talking about you."
"All good I hope," Quinn replied, touching her hair. She was suddenly very conscious that she hadn't washed it in 3 days. She also felt like she had too much energy, which translated into jumpy movements.
"This is Edie," she said before an awkward silence could fall over them. "Edie, this is Finn."
"Nice to meet you," Edie said, not looking at Finn, but focusing on Quinn instead.
"And this is Rachel."
"Hi," Rachel said, fixing a wide smile on her face. "It's lovely to meet some of Quinn's friends. We only recently reconnected, but I do believe it would be wonderful to be involved a little in Quinn's life. It's wonderful to make your acquaintance."
Quinn closed her eyes tightly.
"Quinn?" Edie said hesitantly.
"Oh, sorry," Rachel said with an apologetic look at Quinn, like she knew she how big of a mistake she had just made. "I forgot she goes by Lucy now."
"Right," Edie said. "Luce. Lucy."
It had been cold and rainy all week in New York, and Quinn couldn't help but wonder why in the world Rachel was still wearing summer dresses. Her eyes traced up, avoiding Rachel's burning gaze and skipping straight to her hair. It was shiny, it looked soft and it was definitely clean. Damn it. Of course.
Edie poked her painfully between her ribs, and Quinn decided that the time for small talk had come and gone and now it was just time to get out of there.
"Thank you for dinner," she said and finally met Rachel's eyes. The jumpiness multiplied by tenfold. If she wasn't careful, she'd be skipping down aisle 3. "We really should do that again."
"I will most definitely make sure that we will," Rachel said with an intense look.
"Great," Quinn said with a growing smile on her face. "We're just going to… yeah."
"See you later," Finn yelled after her, even though she was 2 aisles further already.
"Okay, what the fuck?"
Quinn sighed. Her jumpiness had subsided but not yet disappeared completely. Stupid. Stupid. Fool. Fool. She knew what had caused it, and by the looks of it, so did Edie.
"You can start explaining. Who the fuck is Quinn?"
She hesitated. Her bubble was bursting and her old life was flooding in through the cracks. She liked her protection. But she feared that she already had given it up when she allowed Rachel back in her life. Well, Rachel and Finn
"I am. I am Quinn. My full name is Lucy Quinn Fabray, you can Google me. In high school, I went by my second name after I had a nose job after middle school. When we moved to a different city after that, I asked my parents to call me Quinn."
Edie nodded slowly, and Quinn felt a pang of guilt shoot through her stomach. There was so much that she hadn't told to someone who had been her friend for over 3 years.
"And who was that?"
"Well, Finn-"
"The girl, Luce."
"Finn and Rachel went to High School with me, and I hadn't seen them since until I ran into them a couple of weeks ago. I had dinner at their place last Friday."
"And this Rachel, did you date her or something?"
"No," Quinn paused. She was about to tell a whole lot more than she'd ever planned on telling.
"I dated Finn."
Edie took it in, and said airily: "So I take it you weren't gay in high school."
"Oh I was," Quinn said surely. "God, trust me, I was. But I just didn't know what I know now."
"But Finn and Rachel are together," Edie said slowly. "Right?"
"Since high school, they first started dating right after Finn and I broke up. They just got married."
"They're married?" Edie whistled through her teeth. "That's bad, Luce. Really bad. She's not just heterosexual, but like, uber heterosexual."
"I know, okay?"
"It's been written in the stars, it's been carved in stone. This girl was meant to be straight."
"Edie."
"I mean like, straight as a liner. Straight as the walls of the Empire State Building. Straight as—"
"I get it!" Quinn said loudly, which finally shut Edie up.
"That's what I was trying to tell you," Finn said. "Quinn is gay."
"Gay? Are you telling me Quinn Fabray is a lesbian?"
"I am. Do you think that girl was her girlfriend?"
"I don't know," Rachel said quietly. "Excuse me for being so quiet now, but I really need a minute to process this. I must admit that, even though I pride myself for having an excellent gaydar, which I should have with my parents, I did not see this revelation coming."
"Hey! We were just talking about you!" Edie yelled over the main path.
Quinn closed her eyes.
"Oh really?" Finn said with an amused smile.
"Yeah, really," the light blonde girl replied bubbly. "How is your shopping going?"
Finn hugged Rachel close with one of his huge arms. "It's great. Shopping sucks but Rachel makes it almost okay."
"Ahww, that's so sweet," Edie gushed heartily. "Don't you think that they're cute together, Lucy?"
"Yeah, just great," Quinn said, giving Rachel an embarrassed smile.
"Edie, are you gay?" Finn suddenly asked in a serious voice.
"Oh god," Rachel said.
"Gay? Gay? I am ecstatic!" Edie called out. "Gleefully ecstatic!"
"And do you two…"
"No," Quinn said quickly. "No we don't."
"I've tried, and I've tried, but she loves another," her friend replied.
"We should go. Now. Talk to you later!"
"Later," Rachel replied to Quinn softly.
Quinn and Edie disappeared around the corner.
"So, I guess that Quinn and Edie are not an item," Finn said with a goofy grin.
"And indeed, your subtlety was astounding."
If there was one thing Quinn liked about being a florist, it was making deliveries. People always looked so happy to see you, like they had been waiting for you. They had, but that didn't matter. She was in a good mood when she made her way over to a restaurant on 72nd, knowing she was on her way to another satisfied costumer.
"Over there," the waiter said, and Quinn smiled when she saw who was waiting for her.
"Oh no," she said. "No, no, no."
"Nice, huh?" The man behind the table said, spreading his arms widely.
"Yeah, real cute, Puck."
"I know you want to kiss me. I know, you know, so you should just give in, babe!"
"You and me, it's not going to happen, Puckerman. You should put it out of your head," Quinn said defiantly. She was determined not to leave any hope behind.
"It's just a kiss, what's the worst that could happen?"
She arched an eyebrow.
"If you really have to ask that, there must be something wrong with your memory."
When she saw that the hope had gone from his eyes, she sighed.
"I can do friends with you, but that's it. We can be friends."
"Friends, huh? I could have a gay best friend. That could be me."
"Well, I could be that friend," Quinn said. "But that is it, okay?"
"Okay," he said. "It's better than nothing, right?"
Quinn smiled at him and sat down across from her ex-boyfriend. He smiled back at her, before saying: "How sweet, you brought me flowers!"
After the dinner, Quinn had spent some time Googling Rachel and it turned out she was pretty easy to find. The movie she'd mentioned was called Lucky Leia, and Quinn found out that the premiere was in a small indie theatre a couple of blocks away from Juillard. Before she knew it, she'd clicked, clicked again, and again, and suddenly had booked a ticket to the premiere.
It took her a while to pick out her most hipster-ish outfit, and then there was the dilemma if she should go with a bandana or a head band or with a hat. She tried to keep her mind off the fact that Rachel was going to be there, but that wasn't easy.
She probably won't see you anyway. She won't have time for you, it's the premiere to her first movie. So it doesn't matter if Rachel would like your outfit. It really doesn't.
She still tried a little harder than she normally would have.
Quinn was pleasantly surprised by the number of people in the small cinema. Everyone that wanted to get in could get in, but she saw that the movie had almost sold out. Her ticket said that her seat was located on the 9th row, which was more to the back. She tried to keep the mindset of just-going-to-the-movies but the fact that she knew Rachel was out here somewhere still kept her on edge.
Her stomach jumped when she saw Rachel in the popcorn line. She joined the other girl.
"Hey, superstar!"
Rachel jumped.
"Quinn! What are you doing here?"
"I came to see your movie. Couldn't very well miss it."
"I am honored. Where are you sitting?"
"9th row, 2nd seat."
"Would you like to sit next to me?"
Quinn frowned. Didn't see that one coming. Sitting next to Rachel in the dark, hm.
"It's just," Rachel heaved a deep sigh. "It's just that, I'm here solo tonight, because Finn had this horrible last-minute work thing that he couldn't get out of, despite the fact that I told him multiple times that he had to be there tonight. I mean, this is a big moment for me, he should be there to support me! But instead that horrible boss of his pulled him away, and now I have to sit by myself."
Rachel started pouting, and Quinn suppressed a wide smile. Adorable!
"I can't very well sit by myself during this milestone in my career, can I?"
"No you can't. Or, well, you shouldn't."
"So you'll sit next to me?" Rachel said with a hopeful smile.
"I'd love to."
"Yay! Come on, let's go! I want to be the first one in there."
Rachel dragged Quinn over to the 1st row, throwing looks over her shoulder at the blonde woman behind her. Quinn seemed to have matched her outfit with her surroundings, because Rachel had never seen her look so indie. Very thoughtful. I should perhaps do that more often, too.
"You look very fitting tonight," Rachel complimented her. "And very beautiful."
"Thanks, you look…" she looked at Rachel's short black dress which was all glamour and zero hipster, "not quite so fitting but still beautiful."
"Come on, sit down," Rachel smiled, before she launched into a monologue about the movie. Quinn listened, and she was almost caught off guard with how attentive Quinn was looking at her. She knew, she knew that Quinn was actually trying to pay attention to what she was saying.
"Leia was raised in the same way too. Her parents were obsessed with Star Wars, obviously, and she got the obsessive behavior from them. Okay, so at one point, she falls in love with this college boy who is going to a party dressed up as a cowboy and she starts stalking him. He wants to help her, partly for her sake and partly for his own. Are you still catching on?"
"You can also allow me to just watch the movie, let it be full of surprises and fill me in on the details later. I promise that I won't forget a thing."
"Alright," Rachel said, trying to keep her abrasive nature in check.
"Or you could just ramble on, of course."
"It's just that, the right information is so valuable to this movie! The experience, it will be so much more impressive! So actually…"
"It's starting," Quinn whispered. Rachel suddenly noticed the lights were dimming.
"Enjoy!" She said in an urgent whisper. Quinn grabbed her hand and squeezed it for a second before letting go.
80 minutes into the movie and Rachel couldn't keep her focus on it. She felt like she'd watched maybe 5 minutes of her own debut movie. This was only the second time she'd watched it. It was the premiere, damnit! She should pay attention so she could criticize her own performance later! The second time around, there are so much more things that catch your eye. But no, no, no. Rachel's eye had to be caught by Quinn Fabray, someone who was paying attention to the movie. She could only see Quinn because of the light that came from the screen, but that was enough for Rachel to see her, and enough to keep staring.
What are you doing? Why are you staring at Quinn Fabray?
It's so strange that she is here right now. With you. You're at your first movie premiere with Quinn Fabray!
Or Lucy. Whatever. She's different now, she likes girls now.
Rachel was self-centered, and admittedly so. So she couldn't help but wonder.
Could she ever like me like that?
Probably not, and that's a good thing too.
Why? I'm hot!
Yes, but you are Rachel Berry.
We'll see about that. The sex scene is coming up next. Let's watch her.
Rachel kept her gaze intensely on Quinn's face, after keeping half an eye on the screen to see when it would start. She wasn't disappointed, because she could hear Quinn suck in a deep breath the moment Rachel appeared on screen, naked.
Oh, she's so turned on by me right now.
She's so pretty when her skin is flushed!
Quinn grabbed the barrier between their seats firmly, until her knuckles were almost white. Rachel hesitated, but placed her hand next to it, the side of their hands touching.
The thoughts inside of Rachel muted, but still she couldn't bring herself to watch the screen. She could only keep her eyes trained on the woman next to her. Her eyes kept tracing, tracing everything, again and again. And God, she really couldn't help it when her face got closer to Quinn's. It was only to study the other woman better.
A lock of hair was obscuring her view from Quinn's face. This was unacceptable. Rachel lifted her hand and slowly tucked the lock away behind Quinn's ear. The blonde woman turned to face Rachel. The stormy look in her hazel eyes made Rachel's stomach twist even in the dark. She didn't think, but she knew. She knew that she couldn't help what was going to happen. She knew that she couldn't not do it. She had to bring her face closer. She had to allow Quinn's hand to cup the back of her neck. She was meant to taste Quinn's sweet breaths, moments before she would do what she felt like she'd been meant to do all her life…
The lights flicked on and Rachel was shaken from her daydream, only to realize that everything that had happened after her hand touched Quinn's, hadn't happened outside of her mind. Her stomach felt uncomfortable knotted. Her director dragged her away from her seat, so they could take in the applause, but her eyes were darkened and boring into Quinn's intensely. She closed her eyes and chewed on her lip.
This can't happen. It was clear inside her mind. I love Finn. I am straight. This can't be.