Chapter 1: The Problem Starts

Beastfire: Guess who! Yeah, I've returned! Here's the beginning of "Invasion of the Mary Sues"! YAY! First off, the disclaimer. I own Shorty, Ivy, Booty, and the Mary Sues. The Monkey Team, Jinmay, and Mandarin belong to Ciro Neili. Ichigo belongs to Whitefairy. Lugh and Liam belong to Lmann. Jet, Malachite, and Bloodstone belong to Twister91. Senya belongs to Animefangirl11. Frus belongs to guy who reads too much fantasy. And, recently, I saw a few movies…one of which was…STAR WARS: EPISODE III!

Ivy: So, boss, I remember seeing Star Wars: Episode III too. Why didn't you mention the fact that me and Frus were there?

Beastfire: Well, I just assumed-

Frus: Well, don't!

Beastfire: So, anyway, we were at a drive-in movie theater, and my parents were watching the movie in the car while me and my sister sat outside…and these two had decided to sneak along…

Flashback…

(Beastfire, Ivy, Frus, and Beastfire's sister are watching the movie outside. Beastfire's sister goes into the car.)

Beastfire: (whispering to Ivy and Frus) Is this movie cool, or what? (reaches into the popcorn bag, thinks she brought up some popcorn (but it's really Frus' arm), and takes a bite)

Frus: (in pain) OW! YOU RAJATA! (Heehee…I just made up a swear from his home planet…and there's plenty more where THAT came from!)

Beastfire: Oh my God, Frus, I'm so sorry! I thought you were popcorn!

Frus: "Sorry" doesn't make the bleeding stop!

Ivy: (panicked) Holy crap, Frus, are you okay? (glares at Beastfire and sets her foot on fire)

Beastfire: OW! (all start fighting in a dust cloud)

Frus: Just so you know, Beastfire, my arm's still kinda sore from that.

Beastfire: What can I say? My mouth is my strongest feature.

Ivy: (muttering to Frus) Really? I always thought it was her smell. (both laugh)

Beastfire: I heard that! That is so not true! Here's the chappie! And, this chapter is from Ivy's POV.

It's a really slow day in Shuggazoom. Man, I hate days like this! It's so slow, people are paying good money to see paint dry! That's no exaggeration, either…they really are. It's times like this that I wish my brother were around, but no. He's back home on Earth. Chiro's busy with his girlfriend Jinmay. The kid hasn't even hit puberty yet, and he's got a better love life than me! Gibson is in his lab with Senya, so I can't go bug him. Sprx and Nova are doing, uh, something…I don't know if she's getting ready to pound the crap out of him or what. Ichigo and Antauri are off together, doing I don't know what. Otto and Jet are training with their son Malachite. I wonder if he's letting them win or not, because when I trained with him, he whooped my tail badly. Frus is in the corner of the room I'm in, sleeping. I'm glad he only sleeps a couple hours per day, or I'd be even more bored than before. Now, I hear his voice coming from the corner.

"Bad clown," I hear him say in his sleep. "No pie!"

Upon hearing about clowns, I suddenly jump about ten feet and look around frantically.

"Clown?" I scream. "WHERE?"

My screaming wakes Frus up and scares him and we both look at each other and scream back and forth for a few minutes. Well, at least I'm no longer bored! Finally, he gives me the "Ivy, you're-such-a-freak" look that many people give me. However, it's different coming from him. I don't know why, it just is. From anyone else, it means that they want to pound on me. From him, it's more like he thinks I'm weird in a good way. I think I like him too, but…well, I've had my share of failures. Sure, he's a nice guy, but so was my first boyfriend JR.

I remember how me and JR were out one night and crashed our car into a tree. There was a guy in the tree and he jumped down from it and busted the windshield…a plate glass windshield, to be exact, and most of the shards hit me. This dude was right out of an urban legend, having a hook for a hand, and he went right for JR's throat first. I couldn't do anything to help because of all that glass I got nailed with. The killer set the car on fire and that's when my healing power first manifested.

I also remember my second boyfriend Kyle. He started out great too. Then, I made the mistake of telling him I was a mutant and then he tried to use my telekinesis to his advantage, wanting me to help him steal some top secret military tech. This tech was a new gun, designed to kill any target, making it impossible to shoot just to wound. Well, I figured out his plan and used my telekinesis to fire it at him. He died instantly, the creep. I wanted him to suffer.

My third boyfriend was Ron Stoppable, and he was also a nice guy. We'd had a relationship and were in the middle of our first make-out session. That was when Wade called in, with breaking news: me and Ron were twins. Both of us stopped mid-French, eyes wide, and turned to the side to spit it out. Both of us were taking cold showers and looking at each other strangely for a week. THAT was the epitome of awkward…until I met Ichigo's fairy princess of a brother. I never went out with him, but it's still on my "Love Gone Horribly Wrong" list.

Speaking of Ichigo, I see her enter the room and approach me.

"Have you seen Antauri?" she asks, exuding that girliness that just creeps me out.

"I thought he was with you," I reply.

"Huh?"

"I saw you and Antauri go that way."

I point to the left.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"How sure?"

"Very."

"Positive?"

I smack my forehead in annoyance, and look over to Frus for help, but he's gone back to sleep. 'Perfect,' I think. I show Ichigo to the room that Antauri is in, and we see Antauri with a white monkey with blue eyes. She looks like Ichigo, but has a certain air of perfection about her. I think I know what she is: A Mary Sue, a perfectly created female that can replace anyone…and she's kissing Antauri. Antauri's eyes take on a dark green glow. Neither of us can believe it. I look over to Ichigo and see her start to tear up. Antauri notices me and slams the door shut, locking me out, as well as Ichigo.

We walk over to Gibson's lab, and on the way, we meet up with Senya. There's this feeling of foreboding in the room, as Senya has a question.

"Has Gibson come by here?" she asks.

"You haven't left the lab in the past few minutes and are now coming back, have you?" I ask cautiously.

"No. Why?"

I don't say anything, but I head for the lab. Senya and Ichigo follow, and we open the door to see a Mary Sue clone of Senya with Gibson. We're already too late. Gibson's eyes have already taken on the same dark greenish hue as we'd seen with Antauri. Senya is about to go investigate, when her clone sends an even better version of her Freeze Breeze attack at us, forcing us back as the door slams. All three of us go to check in with Chiro and Jinmay. Same results as with the other two. The real Jinmay finds us after we get the door slammed and asks about Chiro.

"Chiro's with a clone of you," I tell her.

She tries to go check out the situation, but we discourage her from doing so, to avoid what had happened the last two times. All of us see Nova with a punching bag.

"Hey, Nova? Have you seen Sprx lately?" Senya asks her casually.

"No," says Nova. "Why? You want him? Go ahead and have him."

We check in on Sprx and see that the jerk's eyes are also dark green…and there's a Mary Sue clone of Nova with him. Déjà vu, man. Déjà vu. The clone throws us out…and I don't mean figuratively. She literally picks us up and hurls us out on our butts…everyone else landing on me. This is getting extraordinarily frustrating. Then, something clicks in my mind…Jet could also be replaced. Speaking of Jet, she finds us. Malachite isn't with her.

"Any idea how Otto and Malachite are doing in their training?" Jet asks.

"You mean you're not in there with them?" I ask.

"Well, no. It's a father-son training session."

I take off running for the training room. This can't be good! Just as I reach it, Malachite is sent flying at me. Luckily for him, I'm there to break his fall. Not so lucky for me, though…his saws just narrowly miss hitting me in major blood vessels. He gets up and helps me to my feet.

"Something's wrong with mum," he tells me worriedly.

"Uh, squirt, I hate to break it to ya, but that's not your mom," I reply, then I quickly continue. "BUT she's fine, and she's-"

"What's going on here?" Jet asks from behind me.

"Right behind me, as you can see," I finish.

As I explain to them about the situation, Malachite tells what he saw.

"She kissed dad, and his eyes turned green."

"Was this green a dark green?"

"Yes."

"Just as I thought."

Before I could say anything else, a loud CRASH is heard, accompanied by a big cloud of smoke. I know what THIS means…my best friend from Earth has arrived. Her name? Shorty…and she's not technically from Earth, but she did live there for a while when we met. Shorty's two-foot-six with blue skin, shoulder length blue hair, blue eyes, fangs, and she wears a green ¾ length sleeve shirt, black jeans, a transparent vinyl green and black duster, and green biker boots. Also, she has…issues. Y'see, my theory is that her diet throughout childhood consisted of lead based paint chips, 'cause she's an IDIOT! One day, her brain actually swam away from her! I know. I was there. So, anyway, Shorty comes in, practically in tears. When she gets emotional like this, she hugs people…actually, no…more like squeezes the life out of them. I happen to be the only one she knows, and as I feel the grip increase, I could swear I see my whole life flash before my eyes. I can barely breathe, and I hear Senya tell Shorty, "Let her go! She can't breathe!" Shorty drops me and I suddenly know how a fish feels when it's out of water.

"So, what's the problem, Shorty?" I ask when I can actually breathe again.

"It's my boyfriend. He's found someone else! And she looks like me, but she's not me, 'cause I'm me!" she begins crying again.

Before she can hug me again, I hide behind Jinmay, since she's the tallest.

"Here's what my boyfriend looks like!" Shorty shows us a picture.

"Uh, Shorty?" I begin. "That's a picture of an old boot."

"Yes. Booty."

"It's missing half a toe."

"He's so hot!"

"I think that half a toe was CHEWED off!"

"Oh, the times we've had together!"

"Are the laces supposed to look like they've survived through 'Nam?"

"I miss my Booty!"

"Is that MOLD growing around the top?"

"Why, Booty? WHY?"

"Holy crap, I think there's a SNAKE living in there!"

I throw the picture away from me when I receive confirmation that it indeed is a snake that I see in there. As we all think about this, one thing comes to my mind…FRUS! What if some Mary Sue clone of me comes after him? I run into the main room where he's still asleep. That's when I see her…the clone. She gets ready to kiss Frus.

"HEY!" I yell. "GET AWAY FROM HIM!"

Frus wakes up from my yelling and isn't too happy.

"WHAT THE REPMAC?" he yells, swearing in Tserofese. "CAN'T A GUY GET HIS OVIPAC SLEEP AROUND HERE!"

Even though he doesn't need much sleep, he still needs about a couple of hours a day. He hasn't had his two hours of sleep for a few days, so he's really tired. I kick my clone in the chest and I set her internal organs on fire. As she writhes on the floor in pain, I throw her out the window. I know she'll be back, though. This whole Mary Sue thing must be stopped, at any cost…

Beastfire: That's it for chapter 1! Next time, the Anti-Mary Sue Alliance is formed, except for two members, but this is just the first formation.

Ivy: The invasion's started!

Frus: Sorry about yelling like that, but-

Ivy: Hey, it's fine. I could always stand to add more swears to my vocabulary. That's always really fun.

Beastfire: Well, please review! And please join or subscribe to my C2 category "Mutated Insanity"?