Ranma, Dazed but not Confused

by Bryon Nightshade

After yet another Happosai raid, Ranma turns to Soun Tendo for advice on how to deal with the pest. Soun teaches Ranma a technique he invented. It can't be that simple, right?

Ranma Saotome—a martial artist without peer, who'd learned more about the Art faster than anyone in the past century—had a panty on his head.

And it was one of Akane Tendo's.

Happosai knew this, so did Ranma, and so, unfortunately, did Akane.

Ranma felt through the many emotions swelling in his mind—including fear, panic, and a few he'd never mention—to single out his anger at Happosai.

"Get back here, you old pervert!"

"Why?" screamed Akane. "So he'll give you more of my panties?!"

Ranma didn't have the time or will to dodge the attack. He soon found himself creating a foot-deep Ranma-shaped indentation in the floor.

Akane chased after Happosai, giving Ranma no second thoughts. Ranma had his, though. It took him a few moments to recover himself, but when he did, he charged after the two.

Happosai seemed to be toying with Akane, leading her through alleyways and up rooftops for the single purpose of pilfering lingerie while she watched.

"Leave this to me," Ranma said as he passed Akane. "Oh, yeah, have this." He slipped the panty up part of Akane's arm, then accelerated away before she could clobber him.

"I told you to get back here!" he shouted again. "Get back here and take what's…"

With speed even Ranma couldn't match, Happosai turned on his heels and sprung towards the younger fighter. Ranma took two swings, but each cleaved only air. The pervert seemed to be in Ranma's head. Every time Ranma attacked, Happosai was somewhere else.

'Is he just that fast?' thought Ranma. 'Or is it some kind of illusion-technique?'

He could think no longer, because his legs disappeared out from under him. He bounced up again, balancing on the roof, as Happosai nonchalantly twirled his pipe. "I was thinking, Ranma," said Happosai. "Which would be more fun… dumping these darlings on you and tossing you down there?" He motioned to a growing crowd of angry women. "Or simply disposing of you and keeping these silky sweeties all to myself?"

Ranma smirked. "Too bad you didn't include 'shopping for coffins' in that list. Yah!"

Ranma's axe-kick chopped open the panty-bag. Ranma was in the midst of wondering where Happosai had gone when he felt a firm thunk to the back of his head.

Ranma tumbled from the roof, though with his agility he landed on his feet. In another moment he'd sprung back up to the roof—but Happosai was gone.

"Something's gotta be done about that shrimp," thought Ranma.

Dinner was quieter than normal. Akane had a storm cloud over her head, while Ranma was staring so intently at his rice Kasumi almost thought it would burst into flame.

Akane spoke at last. "Well, I decided not to clobber you, Ranma," she said. "You did return my panty, even if you did it in the worst possible way."

"You're so gracious," he said, but his eyes didn't move.

"Ranma," said Soun Tendo. "You're trying to think of a way to defeat Master Happosai, aren't you?"

Ranma nodded. "I've beaten him before, sure, but not with authority. Not with enough finality to get him to leave us alone."

"Yes," contributed Genma solemnly. "The master is like a cockroach. He's a pest who just can't be exterminated.

Soun thumped his knee. "Well, in celebration of you and Akane getting closer together, I will share with you a secret of the Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts!"

"We got closer together?" said Akane.

"I think he means when you resisted the urge to crush me," said Ranma.

"That makes me want to crush you on principal," she hissed.

"Come with me," said Soun hastily, grabbing Ranma's arm and hustling off.

Genma looked after them for a moment, then grabbed both of their bowls and commenced the scarfing.

"Ranma," said Soun, "I know that there are some differences between our styles. The Tendo and Saotome Schools have some disagreements."

Ranma shrugged. "Since Anything Goes, I always did everything. It's not like I've had trouble using other people's techniques before—I mean, I've picked up a few from the Amazon tribe, twisted a new attack out of Ryoga's shishi-hokodan, and so on."

Soun nodded sagely. "Very well then. The technique I'm about to teach you is one that I developed."

"That YOU developed?" said Ranma, shocked.

"Well, you don't get one of these for nothing," said Soun, grabbing at his belt and laughing. "I haven't practiced the Art so intensely of late, but in my youth… well, I easily rivaled your father."

"No big challenge," said Ranma.

"Your father created the Thousand-Mountain and Thousand-Sea techniques," Soun continued, ignoring Ranma's gibe. "Master Happosai approved of these techniques, and so promoted your father to black-belt."

"He would," spat Ranma. He well remembered those techniques—methods of breaking-and-entering disguised as martial arts. They made him queasy, but they were the sort of thing Happosai could appreciate.

"So, at that point, I decided to create my own technique," said Soun, unflappable. "It was partly to counter the Thousand-Sea, and partly to counter Master Happosai."

"Is that right?" said Ranma, becoming more interested.

Soun nodded. "We both wanted to deal with him. Ranma, do you know what really makes Happosai's martial arts effective? Think about it. His small body size means he has limited reach and endurance."

"But he compensates for it," said Ranma, "with speed and misdirection."

"That's right," said Soun. "His body is so tiny that he can do any number of different attacks that ALL LOOK THE SAME. Kicks, punches, grabs—it's impossible to tell what's coming."

Ranma considered. "Now that you mention it… visual cues do play a big deal in martial arts. If you see someone shifting their weight, leaning, or winding up, it makes a huge difference to your defense. You can dodge or block them more easily."

"But you can't do that with Happosai," said Soun, "because the cues are too easy to miss. He has the speed to really take advantage of this, and it makes attacking him almost impossible."

Ranma nodded, embarrassed. Most of the time, his only successful attacks had come in girl-form, and he hated resorting to that. It made him feel dirty. The only time boy-Ranma had really hurt Happosai, it'd been with the Hiryu-Shoten-Ha, and he couldn't count on that to connect again.

'Maybe if I beat him as a man,' thought Ranma, 'I can get him to stop.'

"So what's all that got to do with this technique?" said Ranma.

"This move compensates for body type, weight, anything," said Soun. "You can rely on it to hit people in the middle of their own moves, regardless of whatever deception they attempt."

Ranma's eyes widened. He had to see this.

"The stance…"

As he watched, Soun's eyes went out of focus. The man stood straight, arms spread widely. Ranma could see his battle aura lose its concentration in his arms and legs, spreading evenly throughout his body.

"Attack me, Ranma," said Soun. His voice was as even as Ranma had ever heard.

"Alright," said Ranma, a little nervous. Soun looked pretty defenseless, but… here goes.

Whap.

Ranma had barely begun his strike when he felt himself take a blow to the armpit.

"Ow!" he said. The blow stung, having hit the numerous blood vessels and nerves that pass through the armpit. 'Okay,' he thought. 'Something a little faster.'

Whap.

This time his kidney felt the pain before his kick could arrive.

"Fine then!" said Ranma. "Full speed!"

Whap.

"Those were my eyes!" Ranma shouted.

"Sorry! Are you okay, my son?" said Soun, falling out of his battle-stance.

Whap.

"An opening," said Ranma, dangling Soun by his ankle. "How'd you do that?"

"Let me down, ungrateful son-in-law, and I'll show you," said Soun through clenched teeth. Ranma let him go. After collecting himself, Soun faced Ranma again.

"It's simple," said Soun. "That stance is called the Water-Spirit Stance. By itself, the Water-Spirit Stance is not impressive. It appears to have little defense, and it lacks in power."

"But your defense is that you counter-hit," said Ranma, learning quickly. "You interrupt your opponent's strikes with your own, so you never need to block or dodge. And you hit your target's vulnerable spots, so the loss of power isn't a big deal."

"Exactly," said Soun. "The Water-Spirit Stance has no holes in its own defense. Of course, it helps if you've got exceptional strength, it's just not a requirement."

'Remind me never to teach this to Akane,' Ranma thought. "But it's not just the stance," he said. "How did you get so fast?"

"It's not that I got faster," said Soun. "The attacks you attempted all required some amount of wind-up, some amount of repositioning or weight-shifting. Mine required none. So I haven't gotten faster, I'm just using very light attacks."

"Even so," said Ranma, "it should be harder for you to know when to attack, not easier. You'd have to be very alert to your opponent's moves to make it work, and if you fell for any feint, the battle would probably be over."

"So, do you want me to tell you how to deal with those problems, or do you want another demonstration?" said Soun.

Ranma held his tongue.

"The secret is not physical, but mental," said Soun. "The trick is part of Zen."

"Zen?" said Ranma skeptically.

Soun nodded. "Your conscious mind is slower and less certain than your subconscious mind. Sure, having a conscious mind allows you to tackle new problems and have creative thought, but the subconscious mind is the heart of your being. The conscious mind can be fooled or distracted easily. How many times have you been fighting and you've done a move by 'instinct'?"

"A lot," Ranma admitted.

"Of course," said Soun. "You don't think, "Okay, I'll punch him now", you just do it. That's your subconscious mind running your body until the conscious mind catches up. The Water-Spirit Mind is essential to making the Water-Spirit Stance useful."

"So the Water-Spirit Mind is… my own subconscious?"

"Exactly," said Soun. "Your subconscious knows what to do. And since it works so much faster, it lets you react instantly. I developed a way to allow my subconscious mind to react automatically to any motion by the enemy. After all, when you go from defensive to offensive, you open yourself just a little. The Water-Spirit Strike hits your openings as they appear."

"That's amazing," said Ranma. Then he frowned. "Wait a minute. If your Water-Spirit Strike is as good as you say it is, how come you still haven't beaten Happosai?"

"Well, I… sealed it away," said Soun, becoming flustered. "When I tried to use it against Happosai, it… ended badly."

Flashback

"I've got you now, Master Happosai!" a younger Soun shouts. "Water-Spirit Stance!"

Happosai stares at his apprentice as the lad assumes a new stance. "That looks interesting," he says. After two failed attacks and a poked kidney in return, Happosai smiles. "I understand now."

Happosai steps away from Soun. Then steps again. And again. Then he returns to his lair.

Soun drops the stance and races after Happosai. "Think you can run away, Master? Water-Spirit Stance!"

Soun hasn't counted on the large pig now roasting over Happosai's fire. Happosai calmly steps out of range of Soun's strikes, then continues basting the roast.

Soun lasts five minutes before lunging at the roast. A moment later, Soun flies through the roof at greater than escape velocity.

End Flashback

"Why the heck are you teaching me a technique that doesn't work?" Ranma shouted, bonking Soun on the head.

"I was counting on you," said Soun, protecting himself. "I've seen you adapt other people's attacks into new forms before, and… well, I gave up on the Water-Spirit Strike after that battle. BUT, if you were to practice it, I'm sure you could refine it into something usable."

Ranma snorted. "And Happosai gave you a black belt for that?"

"Yes," said Soun miserably. Actually, that had to do with a large pile of ecchi magazines, but Soun would never mention those. "Anyway, that stance got me two good hits on Master Happosai, and that's a memory I've treasured for years."

"Tell you what," said Ranma. "Tell me how you got your Water-Spirit Mind working, and I'll see if I can use it."

"Thank you!" said Soun, weeping tears of joy.

"Stop that!"

After a week, Ranma had already begun his own experiments with the Water-Spirit Mind. With Soun's help (and at Soun's expense) he'd mastered Soun's techniques, and was soon thinking up ways to enhance the style.

He really should have known better.

Ranma walked back into the Tendo living room, a barely-conscious and moaning Soun over his shoulder. "Will someone help me get this guy to Doctor Tofu's?" he announced.

"Oh, my," said Kasumi. "What happened?"

"Here you go, Akane," said Ranma, draping Soun's other arm over the girl.

"You didn't answer the question," said Akane.

"Raaanmaaa…" moaned Soun. "You never should have combined Water-Spirit with roasting chestnuts…"

"What does that mean?" asked Akane, temper flaring.

"Nothing," said Ranma, hastily. "Let's just say I hit his kidneys. A lot."

Soun passed out.

From then on, Ranma practiced the Water-Spirit style alone.

Aside from that, life was normal—normal as life in Nerima could be. The only difference was that Ranma would occasionally slip into Water-Spirit on the sly. When Kuno's almost daily challenge would come, for example, he would face the fencer normally, only to use the Water-Spirit when Kuno was in the midst of his attack. Disguised this way, Ranma could keep Kuno from learning what was hitting him, and so hide his practice.

Which was probably a waste of effort, given the skill difference between the two.

"I've made some progress," Ranma said to Soun as they stood in the dojo. "It's better now. My counter-hits are next to perfect, and I've taught myself to use the Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire to make the strikes more powerful."

"That's great!" Soun shouted. "Now, the next thing is continuing to work with your subconscious mind. So far, the Water-Spirit Stance is defensive only, which is why Happosai was able to defeat me so easily. He brought me out of the defensive and broke my concentration. If you want to use the Water-Spirit Mind against Happosai, your concentration has to be better and you have to take the offensive."

"Yeah, yeah, I got that." Ranma considered. "Hey, have you ever had trouble coming out?"

"What do you mean?" asked Soun.

"Well, I was practicing the Water-Spirit Mind today, and I had more trouble re-engaging my conscious mind. Did that ever happen to you?"

Soun laughed. "No," he said, serious suddenly. "I guess it's a reflection of your own skill that you can go so deep. You'll be able to do some really amazing things with the Water-Spirit Mind!" With that, Soun left the building.

"I'm sure," Ranma mumbled. "Well, I did promise the guy I'd try and make this work. And I do want to pound Happosai into the ground. So, here goes…"

"So what kind of a technique is it?"

Ranma looked down at Akane. Akane wasn't looking at him; she was staring straight ahead as the two walked home from school.

"What do you mean?" asked Ranma.

"I've been watching you deal with Kuno," she said evenly. "And then with Mousse today. Each time, you let them charge at you, but before they got to you, you changed. You got faster, somehow. Your battle-aura spread out. Your eyes changed." She shrugged. "I was just wondering what kind of attack my father showed you."

"Gosh, don't you ever think about stuff other than fighting?"

Akane slammed a fist into the fence, rattling Ranma severely. "As if I could ever talk about anything else to you, Ranma!" She accelerated, storming off.

"You got most of it right."

She stopped abruptly. "What was that?" she asked, turning back.

Ranma was carefully rising again. "You got all the physical parts of it right. Your father's technique, I mean. But I suppose I can't blame you for not seeing the mental parts of it."

"Mental parts?"

Ranma nodded. He walked along the fence again.

"Ranma… well, you're doing this to fight Happosai, right? Well, I want you to stop him, too. If it'll be useful, I want to help you train."

"You?" said Ranma skeptically. "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. I don't fight girls."

"Fine," said Akane, once more huffing forwards. 'Well,' she thought, 'it wasn't like I didn't expect him to say no. Still… what a waste.'

Ranma was shaking his head at her when a crazy thought occurred to him. Who else could he practice with? Not one of the other fiancées; Ukyo's style was with weapons, totally different from Happosai, and Shampoo couldn't be trusted. (After all, Cologne and Happosai had some distinct similarities, and if these techniques worked on an old pervert they might work on an old ghoul.) None of his rivals would agree to help him, and he wasn't sure he wanted their help, given that the Water-Spirit Mind was all about hard-wiring his subconscious. Genma… was an idiot, and Soun wasn't much better.

Which left…

But he didn't fight girls.

Correction: he didn't hit girls. He'd let Akane attack him plenty of times; he'd just never struck back.

The crazy thought echoed again.

Well, he'd been needing to try out variations on the Water-Spirit Mind…

"Akane," he said, racing to catch up to her.

"What?!" she barked.

"Man, if it's like that, never mind," he said as he fell back.

"And what does that mean?" Akane snarled. "You've rejected me once, what more is there to say?"

"Like I said, never mind," said Ranma.

Akane sighed. "Now you've made me want to know what. Spill it."

"Which is it?" said Ranma, bewilderment in his voice.

"Tell me!"

"Fine," Ranma said. "I was thinking maybe you could help me practice after all. If you're still up to it, that is."

"You think I'm that pathetic? Of course I'll help you!"

"Fine, fine!" said Ranma. "What a pain. You weren't my first choice, you know."

This time Akane's strike knocked the entire section of fencing into the river. Ranma fell as his foothold vanished—fell right onto Akane's kick.

As he soared through the air, he thought to himself, 'And that's why. When I let her help me, I look like an idiot and get pasted.'

That night, Ranma faced Akane in the dojo. "Okay," said Ranma, "I've been changing around the technique your dad taught me. You'll see me going into the stance in a moment. When I do, Akane, give me your best shots. Try to floor me."

Akane assumed her own stance and faced down Ranma. She watched as his eyes lost focus, felt his battle aura decentralize.

'Normally, he dodges my strikes,' she thought. 'And not just mine. Ranma's particular style favors dodges—it sets up better counter-attacks than blocking, and denies an edge to tougher opponents like Ryoga. What is he planning?'

He wasn't saying anything, so—after another moment of hesitation—she threw her first attack.

Her punch didn't get halfway to Ranma's body.

He blocked her almost before the punch was fully formed. If he had been planning a counter-attack, it would have been vicious and easy.

'Well,' she thought, 'he looks helpless in that stance, but he obviously isn't.'

She launched a series of blows at Ranma, and each one was blocked or prevented. It was as if he knew what moves she was doing in advance. 'I don't think his new technique is telepathy, but it's hard to argue with the results!'

Her frustration built up as Ranma continued to smother her strikes. He even pushed her knee back down before she could snap the kick!

She halted for a moment, stewing. "What do I have to do to lower your defenses? Meow?"

He just stared at her, impassive as before.

Akane crossed her arms, confused. "Ranma?"

No response.

"Ranma, are you alright?"

Nothing.

All manner of possibilities crowded Akane's skull, some good, some bad, some she'd never admit to and others she didn't want. Paramount was confusion—what was Ranma trying to pull?

She hmph'ed. "Fine," she said. "You want to just play games with me? I don't have to help, you know. I wanted to." He remained motionless. "Say something!" she shouted. He said nothing.

"This is just like you always do," she said angrily. "You start doing something, but can never stick with it. Anything martial and you can't turn it down, but anything to do with me and you just grind to a halt!"

"I'm sorry."

The words came to her as she was leaving, and they came in a voice she couldn't have expected. It was something she'd never heard from Ranma, so alien she thought it wasn't his—yet the sound of it was undeniably Ranma's.

She turned towards him again. He looked no different—if anything, his eyes looked more lifeless. She began to doubt herself—had he said that, or was she just imagining things?

She couldn't have imagined what came next.

He rushed her.

His eyes were still out-of-focus, so it looked like he was staring past her; this, combined with the utter fluidity of his movements, destroyed all of her timing and range-finding. She lashed out blindly, but his blocking skills were sharper than ever; before she'd fully extended, her arm was bracing the small of her back, pushing her forward into him.

Confusion and fear raced through her. Ranma had never hit her, but with those empty eyes and that lightning speed, he could use any technique in his arsenal. At the same time, she was pinned against him, her chest pressing into his. If he wanted to attack, he'd never get a better…

He kissed her.

All thought ceased.

She blanked utterly.

It was too long and far too short. Everything was focused on the miniature eternity that was the length of the kiss. Yet it ended so abruptly that when she managed to refocus on the Ranma standing a meter away, she was still trying to figure out what'd happened.

His eyes were still infuriatingly dull. The seconds passed as Akane got reoriented. She was terrified—terrified of what had happened, of what he'd done, that it was him who did it, and most of all how she felt when he did it. There was no way to know what to do! She couldn't figure out her own feelings, never mind how she should respond!

Now the time passed since the kiss was longer than the kiss itself, now much longer, and still Akane was frozen with uncertainty. Ranma made no change either.

Her conscious mind finally reengaged, and solved its problems through a simple expedient: blaming them all on Ranma.

"So you used this new technique as an excuse to suck on my face? Suck on THIS!"

The blow was swift, powerful—and unchecked.

Akane's hand went to her mouth the moment the contact ceased.

'You were supposed to block that!'

"Baka!" she screamed after him.

It was too late. He was already reaching the apex of an enormous parabola.

Soun and Genma were relaxing over a game of shogi and some tea. Genma realized that he was in major jeopardy, and so decided this was a great time to strike up a conversation. "So, Tendo, just what kind of technique did you decide to teach my son?"

"Only the best," laughed Soun, quickly scanning the board. Genma was obviously trying to distract him—what did he see?

"What does that mean?" insisted Genma. "I mean, I know most of your skills—you only have to tell me the name and I'll figure it out."

"The Water-Spirit Mind," mumbled Soun, trying to keep his focus on the board. There! Ha, that blundering Genma had blown it this ti—

Genma exploded from his chair, sending the shogi board flying. "The Water-Spirit Mind?" he screeched.

Soun's eyes followed the shogi pieces as they skittered across the floor. "My shogi," he said, eyes welling up.

"This is bigger than shogi!" shouted Genma. He seized Soun by the collar and raced for the dojo. "Soun, what have you done?"

"What does that mean?" said Soun.

"Did it occur to you that my son has one of the more complicated subconscious minds in our area? That it's already crowded enough with martial arts moves, in addition to having to deal with being a boy-girl and a cat? The neko-ken is enough insanity for one boy, Soun—if he goes poking around in there, who knows what damage could be done?"

"Hmm, I hadn't thought about that," said Soun, still being carried by Genma.

"That much is obvious!"

The cracking of timbers drew their attention—one of the dojo's walls had been shattered yet again. They burst into the dojo to see Akane covering her mouth, wearing an expression of shock.

"What happened?" said Soun.

"I… hit him," she managed.

"But that's not supposed to happen!" said Soun. "You were practicing the Water-Spirit Mind, right? Someone using that should never be hit by anyone!"

Rather than answer, Akane gestured to the Ranma-shaped hole in the wall.

"That shouldn't have happened!" Soun insisted.

"But it did, Tendo," said Genma gravely. "Come on. We have to go in that direction and find my son!"

"Akane," Soun as they ran, "had you ever seen him do the Water-Spirit Mind before? And if so, was this one different?"

Soun waited for an answer, but after five seconds of silence looked over to Akane. His daughter was flustered, and he was pretty sure it wasn't just the running.

"I don't know enough about the technique," she said carefully.

"If you say so," Soun replied.

"I do!" Akane said. 'What could have made him act like… that?'

"Well," said Soun, "the Water-Spirit Mind is all about turning control over to the subconscious. You're able to do what needs to be done instantly. You could say it unleashes your potential."

"The subconscious?" Akane said, growing more confused.

"That's right. When he uses the Water-Spirit Mind, his consciousness is out of the loop. He's able to react to things as they are, not how he thinks they are, and do so without hesitation. That's why I said you shouldn't have been able to hit him. If you were able to connect, then…"

"Then what?"

"Then he must have wanted to be hit," said Soun. "Though I can't imagine why."

Akane felt chilled, though the setting sun shone brightly on her face. She shielded her eyes, looked, and saw—

"Ranma!" she shouted. She changed course. He was lying amidst a pile of garbage. An enormous bruise adorned his cheek, and Ranma didn't bruise easily. "Ranma, are you okay?"

Soun and Genma lifted the boy from the rubbish. Ranma was woozy, barely conscious. "Come on," said Genma. "We'll take him home." Ranma blinked now, regaining awareness. "Easy, my boy," said Genma. "We're on our way home, don't worry."

Ranma perked up at the sound and turned his face towards his father.

"Mrowr?"

Leaves rustled as a breeze shook them.

Ranma pushed away from his father, slipped to all-fours, and let out a defensive "Mrowr."

"It must be the neko-ken," Akane concluded.

"I told you that messing with the boy's subconscious was trouble!" Genma proclaimed.

"Yes, and thank you so much for mentioning that AFTER it was too late," Soun returned.

"And why was I the one who had to mention it? Didn't it occur to you…"

Unnoticed by the blathering fathers, Akane walked towards Ranma. "Here, kitty-kitty," she cooed.

To her surprise, neko-Ranma shied away from her. "Don't be like that," she said. "Come on, come to me."

He wouldn't. She took another step, and that was one too many. Neko-Ranma dashed away.

Akane let her arms drop in disappointment. That had always worked before. Had she damaged him that much?

"And who was it that dumped his son into a pit of hungry cats, anyway? What kind of father DOES that?"

"Father," Akane interrupted, "Ranma's gone!"

"Even you couldn't get through to him?" said Soun, shocked. Akane shook her head.

"Why did he go into neko-ken anyway?" Akane wondered. "There were no cats nearby, and that's what's always triggered it before."

"Well, remember that the neko-ken was his subconscious' defense against fear," said Genma. "Since he was using Soun's dangerous techniques to poke around in his subconscious, he probably pushed a little too far in the wrong direction. If he felt fear or some other strong emotion that would probably be enough."

"I suppose," said Akane dubiously. "The neko-ken was much stronger this time."

"Hmm," said Genma. "If his fiancée couldn't get through, nothing can. I suggest we head back to the dojo."

"You're just going to let neko-Ranma run loose in the city?" said Akane, disapproval heavy in her voice.

"Well, it's not like anyone can beat him as he is," Genma said. "There's no need to worry about him. Anyway, it's almost dinner time, and you can count on Ranma's appetite."

That did nothing to ease Akane's concern, for she knew that the Cat Café and Ukyo's Okonomiyaki were both in the direction Ranma had fled…

Shampoo sighed as she returned from a delivery. The restaurant business just wasn't a worthwhile occupation for a proud Amazon! There were many better ways to spend her time.

Before she could get any further down this line of thought, she noticed a figure loping in her direction. "Who there?" she demanded.

The figure slowed to a halt a good ten feet away. "Ranma!" Shampoo exclaimed. "What matter?" she continued when he didn't move. "Something wrong?"

She looked closely at him. He sported an enormous bruise on his face, but what held her attention was his posture.

"You in neko-ken, Ranma?" she asked. He seemed to be growing bored with her, and began to move away. "Wait! Stay, Ranma, I bring you something!" Her mind was already racing through the catalogs of trinkets Cologne had brought. Actually… there was her personal supply of catnip. Whenever something went really badly, she would douse herself with cold water and indulge the vice. If he would only hold still long enough for her to get it!

He was walking away now, but slowly. If she hurried, she could still catch him.

She raced up to her room, grabbed a large bag of the stuff, and leapt out the window to catch up to him quickly. He noticed her as she flew, however, and now sped up.

"Wait, Ranma! I have good thing!" She chased after him, opening the bag as she went. He only sped up. "Aiyaa, this just like every day!" she said, trying to catch him. Every time she accelerated, so did he.

Shampoo's mind shifted gears. She knew he was faster, MUCH faster now; she'd have to corner him. Luckily, all of her delivery work meant she knew the area backwards and forwards.

It didn't take long, since neko-Ranma was dedicated to running away from her. Soon he was trapped, a building on each side and a walled residence on the other. "Cat supposed to love," Shampoo said. "Like you supposed to love me." She reached into the bag and retrieved a small pouch-toy, stuffed with catnip. She wound up to toss it at neko-Ranma.

Neko-Ranma had had enough. He clawed through the wall and escaped.

"Why this so hard?!" Shampoo protested. She replaced the toy and chased after him.

She hadn't yet caught him when she heard the voice. "There you are, Ranma! And Shampoo's here as a witness to my skill! It's perfect!"

"No, Mousse!" Shampoo cried. Not quickly enough.

Mousse was in the midst of an attack when neko-Ranma responded. Normally you could barely make out Ranma's attacks, but in the neko-ken you could only tell where he'd been, never where he was. Mousse had no chance. Neko-Ranma shredded Mousse's robes and some of his skin. Weapons and items of every description poured from the cloth.

"Mousse, get gone!" Shampoo cried. "Ranma not himself now!"

"I can't back down in front of you!" Mousse shouted through his back. "I'd rather be a loser than a coward. It's the only way you'll…"

Neko-Ranma had noticed Shampoo's voice and quickly shifted position. Mousse cut off his words to try another attack, this one without weapons. Neko-Ranma slipped beneath Mousse's guard and kicked hard.

Mousse flew threw the air. When he saw his body heading towards Shampoo, he twisted himself, landing besides her instead of on top of her.

This was at the expense of his face and his glasses.

Shampoo screeched to a halt. "What you thinking?" she blurted.

Mousse sighed. "Far be it for me to slow you when you're chasing Ranma," he mumbled.

She glanced at neko-Ranma, and that was enough to send him high-tailing out of the area.

"No be stupid," she said. "Must get you back to great-grandmother." She lifted her stubborn suitor, avoiding the various cuts and scrapes neko-Ranma had caused. "That neko-Ranma. He animal. No can deal with him. Great-grandmother no can deal with him. What you smiling about?!"

Mousse sighed, this time in contentment. "If Ranma beating me up gets me in your arms, let him pound me every day!"

"So stupid!" Shampoo said, looking away. "No want see Mousse in boxers, that all!"

Mousse yelped at the realization. He attempted modesty, but with his injuries, he only made himself look worse.

"Always stupid," Shampoo said softly.

Ukyo strolled outside to retrieve her sign. Her hands ached from the repetitive motions. The restaurant business just wasn't a worthwhile occupation without a good partner.

The sun had gone down and light was fading. She noticed someone coming closer in a hurry. "Who's there?" she demanded. The person finally came close enough for her to see.

"Ran-chan!" she said, surprised. "What's this all about?"

Like Shampoo before her, Ukyo noticed the large bruise and the odd posture—but she had never seen Ranma in neko-Ranma form.

"Did someone do something to your back, Ran-chan?" she asked. "The same person who hurt your face, right? Oh, I bet it was Akane. Will that girl ever… what?"

Ranma had shied away from her, even faster when she brought up Akane. "Wait!" she cried after him. He turned back, his expression unreadable. "Can't you tell me what happened?" He gave no answer.

Ukyo sighed. "Fine, whatever. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that you're here. Come in, I'll make you some okonomiyaki."

Hesitantly, and still on all-fours, he trotted towards her.

"This is weirder than normal," Ukyo said as she cooked. "Usually you at least… hey, stop that!" Ranma was playing with the blinds on the window. "What is wrong with you? Come on, can't you act a little reasonable?"

Ranma ignored her. She sighed in resignation and finished the okonomiyaki. "It's not important. Dinner's served, Ranma."

She slid the okonomiyaki onto a plate and placed it on the bar. "Here you go." Ranma came quickly. He placed his hands on the bar, his feet on a stool, and bent down to eat it directly.

"Are you some kind of animal?" Ukyo exclaimed. "What is your problem? Oh, this is dumb!"

No answer.

"If this is some kind of joke, I'm not amused!"

Ranma lifted his head, curious at her raised tone. Okonomiyaki hung half-eaten from his mouth, his face smeared in sauce.

Ukyo was unable to decide whether to clobber Ranma for his bad manners or to ignore it in the hopes things would return to normal. She settled on 'ignore'—this was Ranma after all, her fiancé, and to make things work sometimes you had to let things slide. She flopped back on her own seat and crossed her arms. Ranma shrugged and turned his attention back to the food.

Ranma was ignoring her, so Ukyo decided to ignore him. She stood and started her restaurant's normal closing-down routine. She washed dishes and cleaned her cooking surfaces for starters. Then it would be time to sweep and mop…

Ranma finished the okonomiyaki and dropped from the bar. He stretched out his back, then let out a satisfied "mrowr".

"Did you just meow?" Ukyo said, Ranma drawing her attention again. Ranma made for the door. "Hey, wait, where are you going?"

Ranma looked back over his shoulder, still in his all-fours posture. "Don't tell me you were just here for the food!"

Whatever he heard meant nothing to him, so he finished his motion and exited the cafe.

Ukyo could only stare after him. "I didn't understand any of that," she mumbled.

Kodachi was on her way home, a smile on her face. She'd spent the past few hours maiming and poisoning rival gymnasts—tomorrow's competition was in the bag.

She was satisfied with a win by forfeit—it was proof enough of her skill. Strangely, fewer and fewer schools were competing at martial arts rhythmic gymnastics… some people just had no appreciation for the fine arts.

She halted her reverie when she heard rapid footsteps. "Who's there?" she said, wielding a ribbon.

She instantly recognized him as he entered the glow of a streetlight. "Ranma, darling!" she exclaimed. "Don't tell me you were following me the entire way! Well, did you appreciate my thoroughness? I know, for example, that the Hitomi girl can't possibly wear braces on BOTH her knees…"

Ranma was already racing in the other direction. Only now did Kodachi notice that her object of obsession was on all-fours, but this didn't mean anything to her.

"Get back here, I'm not finished explaining my glory!" she shouted at his back. She raced after him, drew within range, and lashed out with the ribbon.

The attack snagged Ranma's ankle, pulling the boy/cat to a halt. But not for long. Ranma whirled with a snarl and slashed with a hand. The attack split the ribbon in half-a-dozen places, including the handle.

Kodachi was stunned for just a moment as her weapon disintegrated in her hands; that moment was enough for Ranma. He burst away from her, accelerated fully, and escaped before she could respond.

"Hmph!" snorted Kodachi. "Just you wait, darling Ranma—I don't care if I have to break your knees to make you realize it, but it'll be clear that you love me. You WILL be mine!"

Akane gnawed the inside of her cheeks. "Ranma's been gone for way too long," she announced. "We've got to go looking for him!"

"After you, sis," said Nabiki, who remained motionless before the TV.

"Akane, I thought we discussed this," said Soun, who was likewise still.

"It's touching that you have such concern for him," said Kasumi sweetly.

"It's not like that!" Akane said. "Ranma's never been in the neko-ken this long before. Besides, since all of this was caused by playing around with his mind, won't we have more problems if anything happens while he's…"

At that exact moment Ranma skittered past the living room, clawless hands trying to grasp the floorboards.

"Well, he's back," said Nabiki, eyes still glued to the TV.

"Just like we discussed," said Soun, ditto.

"It's touching that he came back just when you were getting worried," said Kasumi sweetly.

"How am I related to you people?!" Akane exploded. She rose and went in the direction Ranma had gone.

Ranma had slid cleanly off the porch. He was regaining his footing as Akane approached, but when he heard her he slunk away.

"What's that all about?" she asked him, but it was obvious. He looked back at her mournfully, hiding the cheek with the bruise.

"We need to get that looked after," she said, growing nervous. "Come on up, kitty. Come on!"

Ranma hadn't come closer; if anything, his head drooped even lower.

Akane sighed. This was what she hadn't wanted to do. Still, it was too dangerous to let him wander out alone…

"Ranma, if you can even understand this… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I clobbered you like that. And…" When she'd started, Ranma had begun to approach; when she paused so did he, one hand-"paw" suspended in the air. "Well… I forgive you. You're a pervert, don't get me wrong, but... oh, what am I saying?"

She whipped away and clasped her hands over her face. Now she wasn't making sense! Her guilt and confusion faded when she felt something pressing into her lower back. She looked over her shoulder. It was Ranma's head. He looked back up at her hopefully, then circled around her front, rubbing his body against hers—just like a cat would. Albeit a very large cat.

She squatted to his level and scratched the back of his head. He arched his back in response, pushing his neck more into her fingers. She smiled. If he was acting like this, then she could think about him as a cat instead of a person. That made everything simpler. No one gets engaged to cats. No one has rivals for a cat's affection. It's safe to enjoy a cat. It's safe for a cat to enjoy you. You don't have to worry about a cat rejecting you. It's all okay.

If it was a cat under her fingers and not Ranma, she could be… honest.

A wild thought entered her head. It was silly, but… well… she remembered a story she'd heard once… something Western, about a person trapped in a beast's body… foolish, of course… but, well, it sounded nice, so people kept telling it… yes, and if I keep thinking like this hopefully I'll forget the original thought… no, there it is again… well, he wouldn't remember it… I suppose there's no harm in it… but that doesn't mean I want to… right?

Her scratching was becoming inattentive. Neko-Ranma reminded her what she was doing by pushing against her hand. She smiled and resumed, and now she added her other hand behind his ear. Ranma lifted his head to meet the new sensation and gave the best purr a human could manage.

He looked so happy—like nothing was better for him than to sit there and have her scratch him. Was that purely because he was of the neko-ken? She'd suppressed her thoughts, but it was getting impossible to ignore them.

"Did you really mean it when you kissed me?" she asked neko-Ranma. "I'm not so sure about what my father said. He said that your technique was all about the subconscious, about acting automatically. But come on, that would mean that your automatic reaction to me would be to kiss me, and that's never happened. And then you failed to block my punch. You should've avoided that automatically, too. So I don't believe my father that much."

She sighed. Her fingers were growing tired. "But what if he was right? I mean, I don't see how he could be, but what if he was?" She smiled as neko-Ranma made no reply. "Aren't you gonna make some answer?" she said, grasping him by the ears and pulling him to her eye level.

No reply.

"Well… if you can kiss me… and not mean it… well, I suppose that means… I can kiss you and not mean it."

He stared at her blankly.

Akane bit her upper lip. It had sounded nice and safe in her head, but now, staring into those eyes—even neko-Ranma's eyes—she felt her courage melt. "Of course," she went on, as much to herself as to the not-understanding neko-Ranma, "I didn't mean to actually kiss you. But if I had, I could do it, right?"

Whatever she said and whatever she thought, she was getting closer to him. She stopped again and swallowed deeply. "After all, I don't really know what it feels like," she blubbered. "The only times we've been… close… I was so surprised by it I couldn't even think what it was like. So… this is for the record, do you understand? Just so I'll be able to know what it's like."

He was now visibly uncomfortable, and Akane almost let that stop her. Instead, she gathered up what remained of her will and pressed her lips closer to his.

A little more…

A little more…

His eyes snapped into focus. "Akane?" he whispered.

They stared at each other for a moment. The moment ended with them several feet from each other.

Akane found herself short of breath; she panted a few times. "Are you… back, Ranma?"

Ranma nodded, eyes wide as saucers. "Yeah. I'm back."

Akane took a deep breath as she stood. She tried to regain her composure. "I see. Well, then, no need for me to worry."

"And you were so close!"

Akane and Ranma fell from the porch. Soun, Genma, Kasumi, and Nabiki stared at them as they fell. "Just a few more seconds," Soun declared, tears rolling down his face, "and we would have seen something beautiful!"

The dance of denial ensued.

And so the Water-Spirit Mind was sealed away a second time, never to be revived.

Ranma walked towards school along the top of the fence, watching Akane below him. "Hey, Akane," he said.

"What is it?"

"Well… I was kind of wondering…" his voice fell away.

"What?"

"I don't remember anything that happened. Any of it, from the moment you threw your first punch to the moment we were two inches apart."

Akane knew that already. It was still disappointing to hear him say it, but it was what she'd known all along.

"But I want to know what happened," he said. Akane could tell he was forcing himself to say it. "It bothers me. Can you tell me what I did after I blacked out?"

"Not really," said Akane casually.

"What? Why not?"

"You… left, shortly after," she said. Then she smiled to herself. It didn't really make sense, to hide the things he'd done, but she wanted to. They were things he'd probably deny or try to make worthless, and she didn't want him doing that.

She would keep them like a private charm, and maybe share them with him sometime… if circumstances warranted.

Ranma just stared at his fiancé and the too-happy smile on her face, growing steadily more embarrassed. He was almost relieved to hear the cries of a growing female mob.

"What a haul! What a haul!"

"Get back here, pervert!"

"He's at it again," Ranma said, gathering his anger. "I'm gonna pound that creep!" He intercepted his "master" atop a nearby building. "Time to pay, old man. You're a disgrace to the Anything-Goes School!"

Happosai sneered. "I thought you'd realized by now that it's impossible to disgrace the Anything-Goes School. Firstly, since I'm the master, I decide the school's standards. Secondly, there's never been any moral or ethical component to Anything-Goes! It's one of the school's major advantages!"

"Say that if you want," said Ranma, growing more irritated as he heard the obvious truth. "But I know a freak when I see one, and it's my personal policy to deal with freaks. Take this!"

He rushed Happosai, and could see before he got there that he'd walked into a trap. Happosai had used their conversation as a cover to slip his ill-gotten gains off his back; now he prepared to launch Ranma sky-high.

Both Ranma and Happosai, however, were quite surprised.

An overloaded school bag thonked into Happosai moments before he would have struck. It threw off his balance just enough to give Ranma an opening.

"Hyaaaah!"

Happosai received a free round-trip to the lower stratosphere.

Ranma picked up the bag and traced back where it'd come from. Akane was standing there, triumph on her face.

"You dropped this," he said, smiling, handing her the bag.

"Thanks," she said, smiling in return.

"Good throw," he said.

"Was it?"

"Yeah. It helped a lot."

"I'm glad."

The smiles lasted about thirty seconds into the school day. At that point, Kuno arrived with yet another challenge and a most indignant query about Kodachi, Ukyo started asking very pointed questions about Ranma's behavior, Shampoo demanded Ranma marry her as compensation for his injuries to Mousse, Mousse took his defeat poorly and wanted another round (though his new robes were not yet fully stocked)—

In other words, the only real changes were in only places that really mattered.

Disclaimer: every character, most of the situations, and many of the gags in the above story are property of Rumiko Takahashi and those groups/individuals she contracts with. This author stakes no claim on the aforementioned characters, situations, or gags. This story is copyright Sam Durbin, a.k.a. Bryon Nightshade, and is bound by all applicable laws and statutes.