Alucard Hour
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or anything else that may appear in this fic.
Summery: Alucard has his own TV Special. He rants, he reviews, he criticizes, he is on the TV for an hour.
A/N: O.o;.............Hello
Setting: The underground of the Hellsing Mansion.
Time- 11:30pm, so the little children won't be up.
You see Alucard in his chair with a thick volume in his lap. His eyes scan the page lazily.
"Hey!" someone shouts, "We are shooting!"
Alucard looks up from his book. "Why are you humans still in here? I thought I told you to leave."
"You said you would be on our TV special damn it!"
"TV special?" Alucard raises his eyebrow.
"Yes you bloody vampire! Like you know, the little box with people entertaining you!?"
"Oh yes, I remember now, you want to try to put me in that stupid box..." Alucard says while rising and tossing his book to the side.
"NOT THAT AT ALL MR.ALUCARD!....please don't hurt me.."
"Oh! Yes! I wanted to have my own TV show, I remember now."
Alucard sits back down and picks up his book.
"Erm...Mr.Alucard?"
Alucard rolls his eyes. "What is it?"
"Erm...We are live..you're on TV right now...as we speak..."
Alucard puts down his book and stares at the camera.
15 minutes later........................
"FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! SAY SOMETHING DAMN IT!"
A sly grin of amusement played across Alucard's charming yet terrifying lips. "Something damn it!"
You hear someone crying.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Alucard busts out not able to contain his amusement of successfully making the human cry without even hurting him.
5 minutes later.........
Alucard straitens himself in the chair after laughing for so long of a time.
"As for the first thing I would like to speak about.." He reaches into his book and pulls out a picture of Vash Stampede from Trigun.
"Is it just me, or does this blond have style?" He says pushing the picture towards the screen, pointing out the coat and glasses.
"I would just like to let all of you know, that the rumor of him being my lover is completely, and assuredly UNTRUE!"
"I have yet to find out who started this forsaken rumor, but rest assured, when I find you, I shall let my hell hounds make you into not but dog shit!" Alucard once more straitens himself.
"Another note for you all to remember....."
Alucard again pulls a picture out of his book. This time it is one of Anderson.
It has a few holes in the head, alluding to the fact that someone had been playing darts with it.
He holds up both Vash and Anderson pictures.
"These are the real couple right here. Vash and Paladin"
Alucard laughs insanely.
Suddenly Seras barges through the door.
"Master I.." she starts.
The camera turns towards her.
"Who are these people master?" she says smiling sheepishly to the camera and waving.
"My camera crew, Police Girl"
"Ohh....." she starts backing out of the door.
"Wait, what did you want?"
"Um...," she starts talking really fast, "Pip wastheone who startedthe rumorsabout you." Then ran off.
"Pip?" Alucard grined like the manic he is. "Mwahahahahaha! I think in a bit I shall have to go."
His sly smile turned once more to the camera.
"A few more things before I go though."
"I just recently watched the old movie "Salem's Lot" I'm wonder how many people were actually frightened by the purple bald master vampire?"
"That had to be the most god awful vampire I have seen."
"Even though the black on white movies made me bald as well as other vampires, but this one was purple!"
"Besides, did you see his fangs? They looked like something from Harry Potter's head. They were both the shape of a lighting bolt."
"Maybe the vampire collided with Harry Potter and that's what made the lighting bolt shaped scar on his fucking forehead."
"Just one more thing....."
Alucard reaches down and pulls out a picture of Incognito.
"Since this fucking vampire reject has no name, I have decided to take it upon myself to name him, even though he is dead."
"I shall name him......Sailor Bob......for absoultly no apparent reason. I just want to further degrade him. He .....hurt my master."
"And now kiddies, it is 12:30, and I have a Pip to torture!" Alucard says with excited look.
"Please make sure to come back next time"
Alucard suddenly disappears.
A/N: Sorry it was short, hey! If you guys would like Alucard to read fan mail for you, send it in the review. Btw....please R&R! Have a nice day. Oh, and dreadfully sorry to any Anderson or Vash fans, but hey, its Alucard. I was just trying to go from his POV.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or anything else that may appear in this fic.
Summery: Alucard has his own TV Special. He rants, he reviews, he criticizes, he is on the TV for an hour.
A/N: O.o;.............Hello
Setting: The underground of the Hellsing Mansion.
Time- 11:30pm, so the little children won't be up.
You see Alucard in his chair with a thick volume in his lap. His eyes scan the page lazily.
"Hey!" someone shouts, "We are shooting!"
Alucard looks up from his book. "Why are you humans still in here? I thought I told you to leave."
"You said you would be on our TV special damn it!"
"TV special?" Alucard raises his eyebrow.
"Yes you bloody vampire! Like you know, the little box with people entertaining you!?"
"Oh yes, I remember now, you want to try to put me in that stupid box..." Alucard says while rising and tossing his book to the side.
"NOT THAT AT ALL MR.ALUCARD!....please don't hurt me.."
"Oh! Yes! I wanted to have my own TV show, I remember now."
Alucard sits back down and picks up his book.
"Erm...Mr.Alucard?"
Alucard rolls his eyes. "What is it?"
"Erm...We are live..you're on TV right now...as we speak..."
Alucard puts down his book and stares at the camera.
15 minutes later........................
"FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! SAY SOMETHING DAMN IT!"
A sly grin of amusement played across Alucard's charming yet terrifying lips. "Something damn it!"
You hear someone crying.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Alucard busts out not able to contain his amusement of successfully making the human cry without even hurting him.
5 minutes later.........
Alucard straitens himself in the chair after laughing for so long of a time.
"As for the first thing I would like to speak about.." He reaches into his book and pulls out a picture of Vash Stampede from Trigun.
"Is it just me, or does this blond have style?" He says pushing the picture towards the screen, pointing out the coat and glasses.
"I would just like to let all of you know, that the rumor of him being my lover is completely, and assuredly UNTRUE!"
"I have yet to find out who started this forsaken rumor, but rest assured, when I find you, I shall let my hell hounds make you into not but dog shit!" Alucard once more straitens himself.
"Another note for you all to remember....."
Alucard again pulls a picture out of his book. This time it is one of Anderson.
It has a few holes in the head, alluding to the fact that someone had been playing darts with it.
He holds up both Vash and Anderson pictures.
"These are the real couple right here. Vash and Paladin"
Alucard laughs insanely.
Suddenly Seras barges through the door.
"Master I.." she starts.
The camera turns towards her.
"Who are these people master?" she says smiling sheepishly to the camera and waving.
"My camera crew, Police Girl"
"Ohh....." she starts backing out of the door.
"Wait, what did you want?"
"Um...," she starts talking really fast, "Pip wastheone who startedthe rumorsabout you." Then ran off.
"Pip?" Alucard grined like the manic he is. "Mwahahahahaha! I think in a bit I shall have to go."
His sly smile turned once more to the camera.
"A few more things before I go though."
"I just recently watched the old movie "Salem's Lot" I'm wonder how many people were actually frightened by the purple bald master vampire?"
"That had to be the most god awful vampire I have seen."
"Even though the black on white movies made me bald as well as other vampires, but this one was purple!"
"Besides, did you see his fangs? They looked like something from Harry Potter's head. They were both the shape of a lighting bolt."
"Maybe the vampire collided with Harry Potter and that's what made the lighting bolt shaped scar on his fucking forehead."
"Just one more thing....."
Alucard reaches down and pulls out a picture of Incognito.
"Since this fucking vampire reject has no name, I have decided to take it upon myself to name him, even though he is dead."
"I shall name him......Sailor Bob......for absoultly no apparent reason. I just want to further degrade him. He .....hurt my master."
"And now kiddies, it is 12:30, and I have a Pip to torture!" Alucard says with excited look.
"Please make sure to come back next time"
Alucard suddenly disappears.
A/N: Sorry it was short, hey! If you guys would like Alucard to read fan mail for you, send it in the review. Btw....please R&R! Have a nice day. Oh, and dreadfully sorry to any Anderson or Vash fans, but hey, its Alucard. I was just trying to go from his POV.