Sorry that it's been a while since I've written. School has been kicking my ass lately! So I was thinking about writing a really angsty 2014 future fic. In the spirit of all of us Anti-Valentine's day people, of course. It'll be about Cas, how he fell, and how he died for Dean one last time. It'll be fluffy angst. Would anyone enjoy that? Anyway, enjoy.
Deserve
"I think I may kill myself"
No. No.
Dean blinked, feeling his heart stop for one moment.
"Cas…." He started, but somehow, Dean Winchester, man of many words, couldn't think of one word.
"No, Dean. I- I decimated Heaven, killed thousands of my brother and sisters." Castiel said gravelly, staring at his hands, knotted so tightly together, in such a human way, that it made Dean's heart ache.
"Cas, that wasn't you, it was the Leviathans." Dean said, trying desperately to get this man, this angel, to understand his worth.
"No, it was greed, it was incompetence to realize no one could save us. It was me. All I wished for was to do good and all I accomplished was destruction." Cas said, his inhuman cerulean gaze disconsolate.
Dean could feel his heart pumping erratically, heavy with malaise.
"Cas, you cannot leave me. Sam isn't here, not all the way. I'm- well I'm one big bucket of emotional fuck-up, but you're…..you're more than my friend. Cas, I love you." Dean said, choking out the last words, uttered by a man with everything to lose and everything to save.
Cerulean brightened, and Dean would deny this until the day he died, but he could swear it was like seeing Heaven after only knowing Hell.
"Dean, I've seen your soul, held it in my hands. You are an extraordinary human being. You would perish if it meant the safety of Sam, or at one time, Bobby. Amazing. You've been through so much, but yet you worry about others. Truly my Father's greatest creation." Castiel started at Dean, amazement lighting his eyes. "But, Dean, I do not deserve your love, or love of any kind. I am a monster. I killed for power."
Castiel looked at Dean. After a few seconds, Dean spoke.
"Cas, you do though. Deserve love, I mean. You could have left the second you pulled my ass outta Hell, but you didn't. You stayed and saved me and Sam more times than I can count." Dean stopped. Then spoke again, "I forgive you Cas"
"You do?"
"Yes, yes I do. Please, stay with us."
"I don't deserve-" Cas started but Dean kissed him, hands knotted in the lapels of that damn trenchcoat.
Dean could taste rain, snow, and something entirely Cas. He waited for Castiel to push him off but it never came. Instead Cas hesitantly kissed him back.
Dean felt Castiel's hands on his shoulders, then in his hair. Dean pushed Cas on his back, he leaned on his forearms, mouths still connected. Their lower bodies rubbed against each other.
Castiel let out a low moan.
"Fuck, Cas" Dean growled out. Cas shoved his head in the crook of Dean's neck.
"Dean, please" Cas choked out, voice octaves deeper than normal, not even knowing what he was asking for.
Dean's breath caught. He laughed breathlessly.
"Cas, you are always needed and you deserve every second of it," Dean said. Castiel nodded, a rare hesitant smile on his face.
"Now let me show you what else you deserve," Dean said with a wink, moving his hips forward. Some things will never change.
Sam choose that exact moment to walk in.
"I knew it," Sam shouted.
"Get out.!" Dean shouted.
"Fucking mooses these days" Dean said to Castiel. Cas tilted his head in confusion.
"Come 'mere, Angel," Dean said, gesturing towards Cas. Cas smiled.
"Only for you, Dean Winchester. It was only ever for you."