TITLE: Deepest Desires

SUMMARY: A few visits to the Mirror of Erised

CATEGORY/PAIRING: Lily/James

RATING: PG-13

SPOILERS: a bit of OotP (Snape's Worst Memory) and some of CoS

DISCLAIMER: sadly, I am not J.K. Rowling

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This waltzed into my mind at around five-thirty one summer morning and refused to be dislodged until I wrote it all out. Blame my thoughts for wanting to know what others (people not Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Dumbledore, Quirrell, and Voldemort) saw when gazing into a certain mirror...

Deepest Desires

The Commons of Gryffindor was nearly empty when a cloaked figure stole down the stairs of the boys dormitory. Lily Evans, drowsing by the fire with a Muggle book of poetry on her lap, was the sole other occupant of the room and she remained in a light doze as the figure crept out, carrying a bundle that resembled a cloak and a rolled up map.

James Potter was sneaking around.

There was nothing new about that, though it was a bit odd for the unofficial leader of the infamous Marauders to be up to mischief without his cohorts. Sirius Black, the only Black in the history of Hogwarts to have been sorted into Gryffindor, and devilishly handsome which suited his daredevil behavior. Remus Lupin, a werewolf though few were aware of him being so - Lily was a very bright girl, highly perceptive and with a bit of a penchant for Muggle horror movies which had lead to some interesting reading at Hogwarts - and more or less the voice of reason of the group. Peter Pettigrew, shy where Remus was merely thoughtful, and apparently possessing a bit of an ambitious nature which made sense for he was so often cast in the shadow of his more illustrious mates.

As harmless and sweet-seeming as any one of the boys could be on his own, or before figures of authority, Lily was not fooled. For seven years now she had lived in the same House as the pranking troublemakers, she had been a witness to some of the riskiest and trickiest of their pranks, jinxs, hexes, spells, jokes, and careless flaunting of danger. James and Sirius were easily the worst of the bunch, both convinced of their own greatness and irresistable charm. The only reason Sirius didn't bother her as much as James was due to the fact that Sirius did not fancy her.

For seven years she had admired their inventiveness and courage, she had hated their cruelty and spite - even though they were only malicious to Severus Snape for the most part and sometimes the Slytherin deserved it, Lily didn't believe it was right - and in the past two years she had observed and wondered at the boys ability to woo girls, those in the Gryffindor House and the other Houses as well, and she just could not see why the girls allowed themselves to be won over. Sirius Black, Lily could admit he was very attractive, seemed impossibly fickle and no girl lasted more than a week with him. James, on the other hand, had dated a bit without ever getting serious with any of the girls, because he had preferred to pester her for affection. He seemed intent this year especially to garner her interest, gain her respect, and weasel into her heart and she wasn't buying it. James Potter was nothing if not a joker and Lily was determined to stay out of his trap.

The only good thing about James's apparent attraction to her was that he no longer tormented Severus while she was around. Snape had been none too pleased when Lily had rescued him - albeit briefly - from the clutches of James and Sirius back in their fifth year, but since that day James was careful to stay his wand around Snape when Lily was present. Oh, she knew it was likely different whenever she wasn't around but she couldn't possibly hope that all things would change.

Sirius and Severus had detested each other long before Hogwarts and James had not hit it off well with Snape in their first year. It had already been seven years and it seemed the hatchet would forever remain unburied between the three, so Lily decided to ignore the animosity and to just be grateful that things had toned down a bit. Whatever lay between the young men, and whatever explained the curious absence of Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew while James was skulking around, and whatever the consequences would be for following Potter through the halls of Hogwarts past the midnight hour when there were classes on the morrow, Lily did not care.

She was Head Girl and therefore had a duty to keep Potter's nocturnal roaming to a minimum. Besides, she was curious to learn what he was up to. Lily trailed the young man at a safe distance, keeping the rascal in sight only when she needed to see which direction he would proceed from a junction. He was leading her down corridors she wasn't familiar with and now she was beginning to get a bit nervous, if only because she wasn't positive she would be able to find her way back to the Gryffindor Tower.

A warning cat call sounded from back the way she had come and she spun to see whether Mrs. Norris was right behind, only to turn back and find herself face-to-face with the gentleman she had been tailing.

Her mouth fell open and his left hand clapped over it, his right hand grabbing her arm and pulling her near. She turned her wide-eyed expression of shock into a withering glare, which James chose to ignore.

"Don't scream." His voice was so soft she barely heard it.

She glowered and he gave her a considering look before taking his hand away, apparently convinced that she wouldn't cry out. It was irksome, really, not all girls screamed when startled and she wasn't dumb enough to make a noise when Filch was probably lurking nearby. James untucked the cloak he had carried under his arm and draped it over them before unrolling his map, muttering something she couldn't catch, and giving it a quick look while keeping it from her view.

"Damn. He's gone...and Filch is practically right on us ...hmm, can't stay here, Mrs. Norris can see right through it..." Frowning and shaking his head he rolled the map up after again whispering something too low for her ears and then he dragged her toward a door she hadn't seen. "Inside, quick!" He breathed, pushing her hastily before him into the room. The cloak that had covered them fluttered to the ground but James, years of being a Seeker in Quidditch, swiftly caught it before it could hit the floor. He looked at her reproachfully, bundling it up again before unrolling the map with a whisper and perusing it casually.

Lily allowed the piece of parchment to occupy his attention as she surveyed the room they were standing in. There was no furniture save for a tall mirror standing in the middle of the room. It seemed a bit peculiar to have a room for just a mirror, but Lily had known Hogwarts to have stranger things about. She walked forward a bit, her eyes inexplicably drawn to the mirror's reflective surface, and she nearly gasped aloud at what she saw.

She had never really gotten along with her sister Petunia, not even as children, but there in the mirror she was standing happily with her sister and she couldn't help but feel that there was a connection between them, that they were somehow friends. It seemed so unlikely but so real...for so many years she had hoped the differences between them might be resolved and to see that such a thing had clearly happened here, in the mirror...

Someone was shaking her shoulder and calling her name, calling her back from the much-longed for scene before her eyes. Blinking, she came back to herself and realized that James had stepped in front of her and was peering down at her in concern.

She frowned. "What?"

He frowned as well. "I told you, Filch has gone so it's safe to leave. You seemed sort of out of it so I wasn't sure you heard..." He trailed off uncertainly as an uncharacteristic grin split her face. She had to share this with someone, she needed a witness to this wondrous miracle, the Evans girls getting along.

"Quick! Turn about and look into the mirror!" She ordered, half-turning him herself in her haste for him to see. "Well?"

"Well what?" James grumbled. "It's just a mirror, what is there to see?"

Lily's smile wilted slightly. "What are you talking about? Look at the mirror and tell me what you see!" She was standing just off to his right side now, her smile hopeful and her hands resting lightly on his arm from turning him.

James dutifully gazed at the reflection for a time before speaking again. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to see, Evans. All I see is myself with you at my side smiling soft just like you are...you ought to smile like that more often, it's truly beautiful."

Her cheeks flushed traitorously in response to his compliment. "But...I don't understand...when I look into the mirror I see...my sister and I, and we're not upset to be in each other's company. She doesn't fear and hate me for what I am..."

James frowned, looking thoughtful. "You know," he said slowly, as though putting the pieces of a puzzle together, "Moony once told me about a room he had found, a room not altogether like this one...but it had a mirror in it identical to this, if I remember his description of it properly. He told me...in it he saw the moon, full in the sky, and he saw himself there as well." James did not add that Remus had seen himself fully human.

"Lupin is a werewolf, isn't he, James?" Lily asked softly, never noticing the look of adoration that crossed James's face at her use of his given name. She saw only the astonishment her query had produced, a look of surprise that was covered so quickly with one of nonchalance and mild confusion that she could almost believe she had imagined it. "Of course you cannot answer," She mused, "for all your faults you would never betray a friend."

"What faults?" James asked, seeking to change the subject.

Lily ignored him. "Obviously Lupin is unhappy at his fate...if so, he would want nothing more than to be free of it. And my vision...it has always been my fondest wish to patch things up with Petunia, family means a lot to me. But you...are you somehow immune to the magic of the mirror?" She gazed at him steadily as though waiting for the answer to produce itself. "Why were you creeping about the halls, Potter? You said earlier "he's gone" ...who was it you were following and why?"

Slightly taken aback at her perceptiveness and the frequency at which her thoughts shifted, James decided to be honest with her. Honesty always won the fair maiden's heart, didn't it?

"I wanted to know what good old Snive-er, Snape was up to late at nights in this room."

Lily's bright green eyes lit upon the mirror and James saw the sudden dawning comprehension in her gaze. "You aren't immune at all, are you?" She muttered. "You really do like me."

James seemed greatly offended at her disbelief. "Of course I do, Evans. I've been saying that for almost two years and you only now believe me?"

"But that means..." She looked up at him and James felt he could easily loose himself in that brilliant green sea. "Your deepest desire... I'm standing at your side...happy..."

"That means that I care for you, Lily. I'd like to get to know you better...I'd like it if you gave me a chance."

Bewildered at the events of the evening, Lily found herself tuning out the wisdom of her mind and listening only to what her heart had to say. She kissed the corner of his mouth and turned to leave.

Grinning crookedly, James gave the mirror one last look before moving to follow her out. "I do wonder what old Snivelly's desires are..."

Professor Severus Snape knew very well that Dumbledore was far more astute than he generally let on. Very little happened on school grounds that the aging Head Master was not aware of, and Snape suspected that there was often a hidden reason to everything the old man did or ordered done.

Glaring at the potions that could not hold his attention, he wondered if Dumbledore had known of Snape's interest in the Mirror of Erised back in the days of Snape's youth. It was a stupid thought, of course Dumbledore knew. It certainly explained why Dumbledore had had him move the mirror after Harry Potter stumbled across it in his second year.

It had been well over fifteen years since Severus Snape had last stood before the mirror to view the secrets of his heart. He had thought he had grown past such foolishness...in his youth the mirror had offered him a comforting sight, one of his parents in love and caring for him instead of neglecting their only child and living miserable lives screaming at each other. There had been another image that occasionally surfaced, a world where he was handsome and popular and the Marauders were not so adored and admired. Certainly, even if he had not grown past caring to know and acknowledge his deepest desires, certainly his desires at least had matured.

The journey to the mirror was short and the years seemed to fall away as Severus neared his goal. Even standing before it he could not immediately raise his gaze. It occured to him that he was afraid to know what he desired above all else at this stage in his life and, disturbed at this weakness, he steeled himself and looked up.

There, reflected in the mirror, he stood, looking no different until his mirror self began to roll up his sleeve. He watched as the years melted away from his mirror-self, he seemed suddenly younger, less severe, as if he had lived an easier life. Snape felt a pain deep inside, not the guilt or shame or self-loathing he was familiar with when he came to consider the mistakes he had made in the past. He was not sure whether it was sorrow or envy or pride or hope that he felt as he gazed upon his reflection in the mirror.

The man there bore no mark upon his arm.

fin

AUTHOR'S NOTE (again): So who wants to bet that Remus would see Sirius, James, and Lily in the Mirror of Erised if he looked in it after OotP? Oh, it would be sad indeed if he saw the Marauders as they were in their youth, comrades and such devoted friends, unbroken by the war, Voldemort, Peter's betrayal, and the deaths of Lily and James...and now, war and Voldemort once again, and the loss of Sirius Black. Truly, for all the comfort and peace the mirror may offer, it would hurt to see the desires of one's heart and to know the impossibilty of having those desires, those dreams, realized.