Author's Note: Inspired by Makokam's stories Precocious Crush, Vacation Me, and Three's Company. If I've managed to make it compliant with PC at all, it's specifically up to chapter 208 (currently of 244!), but given that Makokam has repeatedly pointed out that he has plans for that story, it's probably not where he's actually going. I also hope I managed to get Mindy's tone right; I'm an academic at heart, and that makes it difficult to get a teenager's tone right sometimes, though I think spending the last few days immersed in Precocious Crush helped a bit.

I had a discussion with Riley today.

It's not like I haven't talked with her lately. Not much, I've been busy, and not really alone except like five minutes at a stretch, but we've talked. She's around Dave all the time, of course, and she works at my favorite ice cream place, and, dammit, she's my friend.

But a discussion… Yeah, you can guess what we were discussing. I knew it was coming, Riley knew it was coming, hell, Dave probably knew it was coming. I sure as hell didn't know what the discussion would be, though.

…

So I was going to visit Dave. And, yeah, I came in the window, but I wasn't trying to pull anything for once. Whatever I want us to be, we're friends, and I don't want to lose that. I'm just also the kind of girl who comes in the window.

Of course, Dave's even busier than I am, and he or Riley seem to get called in to work all the time when someone flakes out, so it's not even worth trying to memorize his schedule, so it wasn't too surprising that he wasn't home. It wasn't surprising that Riley was home. I was still surprised when she walked by the open door just as I was climbing in the window.

She was surprised, too, but she hid it quickly. Just stared for a second, then said, "Oh, hey, Mindy. I actually wanted to talk to you about something. And maybe we can hang out after." She turned around and called over her shoulder, "You want some coffee or anything?"

Well, if she was gonna be cool about it, I couldn't not, right? I mean, it's not like she didn't know I did that kind of thing even before she knew I was Hit Girl, so it's not that weird. So, really, my only choices were to say I just wanted to hang out with Dave and leave—and I knew this discussion was coming, and I still couldn't bring myself not to be Riley's friend, so, yeah, hanging out sounded good—or shut the window behind me and follow her into the kitchen.

"You got any tea?"

"So that's why Dave made sure we picked up tea. I don't drink it much, and he never does."

"I swear, he could live on coffee and five-hour energy. He drinks that shit all the time. In costume, even, he should get a sponsorship deal or something."

Riley chuckled as she put a mug of water in the microwave. "Yeah, at this point I don't even think the caffeine does anything for him. He just runs on pure grit."

"Kinda his whole deal."

"Yeah."

"So, another asshat called out?"

"Yes and no. The guy's an asshat, but I'm pretty sure he's actually sick."

That about exhaused my smalltalk. "So, what'd you wanna talk about?" I mean, of course I knew, but I wasn't gonna make it easier on her. She's Dave's girlfriend, and I want to be, after all.

She didn't say anything for a minute, while the water heated and she put a tea bag in it. She handed me the mug, then grabbed a half-full cup of coffee off the counter and sat down.

"I'm pretty sure you know what I want to talk to you about."

"Dave."

"Dave." She nodded. "And me. and you."

"I'm not giving up."

"And I'm not asking you to." Okay, that threw me for a loop. Gave her enough time to keep going. "I need to give you The Talk."

"The Talk? Pretty sure we covered that in Sex Ed."

"The extended talk." Riley smirked. "I like to call it, 'Alternative Lifestyles: Not Just for Gay People Anymore.' Stuff like swingers and polyamory and asexual relationships. You still sure you already know it?"

I just frowned. I mean, I had a vague idea that swingers have orgies, and 'asexual' was pretty obvious, but I couldn't see the relevance to what either of us wanted.

"Didn't think so. Thing is, society has all these norms that get forced on us, because they're what most people want, no matter how badly they might actually fit any individual. Some people want romance without sex. You probably figured out that's asexuals, but some people just don't get that someone can be like that. I don't know anyone personally, but it's an example. Basically, it's like your heroing: Most people just wouldn't get it, think you're doing something wrong, no matter how many people you save." It was a good analogy; Marcus and I have been getting along lately, but the hero thing took a lot of time for him to get over. On the other hand, she was talking about sex, so…

"Like being gay, but instead of wanting to have sex with someone most people think you shouldn't, you don't want to have sex at all when people think you should."

"Pretty much. But that's just one example. There's not really good categories for all of it, or if there are I don't know them, but the ones I want to talk about are swingers. That's one where the categories don't work, 'cause there's two kinds of swingers. There's couples who go out and have sex with other people, and there's couples who have sex with other people together."

I had to think about that one. "So… Like, one kind has one-night-stands but still has one person they're usually with, and the other is always with one person but sometimes they do threesomes together?"

"Pretty much. Thing is, Mindy, I'm a swinger at heart. Which kind, I could go either way; depends who I'm with and what they wanna do. But I need that variety. I can't just spend the rest of my life sleeping with only one guy, even when that guy is as awesome as Dave. At the very least, I'd need a girl now and then to mix things up. And that's just not Dave. I might be able to talk him into a threesome for special occasions, but at heart, he wants one girl to settle down with, and he'd feel guilty, like he was cheating on me, even if it was my idea." She took a sip of her coffee. "I don't want Dave to feel guilty. I want him to be happy. I want me to be happy. And I want you to be happy. So, I've been thinking about the best way to do that."

It sounded like she was planning to break up with Dave. For his own good. On the one hand, hallelujah! On the other hand, what the hell? No, seriously, "What the hell?"

Riley gave me a sad smile. "Learn from the voice of experience, Mindy: If you want a relationship to work, you've gotta compromise. So far, I've been a one-man woman, but that's only a compromise if it's temporary. I want something that works, that hurts all of us as little as possible, that makes all of us as happy as possible. And I know I have to include you in that. I knew it even before I knew you and Dave were Hit Girl and Kickass. Now that I know you share something that special, I know there's no way I'm prying you two apart, and I'm not sure I want to know what either of you would do if I tried. So, I've pretty much got two scenarios that don't end in me cheating on Dave or ending our relationship in screaming and tears. Both require your cooperation.

"The first one goes pretty much the same as if we never had this conversation, except we're both prepared for it, so we can play our parts at the right times. We go on like we have been, you don't let Dave forget you're available, I stick with him as long as I can, and when I inevitably have to bow out and say I can't do the monogamy thing any more, hopefully he'll be ready to let you comfort him the way you want to.

"That one has some downsides, of course. I'd have to hurt Dave. I'd have to feel guilty over hurting Dave. There's no guarantee that he won't mix up 'I've got a girlfriend' with 'Mindy's too young' and still not be ready. And, of course, you'll beat the crap out of me for hurting Dave."

"If I didn't beat up Katie for being a bitch, I'm not gonna beat you up for being wired wrong to keep Dave happy," I muttered. Not that I wouldn't have if she hadn't warned me about this, since Dave definitely cared more about Riley than he ever had about Katie, so their breakup would hurt way more, but the way she was putting it, it wasn't really her fault, and she was trying to hurt Dave as little as she could. I wasn't happy about it, but I could appreciate the attempt. Also, "You really think me not getting Dave is a downside?"

"Jesus, Mindy," she laughed, "I don't think there's ever been a better match in the history of ever. Except for the age thing, and you're not going to be a kid forever. I couldn't keep you apart if I tried; I just wanna get what I can out of it."

"So, if that one's basically not changing anything, I'm gonna guess you like your other plan more."

"Way more. See, it's simple. Compromise, like I said, and everyone's happy. I think it could work."

I waited patiently for about five seconds before asking, "What could work, exactly?"

"The three of us. You and me and Dave." She was trying very hard—and unsuccessfully— to suppress a grin.

"You want us both to be Dave's girlfriends?" I said it very slowly to make sure there wasn't any mistake. It seemed like a mistake. And a very bad idea.

She shook her head. "It doesn't work that way. Or, well, maybe it does sometimes, but usually uneven relationships like that fall apart. I don't want you to be Dave's girlfriend. I want you to be Dave's and my girlfriend. I don't want to be Dave's girlfriend; I want to be Dave's and your girlfriend. And, yes, I want Dave to be your and my boyfriend."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. It's all about compromise." Riley swept her arm through the air for emphasis. "You want Dave to yourself. Well, you get Dave, just not to yourself. I want Dave and a flavor of the week. I get Dave and at least a little variety. Dave wants a committed monogamous relationship, but he gets a committed polyamorous relationship. A little give, a little take."

Riley's grin faded, and she looked down into her mug. "You don't have to decide right away. This is big, I get it. But, I like you. A lot. And even before I knew you were Hit Girl, I knew you were more mature than most girls your age. Hell, if you'd managed to snag Dave before me, I wouldn't have said anything about your age, not when it's you doing the snagging. I love Dave, and I think I could love you, too. And Dave loves you, and I think he loves me, and everyone knows you love Dave, and I know you at least like me. It's a tangled mess, but I think the answer is to weave it together instead of trying to untangle it, you know? And, and, you and Dave, what you do is so dangerous… I don't want you to stop, I know you couldn't stop and still be who you are, but if something happens to Kickass or Hit Girl, what's going to happen to Hit Girl or Kickass, you know? I don't- I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to either of you, not with what the other would be like after that, not with what I'd be like, and-"

Rivalry or not, crazy ideas or not, Riley is still my friend, and when the tears started, I crossed the kitchen to give her a hug.

Somehow, I ended up kissing her instead. Or, well, kissing her, too. Stupid brain, thinking about her crazy plan.

And that's when Dave walked in.

…

…

…

Okay, not really, but that'd be just my luck, wouldn't it? He'd probably think it was some scheme to get him to fuck me. And he wouldn't even be wrong, except for once it's not my scheme.

And, let me just take a moment to say, of the three people I've really kissed so far, Riley is definitely the best. Jessi wasn't bad, but Riley really knows what she's doing. I'm pretty sure it's instinctive, since making out was probably the last thing on her mind at that point. She kisses like I kick ass. How cool is that?

I'm pretty sure Dave would be as good if he actually put in the effort, but he hasn't with me yet.

And isn't it just sad that I'm straight and two-thirds of the people I've kissed are girls?

Well, maybe I'll have to rethink the straight thing, at least a little. If I'd somehow managed to be Jessi's friend without being so hung up on Dave, maybe I wouldn't have been so against it, and this was a girl getting me closer to getting Dave. And it's not like I don't like looking at Riley, except when I think about the fact that Dave's doing more than just looking. And, did I mention, she's crazy good at kissing. I mean, if we really got into it, I wouldn't be surprised if she could give me an orgasm just kissing me. Seriously, if it weren't for Dave, Riley's kiss could have made me bi.

As it was, I think her plan maybe beat it to the punch by a few seconds.

I guess I'm not too bad at kissing either, in spite of my inexperience, because when I pulled away, Riley just stared at me and slowly raised one hand to her lips. "Why…"

"You looked like you needed it." I paused, then, mostly to lighten the mood, "And, fair's fair, I've already kissed Dave."

That got a laugh. "Of course you did. Jesus, did you kiss him like that?"

"I tried. He's gotten too good at catching me doing stuff like that. So, I guess you're one up on him."

Riley hugged me and said, "Thanks."

"And, just so you know, either scenario, if somehow something happens to Dave and I'm still around, I'll try to be here. There'll probably be a lot of corpses, but I'll try to keep in mind that you need me to come back and not sacrifice myself in a blaze of glorious revenge." The way her eyes widened, I think she realized what a big concession that was. "And if something happens to me and not Dave, you need to make sure he knows that I don't want him getting his ass killed either. When he gets mad, he doesn't plan. Remind him that revenge is best served cold."

"That'll probably sell him on it being a message from you, yeah."

"Great!" I turned sideways and scooted into Riley's lap. If I was gonna do this, I was gonna do it right. "So, we've gone over the pros. Con me."

"Um… I can't see your face from there."

"I can't see yours either. And you're comfy." It's true. I'd been jealous of her tits, but now that my head was resting between them, they were, like, the best pillow ever. Dave was firm, like a good mattress, but Riley was definitely the better pillow. It wasn't wanting to honk her boobs, but it was a start.

"Right. Well. Um… Well, it's still going to be hard for a while. I'm still gonna be tempted, you're still not going to have Dave, and Dave's still going to be freaked out at the thought of being attracted to you and of cheating on me, until we actually get it all together. You and me might not work out, and if we don't, we're back to the first scenario. And, honestly, the age thing freaks me out a bit, too."

"Didn't you just say-"

"I did, and I meant it. Still doesn't mean something in my brain doesn't think it's wrong to even think about screwing a thirteen-year-old. But, I know that's my head, not yours; I believe you when you say you're ready, at least for Dave. It might take some time for you to warm up to me, but honestly I kind of hope it's not so much time that you're old enough for me to be completely at ease. The sooner we get this resolved, the happier we'll all be, I think. Or, the more time we'll have to get our lives back together, one or the other."

"Mm." Jesus, how did Dave get out of bed in the morning? Why did he have actual pillows? "And what kind of timeline were you thinking?"

"A sliding timeline with a definite end," she said firmly. Her arms also came up around my waist, which was actually really comfy. I'd only ever really snuggled with Dave before, but apparently I liked that as much because of the snuggling as the Dave. "The sliding part is, if you can manage to get him, or if you get him to where you're certain I'm the only reason he's holding back, you tell him I'm okay with it. And if he stops and comes to ask me about it, I'll lock you two in his bedroom myself. Until then, though, you don't tell him. He's got as much of a problem with you being thirteen as he does with me being his girlfriend, and we don't want him to get mad at us for conspiring to make him a pedo or some stupid shit like that."

"And if he gets tries to break up with you so he can be with me, I lock him in with you. I've been so open about this that he'd damn well better take that as a sign I'm not trying to break you two up."

"I- Really? I hadn't thought- I mean, I thought that was just the best-case for the first scenario."

"Not if I commit to the second one, it isn't." I sat up and twisted around to look Riley in the eye. "You said 'all of us happy,' didn't you? That's not all of us, now is it?"

"No, I guess not."

I slumped back into the valley of comfort. "Exactly. So, sliding scale established. What's the end?"

"I was thinking that if we haven't all gotten together by then, Dave's going to going to be getting a hell of a gift for your sixteenth birthday."

"Sixteen?" I sat bolt upright. "That's three years!"

"Your birthday is more like two and a quarter," Riley said with a chuckle. She still kept her arms around me, though. And even leaned forward a little. "And that's only if we can't get Dave to come around before then. And, hell, it's still illegal in this state. Would you rather I say we need to wait 'til you're eighteen or that we should move to New Jersey?"

"Hell no to both, and why New Jersey?

"Age of consent is sixteen there. If you care about that at all."

"Not really," I sighed and relaxed back into Riley's arms and wiggled my butt around a bit to get comfortable. "I like the idea, to protect kids from predators, but making it a hard line just doesn't fit how people actually work." I swear, I really was just adjusting my position, not groping Riley's thigh!

"Holy hell, if you keep acting like this around him, we'll be there before you're fifteen! Seriously, is this the kind of crap you've been doing to Dave?"

"Something like that. He's very nearly but not quite immune, so I've gotta turn it up to eleven. Of course, it's also a lot of fun, at least when I can get him to look instead of annoying him."

"Well, we always knew Kickass's most heroic feature was his iron will. Still, keep that up and you'll have him in no time. It'll feel like forever to you, of course, but I don't think even Dave can hold up when you're doing that sort of thing for real."

I considered telling Riley I was doing it for real now, but I kinda figured that'd end the discussion, and I had one more question. "The only time thing you were worried about in the first scenario was how long it'd take for you to get tired of Dave as 'just Dave.' What's different about the second one?"

"Well, first of all, you'd be there to help me through it. Expect a lot of late-night calls about how this hot guy or that hot chick was all over me, and I was just so damn close to blowing the greatest thing that's ever happened to me for an hour of fun."

"So long as it's just calling to vent and not to brag, I think I can deal."

"Thanks. And second… Okay, I know this isn't something you probably want to hear from me right now, but… Okay, in high school, I had every kind of jock under the sun: Football, basketball, cheerleaders, field hockey, you name it. I've never been with someone as all-around fit as Dave. I've seen videos of his fights, same as anyone else, and I can tell you, he fucks like he fights: He's relentless, he's creative, and when he goes down, he gets right back up. Or he's at his best when he goes down; both analogies work." I couldn't help but shiver at the images she conjured up.

And I guess she'd decided to start her campaign on me early, too, because she rested her chin on my shoulder and whispered in my ear, "And if I can hold out a year to keep that coming back to me, you damn well better believe I can hold out another two for a girl who's even more athletic and flexible."

I shivered some more and turned around again, this time very slowly. It's not that she oozed sex right then, though she did. It wasn't even that she was helping me get Dave, though that helped. Right then, it was that, even though she was doing it for Dave, too, she left no doubt that she was absolutely into me. Not a crush like Dillon. Not love that she hoped would bloom like Jessi. A friend who wanted more, who looked at me and saw the most wonderful thing she thought she could never have. I don't know when it started or how. It might not even have existed until that moment. But suddenly, I knew.

Even though she already had Dave…

I was her Dave.

There was only one thing to do. "Yes," I whispered, and I kissed her again.

And that's when Dave walked in.

For real this time.

There was only one thing to do. "Take that! Your turn, biyatch, truth or dare!"