Author's note and TRIGGER WARNING:
I'm late jumping on this SPN train, I wish I had climbed aboard years ago. In my opinion, I have found that the scariest monsters on the show have been Sam and Dean when they are at their worst or even their best (I'd hate to be one of the things they hunt). With that as inspiration, I wanted to take a stab at writing something dark and tragic, though I'm not sure I pulled it off. In any case, I felt I needed to put in a TRIGGER WARNING just to be on the safe side. This story is not sweet or romantic. The first chapter contains a scene that borders on sexual assault and might be triggering to those sensitive to the subject.
Monsters
Chapter 1: Soulless
Amber felt her cell phone vibrate in the pocket of her apron as she carried the tray full of food over to the table she was serving. Smiling at the thought of her caller, she handed the plates out to each patron and headed back toward the kitchen.
She pulled her phone out of her apron pocket and her smile fell after seeing the name on the notification banner. It wasn't who she was expecting.
"What's got your attention? Is Troy sexting you?" Kelly, her fellow server joked noticing the fixated gaze she had on her phone.
"Um, no…it's someone I haven't talked to in a while."
"Who? Don't leave me in suspense," Kelly pressed.
Amber dropped her phone back into her pocket. "It's no one important."
"It's Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome isn't it?"
Amber sighed. "Yes."
"What does he want?"
"Come on, Kelly, you know what he wants."
"I guess the real question is if you're going to give it to him," Kelly said with a wink and a nudge of her elbow.
"I'm dating Troy," Amber clarified.
"So what? It's not like you two are exclusive, are you?"
Troy was her roommate's brother. They had been friends for a while before they started, whatever it was they had started. "I don't know, maybe, we haven't really discussed it."
"Order up!" came a yell from the cook.
"That's mine, been waiting forever," Kelly grumbled as she went to serve her table.
Taking advantage of Kelly's momentary distraction, Amber made her way to the rest room to read the message.
{Hey Amber, it's Sam. I'm traveling through town and wanted to see you.} "Yeah, I bet you do," she whispered to herself. {Not sure if you still work at the diner, was thinking of stopping in.}
She closed her eyes and pulled in a deep breath. {Meet me at O'Leary's at eight tonight.} She texted back.
Though he had in the past, Amber didn't want Sam meeting her at the diner. The last thing she needed was prying eyes and careless whispers floating around. O'Leary's wasn't a place most of her co-workers frequented and it had significance. It was the pub where she had first met Sam.
That particular night, she had been on a date with a guy she met at a party. They had been sitting at the bar together when she excused herself and turned around in her swivel stool to respond to a text on her phone. She reached out blindly to pick up her drink when Sam wedged himself between them and plucked the glass from her hand. "Don't drink that," he had said.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because he just slipped you a roofy."
"What?" her and her date both exclaimed.
"Hey man, I didn't slip her no roofy," her date insisted.
"I sat right there and watched you put it in her drink when she had her back turned," Sam had challenged.
Her date never said another word; he just got up and left.
Sam then turned his towering figure back to her, sliding her drink away. "Always order your own drinks and never turn your back on it," he advised. "Be careful. There are monsters out there."
He walked away a sat back down with his brother at a high-top table. She left feeling embarrassed and foolish.
Coincidentally, the next day she had witnessed Sam and his brother, Dean, exorcise a demon from a man in her apartment building, saving him, herself and several others. She sought comfort in Sam's arms later that same night. Afterwards, she gave him her number and told him to call her the next time he passed through town. She honestly never expected to hear from him again, but to her pleasant surprise, she did. Many times.
And now, he was calling her again.
With her shift over, she hung up her apron and freshened herself up as best she could.
"Are you meeting up with Dr. Feelgood?" Kelly asked her as she began zipping up her coat.
"Kelly, would you shut your mouth?" she said in a forced whisper, "I don't want my personal business advertised all over the place, okay?"
"I'm sorry, my lips are sealed," she said as she made a zipping motion across her mouth.
"Yeah, well, I'm not meeting him anyway," she lied, "I'm catching a cab and heading home."
"Uh-huh, well...enjoy your ride," Kelly winked.
Amber shook her head and headed out into the bitter cold. O'Leary's was only a few blocks from the diner. She bundled herself against the chilling wind and started a fast clip toward the pub. Snow was starting to fall. It was beginning to accumulate on the grass and trees but it melted as soon as hit the street. She shivered and picked up her pace, almost jogging to reach the shelter of the building.
She walked in and the warmth of the pub embraced her. She pushed off her hood and glanced around. He was hard to miss. Sam was sitting at the bar, his large frame hunched over resting on his elbows and his hair covering the side of his face.
She walked up to where he sat.
"Hey, long time no see," she said, taking off her coat.
"Yeah, it's been a while." His eyes scanned her from head to toe and back again. "You look good. You've changed your hair."
"Yeah, the highlights were too expensive to keep up with, so I decided to go natural."
"I like it," he said, pulling a few strands of her ash brown hair to drape over her shoulder.
"Thanks, you look good, too." Which wasn't just a compliment returned out of polite conversation. He really did look good, but something seemed different. She couldn't quite place it.
She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and placed it screen up on the bar. She climbed onto the stool next to him.
He slid a glass towards her, "It's roofy free. I promise."
"Thanks," she laughed and took a sip. A vodka martini, he still remembered. "What brings you to town?"
"Just passing through."
"You mean you're not killing monsters and saving the world?"
"No monsters this time."
Her phone lit up and buzzed on the counter. They both looked down at its glowing face. The name Troy flashed across the screen, the message asking what she was up to. She quickly picked up the phone and typed, {Hanging with Kelly at her place, then heading home.} She hit send and placed it back down.
"How's Dean?" She asked.
"I'm not sure. Dean and I are on separate paths right now."
"Really, what happened?"
"Well, we just haven't been seeing eye to eye on things for a while. He went off on a case alone and I haven't seen him since."
"Wow, how long ago was this?"
He shrugged nonchalantly, "About a week ago, I guess."
Her phone buzzed again. {Have fun! I'll call you tomorrow afternoon.} She tapped out a quick response and stuffed her phone into her purse.
"You don't seem to concerned," she observed.
"Should I be?"
Her eyebrows shot up her forehead. "Uh, I would think so. If he left on his own a week ago, he could be dead in ditch somewhere."
"I doubt that. He can handle himself."
"Wow, okay then," she said taking a snip of her drink.
His aloofness towards Dean's whereabouts didn't seem right to her, but then again, how much did she really know about their relationship? Sam popped in and out of her life like one of her patrons at the diner.
"I don't want to talk about Dean. Let's talk about you." His hand grazed her knee. She gently pushed him off.
"Sam, I'm seeing someone," she revealed.
"Does that matter?"
She arched an eyebrow at his question. "Well, yeah. Troy and I have been dating for about two months now. He's a nice guy and we have…some stuff in common."
"Some stuff in common? Sounds like a match made in heaven," he mocked.
"Okay, maybe it's not exactly ideal, but he has potential. The point is, I'm involved."
"What if I told you I don't care?" Sam's eyes were unfazed.
"Okay, well I do."
He laughed in a condescending manner, "No you don't."
"And how the hell would you know how I feel it?" she clipped. Seriously, what was his deal?
"Look, Amber, if you don't want to come home with me tonight, just say so. You don't need to make excuses."
"It's not an excuse. I just don't think it would be very nice to fuck someone else behind his back."
He shrugged, "Just like it wasn't very nice to lie to him about who you're with and where you are?"
"I…he's out of town…I didn't want to stir up any jealous feelings or start a text argument…" she was reaching for an explanation. "Besides, this isn't any big deal. We're just two old friends having a drink."
"If this isn't a big deal, why'd you lie?" He smirked as he took a sip from his glass.
"Because...it's just easier to lie than to try to explain the truth."
"The truth that you're at a bar catching up with an old friend," he leaned over and pushed her hair back over her shoulder. His voice rumbled in her ear, "or the truth about all the things I'm going to do to you?"
The low timber of his voice seemed to vibrate over her skin, making her tremble. His finger traced the curve of her collar bone and traveled down her side, stopping at her hip. His intense eyes held her gaze and her heart began to gallop in her chest. Her lips slightly parted as she watched his eyes glance down at her mouth, her breathing became shallow at the anticipation of his kiss. She had fully intended to turn him down, but she couldn't say no to him and he knew exactly how to play her.
She downed her drink, "I want another drink before we go."
Sam flagged the bartender over putting in the request.
"You should know," she continued, "my car is out of commission and I'm flat broke. I'll need a ride home."
"Not a problem."
"I don't live in the apartments anymore. I live pretty much way out in BFE..."
He cut her off, "I'll make sure you get home safe."
Sam opened the door to his hotel room letting Amber step in first. It was clean and the bed was made. Either he hadn't spent much time in the room before contacting her or he hadn't slept. She sat her purse on the table and shrugged out of her coat. She heard Sam toss his keys on the dresser before a large hand, cold from the winter air, wrapped around her upper arm and dragged her towards him. Unlike their usual trysts, he wasn't planning on taking his time.
His kiss was forceful, all tongue and teeth. The taste of whiskey still lingered in his mouth and the scent of his woodsy cologne swirled around her. He balled his fist into her hair, tugging hard at the back of her head. He dragged his teeth down her throat, marking her skin with his teeth. She yelped at the pinch of it.
His big callused hands groped under her shirt, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He yanked her sweater off and dropped it to the floor. His fingers creeped up her spine, feeling for the clasp of her bra. The elastic popped free from around her ribs and his hands easily engulfed her soft mounds of flesh. His mouth traveled to the valley between them as she arched her back, offering him to take more. She felt his mouth, soft and warm at the swell of her breast and then a sharp pain from is teeth once again. She grabbed a handful of his long mane and yanked his face away from her body.
"Hey, not so hard," she heaved.
One corner of his mouth pulled up into a smirk as he fumbled at the button on her jeans. She worked his shirt open and shoved it off his shoulders only to reveal a white t-shirt underneath. She tugged it up and over his head, letting her hands glide over his taut body as she went.
"Shoes," he said as he peeled her jeans and panties down her thighs. She quickly toed them off and allowed him to finish undressing her.
He lifted her up to sit on the table and knelt down in front of her. She draped one leg over his shoulder and rested the other on a chair as he moved in to taste her. He seemed greedier than usual, but she wasn't going to complain just yet.
She threw her head back, banging softly against the wall. As she tangled her fingers in his thick mop of hair, she tried to focus only on Sam, shoving any thoughts of Troy deep to the back of her mind. She didn't want to be plagued by guilt or shame, she just wanted to be swept away in the moment, no matter how wrong it was. It didn't take long before she was tumbling into the blissful waves of ecstasy that Sam lead her to.
He rose to his full height, taking her mouth in a wild frenzy. She heard the clanking of his belt buckle and the zip of his jeans. She tried to shimmy her way off the table to her knees but he ceased her advance.
"I want to return the favor," she insisted.
"I just want to be inside you," he said as he moved to settle between her thighs.
Her heart skipped in a wave of panic and she managed to wedge her foot against his firm torso. "Okay, slow down there, big boy," she said using her leg to shove him back a few steps. "Condoms are in my purse."
He stepped away from her to search her bag. She brushed her hair off of her sweat covered forehead wondering what his rush was. She never had to remind him about protection before. Their relationship was strictly physical and she knew if they carried on a regular tryst when he was 'passing through town', then he surely had others.
Something was off with him.
Now properly suited for the occasion, he herded her from her perch on the table to the queen-sized bed. Her soft hands traveled up over his sculpted chest, until she reached the solid build of his shoulders. She moved in to kiss his lips but was abruptly interrupted by a hard shove to the bed.
She barely had time to process his advance when she felt his knee force her legs apart. "Sam, wait..." she gasped at the slight burn of his sudden intrusion.
"Wait..." She tried to plead with him again. Ignoring her, he lifted her leg under his arm and moved with increasing ardor. She tried to adjust herself under his weight, pushing against his chest to relieve the cramping pressure steadily knocking at her womb. But she might as well have been pushing a brick wall for all the good it got her. "Slow down..."
He pulled back and took hold of her wrists, pinning them on either side of her head. His grip was strong, she thought his fingers might crush her bones.
"Ow, Sam, that hurts, can you ease up?" Her words stuttering out against the force of his movements. She tried to read his face, but he wasn't focused on her. His eyes where somewhere below her neck. His nearly shoulder length hair curtained around his face, keeping him partially hidden from her.
"Sam, look at me." His eyes met hers. His pupils were blown wide, surrounded by a ring of a kaleidoscope of color. But those hazel eyes were devoid of emotion. It was almost like he wasn't even there. Something wasn't right with him, she suspected it at the bar.
His empty expression turned nefarious as his oversized hand shoved her face to the side forcing her to look away from him. He abruptly stopped and climbed off of her, leaving her feeling cold and empty.
Before she had a chance to sit up, he flipped her over onto her stomach. She scrambled up to her hands and knees in an attempt to flee but he grabbed her hips and hauled her back toward him. She cried out at the sharp sting of his hand on her backside. He filled her again, swift and strong. Her wrists still sore making it hard to hold herself up, so she allowed herself to fall forward. He followed her down until she was splayed on her stomach. His sweat covered body slipped over hers, his breathing heavy in her hair as filthy words poured from his mouth.
Trapped between his massive body and the mattress, her lungs struggled to pull in a full breath. She was hot and dizzy. She wanted to tell him to stop, to get off of her, but she couldn't force the words out.
He lifted his upper body up with his hands, giving her some relief. The dizziness in her head fading. She could tell by his faltering cadence that he was close to his end. She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut until he finally fell off of her onto his back, spent and panting.
She pushed herself up on shaky arms, "Sam, what the hell?"
Sam looked utterly confused. "What?" he said through uneven breaths. "You didn't enjoy that?"
"No, I didn't!" His ignorance to her obvious struggles only fueled her anger with him.
"I got you off, didn't I? Right before? I made sure you were taken care of."
"Yes, thank you for fulfilling that obligation."
"Then, what was the problem?" He asked, missing the sarcasm in her tone.
"How about you acting like a mindless animal the whole time!" She seethed.
"I'm sorry, but isn't this what we always do? I thought you liked to play rough."
He wasn't wrong. When they had first started their regular trysts, he was sweet and affectionate, but to Amber it felt too intimate for their casual relationship. So, on their third rendezvous, she asked him to be rougher, more aggressive, taking away any tenderness that could be confused with romantic feelings. He obliged without question, but it never went too far. There was still a level of respect between them. He never treated her like a whore. Until tonight. Tonight, he made her feel like one.
"Play rough? There was nothing playful about what you just did," she fumed as she began gathering her discarded clothes, hoping to find her dignity in the process.
Sam stood up, not bothering to cover his nakedness. "And what exactly, did I just do?"
"Do I really have to spell it out for you?"
"So, you're saying I forced this? That I what, raped you? You never once said 'no' or 'stop'."
Amber shot him another angry glare. "Because 'wait' and 'slow down' weren't good enough?"
"You told me to put on a condom. It doesn't get more 'yes' than that."
"You went too far, Sam! What am I supposed to tell my co-workers when they see this?" She showed him the greenish purple bruises that were now laced around her wrists. She pointed at the purpling teeth shaped welt on the side of her breast. "What am I supposed to say to-" She halted her words, realizing how bad that sentence was about to sound. She tugged her sweater down over herself.
"You want to finish that statement?" Sam countered, zipping up his jeans. "What are you going to say to, what's his name, Troy, is it? Looks like I'm not the only one here with questionable morals. You told me you were in a relationship with someone and yet, here you are."
"You manipulated me into coming," she accused.
Sam laughed, "Okay, I'll admit, I tried like hell to persuade you, but you're an adult woman. You made the choice to come here with me, knowing exactly what was going to happen. I didn't force you here and no matter how much you want to believe it, I did not force you to do anything you didn't want. If you had a problem with what we were doing, you should have been blatantly clear."
She didn't know what else to say. There was no point. He either couldn't or wouldn't acknowledge the hurt he had inflicted on her, physically and emotionally. She knew he wasn't possessed, his tattoo prevented that, but now she knew for sure what she had only questioned earlier. This wasn't Sam, not completely.
Her eyes were threatening to run over with tears but she refused to let them escape. "When did you become so...soulless?" she said, unaware of just how literal that question actually was.
He didn't respond, he just watched her gather the rest of her things.
"Are you leaving?" He asked.
"Yes."
"Well, let me give you ride home," he offered, grabbing his shirt.
"Don't bother."
He chuckled, "So, what, you're gonna walk? It's the middle of the night and it's freezing."
"No, I'll hitch a ride. I've done it before."
"It's not safe to hitchhike, Amber and I told you I'd get you home safe." He stepped closer, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. "Let me at least give you money for a cab."
"Sam," she held up her hand, stopping him coming any closer, "I don't want your money."
"Suit yourself," he sighed dropping his arms against his sides in defeat, "but be careful. There are monsters out there."
She opened the door and turned to look at him. "Yeah, I know," she said and walked out.