Having placed in my mouth sufficient bread for three minutes' chewing, I withdrew my powers of sensual perception and retired into the privacy of my mind, my eyes and face assuming a vacant and preoccupied expression.
Everyone thought I wasn't quite that bright anyway, so my appearance was no surprise. But it served me well this one time when I didn't want anyone to think that I wasn't in control of the situation. Especially a situation involving a girl I liked. Thankfully, she was already gone, and I wouldn't have to walk across the yard in front of her, but those two brothers of mine were standing right in front of me, waiting to see what I was going to do.
The truth is, those three minutes weren't long enough for me to figure it out, so I stopped chewing with half of that bread still in my mouth. And still my brothers stared.
"Hoss?"
My name was accompanied by an unmistakable giggle.
"Hoss, are you…ah…going to the house to take care of that?"
Of course, Adam would have something to say.
"Older Brother, I do believe he's petrified that Miss Julie had to see what she saw."
"Younger Brother, it's not just Miss Julie. It's everyone else here who had to see what they saw."
Both of my brothers stood in front of me, arms crossed and heads tilted, along with all of our guests who had kept their distance, but had gotten noticeably quieter as they glanced my way, taking a break from their conversations that were surely about me and my situation.
The bread had soaked up every bit of moisture in my mouth, and straining to hold in a cough, I could feel the heat of my flush rising on my cheeks. Finally, I decided there was only one way to extract myself from the crowd. I swallowed hard and slowly began stepping backward. There were folks behind me who had been watching me in all my glory from the beginning, so watching me move to the wall wouldn't have caused me any more embarrassment than I already felt. Once I reached the wall, I offered my apologies as I sidestepped toward the front door of the house staying flat against the wall.
At last, I reached the door, and just as I was stepping in, Pa was coming out. "Hey, Pa. Nice day, ain't it?"
Pa said nothing as I closed the door, vowing that I wasn't coming down from my room until every last guest had made his departure.
"Joe, Adam, what's so funny?" asked Pa.
"Hoss split his pants," chuckled Adam. "Right in front of Miss Julie and…ah…everyone else," Adam said, looking around at their guests.
"Well, it was just an accident. That's nothing to be so embarrassed about."
"Pa, you don't understand," explained Joe. "He was wearing his red long johns."
Pa's eyes widened, and he uttered an unintelligible word when he remembered that Hoss's red long johns were missing two buttons.